The idea of telling a story twice, form two very different point of views was a good one. If we read just one side we will get less then half of actual idea, together they really point out the lack of communication and understanding between Jack and Nate.
The two sides are so different that it really makes you think of our own relationships with family and friends.
I cannot fathom how I would go on after enduring a loss as you have had. I think sometimes we depend on God to much. He is there but we still have our choices in life.
I'm not sure how to critique a piece like this, but I can say that i do feel your loss. It comes through in your writing.
Keep writing it helps.
It would be very hard to convince the youth of today that these words are true. We are bombarded by the print media, television and the movies in such a way to tell us quite the Opposite!
You have hit on a truth that sadly alot of people NEVER get. You have done so in a very eloquent way.
Terrific little poem on Spring. Though it is Labor Day today and Spring seems so long ago, reading your piece helped me to remember when spring was first breaking.
I found your poem to be simple and elegant all at the same time.
Thanks
I would like to hear this with the music. This is a nice basic bit of poetry.
What you have hear i like, but it seems unfinished. i think it could use
another stanza to close it. Other then that I DO like it.
Are you a songwriter? I would like to see more of your work.
You conjure up a pretty tough image. Being a male who has never suffered from it myself or knowing anyone close to me who has suffered through it, it is difficult to understand. i have heard of it, read about it
but your writing seems to make it a little more personnal.
Luesthra, huh, i have to remember never to ask a favor of her! I liked this story very much. It reminded me of an old tv show, the Twilight Zone. An interesting story angle with a twist ending.
The witchcraft angle was well written and made the story sound more beleivable.
How many people slow down to ponder the rain? Most people just rush to get through it and get out of it.
You have made us stop and look!
In a few scant words you painted us a picture of what we would see if we stopped running to get out of the rain.
Thanks
A very thought provoking piece. I stopped a couple of times as I read to contemplate the words. Very well done!
You put some very interesting ideas into words that were very well organized, it makes you wonder about the whole idea of reincarnation. Thanks!
Let me start by saying argument aside, this is one of the best written pieces I have read on this website. It is clear and concise, and you make a great argument.
It is layed out in a very organized and convincing manner.
You have made a very good attempt at capturing the sights and sounds of a raging storm. Your descriptions of the colors of the ocean did a very good job of helping me to picture what you saw, as well as to feel the emotions that you felt. It was a few minutes well spent.
This really deserves a 5.0. It is so well written and composed that I read it many times just for the enjoyment. Then i thought about it and read it some more.
What if?, what if? his is a concept we all play with in our heads, a game to while away the hours, a way to day dream. Your poem is every one's thoughts at one time or another.
A good story with a real Twilight Zone twist ending. This could be a very good story but you have to go back and fix all the spelling mistakes. In addition there were a lot of mistakes where you used the wrong word such as using pare instead of pair. Go back and rewrite, you have a good story here!
An evil love sonnet, very well done. You have captured
a dark love. I really had to sit back and think for a while, and i'm still not sure! I like that, to often a poem is just a simple statement, nothing more then a snapshot, this is different. This is good, keep writing!
Thischapter probably deserves a 5, it was that good. Loved the twist with the priest being Seamus' brother. Really nice tie in with some great verbal exchanges between the two.
The planning and the layout of the chapter was very good.
A cleansing little piece. A lot of very tough questions, asked in a very emotional and bitter way!
But I think everyone goes through it, but not everybody can write about it. You have touched on many things, but unfortunetly no one has any answers.
Though not really knowledgeable on military matters, I found your argument in favor of Submarines and their use in the Navy interesting and thought provoking. I guess with the conflicts that the U.S. has been involved in we do not think much interms of the Navy or submarine usage. But it was interesting and written in an orderly fashion. There were however many spelling mistakes you may want to go back and correct.
Just a great story! At first I thought I was reading another sci-fi story, but the true meaning came quickly. This is one of the finest stories I have read on this site to date.
It is well written, the way it is composed and put together I would say it is ready for publication anywhere!
Really enjoyed it.
A very sad story! I really felt for Jon. You did a terrific job setting things up. The scenes were well done. The dialogue also was very well done. You brought all four of the main characters to life, and gave them personnality. I have to admit you had me disliking his father from the start.
Well done!
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