I really enjoyed this poem, particularly as it echoes so many of the sentiments I'm currently feeling about this past Memorial Day weekend. On the one hand, I want to honor the people who have bravely fought for this country and its freedoms, but on the other hand, it makes me sad to see others put their own personal freedoms and wants ahead of the needs of the rest of the country. It would be one thing if everyone were making a personal choice between staying home or going out and maintaining public health guidelines (wearing masks, social distancing, etc.) but it breaks my heart to see people selfishly ignoring all that guidance and taking an "all or nothing" approach to helping fight this pandemic.

Sorry for the rant, but I just wanted to say that this piece really spoke to me and inspired me. It was well written and thought-provoking. Clearly!

Well done!

I really loved this piece. I thought the varied structure worked incredibly well, and the imagery was vibrant and engaging. To be honest, I'm not very well versed in poetry and I'm not sure I've seen a form like this before, where there are so many different elements interacting together. I thought it was great! I have no suggestions for improvement; I think it's perfect the way it is.

Looks like the tables have turned and it's my turn to review you!

I really enjoyed this poem. It definitely delivered an unexpected line halfway through the piece. This poem definitely didn't go where I was thinking it would, and throwing in a twist is a really impressive feat with such a comparatively short piece. Your diction, structure, and presentation are all excellent, as always. It was a pleasure to read this piece!

First of all, I want to say that it's nice to have the chance to review a non-poetry item for I Write!

I think you did a good job with this piece, overall. The content of the individual vignettes was good; the presentation was simple and straightforward, and the interactions between Ruby and Roscoe were realistic. The flow of the piece felt a little choppy due to the relatively short scenes separated with section breaks, and the story felt like it ended rather abruptly, but I think there's a lot of potential here, especially with the character dynamics of a generous caregiver's intentions being misunderstood. Overall, I enjoyed the read.

This was a wonderful, very succinct poem that accurately expresses the frustration of our current situation. A lot of people are starting to get a little stir-crazy with being forced to shelter in place, and your poem did a great job in just a few words, of capturing that frustration and sense of anxiety. Only one small technical note; I think you're xlink WML is broken as it doesn't provide an actual link to the Tanaga form. Other than that, I thought this was a fantastic piece. Well done!

Freestyle poetry is definitely not my strong suit, so forgive the simplicity of this review. Overall, I thought it was a really sophisticated piece with great use of language and a flowing, well-paced structure. I liked the emotion in the piece, and the context you provided in the notes at the bottom to give the reader more information. Nice work!

I really enjoyed this limerick. This is one of my favorite types of poetry (perhaps because I'm a fan of bawdy humor and short reads? ), and thought you did a great job with this piece. I could very clearly picture Randy the liquored-up leprechaun and just how drunk he'd have to be to mistake a skunk for a piece of candy.

Overall, I thought the technical execution of this poem was quite good, with good visuals and an effective structure and choice of rhymes. Nicely done!

I really enjoyed this poem, particularly the amount of imagery you were able to fit into a scant 24 syllables, and the fact that it was such a topical poem about the most recent Super Bowl halftime show this past Sunday. Great use of the word prompt (I'm assuming that's why the word "chisel" is in bold), and I like the fact that the poem was structured with short lines of only a few words. All in all, a very well-done poem. Nice work!

I really like the fact that you took the time to write a short autobiography to introduce yourself to people on this site; it's a great way for other members of the community to get to know you and feel comfortable communicating.

The narrative you've presented does a great job of providing a lot of information in comparatively few words, which makes for an excellent overview, but there are a few areas which I think were glossed over a little too quickly. In particular, you mention that your being committed to a maximum security mental hospital at the age of 16 was something for which "the details aren't so much unimportant as completely misleading in what they say about me or who I am." At this point in the autobiography, though, we don't really know who you are yet, and that feels like a really significant point in your life that would benefit from a little more context to help the reader understand exactly what experience you went through. It doesn't have to be overly detailed if you're not comfortable sharing, but the line quoted above kind of teases it without saying, and I think you'd be better off either explaining or not teasing at information that won't ultimately be forthcoming in this piece.

Ultimately, the "character" in the piece is you, and I think you've done a decent job of setting up your background and experiences, and given the reader a fairly clear impression of where you're at in your life. One of the things I would love to know more about are the things that inspire or excite you. There's a lot of information about what you perceive as the negative things in your life, but what are some of the things that you're passionate about or at least interested in. The only thing the reader can tell from reading this is that D&D is an interest of yours; if you're comfortable sharing more about the things you do want to connect with people about, it might be easier for them to find you when they read this piece.

Not applicable.

There's a reference in the very first sentence of the piece to your email being your D&D characters. Are you referring to the username davegreymauser? If so, you might want to call it a username since that's the more common nomenclature on the site. It is also your site email address, but I found myself a bit confused by that sentence and I think it's because I was initially uncertain what email address you were referring to until I puzzled it out a bit.

I think you did a good job with this brief autobiographical essay. If you're interested in bolstering your profile on the site, I would also recommend completing the "Biography" tab of your Portfolio, which will prompt you with a bunch of questions and details that you can provide and people can read when they check out your Portfolio. That, combined with an essay item like this, is a wonderful way to introduce yourself to the other members of this site and give the a chance to get to know you a bit. Nicely done and welcome to Writing.com!

I thought you did a great job with this poem. I have difficulty making the Terza Rima form flow effectively when I attempt it but, for the most part, I think you did a great job with it. I found a couple of the line breaks to be a little jarring ... particularly in the "I don't pretend or suggest / my lines resound and are all that" ... but I know there are a lot of restrictions on the form and structure you're able to use.

Other than that, I think your rhymes are great and the imagery you create is excellent. All in all, nice work!

To be honest, I'm not quite sure what the premise of this piece is. There are a lot of elements mentioned (racism, entertainment news, social media, underage pregnancy, rape, slavery, etc. While the last sentence of the piece (asking the reader what they're going to do about it) is somewhat clarifying, I would suggest structuring the piece so that the direction is a little clearer early on. For example, you might consider making that point at the end of the item early on as well, at least generally, so that the reader understands the specific examples you provide throughout are pieces of a larger whole, rather than the author jumping from topic to topic.

There are a handful of statements in the work that don't really follow. In the first paragraph, for example, you stand that one cannot "sit there today, wherever you are and tell me you have never heard a racist comment." Is that something people have been telling you? Similarly, you state that one "cannot sit there today and tell me you have tried to stop it." From the opposite end of things, how can you be sure that the reader hasn't done something productive to combat racism? Both statements are pretty broad assertions that I'm not sure are validated by what's said in the rest of the piece.

I also noticed a handful of technical errors. In the second paragraph, it should be, "Let's take technology for example" rather than "lets." In the third paragraph, "i pad" should be "iPad."

Overall, I'm intrigued by many of the parts of your item, but feel like it's lacking cohesive elements that will tie everything together. If your thesis is "What have you done or are you, the reader, going to do about these awful things happening in our world, I'd encourage you to also state that goal at the outset and build toward it throughout the piece.

I really like the simple concept of this story. So many stories try to cram in as many plot points and twists as possible, it's nice to read a story that has a clear, focused premise that is easy to understand.

I know this is an incredibly short piece of writing, but one area where I felt there was room for improvement was in the story's conflict. I would have loved to have seen a little more detail and description that helped build events in the story more organically so that, rather than telling the reader that Jaxon is upset (disruptive and disrespectful, yelling, getting up from his seat, etc.), the reader could really get a chance to experience those actions happening in real time, so they become invested in Jaxon and his predicament. As it is, the reader is just an external observer being told about a series of actions but actually showing some of them could really elevate this story and make it more engaging for the reader.

While we get a clear picture of Jaxon in this story, the other characters (Bradin and the teacher) aren't really afforded enough detail so that the audience can get a sense of who they are. To the extent there is an opportunity to expand the length of this piece, I think a good use of that space would be in adding a little more detail to develop both of those secondary characters.

Jaxon's dialogue felt a little too polished and eloquent for a five year old. Lines like, "Thank you. That's my favorite story, and it always helps me feel better" are remarkably self-aware and articulate for a child of that age. I would revise his dialogue to make it read a little more age-appropriate.

"He took it to his teacher, "Will you read this please?" is an incorrectly punctuated sentence. I should either be a period between "He took it to his teacher" and the question being asked, or there should be an attribution such as "He took it to his teacher and asked, ..."

I enjoyed this item. I thought it was a sweet, straightforward story that was a fun read. There's definite room for improvement, but you're off to a great start.

You did a great job of posing some questions and food for thought for your readers. This essay went in a totally different direction than I thought and, while I found that problematic in some ways for reasons I will detail below, I also kind of like the fact that I was surprised to see where you were going with this conversation as I read it.

Most importantly, I think this essay really highlights one of the things we struggle with as a society, which is the glorification and acceptance of bad behavior if the transgressor is seen as somehow admirable or desirable in some way, shape, or form. It definitely causes one to stop and think about ways we're affected by this dynamic.

One of the things I really struggled with in this piece is the argument at the end that the "cruelty of gossip" is the best way to counter the cruelty of someone being a jerk (i.e., one who attacks others because aggressive behavior is rewarded). After such a thought-provoking introduction and earlier part of the essay, I was personally hoping for a better takeaway than "be a (slightly different kind) of jerk right back."

I also think there's a bit of conflation going on in this essay. In the second paragraph alone you reference a person who is "so brilliant or so capable that everyone just forgives the fact that he's kind of a jerk," "rich or famous [people that] get a slap on the wrist for what might crush a poor person on the street," and attractive and/or powerful people who are impatient or brusque with the rest of us because their time is valuable. To me, those are three distinct and not necessarily overlapping personality types, which made it difficult for me to understand what type of person this essay was specifically making the case against. One could argue that a brilliant person who is kind of a jerk might not even realize they're being a jerk. There are many well-documented cases of truly brilliant minds in one field that don't have well developed social skills that can cause them to seem rude (or like a "jerk") even though no offense was actually intended.

I have mixed feelings about this item as a whole. On the one hand, I think the argument would benefit from a little restructuring in order to be clearer and more persuasive. On the other hand, I'm still thinking about what you've written and will probably be mulling it over for a while, so clearly it's having some persuasive effect!

The concept of finding love after experiencing a loss certainly isn't a new concept, but it's also been around and popular for a very long time for a reason. It's a compelling narrative and you did a great job of hooking the reader's attention with what happened to Chris and Katie at the very beginning of the story. The setup and overall premise definitely entice the reader to give your item a chance.

The story felt a little stilted for much of the item, which I think might be due to the way it's presented in a matter-of-fact, slightly removed kind of way. Reading it, the story almost felt like a neutral third party was viewing the events and reporting them back to the reader in a dispassionate way (e.g., they did this, and then this happened, and after that this is what they said, etc.). I would recommend approaching the narrative of this story from the close, subjective view of one of the characters. Have us live this story through the eyes of Amanda, up close and personal, where we get to experience the varied emotions and ups and downs that come with someone going through a loss and a new beginning like she endured.

I would also recommend taking the time to explain elements of the story that aren't readily apparent. In the opening scene, for example, it's mentioned that Amanda and Chris have a successful architectural firm and such... but when the accident happens, the story quickly glosses over all the detail and just makes passing reference to the fact that Amanda moved her kids to a new town. But why? Was she haunted by memories of the past at her old job, old house, etc.? Now that Chris is gone and she's a single mom of two, did she need to move somewhere to be closer to family and a support system? Taking the time to explain the reasons for the characters' decisions will really help your reader empathize with your characters and clearly understand the characters' motivations for doing the things they do.

See above for a combination note about story and character.

The dialogue worked, but really didn't stand out. I would have loved to have seen the conversations have a little more energy to them, and with varied sentence structure to reflect natural speech patterns. As it is, the conversations are all kind of presented in the same formal speech pattern and it would be great to see the different characters have different kinds of expressions through their dialogue.

There are quite a few jarring shifts in tenses throughout the story. In the first paragraph, for example, the story starts in the past tense ("Amanda and Chris were high school sweethearts," "They started a landscape architecture company," "It was their baby," etc.) and then, mid-paragraph, it suddenly switches to present tense ("Danny always takes the helm," "He is exceptional at his job," etc.). This is a technical issue I struggle with a lot in my own writing, and I would definitely recommend a thorough line edit to catch these errors and iron them out for better readability.

Several paragraphs also include sentence fragments and improper punctuation that, again, a good, thorough line edit would catch. Again in the first paragraph, "One of their closest friends." is a fragment. In the second paragraph, there's erroneous comma usage, irregular capitalization, and the unnecessary repetition of the word "pie" in the sentence, "They picked up, some pies, like, Apple, cherry, and sweet potato pie." I know this item is labeled a draft, so I just wanted to quickly highlight some technical areas to focus on during any subsequent revisions.

This item also needs to have a slightly higher rating due to the violent content in the opening sequence.

I think you've got a winning premise here, and your characters are interesting. This is definitely a story worth pursuing. However, there's a lot of technical work and revising things from the ground up that will be necessary to revise this piece into a version of the story that takes full advantage of its own potential. That said, I did find this a very sweet and enjoyable read.

I really loved the sentiment of this piece. It's clear from reading it that you not only miss your Pop-pop, but that you've taken a great deal of time to consider what his loss meant to you and how to live your life as a result. This piece of writing is touching, emotional, and really does a great job of capturing the reader's attention with your excellent and selective use of detail. I particularly like the encouragement toward the end for someone going through a similar experience to talk with a trusted loved one to express how they're feeling and help deal with the loss.

The length of the piece was also a strength. In a lot of cases, I find that emotional writing tends to go on a little too long because the author often wants to include every nuance and detail, but you did a great job of exercising restraint and only including the details that served to illustrate your point and/or paint a vibrant picture. Nicely done!

A few of the transitions between the memories of the past and the actions happening in the present felt a little rough. In particular, the end of the story about when you heard about your own relative's passing feels like it pops up rather abruptly, with the previous few paragraphs having been about your present experience trying to talk to the other kid about his lost. I think the backstory about your own loss might be a bit more effective toward the beginning of the story, where it will add context to your experience and better establish your history with this experience before you get into the particulars of how you tried to talk to this ten year old.

There was only one typo that I noticed. In the second-to-last paragraph, "An after that?" should be "And after that?"

As a whole, I thought this was a good piece of writing that offers some excellent advice and insight, while also carefully balancing the need to provide details and context without going too overboard. I think there's room for improvement in terms of structure that would really help make it stand out, but it's a solid piece of writing as-is.

Overall, I was a little confused by this piece, which I think might be owed to it's classification as an article in the How-To/Advice genre. For me, a How-To/Advice piece usually has some sort of a recommended course of action or insight, but this piece admits in the second sentence that "There is no cure [for writer's block] just a waiting game really."

If the goal is to make this a personal statement on the struggle with writer's block (as the intro description implies), it might be better classified in Personal as the primary genre, and not reference the How-To/Advice genre at all. On the other hand, if you do have additional insights that you can pair with the personal description of your own struggle with writer's block, there's amply opportunity to fill in those gaps and create a longer, more fleshed-out version of this piece.

A couple of technical notes:

"standpoint" (second paragraph) is one word
"shirt piece" (second paragraph) should be "short piece"
"Goodbye" (third paragraph) is one word

There are also a few points where I'd recommend adding some punctuation, particularly to separate clauses from the main body of a sentence, and to separate sentences with two different subjects into discrete sentences. For example, "Good bye writer's block next you come remember this" could be more effectively articulated as "Goodbye writer's block. Next time you come, remember this."

All that said, I really enjoyed the sentiment of this piece, and think you do a great job of providing a reminder to the reader that sometimes a small, simple exercise can help break us out of the writer's block we're feeling. There are a wide variety of ways to combat writer's block and the advice to just write something small is definitely an effective method I've tried in the past. Nice work!