Excellent build-up of tension as well as a fantastic portrayal of the sense of adventure present in most boys. Although not many boys end up having an adventure of this kind that's probably a good thing! The way that Joe egged Toby on, cajoled him into continuing in their exploration. The promise of treasure leads too many toward something they were better off not discovering!
Nicely done! One of the last places I would have thought of as a setting for a piece of horror, but I love how well you brought it all together. Raising the tension and suspense, giving it the air of mystery... then the sudden moment that everything goes wrong.
The descriptions of the possessed dancers were well done. Just enough detail to give me a clear image-but not so much that I found it gruesome. Such a horrible even to live through I can see whey it would haunt Mel for so long afterwards.
A nice, short little bit about the relationship that sisters share. Although an only child I did have a couple of stepsisters during my adolescent years and I remember the bonds we forged. Those were some times-both horrid and wonderful. You captured that well here!
I could see this in my mind's eye. Alone on the stage, with a single spotlight and all the power in the words. Read right this would be a powerful piece, bringing the audience in and then, ever so gently, setting them back down. An understanding having been reached.
This had a great flow! I'm not knowledgeable about poetry but I did feel that this hit the meter head on.
The fantasy love, the one that so many of us build in our minds. For some no real person can ever fill that mold and this portrays the power of those emotions quite well. The intensity of the feeling, and the acknowledgment that although it isn't real-in some ways it is.
I applaud your sense of humor. The tone that this is written it... The light-hearted way it reads with just a tinge of sarcasm, that alone gives insight to the kind of person you are and how the events you are re-telling for us now, have shaped you. It's also quite entertaining!
Run through this as I noticed a couple of minor spelling mistakes. Nothing big-a missing "f" in "off" and other things that generally means the fingers are moving too fast for the keyboard to catch up.
Quite a traumatic beginning, but at least your reader can know coming into your story that things work out. This lessens the tension and allows the humor in your writing to shine a little brighter.
You may wish to consider putting this into a book format. That way you can come back to it as often as you need to and create different chapters. Also, consider keeping a journal-if you don't already. It can help you to hone those skills for writing short stories and eventually a book!
Thank you for sharing your work and welcome to WDC! If you have any questions about the way things work around here feel free to drop me a line. If I can't help you I'll point you in the direction of someone who can!
This was a fun story about the innocence of a child, the power of friendship and the love that we feel for the members of our family. I enjoyed it tremendously and consider it to be a tale I wouldn't mind reading to my son over and over and over...
The puzzles that the princess had to figure out were nicely presented. Keeping them simple enough that young readers would not be confused, yet still enough of a puzzle that figuring them out with Ayrdath was fun.
The princess' determination to rescue her brothers from the dragon was a wonderful representation of the stubborn spirit of a child. I also enjoyed how she completed her quest, her child's logic, love and acceptance so overwhelming as to make me smile and cheer her unflappable confidence that her father would listen to her.
This was a great story! A horrible Santa is nothing new for this time of year but this Santa was one of the most horrible, and I loved his explanation for it.
Poor Rudolph! Gathering up his courage to face Santa and demand better treatment, only to be denied. The description of Santa was wonderful as was that of Mrs. Claus. When she herself showed fear of him was a great moment!
I enjoyed reading something of the sci-fi/psychological-horror genre from you.
The voice of this particular piece is what I liked the most. Although I found the story to be imaginative, well presented and pretty darn creepy...
For some reason this one really felt to me like a narration from a Tim Burton film. With this story it totally worked. Ernie in the basement building this strange machine for his aunt... the differences in his personality...
This was cute and fun. It had a good rhyme and the pace was light-hearted and quick. I enjoyed the ray of hope in the vision of St. Nick and the pure joy in the final line brought a smile to my face. It's a good poem for this time of year!
Quite a tale! I truly enjoyed this piece and became so lost in it that I didn't realize just how long it was.
I would recommend going over this for minor spelling as well as a read-through for repetition. I noticed the same word being used many times in only a few sentences and that's rough on the reader-a little boring too.
The quiet town of Westerley was well portrayed. It had that homey-All-American quality that always makes me think of Norman Rockwell, and Stephen King.
The background on the key players was woven nicely into the story, not bogging the reader down with chunks of information. It kept the flow steady and moved the story along, never a dull moment!
Thank you again-I'm enjoying my time in your port!
Great background on the characters, building us up to that moment of separation at the carnival. I really grew to like Harry and Pauline, even relate to them in some ways. The fact that Pauline only had one dress was a nice little tid-bit. It really helped to complete the picture, showing the reader just how depressed Pauline's family was.
The carnival itself was nicely done and had just that tinge of creepy, even when they had their parade through town, that left me feeling wary about the entire thing from the get go.
Once again, a nice little twist on the ending. I was expecting things to go wrong elsewhere in the story!
I really enjoyed this piece, the descriptions were vivid and I became completely wrapped up in Jeff's escape from the storm. Once he reached safety it only got better. The background information I had gleaned from the beginning of the story only gave me so much and I found myself on the brink, waiting for more, wondering, completely sucked into this world. I'm dieing to know what a Gargolink looks like. The name itself makes me laugh, but they instill such terror into the characters of this piece that my imagination just runs wild.
I loved the twist, and the last line was great. I hope that you have plans to expand this!
One thing I particularly enjoyed about this was that the true identity of Ted is left a mystery. Although I'm still jumbling those letters around in my over-tired mind and trying to find a clue somewhere... Instead of being another story about some idiot who gets roped into selling his soul this piece has just enough mystery to lead you down a different path, I like that. The ending as well leaves the reader with the ability to put their own spin on things.
It's a good thing I don't gamble. I'm still a little creeped out.
I very much enjoyed Benny's character, the down-and out man with a gambling problem on the verge of losing his family... It's not new, but it's one of the rare times that I didn't feel empathy for the character. I felt he was pathetic, disgraceful and although he didn't necessarily deserve what he got I don't feel that he deserves much better.
A beautiful and touching poem of love. I enjoyed the moment of the lover's eyes meeting from across the room, well said. The emotional intimacy of the lovers was beautifully portrayed and overshadowed their actions, downplaying them and wrapping the reader in that same blissful feeling.
lol Oh my. This was hilarious! Very enjoyable and the subtlety of it made it even more funny.
The description of the battle was vivid yet left much up to the reader's imagination. Not until the final line did I gain full understanding, and at that moment I sympathized so intensely with the person in the poem that I reached for my white square of cotton.
lol Nice build up of tension there. The horrific image you were painting had me literally on the edge of my seat. Only to throw myself backwards when I got to the end. I truly enjoyed that moment.
Every parent has that fear, and this exploits it so well, playing with it, teasing it and then slamming into it. Mom's reaction was classic, unexpected and nicely done. I loved that it just happened, there was no big buildup, just a couple of sentences and there it was.
I did appreciate that details were not shared but left to the reader's imagination. This gives the reader some control when reading a piece that is so emotionally charged.
Such a tender story, it made me all warm and cozy inside!
I loved the historical bit about the grandfather's past, his father dieing in the war etc... It was nicely presented and with the mystery and suspense already heightened it was a gentle slide down. I enjoyed the characters, and how they recognized Bonnie while she was pretty well clueless. It added a smile at just the right moment.
This was a great, and imaginative telling of the live of a girl through her mirror. I loved that the mirror had seen her grow from infancy to (almost) adulthood. The viewpoint of the inanimate object who so obviously cares for the young girl whom it reflects is well portrayed. There is also a sort of longing in this piece that I really liked.
Oh those over-active imaginations! I really was expecting the worst. The build-up was nicely done and the tension was great. Of course, as much horror as I read (and watch) if some old lady tried to give me a doll on Halloween I'd run away. I'd run screaming, forget the candy!
The ending was nicely presented, and deflated my balloon rather quickly giving me a nice chuckle-mostly at myself!
Nicely written. I enjoyed the flow and like the way you write!
I loved how well you painted the picture here. The description of the young man was well done and I could see him clearly in my minds eye.
You painted a vivid portrait of something that many of us have felt at one time or another. Very easy to relate to, and it brought back a pleasant memory or two.
Very nicely done. I loved the voice you told this in. Personally, I have never read, nor seen, anything about the Salem Witch Trials which was told from this perspective. I enjoyed the fresh uniqueness of it.
Spacing the quotes in there, at just the right times... really gave it a punch. The ending itself left me momentarily stunned, so deeply was I entrenched in the narrator's belief.
This one was a little creepy, well described and a nice touch leaving most of the explicit stuff to the reader's imagination. You provided just the right amount of information to give the reader the tools they needed to fill in as much detail as they wished.
I particularly enjoyed the fact that the perspectives shifted throughout the story. It's a challenge to write a short story that way. Keeping the flow of the story right, and giving enough about the characters to make them stand out is tough, but you did a really good job with that here.
The twist at the end and the meaning behind the story is pretty deep. It's a good "make you think" ending as well. Everything really is just a remake or a sequel isn't it... Where is the new stuff? Where are the Steinbeck's and Tolkein's of today? What's really going on here?
This was a funny bit, highly entertaining as well. I loved how you explained the quarters the werewolves had to share with the zombies, and the zombies themselves were hilarious in their pitifulness.
I like the concept of a monster vacation on Monster Island, and the fact that the narrator is growing bored with the sameness gives it that extra push into pure silliness and makes it all the more fun.
The problems and "issues" the monsters have all put a smile on my face. I really liked how you addressed the werewolve's ability to change. Nicely done!
Thank you for sharing this funny piece, your husband gives great prompts - mine won't even try!
Noe
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The way that Joe egged Toby on, cajoled him into continuing in their exploration. The promise of treasure leads too many toward something they were better off not discovering! 
