I found your juxtapositions of light and dark, warm and cold, almost and there interesting but was unable to make the connection with the title. I really like the ending with the suspense of almost........I think this poem calls for another. I encourage you to write on.
I think children are often more perceptive than we expect. I enjoyed a peek into another culture and was impressed by the honesty of the relationships in the family. Life takes many if us on different paths and sometimes they cross again years later. I see nothing wrong with fond memories of an old friend or lover. Write on
A short poignant poem with a slightly dark tone yet it leaves me peaceful. You have compiled more than just. imagery. I liked the reference to smell perhaps the most powerful and primitive of our senses. Too often masked in our culture perhaps because of its power. I think you have some good ideas, write on
I liked the poem. My life partner says see God in others. I think people have a sort of social exoskeleton, like insects. A hard outer shell that protects the soft inside. Perhaps you look more deeply than most. Your gift can also be a source of pain for some people are just shallow. I think you have something there write on.
A very short but very nice piece.I highly recommend talking to your self. You can get some really good answers that way. To enhance the effect and strengthen your inner voice use two chairs. In some private space set two chairs, use one for your injured part and the other for your strong part then carry on a conversation between the two. Get in the chair for your injured part and explain what is wrong then ask what you need to do about it. The get up circle around behind your injured part chair to get distance. Go around the back of your strong chair to get in the role of your inner strength then set down in the strong chair and answer all the questions ask by your injured part. I have used this form of mediation for years. Yes it does work.Oh by the way be very careful who you allow to know that you do this. Those closest can hurt the most.
Cast not your pearls before swing. The multitude seldom listens and those who do listen seldom noticed. I liked your poem. To me it suggests you are an appreciator who has something to offer. Perhaps love will find you, there may be one listening to your words but it is hard to hear a listener. I frequently find myself appreciating things others take for granted. A Tribute to Rags is such an appreciation. Write on....
I think you are of to a good start. I would recommend you run your piece through the spell checker and grammar checker. I believe with just a little refinement the content will be really good. I'm not sure of the title, Broken? The flow is rapid and interesting and you ended the chapter with questions that makes the reader want to know more. Write on
I liked your story. I thought it sad but I have hope the character will find the strength to let go of Mikey and find someone deserving. Probably she has a secret admirer she has not yet noticed. I think this could be the beginning of a rewarding love story. When will she find her TRUE love.. Write on
I think that was a neat way of looking at your cats. I have often been amused by those I have known in the past. Again a good title paragraph transition and rapidly moving narrative. I pictured your sipping and snuggling in the chair as you watched. I'm sure it was quite a show. Now allergic to cats I watch squirrels.
I'm a chocolate lover and I liked this story. I think the title announces well the story to come and fits the theme throughout. The paragraphs were well developed with smooth transitions and provided interesting variants of the theme.The tone was sensuous to the point of being erotic. I liked your happy conclusion and found a little mystery of why the note was under the box. Write on
I think you have a good start. I liked your story and I think with just a little refinement i will be even better. In the spirit of support I will send you an E-mail indicating where I think you might make improvement. I saw apostrophes rather than quotation marks indicating voice. I do not know if this is a problem of transmission or you really are using apostrophes rather than quotation marks. Anyway as I said this is offered in the spirit of support so take what you can use and leave the rest. If you are interested in how you can set up for corrections with an editable version of track changes I will assist. This file is sent in PDF format and you can not edit it. If you find it useful let me know if not ignore it and just Write on.
Sadly a familiar story. The poem is good, the memories are not. The more mature response to the circumstances by the girl helps but the malefactor is an unfortunate commentary on the lack of maturity of most men,or perhaps I should say boys. At 20 the brain is flooded with hormone that blocks the intellect. Any male can be a sperm donor but it takes a real man to be a father. Write on....
Poignant, and you do learn. I liked your poem and I would really like to read the sequel. As an allegory I like to think of the fruit that comes after the flower has been torn apart. When after reflection we take back our power and gain strength in our maturity maybe we decide it was worth it after all. Good stuff, write on
Your poem was almost painful for me. I remember a humiliating experience in high school when I thought this gorgeous dream girl was finally going to greet me directly only to go past and embrace one of the jocks. I don't like to remember things like that but your poem was good anyway. Write on
That was a great story. I thought it funny although I identified too much to laugh too hard. I pickle peppers every year for cooking. I bought some ghost pepper seed from a University Research program grew them up and harvested only to discover after getting them in that my hands were burning. Now mind you this is just from handling the peppers with the skin on them. I washed my hands at the sink where I had washed the peppers then went to the bathroom on an urgent call like yours. I had a similar experience. Before I got done shaking it, I was on fire. After the cold water and laundry detergent I finally got relief from cold peanut oil I keep in the frig for cooking. Needless to say I never repeated the stunt but your story brought back memories. Shakespeare said "Yea though experience is the teacher of fools, he teachith like no other. I really enjoyed your story.
A poignant reminder of the difficulty of letting go. With each cut a new scar. The marks of our learning? This piece had an unusual form with a sad conclusion. I encourage you to write on. As time goes by you may discover aspects of self you never knew were there.
I like your piece. The contrasting sides of a personality are always interesting. I don' t know if you have ever done any "chair" work in psychodrama or not but might I recommend it. Keep in mind that both sides of a personality work toward the integrity and preservation of the individual. They just go about it in different ways. You are fortunate that there is only mild tension between the two, both parts are aware and you also have an integrating third aspect to act as moderator. I think many will not understand what you are saying but I believe you are on the right track. Write on
I think that is good stuff. You have the theme down pat. It is true that now days we have to have permission to die. We have to issue written orders to avoid being put on a machine that will make us life whether we want to or not. I have seen many people die. I have seen men beg to die. Death can be our friend. I know that sounds weird but it is true. There can come a time when life is too much to bear and even the machines cant keep us alive. I have seen death and I am not afraid. I must admit I am afraid of pain and mutilation and I guess the most scary thing for me is the fear of being helpless. I like your poetry and this piece is good. You pack more into a few words than I can in pages. We are on different sides of the ant hill. My poetry is terrible. I know almost nothing of rhyme or meter. I can tell a story but poetry seems complicated to me. I wish I had something to offer by way of improvement but I don't know how I could make it better. Keep writing.......
I think you have some good ideas and your piece will really improve with a little extra effort. I suggest you re-read your article and watch for the inconsistencies. I don't think you have ever been shot, let alone killed anyone and the reality of those experiences are little different than you describe. In the spirit of support consider the man you knocked out in the story. Did he just lay there. Watch the WEC cage fighting on TV. These guys hit HARD but when knocked out they are not out long. I think you have some good stuff. Your adrenalin packed descriptions are good and it is hard to hold your reader for very long in that state. Best of luck, write on
You have some very pleasant imagery. Makes me think of childhood when sheets were hung on the line to dry in the sun. Doors and windows were left open the whole afternoon and on retiring the whole house was fresh as the linen. Being a male animal and given to den behavior I am not smitten with a particular cleaning urge but I do like to go roll in the grass and let things air out. Good stuff, write on.....
I think this is an excellent piece, well presented and well referenced. The constant infusion of emotion laden sound bites into virtually every political discussion is very effective in blocking any kind of civility let alone debate. Many of the arguments I hear have nothing to do with the issue at hand and the so called panel members shout over one another so you can't really hear what any of them are saying. I found your article sad but refreshing. A slight reprieve from the intellectual desert I live in.
I want to tell you a secret. There are a number of really good people in this world. The are often hard to find and when you do find them you will really have a lot of doubts. You have to take a step back and look at the fruits of their labours. They have strange names like Jesus, Martin, Mohnas, Golda, Sacagawea, Ester, Harriet and Mary. These people were all weird, most were law breakers and most were hated. Most of them also got killed. Now you want to be careful and when you meet one of these people you need to work quietly and protect them because the peace haters will kill them. You can never tell at first who they are because sometimes they can be really aggravating. My grandmother used to say they were God's angels sent down here to test us. I hope if you have one of these people for a neighbour you will support her or him from behind the scenes and let them know they are not alone.
I really liked this piece even though is is pessimistic. I don't think the world is any worse than it ever was. We just hear more about it. Abuse and discrimination is nothing new and most of it is still legal. Skin color, age, sex, what is the difference. When I was in school if you were male and little you better have both a sharp wit and a sharp knife. If you were a girl with a flat chest or had pimples your life could be hell. Part of it is just the competition for resources and part of it is the way we teach our young to deal with it. As long as we glorify violence and scorn the (snitch) a person who seeks help after being raped or beaten it will continue. The only alternative I had in school was to hunt the rapists and bullies, catch them in the dark and do what had to be done. The army was a good place for me because I could hit back. School officials protect drug dealers, rapists and bullies. It is OK to beat up on the weak ones but when they bring an equaliser to the game Oh! that is just wrong. When the girl runs over her rapist with a car or puts a hot shot in his coke then she is wrong. In my world girls with no brother or dad were free for the taking, Nothing has changed. If you are a lion you must out run the fastest gazelle or you starve. If you are a gazelle you have to outrun the fastest lion or you are dinner. It doesn't matter if you are a lion or a gazelle you better RUN. We mock the meek and glorify the brutal. The peacemakers are always hated. When we kill off the gentle ones what is left???
A nice brief on voyages of Vespucci but I think it would have been better had you given just a little information about the man. Was he a just man, ambitious, crazy, what? The piece will fill a little space in your portfolio but is it valuable enough to stay there without improvement? Good start, write on
I think you have some really good points and ideas. You deny emotion yet your introduction is anything but bland and intellectual. If we want mathematically objective analysis we use computers. It is the human element that is critical to changing the world not just for the sake of change or because you are a True Believer of one cause or another but to make it better and who decides what is better. Much if not most of the strife in the world today is not because any person wants to live one way or another but because they want to impose that way on everyone else. I like your intro even though it seems more egotistical than analytical. I really do believe you are on to something bigger than yourself and with some reflection and refinement you just may make a difference in the world. Write on
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