Hello! Here are my thoughts and suggestions for your story/chapter.
Plot and Scenes:It's very hard to write dialogue only storys like this, but you did really well with it. She killed him when she was four!? That was a bit sudden but an interesting ending to the story. Why would she think he was an enemy soldier - at four years old?
Characters:Danny is interesting but Kinney is definately the more intriging of the two.
Grammar and Spelling:No mistakes found.
Personal Opinion:Interesting ending to this story! I feel it was a bit sudden like I said, but still. The fact that now he couldn't leave or wouldn't leave was interesting. Great job!
Hello! Here are my thoughts and suggestions for your poem.
Flow:Perfect flow, rhyme, and meter!
Grammar and Spelling:No mistakes found.
Personal Opinion:You have such great poems! Once again, I love this piece. I'm a stay at home Mom and some days I do this same thing - wake up and think the house is all clean and then to find out it's not even close. Wonderful job!
Hello! Here are my thoughts and suggestions for your poem.
Flow:Great flow. Easy fast read.
Grammar and Spelling:No mistakes found.
Personal Opinion:I love this poem! So true! I really like that you kept it simple - you didn't over complicate the topic by using huge words that need a dictionary. Great job!
Hello! Here are my thoughts and suggestions for your poem.
Flow:Great flow. Suggestion: Seperate the poem into stanzas. This would make it a bit easier to read and also add to the imagery - similar in a short story to have paragraphs that contain different thoughts about the same topic. Put a blank line after lines 2, 5, 9, 13, and 17.
Grammar and Spelling:No mistakes found.
Personal Opinion:I think this one is my favorite. I myself struggle with insomnia so once again I can relate to this piece. Fantastic job! I enjoyed visiting your port today!
Hello! Here are my thoughts and suggestions for your poem.
Flow:No rhyme or set meter but a very easy read.
Grammar and Spelling:No mistakes found.
Personal Opinion:Such a wonderful sentimental piece. My sister and I were always there for each other in ways you mentioned in this piece - fantastic job! You described it so much better than if I tried to write it. (I did write a series about my sister but no where near as good as this one!)
Hello! Here are my thoughts and suggestions for your poem.
Flow:Pefect song here. It would be great to hear the music that goes with this.
Grammar and Spelling:No mistakes found.
Personal Opinion:I am going to save this to read to my son when he's older. This is just great! Such a great way to teach your kids something useful - and important to Wiccans. Great job!
Hello! Here are my thoughts and suggestions for your poem.
Flow:Great flow. I loved the imagery.
Grammar and Spelling:No mistakes found.
Personal Opinion:This is my favorite poem of your that I've read so far. So fantastic. And I had no idea there was a Pagan Writer's Circle on this site!! I will have to go look that up now. Great work! I loved it!
Hello! Here are my thoughts and suggestions for your poem.
Flow:The "beat" in the lines seemed to read more like prose - almost. I'm not sure how to describe it other than that - it was smooth and easy to read regardless!
Grammar and Spelling:No mistakes found.
Personal Opinion:This reminds me of a time when I was suffering with drug and alchohol addiction - I was trapped inside myself and looking out and everything that was so beautiful - and I was torn up and ugly. Great descriptions and imagery. Fantastic work!
Hello! Here are my thoughts and suggestions for your poem.
Flow:Smooth flow through out all the lines. Fantastic rhyme pattern - some weren't obvious but they weren't forced.
Grammar and Spelling:No mistakes found.
Personal Opinion:I certainly didn't expect the poem to end the way it did. I'm not sure what I was expecting - but the last two lines made my eyes widen - incidently the last two lines are my favorite! A sad ending but it was very well written. Well done!
Hello! Here are my thoughts and suggestions for your story/chapter.
Plot and Scenes:Very well written. Descriptions were good for a short story. Nicely done.
Characters:Point of view from the father - interesting because most children never realize what their parents think about.
Grammar and Spelling:No mistakes found.
Personal Opinion:Such a great story. This was almost exactly what happened when I got pregnant at 17 and had to tell my Dad. Except I didn't move out until just before the baby was born. I never once thought about what my Dad was feeling - althought I could see the worry in his eyes. Great story!.
Hello! Here are my thoughts and suggestions for your poem.
Flow:Very smooth read. There was a rhyme but not set up in the "traditional" way that most think about rhyming patterns. Nicely done.
Grammar and Spelling:No mistakes found.
Personal Opinion:I love the added image of the ship with this piece. I also really like the lines seperated from the stanzas - made them stand out more. Great job!
Hello! Here are my thoughts and suggestions for your poem.
Flow:Great flow and imagery! The added effect of the line spacing was great.
Grammar and Spelling:No mistakes found.
Personal Opinion:I like how you did the spacing with the stanzas in this piece. Also, with putting the names of the rivers in italics, you made sure that people really read those words. Great job!
Hello! Here are my thoughts and suggestions for your poem.
Flow:Great flow. Some of the lines were short and choppy - but it accented the meaning of the words in that line.
Grammar and Spelling:No suggestions.
Personal Opinion:Such a sweet poem for your son. These poems have spurred me to want to write about my own son. I really like that you sighed it at the bottom with "Love Mom." I truely believe that those that have passed on, can still communicate with us - through dreams and such - the added touch of "signing" the letter is great. I'm certain he heard your words.
Hello! Here are my thoughts and suggestions for your poem.
Flow:Great flow and rhyme scheme here. There wasn't a set syllable count it seemed to me, but still had a smooth flow.
Grammar and Spelling:In the first line, I think it should say "at THE hospital" unless you left this word out on purpose.
Personal Opinion:I really liked this one. Poets can write about such painful things - seemingly so easily - but we all know that's not the case. Nicely done. Thanks for sharing it with us.
Hello! Here are my thoughts and suggestions for your poem.
Flow:Very nice flow. Followed the rules of the poetry form perfectly.
Grammar and Spelling:No mistakes found.
Personal Opinion:Such a sad event. Thank you for sharing it with us. My son is 5 months old and I can't imagine what I would do if he suddenly died. Great poem - now excuse I have this sudden urge to go hold my little boy. :)
This story is so adorable! I cried at the end! What Luke did was sweet and heart wrenching I couldn't help it!I love it!
Just a few little mistakes!
Sure, Kels," came the reply. (needs the beginning quotation mark)
"Concert hall. How long has you Mum been ill?" (you should be your)
It's true Kels! Honest!" Emily cried. (beginning quotation mark here too)
The little girl, Emily, was so cute! She was so innocent. The girls wanting to help there Mother, is so sweet. Such great kids. I love this story! It really touched my heart!
Keep Writing! Thanks for allowing my visit to your portflio. I thoroughly enjoyed it.
Drachana Kestar
This one I really like, mostly because I grew up on the plains of Nebraska. I can remember what the place looked like, smelled like, and how it made me feel. This poem brought me back there. I liked the line "grasses bow in respect to the winds". The grassy pains really do look like that. Wonderful! This really touched me for it brought me back to my childhood. Thanks. Great work!
Hello. I'm reviewing for Tayasky. You received three public reviews for the high bid from "Theft for Ransom". This is review number one.
This poem is short and sweet! It still holds great imagery of nature in winter. I especially liked the line about the twigs frozen, glittering with ice. Wonderful descriptions. I do like that it's short and sweet - you were able to capture the feel and picture of the land scape without make it really long. Great work!
Hello. Here is review number three. Thanks for allowing me to have a glimpse of you. I enjoyed my visit to you portfolio.
First thing, the flow was a little difficult to follow because of syllable counts - at least it was for me. The only lines where this presented a problem for me in reading were the first two in stanza two. Otherwise you stick to 10 or 11 count lines. Those two were a bit long. Also, line two in stanza three has only eight syllables making it cut short in my opinion.
I could really see the faery with the moon beams on her body. This poem is really cute in a makes-you-feel-warm -and-happy sort of way. It made me smile. Wonderful use of descriptions - billowy thrown for example. It wasn't too simple but not too complicated either. Wonderful balance. Great Work!
Hello. I'm reviewing this for Tayasky. You won three public reviews through "Theft for Ransom". This is review number one.
Wonderful acrostic. I really enjoyed the added picture to this. Added to the imagery of course as well as the feel of the poem. I didn't see any grammar mistakes or anything like that. I do like that it didn't rhyme. Too many times I feel that the rhymes can steal from the imagery of the poem. It flowed very smoothly and seemed to sound like a song in my head. Great job!
Keep Writing!
Drachana Kestar
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