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Plot
Ahh, the damsel in distress so to speak! I love it that she started to repair the car herself - girl power!
Setting
While there wasn't much actual detail to the setting (trees, dirty, etc) it was very clear how the character felt and reacted to her surroundings with her actions and thoughts.
Characters
Nicole - good detail with her, especially with her personality. Jason "tall dark and handsome" - while the seeming hero of the story, he is not mentioned much as the story is told through Nicole's point of view and about her day.
Grammar/Spelling/Dialogue
There wasn't alot of dialogue but it was to the point and didn't take away from the point of the story. No grammar or spelling mistakes that I could see.
My Point of View
This is a really sweet story. I like how it ended with a little hint but not quite telling what could happen next. I would be interested in reading more of Nicole's and Jason's story if you ever write more. Great job!
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ~~~This review is brought to you by Chatterbox Review Central Group.~~~
Plot
The plot was well put together in such a short story. It was very clear about what the "prize" was and why it was being given.
Setting
At first, I have to say I wanted more detail about the living city and other things like that, but then I realized as I reached the end, all of that would take away from the real point of the story. Very nicely done with finding the balance between detail and plot.
Characters
Jimmy was the focal point of the story. He was described well. His mother and the neighbor are side characters but play an important role in the story and were detailed as such - not too much to draw attention away from the point. Timmy, another young boy is really the purpose of the plot and without huge detail about the boy, the reader can't help but feel for him.
Grammar/Spelling/Dialogue
He’d turned the entire living room in a city, and now he got to make things happen. "got" in this sentence doesn't fit very well. Perhaps saying it "now he must make things happen".
This was where the fun was. The repetition of "was" in this sentence makes it hard to read. Perhaps like this, "This was the place for fun" or "This was where the fun happened" - something to that effect.
He tried to get his mom to let him light a fire, but she refused, handing him a flashlight with orange plastic over the light to make it look like it was on fire. This is a run-on sentence that could also be worded a bit better (to me). "He tried to get his mom to let him light a fire, but she refused. Instead, she gave him a flashlight with orange plastic over the end to make it look like fire."
My Point of View
This was a very cute story. You were able to put a great deal of emotion into the story with so little words. It was all summed up nicely with one sentence really! Great job! Wonderful story and I would recommend this to other readers.
Hello! You are receiving this review as part of a prize package you won from "The WDC Artists Auction for Charity" . You will receive a total of five short story reviews and an awardicon to my favorite item. This is review 2 of 5. I hope you find this review helpful and encouraging.
Plot: Interesting story here about a strang man that has such power over people.
Characterization: The shadowed man - great character. You described him very well yet without giving away too much leaving him mysterious - great job.
Setting: Fantastic detail! Way to bring the reader right into the tavern.
Grammar & Puncuation: Grown men slammed up to each other chest to chest, like bullys' on a playground."bullys'" in this sentence doesn't need the apostrophe after it - it's simply plural.
Opinion: Great story! I really liked this one. I love reading mysterious fantasy stories! They are the best. Fantastic writing!
Hello! Here are my thoughts and suggestions for your poem. I hope you find this review helpful and encouraging.
Flow:Once again, fantastic flow and perfect rhyme. I like that you used the pattern abab cdcd - I find it hard to rhyme like that and have the poem make sense. Nicely done.
Grammar and Spelling:No mistakes found.
Personal Opinion:How true this poem is! I love it! I like the added little heart emoticons too - that's a nice touch. Great job! I enjoyed visiting your port today!
Hello! Here are my thoughts and suggestions for your poem. I hope you find this review helpful and encouraging.
Flow:Wonderful flow and the rhyme pattern was perfect. Just as a suggestion for the "look" of the poem, seperate the lines "Thank you Mother" to stand on their own line, especially since they don't rhyme with any other line.
Grammar and Spelling:No mistakes found.
Personal Opinion:This is such a sweet poem about your Mom. Does she know you wrote it? Great job! I enjoyed reading!
Hello! Here are my thoughts and suggestions for your poem. I hope you find this review helpful and encouraging.
Flow:I think some of the lines could be rewritten - or some needless words taken out to make the flow a bit better. It was an easy read - just a few jumpy parts.
Grammar and Spelling:No mistakes found.
Personal Opinion:The last stanza is my favorite and good advice for everyone to live by. Great job! If you'd like me to point out specifically about the flow I mentioned, just let me know. It would be my pleasure to help you with that you want - I don't know why you wrote this so I don't want to impune on your style if it is written this way for a reason! Great job!
Hello! Here are my thoughts and suggestions for your poem. I hope you find this review helpful and encouraging.
Flow:Perfect flow and rhyme. Very smooth read. Perfect detail and imagery.
Grammar and Spelling:Do not hope for any mercy, not if he looks your in the face. your should be you
"at last! Someone has come to stomp that foul demon out." Even though this quote is part of a sentence, it should still start with a capital letter since it is the beginning of a sentence inside that quote.
I must inform the local folk of the dangers that await / so bring them all to the church, before it is too late. These two lines should be in quotation marks.
then thought perhaps his vengeance should at last, now be forgot." No quotation mark needed here
Personal Opinion:WOW! I have never read an epic poem on this site before! Fantastic! I just love it! Great work! I wish I could write something like this but I doubt my brain could take it! This is just awesome!
Hello! Here are my thoughts and suggestions for your poem. I hope you find this review helpful and encouraging.
Flow:Perfect flow and rhyme! Nicely done!
Grammar and Spelling:No mistakes found.
Personal Opinion:This is a great poem. It definately deserves the awardicon it displays. Well written, with great detail and descriptions - the imagery is simply fantastic! Way to go!
Hello! Here are my thoughts and suggestions for your poem. I hope you find this review helpful and encouraging.
Flow:Fantastic flow and beat. There was rhyme set up in couplet with the exception of one set. I'm a bit nitpicky about rhyming in the sense that if you start rhyming you should keep rhyming so these two lines I think should somehow be editing to rhyme also - but that's my personal opinion.
Grammar and Spelling:When a child looks to you for comfort, relief from some oppression,
Do you tell them to grow up, causing another twisted generation
of people who just grew up too fast in lawlessness or chains. This needs a question mark, not a period
Personal Opinion:This is a deep and philosophical piece. It's written very well with long line and "big" words. Great job!
Hello! Here are my thoughts and suggestions for your poem. I hope you find this review helpful and encouraging.
Flow:The flow was good once I was able to find the beat. As a suggestion, I think it would help readers by splitting some of the longers lines up and adding more commas in the lines - to show the pauses where they need to be.
Grammar and Spelling:Until the time of judgment comes, Death will stalk the souls of men, aan eternal, moving blight.
So, he will wander ceaselessly over the surface of the earth, wondering about the his trade.
Personal Opinion:This is an interesting piece. I love the ending where "Death" actually speaks - putting a spin on what Death actually is. Great piece! I enjoyed reading it.
So sweet. Is this about your wife, I wonder? It seems too sweet and romantic to be about just a woman you fantacised (sp?) about. I love this story.
So, here you go - the last review of your portfolio. Finally done - as I promised - to review all the items in your port. I had such fun reading your work. You really do have a talent that I envy. You should be published - so work on getting there. I would be honored to have a copy of anything you publish - (hopefully autographed by you too *wink*).
Keep writing! When and if you add more to your port, I will gladly read.
Another hot and steamy story. *Fans her self* It is interesting to see that your short stories here are truely really short. Like your poetry they tell all they need to without having too much detail - they're perfect. Just the right amount of detail, description, and imagery. So you're great at poetry, articles, AND short stories! Ever tried a novel? I'm sure you'd be good at that too.
How interesting! Once again I was expecting a different story - but this is better than what I had in mind. It's funny how things come back when you least expect it and then other things that seem just as important or significant, never show up again. I wonder why that is?
Well I'll say that the topic of this piece was not what I expected based on the title. I was expecting a story about watching your kids play in the yard from the rocking chair on the porch. However, it turned into something much more graphic and somehow sentimental at the same time. I think my feelings can be summed up in your last sentence "...for alternately I wish and do not wish that this sweet woman-child would have her father's eyes." Fantastic words. This one should definately be published somewhere.
Great article to clear up some misconceptions about poetry. You are so smart! **bows to your awesomeness** You're going to be famous one day I just know it. At some point in the future they are going to ask some one who their influences are and they will say "Robert Frost and Eliot" - I have no doubt. Just great over all talent. Have you ever published any of your articles in a magizine or anything?
*LAUGH* So funny and cute. I just love how you share your feelings about your children. It's so sweet and sentimental. (Don't worry I won't tell anyone that you have a heart *wink*) I have always wondered what Dad's think about when it comes to there children, so thanks for sharing your Dad experiences with me.
Hello! Here are my thoughts and suggestions for your story/chapter. I hope you find this review helpful and encouraging.
Plot and Scenes:Great story line. I love the whole idea of the old man and his project - and how it in turned help Mary Alice. Great job.
Characters:Mary Alice is running away from something and she ended up being stranded with no money. A kind old man, takes her in to help her out. I just love Henry. He's so kind and "knowing". Fantastic character descriptions and development.
Grammar and Spelling:No mistakes found.
Personal Opinion:I just love this story. It really deserves the awardicon it has. You did a great job with the characters. All the details were there - I was never lost reading the story. Wonderful descriptions. Gerat job!
Hello! Here are my thoughts and suggestions for your poem. I hope you find this review helpful and encouraging.
Flow:No set pattern of beat, stanza, or rhyme - but it was still a great easy read.
Grammar and Spelling:No mistakes found.
Personal Opinion:The last line is my favorite. Very deep. I like how this didn't have a pattern it at all - for some reason it was just 'freeing'. I like the added stresses and pauses with the elipses and italics - made the read more interesting. Great job!
Hello! Here are my thoughts and suggestions for your article/essay. I hope you find this review helpful and encouraging.
Topic:It takes a great deal of courage to share something personal and I commend you for writing this particular essay about yourself. It holds great inspiration and encouragement for many others out there that might have the same disability.
Grammar and Spelling:A critical influence in my own attitudes and approaches to the various challenges presented to me by my disability, has been that of my immediate, extended family, and of community. of THE community or take out "of" entirely.
Even when nights in hospital saw me shivering with fear underneath, I was always more concerned with the condition of the unwell children surrounding me. in THE hospital or in A hospital
Personal Opinion:Again, I commend you on sharing something so personal with us here on WDC. It does take a great deal of courage. I would never be able to write anything this - sure perhaps I could write a poem but those can be interrepted in so many ways. This is black and white full detail - I bow to your greatness!
Hello! Here are my thoughts and suggestions for your poem.
Flow:Great flow! I loved the beat and the rhymes.
Grammar and Spelling:No mistakes found.
Personal Opinion:While I don't understand how "doors" could ever rhyme with "because" even with an accent - I love that you used this poem to explain that. I did have an incident reading a friends poem just the other day with the same problem. I'm just an American so you'll have to forgive me LOL. Great work! I enjoyed visiting your port today!
Hello! Here are my thoughts and suggestions for your poem.
Flow:Good rhyme scheme while the rhyme in the second stanza was a bit forced (but perhaps since I don't have an aussie accent )
Grammar and Spelling:No mistakes found.
Personal Opinion:This is such a cute poem. My family doesn't have such a strong tradition although I did name my daughter after my sister - we'll see how far that name goes. Great work! I enjoyed reading it! I like the added picture - so adorable.
Hello! Here are my thoughts and suggestions for your story/chapter.
Plot and Scenes:Very interesting plot line. Good detail with such a short story.
Characters:i couldn't really get "into" the characters but with only a 200 word story you did very well with the characters.
Grammar and Spelling:No mistakes found.
Personal Opinion:I loved this one! I would be interested to read it as a longer story with more freaky things happening at the train station. Great job! I enjoyed visitng your port today!
Hello! Here are my thoughts and suggestions for your story/chapter.
Plot and Scenes:Great detail. You described the settings perfectly.
Characters:Both characters need some serious therapy! But it makes for a great story. Great job.
Grammar and Spelling:No mistakes found.
Personal Opinion:Interesting!! My mother smothered me like the character of Mark did to Sarah but I never thought of killing myself or her! Such an shocking story. It's great! I loved it!
Write on!
Harley D. Palmer
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Great job!