Spelling and Punctuation: Everyone is always picking on em, Thomas thought--Me.
Chris began to cry softly when he thought of what Chris often said about him--Thomas.
The went on many adventures together.--They.
Demonia had hurt Silver Snow so many time in a battle.--Times.
Except, sometimes he like to talk to Ms. Grant.--Liked.
He was, but in the bst way he knew how.--Best.
Plot and/or Structure:
The plot of this is interesting. I do think the tormenting of Thomas may be slightly over done though, as are his emotional problems. Maybe if you tomed down these things just a bit the story would have more credibility.
Style and/or Rythym: Thomas often would cry when the kids got so bad. He didn’t want to, didn’t mean to cry at all. But, he just felt so bad.--You could easily combine these two sentances, also, cut the comma after but.
him work through all his anger. He really was afraid he would lose it today.
T
Thomas walked into his classroom,--There's an extra T in there.
He sensed that Silver was just about to tell him something very important when Ms. Grant brought him back. T
hat was the way it worked.--You put the paragraph break one letter too late.
Areas for Improvement:
Go back and reread this with an eye for mechanical detail. There are several places that you have simple typos which could be corrected by a careful reading. I also felt like Thomas and his problems were too much for reality. My philosophy is that it's easier to identify with a character if their problems are believeable, closer to the problems the reader may have. With a main character like Thomas you'll only be appealing to the most tortured school-shooters out there and may miss a wide audience of bullied children who could benifit from Thomas resolving his problems.
This Google web-site has an amazing array of tools for writers, readers, and everyone in between. I was unaware of the capacity for foriegn languages as default settings. Coming from a multi-cultural hosehold myself, I may just use that tool to brush up on my Spanish. Thanks for the informative article.
I have a confession to make: I've never used Google in my online research. I'm not one of the people who's been living in a cave for the past few decades, but it's never been something I've felt I needed to use--until now. Thanks for writing this article and shedding some light on a web-site that's become a buzz-word but still has been under the radar for some.
Plot and/or Structure:
This story moved through the events without lagging.
Style and/or Rythym:
You have a nice even writing style. You get to the point and don't use too many words to get there.
Areas for Improvement:
None.
My Overall Thoughts:
This was a good slice of life story, though I hope not from your life, Ernie. Just the thought of you in a frumpy housecoat makes my stomach somersault...Thanks for entering "Invalid Item" monthly fiction contest.
Spelling and Punctuation: lead her through what scrapes of life--Scraps. She goes into a trans like, drug induced sleep.--Trance-like. being thrown into a Television.--No need to capitalize television.
Plot and/or Structure:
The plot was palpable, but seemed disjointed. Try and smooth out the transitions between back story and current story.
Style and/or Rythym: There was nothing physically or mentally wrong with her--This sentence is out of tense with the rest of the story. There is nothing wrong with her.
Areas for Improvement:
What's listed above.
My Overall Thoughts:
You've done a good job creating a believable character here and giving her alot of issues to deal with. I do think that you need to work on your style just a bit more. Read alot of books from a broad range of genres and see how they do it. Thanks for entering "Invalid Item" monthly fiction contest.
Style and/or Rythym:
Very smooth read, thouroghly enjoyable.
Areas for Improvement:
None.
My Overall Thoughts:
Great job on this Ernie. What a great interpretation of the prompt. Thanks for entering "Invalid Item" daily flash fiction contest.
Spelling and Punctuation: Andrew was oblivious to the fact that his father was gone he didn't notice anything
anymore. This is a run-on sentence. Use either a period or a semi-colon after gone.
Plot and/or Structure:
Wonderful job here. This story moved with good emotions and realism.
Style and/or Rythym: eating less and sleeping more. Then, hacking up blood. I think a simple coughing up blood would have a little more impact when you read it.
Staring blankly after him, she knew the truth This is a wonderful sentance, but I suggest cutting the blankly. The sentance reads cleaner without it.
Sage and her
mother both work to keep up on the never-ending bills Try 'working' here and see what you think.
He couldn't help it if his idea of a good idea I think 'he couldn't help it if he thought it was a good idea...' might work better.
Areas for Improvement:
Just the few style points.
My Overall Thoughts:
I really enjoyed this story. The structure fit the theme and tone, and the ending was subtle enough for the reader to have the satisfaction that they participated in the story by figuring it out.
Plot and/or Structure:
This was really well done. You had a thick plot with an appropriate conclusion.
Style and/or Rythym: This wasn’t looking to promising. This was an awkward sentance. It should be too, but I think you could write it better, like, 'My situation is bleak'.
Areas for Improvement:
Only the one awkward sentance.
My Overall Thoughts:
I liked this alot, Ernie. The story was meaty enough to be engaging, the action and sense of danger stayed consistant, and the ending was done as to let the reader know this man's story has only just begun. Great for flash fiction.If you are so inclined, this may be a good story to lengthen. Congratulations on winning "Invalid Item" daily flash fiction contest.
Plot and/or Structure:
Good job. Um...interesting.
Style and/or Rythym:
Well done, Ernie.
Areas for Improvement:
None.
My Overall Thoughts:
Wow. This was a very interesting piece. You portrayed homosexuality in a very interesting way. Congratulations on winning "Invalid Item" daily flash fiction contest.
Spelling and Punctuation: “Andrea hey!C’mon Daddy--You missed a space.
Plot and/or Structure:
Very good.
Style and/or Rythym:
Well done, Ernie.
Areas for Improvement:
None.
My Overall Thoughts:
Good job Ernie. This was a nice story about how much our children can teach us if we're willing to listen to them. Congratulations on winning "Invalid Item" daily flash fiction contest.
Plot and/or Structure:
Good work on the short plot. You told alot during a walk to school.
Style and/or Rythym:
This was well done. I uttered a 'wow' at the end.
Areas for Improvement:
None.
My Overall Thoughts:
Very well done. This had a deep and pwerful message for all of us to heed. Congratulations on winning "Invalid Item" daily flash fiction contest.
Plot and/or Structure:
Good job. Now I feel silly in my review of the precursor to this, telling you it was too much. I see you've marked this as experience.
Style and/or Rythym:
Well done.
Areas for Improvement:
None.
My Overall Thoughts:
This was a good explanation to last nights entry and I like the way you piggy-backed the stories. Thanks for entering "Invalid Item" daily flash fiction contest.
Plot and/or Structure:
Great job. What a terrible day.
Style and/or Rythym:
Good flow, but this lacked the power usually present in your writing.
Areas for Improvement:
I think this may have been over done. I appreciate the humor you were going for, but it felt like just a few too many unfortunate situations.
My Overall Thoughts:
Good job on this, Ernie. Just tone it down a little bit and I think you've got a funny story. Thanks for entering "Invalid Item" daily flash fiction contest.
This was a good commentary on the peace and tranquility of nature without the intrusiveness of man. At least that's what I got out of it. I have a place like this, though not a body of water, from my youth that now only lives in my memory thanks to bulldozers, cranes, and construction workers. Thanks for bringing that old dusty memory to the front for a moment.
Spelling and Punctuation: Samuel Smyth the Methodist arrived next. Put commas around the Methodist to set it off as parenthetical. But the lord moves in mysterious ways. Capitalize Lord.
Plot and/or Structure:
Good.
Style and/or Rythym:
Well done here.
Areas for Improvement:
None.
My Overall Thoughts:
I liked the message of this. Good job.
Spelling and Punctuation: It was an in family joke--In-family.
Plot and/or Structure:
I wonder if this couldn't be improved with a little more depth of her past, a little more of her unwillingness to get involved so that the relationship happens despite her.
Style and/or Rythym:
Good job here.
Areas for Improvement:
ONly what's mentioned in the plot section.
My Overall Thoughts:
I liked this, but felt flat after finishing. Maybe a stronger arch would make this more memorable.
Plot and/or Structure:
Great job. I love your endings Ernie.
Style and/or Rythym:
Once again, wonderful writing.
Areas for Improvement:
None.
My Overall Thoughts:
This was a terrific story, very well written and powerfully concluded. Thanks for entering The Fiction Forum's daily flash fiction contest.
Spelling and Punctuation: blank whitewash wall Whitewashed. thinking nothing or about dieing Dying. attention and are families, Our families. We don’t want to die; on the contrary Replace the semi-colon with a comma. a male aid Aide.
Plot and/or Structure:
Well done. You brought these people to life and made me care about them.
Style and/or Rythym: thinking nothing or about dieing Thinking about nothing or thinking about dying may sound better; see what you think.
Areas for Improvement:
You have several spelling errors. I'd like to reccommend The Elements of Style by Strunk and White to help you catch some of the mechaninical issues.
My Overall Thoughts:
This was a good story. The characters were well developed and the ending was surprisingly moving. Thanks for entering The Fiction Forum's daily flash fiction contest.
Spelling and Punctuation: And she had the most delish set of legs that seemed to go on forever. Delicious. burning a whole through the centre of his forehead Hole and center.
Plot and/or Structure:
There was no real conflict here.
Style and/or Rythym:
I didn't like the constant asides to the reader, or the cliched references to her legs.
Areas for Improvement:
This was choppy and rough to read. I'd like to recommend a few books for you to read before you rewrite this. The Elements of Style by Strunk and White, Self-Editing for Fiction Writers{/u] by Browne and King, and The Art of Styling Sentances by Longknife and Sullivan.
Spelling and Punctuation: This year, without her best friend, her soul mate, her reason for breathing-Maureen Use consistant punctuation to set off the comment. You start with a comma and end with a dash.
Plot and/or Structure:
Well done. I liked how you held the death until the end. All along I assumed it was divorce.
Style and/or Rythym:
Nicely written, no words appeared to be out of place.
Areas for Improvement:
None.
My Overall Thoughts:
I liked this. The surprise ending was fitting. Good job.
Plot and/or Structure:
Very well done. I liked the sense of closure this had to it.
Style and/or Rythym:
You have a nice writing style. All your words seemed to be in the right place.
Areas for Improvement:
None.
My Overall Thoughts:
This was a nice memoir about a special moment in our children's lives, the loss of innocence. It's good to see that she was indifferent about it, and I can relate to your emotions having three daughters of my own. Great job on this. Thanks for sharing.
Spelling and Punctuation: and it moved much the same way as water that’s spilt on the floor spreads. Spilled.
Plot and/or Structure:
Good, short, quick, but real. NIce job.
My only qualm is minor. You described the fetal position and black appearence of the burned body, but then said it was burned to ash.
Style and/or Rythym:
Well done. I found no awkward words or phrases.
Areas for Improvement:
Only the body issue and the one spelling error.
My Overall Thoughts:
Good job on this. You took me just deep enough into these men's lives for me to care and ended in a way that leaves me thinking about what will happen next.
Areas for Improvement:
You say that you have fourteen words too many in this, so I read over it again o see what could be cut. I only found six. I tried to hold it. But I couldn't. No one was around, I thought, so I sought a pot. I tried to hold it, no one was around, so I sought a pot. That's it, and only as a last ditch effort to cut words.
My Overall Thoughts:
I liked this. Good job, even if it's over the incredibly sparse word count.
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