I think you have presented a good argument but only half of it. The analogy of the building is good but wrong side out. The radical madrasahs are not a native institution. The same money that is rapidly building these agencies of propaganda control both political parties. The recent action of the supreme court places all our elected representatives on the auction block. Only through public financing of campaigns and limiting of duration will the politician's first obligation be to the people. The computer is the greatest instrument of control since the church and the individual doesn't own it. Write on....
I thought that was a down to earth recounting of a real life event. I have been down a similar road. I think you have some good descriptive skills and will certainly improve with practice. The first paragraph contains two sentences in passive voice I don't know if that concerns you or not but if it does you can set the grammar checker on your computer to watch that for you. The eighth paragraph begins "By the time Myra got done exerting herself,....May I suggest something like By the time Myra finished exerting......A pretty bad experience huh? I don't think this is a complete sentence because it lacks a clear antecedent. The words.... That was before the a would fix it. Over all your stuff is pretty good. The grammar isn't bad either, just give it a little tweek here and there. Write on
Welcome back to writing. I enjoyed the piece for its humor and unique twist on the occupation of a groundhog. I can understand how a groundhog could go astray. Sleeping with the enemy you might say. I have known many field groundhogs at the edge of the corn patch that took a bullet in the head and wound up with their bodies in the roasting pan and their hides on a home made banjo or drum. Write on
A neat little piece. Flying at dawn is a really special experience. I liked the imagery and recalled my own experience flying over a city and feeling the loss of that mystical space when I landed. I also liked the metaphor of the city in fog and the danger it can hold. write on.
I think you have something good going here. I liked your story and would like to read more. I would like to know more about this girl. She sounds like a very interesting person. In the story did she go to sleep and get fired for that or did she actually try to run away? That part is a little fuzzy but it is a good story anyway and I would like to read more. write on
What a terrific story! Wow! Yours is the best one yet. I really like the philosophy and the humour. You definitely have a talent for writing. I am sorry I am unable at this time to think of any thing that would make your story better. There are a couple of problems with the first sentence or two. I am sure it is just a slip but check out the first sentence, there seems to be a word or two missing. Somewhere between the explosion and his new location definitely ended in a wrong turn. What or who ended in a wrong turn. I get the meaning but seems something is missing. . If only he could knew how grand of a scale “things” went wrong. I suggest ( If only he could have known on what a grand scale "things" would go wrong.) That was about all I found that I might change. I got so absorbed in the story I'm afraid I did not look very closely. I will go back again later and read it again. Write on
A good article and we need more of them. I think it goes without saying that of the three Abrahamic faiths Islam is the most restrictive ethnocentric. Reading the Qur'an, and talking to Muslims if find no support for the ethic of reciprocity. This poses a very difficult barrier to amicable relations with anyone else in the world. I fear it will be a long time before the religions of the world do more to unite people than to divide them.
I really liked this piece. I think you express many of the emotions that non church goers feel when they stand out. Freedom from religion can sometimes set you apart as much as freedom of religion. I have always believed in the separation of church and hate but seldom seen it. I think you will find many answers in the scriptures especially if you search with only God beside you. It is very difficult for people to respect what they don't understand and even more difficult if they disagree with it. I don't think you have to lie to keep a low profile and I don't think you have to tell all you know either. Cast not your pearls before swine, if you know what I mean. You don't have to justify your self to anyone but God and he already knows. So just chill and adopt a heathen for a friend.
I really liked your story. It was clearly written and described an experience is suspect is more common than most church folk would want to admit. I was terrorised by a screaming country preacher when I was about 5 or 6 . The pack mentality and regimentation of some activities has a heavy impact protected children who don't know what they are getting into and I always hated not being able to see my food before I got it or control the portion. I think you have a talent for writing and I hope your piece will serve to warn others before they have to go through what you did. Write on
I enjoyed your story.. Black panther stories were very popular among the hill folk when I was a child. A few cougars were killed over the years in the early 1900's but the last confirmed kill I know of was in 1927. Still the stories thrilled me as a kid and your story brings back some of that old feeling Unless you are writing in the vernacular some attention to sentence structure would improve the technical aspect of the piece but I think the story stands for itself. Write on
I liked your story because I think it is the story of so many. The term daemon rum is well understood in the world I knew as a child. One neighbour sold his girl children another in a fit of rage put out the eye of his son with a horse whip. I saw brothers fight with log chains until they were so bloody their hands could no longer grip. The man takes the drug then the drug takes the man as my father used to say. There are many kinds of slavery and alcohol is one. I think your story cuts deep into the anguish of families trying to separate the behaviour from the person. Sometimes it is too much. When my school chum shot and killed her father with a 22 because after molesting her for years he turned on her little brother she killed him. When they took her away she said "No, I don't hate my daddy, I love my daddy but I couldn't let him do that to Timmy. I think being able to love the person through all that is what is meant by forgiving 7 times 7times. You have all the heart of really good articles. The technical aspects of writing will come with practice. Write on
A compelling poem. Perhaps this poem will help someone find an angel. I believe in angels. Not just the kind with wings flying down from heaven but the very plain ones that mend your wounds and dry your tears. Sometimes a good neighbour, sometimes even a stranger that you see only once. Sometimes they are not what you expect, they can even be in poems.
A good story with a funny twist. I have known people like that so I can relate to your story. I liked your easy style and relaxed manner. I would guess you have either actually tended bar or have direct acquittance with someone who has. I will look forward to reading mew pieces as you write them, write on
Very good! A little cliff hanger. Wow, how we wander into real trouble. The young are naive. How long does it take to develop the caution necessary for survival? I think you have some real talent for developing a good twist to a story. Why not branch out, I think you could write a good spy novel. Write on
I think this is the love that many dream of. I think you may have the start of a good collection. I would like to read your thoughts about other kinds of love. Mother love, sister love, love of self, love of nature etc. I encourage you to explore other kinds of love and other kinds of poetry and prose. Write on
I liked your poem. A really snappy rhyme with a message. I think it shows some real talent. If you are a lion you must out run the slowest antelope. If you are an antelope you must outrun the fastest lion. It doesn't matter if you are a lion or an antelope ya gotta run. Write on
A very interesting article and, I think you are correct. The fairytale is a big part of the problem. Marriage based on working together, problem solving and unconditional positive regard will always take a couple farther than diamond rings, white dresses, hot sex and money. To many people marriage is an agreement to.....you know the vows, a church ceremony etc.. Real marriage is a behaviour, not a declaration, not a certificate, not a blessing by the preacher. I think you are on to a good start. Your paragraphs could use a little alignment, ( how is each one related to the next), double spacing would make reading easier and refinement of your questions will make it even better. You might find an article I wrote of interest. See, A Defence of Eve by Acheron. Write on.
I really enjoyed your story. I like your simple straightforward style. You speak a working man's language. The familiarity is like walking into a warm room. I think anyone can understand your descriptions and since I am not into super-drama or shootemups it made me feel good. I think you have real talent .
An insightful poem. I started to set this aside then saw the words, " come to me and cry. " Crying is generally scorned in this culture but I recommend it. It washes your eyes out and then you can see better. That YOU must decide means you are free. Being free enables you to understand, it does not help others to understand you. I encourage you to write more. The more you write the more you will understand.
A powerful poem I relate to both literally and figuratively. Years of welding and mining brought dark sputa in the morning with lots of coughing to clear clogged airways. I know that when you struggle to breath you can hear your own heart beating. Oh yes, I have known many others who have lived your poem and many more who have slipped away You have a good start. . Keep writing
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/ken9cat/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/4
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.23 seconds at 5:20pm on May 08, 2024 via server web1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
