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118 Public Reviews Given
132 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review by Maxamilium
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, eliotfan85, how are you on this day?

Was the way you split lines an attempt to lengthen the poem, it was a little confusing at times, why not keep it together as a whole?

I didn't know if you were speaking of a fire, a mad man, or harlots and virgins, amongst many within the poetry? Although confusing at most of times, I gave it a 4.0 for the effort, while not clear at all of its subject?

It read as if all over the board and not really about anything in particular; too bad, because although in total chaos it was well written!

Keep on writing and good luck!

Over and out, Maxamilium, Author.


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Review of Jeremy & Thomas  
Review by Maxamilium
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, Jeremy P. Belknap, Maxamilium here, how are you guys doing, well I hope?

Cute picture of you and your boyfriend, and from what you wrote, it sounds as if in love for the first time! Very well done! Keep the love strong as you fight through life and all its diversities, it will not be easy, this I am sure of!

You guys look good together, just remember to respect each other and everthing will be fine!

From Quebec, Canada, I bid you well, keep on writhing!

Good luck to the both of you!


Over and out, Maxamilium, Author.


PS, don't be shy and check out some of my work on this site, then let me know what you think! Good or bad reviews welcomed!

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Review of shock/love  
Review by Maxamilium
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, ming kalonji, Maxamilium here, how are you on this day?

I gave you a 4.5, not for the quantity but quality!
Sweet!
Very true indeed, and for what was stated, real enough for some!
We all know homosexuality is a touchy subject that some are not comfortable with, and somewhat a subject that most in denial will stay well clear of . . . to me this makes no difference at all, and mostly well within my own skin that it does not worry me to speak about the subject.

I like your mini poetry very much; and if I may at this time make a small observation that may help you in some way, but remember that this just an opinion and taken as such!

On the second line I would remove the word (HE),
it could read like this below? I did this because you don't really need the word at all, the rest of the piece makes it own statement; and for the fact that it could be a woman as well, Homophobes come in all colors! I would leave this open to the mind of the reader? I might even go further and add the words (or she) at the end of the piece?

(((frightened will the homophobe be
when falls for another like he or she)))

Well done!
Thanks for sharing it with all on WDC! Keep on writing and good luck!


Over and out, Maxamilium, Author.


PS, feel free and check out some of my work, then tell me what you think? Good or bad reviews welcomed.
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29
Review by Maxamilium
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, Writing.Com Support, attention; Kimmer (102) . . . Maxamilium here, and as an author who as traveled that road of Qerries, I have to admite that at first this was not easy to achieve!
It took weeks of development and tedious search, either on the net or the soul, I finally came up with a querry letter that felt right, well somewhat; and as a perfectionist never satisfied, which to me is a curse?
For those like me without any real schooling and not much time to learn the whole of the system of publishing; stay well advised that it doesn't come quickly or cheaply, and for that matter alone state that perseverance is the key that unlocks doors usually shut tight!
At this time state that it was hard to find advise that really helped me in any way, and wished back then that had read your article, although now have achieved some of my goals and signed a contract some months ago with an agency in California, and as a Canadian from Quebec have to state that it working out well, although never spoke on the phone or have met in any way imaginable!
You deliver great points of view which I'm sure will illuminate quite a few new at the game, and wonder how I have made it this far without the knowledge of those mostly fortunate?
The will mind you was there beyond comparison, and after working double hard, I put together a query which I will include with this letter . . . from what you can see is somewhat naive in the sense of a Newbie?
After all said, this worked well for me! I actually made fifteen copies of the query addressed to the same amount of Agents not well known to me, and added all the extras that is usually needed, like synopsis, chapters and SASE, etc. . .
to make this story short; at the time could only afford to send out seven of the packages, which all but one was returned, most with well wishes and one with an offer, and the last no longer in service?
You see, it can be done, and if you try hard enough, and with a good story I'm sure things will work out for the best!
I am now on the verge of publishing my first novel, and determined to stick it out until there isn't one ounce of breath left in me, although the future is looking bright, and so far well received!

Thank you for the insight in this matter so fragile for some in the query of things, and now have printed this article for future reference, where I will keep in mind some of the pointers when write the next query.


Here is the query which was sent to (Harris Literary Agency), where got lucky or otherwise; keep in mind that now looking back and reading it, it seems somewhat not at all professional in many ways, although not altogether that bad . . . you may show it off if you please, or wish to use it to make a statement, I don't really mind at all!



This is the actual query sent! Note some of the mistakes so stated above in your article.


Maxamilium Tm.
Buddy McLarand
(Within the Child)

(the header (Maxamilium TM) was much lager on the printout of the letter, and in the color, blue)



Dear Mrs. Barbara J. Harris:


If I may have a moment of your time; I would like to take this opportunity to say that it is with great confidence that I seek your experience and representation for my Novel Buddy McLarand (Within the Child). Written as a thriller with approximately 150,000 words or 488 pages ready for paperback and hardcover; replete with skillful enthusiasm and suspense, this novel deals in love, hate, revenge and a mature subjects in the vein of abuse seeking the day of exposure! Although we've never met as of yet, I believe that with mutual cooperation this endeavor could very well be on its way and benefit all parties involved.

When the dead body of a young boy hangs from a stump on the edge of a ravine; the question then asked to all! Was this a prank gone wrong or something much more lascivious? Witness the trials of life that two schoolmates and lovers must forgo when accused of the crime they swear didn't commit!

Born in June on 24th, I am a writer of poems, short stories and fiction of a cultivated nature. Currently a member of Writing.com and have submitted three short stories with Glimmer Train Press for review. I am now simultaneously working on four different books of various fiction, meanwhile declaring that I have not tried or published anything as of yet, but with your aid will reach that point in due time! Included for your eyes to bare witness are 34 pages along with the Contents page to help guide you through the dynamics of this story, as it goes back and forth from the present to the past and so forth throughout... At this point in time would be more then willing to send the entire manuscript for your consideration and at this moment thank you kindly and bid you farewell as I look forward to your response.

Again, thank you very much for your time and attention!


Sincerely yours...................................

Michel Paul Emile Lebel


(note that there was no addrese or any other information included in the letter. I therefore placed all the information in a Cover Page and hoped that it would be sufficient!)

I rated your article with a 5.0 . . . thank you!
Over and out, Maxamlium, Author.
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Review by Maxamilium
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, Jenna, how are you on this day? I really like your short fantastic story, as well could be classified as (Flash Fiction or Micro Fiction), just had a few paragraphs and a sweet ending and voila, there you are!

I like the way you reveal the tale and place words to define actions or situations in which the tale flows, your choice of words is impeccable . . . as well seem to have dug deep for them!

Keep up the good work and keep writing, feel free to look up some of my work, short stories or poetry, you may notice common structures deployed!

Good luck, over and out, Maxamilum, Author . . .
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Review by Maxamilium
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, Teenage Tragedy. Interesting your prologue is, I wish you would have included some more of it to review, then could have seen where it all leads to?

Otherwise from what I read is not bad, and so far well written! Keep up the good work and keep writing! If you please, you may send more of it in a reply and I will look at it further and once again reply . . .

Good luck with your writing, over and out from Canada, Maxamilium, Author . . .
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Review by Maxamilium
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, Robert Whitehouse . . . How are you and hope that everything is fine? Very cute short story, and I do emphasize on the word "short"! Anyways, I was moved by our story and gave you a 4.5 for the effort! Were the misspelled words intentional, such as "hospitle",(Hospital), "hade" (Had), "stictes", (stitches). Please reply and let me know, it reads as if from a young mind green and all, and if you are, it's nice to see young people writhing and getting involved . . . we all know that the literary world needs fresh minds with new ideas!

Your story sounds dramatic, and it seems you still suffer from the after effects, I hope your leg is all better now and wish you the best . . . careful when crossing the street, it can be brutal if you don't, as well achieve more then a indented leg? From a Comrade from Canada, very well done and keep writing! Over and out, Maxamilium, Author . . .
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Review of Deep  
Review by Maxamilium
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Letty, how are you on this day? Your poem is well revealing, and the fact that you know the state of your work is even more of a statement thereof! Here are some pointers if you don't mind, and like always with my reviews, it is only but my opinion and to be taken as such!

I will start with the very first line . . . I don't think that there is a need to include the word "my" before (hole) since "myself" describes the fact that your the only one digging? I would therefore change it to "a" hole? It could read like this!

(((Watch the spectacle as I dig myself deeper into "a" hole)))

The next line is just a suggestion, if you like it use it! Here I added two words, "there, deep". . . it fits well with the previous line and tittle, which stated that you as the author is digging deeper into a hole!

(((I can only hope to be the only one left groping for light, "There, deep" at the bottom of the pit.


Otherwise, not bad at all, truly revealing as stated before! I wish you well with your work! I therefore invite you to read some of my work . . . look for (Befallen) which in itself revealing and a work of self-help, as well inspired by my sister, whom at one point intended on taking her own life, although happily failed! Thanks for sharing it with me and all on WDC . . . Over and out, Maxamilium, Author . . .
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Review of Al Gobierno  
Review by Maxamilium
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Nick Harris! Sorry I could not review your poem since can't fully read Spanish! Although I did learn some of the language in my youger years with Puerto Rican friends back in the States, but not enough to read the whole of it! Maybe you could have it translated and included it along with the other . . .

Good luck with your work! By the way, are you related to Barbara J Harris from "Harris Literary Agency" in San Diego Califonia, she happen's to be my agent?

Just thought I'd ask, you know a small world, although I am a canadian and just well over 3,ooo miles away?

I gave you a 4,5, just for the fact that you can write in Spanish with a name like Harris, is this stereo- typing, well maybe? Again, good luck

Over and out, Maxamilium.
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Review of ONE  
Review by Maxamilium
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello, Gemini33! Well, what can I say after reading your poetry? I, mysef was all over the board and not quite sure how to review this one, since my comments about American politics is very severe, and as Canadian felt it to be my duty to say something in the hope that you may wake up some day!

With that said, maybe you should have waited some time before waving the red, white and blue so high, and then give it some thought, thus realizing that perhasp your sleeping with the enemy?

Well, enough about politics, and wish you well with your work!
And now for the review . . .
Although I don't agree with your statement, I gave you 4.5 , for the fact that it was well writen!

Here are some pointers to look at . . . in this next line I would remove the coma at the end of "white"

(((The flowing banner of red, white and blue)))

In this next line, I don't think there's a need for a dash-? I would use a coma here!

(((Has been tested again, yet, stands solid and true)))

Otherwise not bad at all! Ho, try using
"Elipses" . . . instead of a bunch of dots? Elipses are three dots with a space in between each and one at the start and end!

Remember this is just my opinion and meant as such; and hope that you are not offended by my comments!

Good luck with your work, over and out , Maxamilium.
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Review by Maxamilium
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, APLEGENDARY, not bad at all, but a little confusing without due punctuation, I didn't know where one line ended and the other begain! Maybe you can shorten it up a little by combining some of the lines that seem to go together and let it flow in a fluid motion!

Although this said, I did grab the statement achieved in your work and duely agree with you that what realy belongs to each and all in this world is our name, which with all efforts no one can take away?

There was one line that seemed cumbersome to me; I would myself take the word "inside" and change it to "in". Keep in mind that this is only an opinion and delt as such! Very well, thank you for sharing it with all on WDC. Over and out, Maxamilium . . .

(((yet I am not in a grave)))
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Review of Trapped  
Review by Maxamilium
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, Kelly R, how's your day so far, good I hope! Not bad at all . . . the feelings felt when read your piece were of insecurity, claustrophobia, isolation and confusion; not bad from eight lines!

I enjoyed it very much and gave you a 5 for the effects of the poem which related tremendous inner fear!

Well wishes and keep on writing from a friend and colleague on WDC . . . over and out, Maxamilium.
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Review of Patois Pastiche  
Review by Maxamilium
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, ShadowMouse, how are you on this day or night?

This piece is not bad at all and worthy of exposer, otherwise literary work borrowed from several sources, "Pastiche!" Although I would have stayed away from the use of Phonics, it wasn't needed?
Very well done, here are some of the lines I enjoyed!

(((I can't let my words be stilted n'gray)))

(((While the adverbs waltz over their faces.)))

(((The morphemes have gone off to get their thrills)))

(((The world of the words is a tangled weave...
There's much more there than they let us perceive.)))


Again, not bad at all! Keep on writing . . . over and out . . . Maxamilium.
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Review of Going Home  
Review by Maxamilium
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello,Yehonala, how are you!

Wow, not bad at all! Your tale of war and friendship in all is wonderful and much revealing, but found some details that you may want to look over?

Here are some suggestions for your Tale of heart?

(((He rubbed (remove "them" and add "his eyes" here) with (remove the word "his") clammy hands and then reopened them widely to wake himself,(Remove "He" and add coma after himself, then add this word or something similar) "thereon" slowly laid himself back down "into" (remove "his" and change the word "into" to "onto" and then add "the" pillow.)))

It should read like this>>>>>

(((He rubbed his eyes with clammy hands and then reopened them widely to wake himself, thereon slowly laid himself back down onto the pillow.)))

Avoid repetitive small words that clutter rather that help the text; also avoid using "and" over and over!

Avoid lengthly paragraphs, they seem to clutter a page and tire the reader to despair!


See how this line below was changed, and if you like it, use it!>>>>>

This was one of the more pleasant ones, (add coma and these words) "where the man" (remove "He") remembered how some nights (remove "he") would wake screaming, having seen a sea of deathly, pale-faced men chase him to the edge of an endless abyss.


It could read like this!>>>>

(((This was one of the more pleasant ones, where the man remembered how some nights would wake screaming, having seen a sea of deathly, pale-faced men chase him to the edge of an endless abyss.)))


Just some examples how small words sometimes are needless, do with it as you may . . . this is just my opinion!

Avoid using (Phonics)like,(I DON’T BELONG!”) it is better to describe the person shouting or the moment rather then increase the size of the words or the way they are spelled!

I counted eleven times you used the word "his" in the next paragraph below>>>>> this of course can be worked on!>>>>

He slumped forward in the chair and propped (his) head up with (his) hands, (his) elbows digging into his) knees. (His) palms rested over (his) eyes and before long, tears squeezed out of them and great gasps shook (his) body. “I don’t belong here.” He mumbled the phrase over and over again until he became louder and louder. Finally he was shouting, frantic and out of breath. Footsteps raced up the stairs and soon, (his) mother was cautiously standing at (his) door. “Albert, what’s wrong? What is it?” (His) mother’s voice was alert and quiet, but mostly afraid. “I don’t belong, I don’t belong, I DON’T BELONG!” He grabbed the lamp on the dresser and threw it at the doorway. (His) mother hid behind the wall and shrieked, “Albert, what are you doing?! What is it? What is it that you want?!”

This of course not acceptable in the literary world? You may want to revise your piece and remove all needless words while making much improvements all over the piece! Down-size the paragraphs by letting the speech text flow on its on as if in conversation rather then narration! This will give the piece free-flow and rhythm!


Beyond all the needless clutter that needs work, I enjoyed your tale tremendously! I like the way it was told and the choice of the words used, aside the ones questioned! The story line is nice and full of life! Don't change the main idea of the piece in the artistic sense, just remove the clutter, try using defferent words . . . well that's all for me for now, my fingers hurt from typing!!! Just for laughs . . .


I wish you well and hope this helps, and if you need more help,you can always reach me on this site, or just read one of my short stories or poems, it may help you, who knows? Well done and good luck from Canada . . . Maxamilium . . . lebelmiky@writing.com

You can also reach me at . . . lebelmiky@hotmail.com
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Review of Intense!  
Review by Maxamilium
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, Rhino, how are you? I really like it and gave it a 5 rating! Here are some suggestion I made upon request, take them at will!

As I take a deep breath, and (here remove the letter I) "I" think of you with hope, (here again remove the letter "I" and change it with another word such as this) therefore quickly expel it in self-pity, (Here remove as, I,) "as I") change it with this for example ( where in the end see the impracticality . . . in the end of all transactions you get this . . .
((( As I take a deep breath,
and think of you with hope,
therefore quickly expel it in self-pity,
where in the end see the impracticality.)))

((( A numb fear passes through,
like a current that could (rightly) kill,
as the mind goes blank (and wondrous),
before I experience (intenseness)
try using a deferent synonym for the last word "intenseness" it just doesn't fit at that particular spot! try this if you may (reaching extremities)? extremities in this case meaning in the nadir of hell or such far reaching places, despair!


It seems to me my friend that what you wrote and discribed is an enxiaty acttack which can create tremendous stress if not under control? My suggestion is that you remain strong and take your life into your hands when the next flow rushes right trough you, only with true confidence will you manage to pull through, and then it will stop, trust me I know sense gone through it at the age of sixteen and smacked it dead in the face; it never came back to haunt me . . .

After all said and the suggestions made, I really liked your piece, it is full of deep thoughts that gravitate the mind towards thinking! Keep up the good work and remember that this is just my opinions and taken so! If you please, you may check out some of my work (lebelmiky@writing.com) and see for youself where I'm coming from, from poems to short stories, take your pick and enjoy! Try (Befallen)for self help, or (Disaggregated Angels)for a deep read, or the others!

Again well done, over and out! Maxamilium . . .
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Review of A Wretch Like Me  
Review by Maxamilium
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, LightningandIce, not bad at all, it seem that Grace is well within your hands, and as the song itself is duly reckoned of rights awarded throughout the years, to me set a pace of penance for which all suffer some! You touched deep vibes of hope and set off faith with honesty of true felt fear! Very well done! Keep on writing, and good luck! Over and out, Maxamilium.
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Review of After The Ice  
Review by Maxamilium
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi, NickiD89, great story and great work, I even like the ending which keeps you wondering on! Although this is said I found small problems with the piece, and this of course only my opinion! You may want to check the excessive use of the man's name and the small words like (he), (his) or otherwise, try using another way to start the line, example, (… Next, "The young man" saw himself slouched on the back seat of his old man’s Pontiac. Clad in high school graduation robes, "Therefore" watched in humiliation through the front windshield as police handcuffed his father for driving while intoxicated. "The Old man" slurred protests wafted through the open window, "Come on. A coupla drinks never hurt anyone."…) Overall great stuff, and well in rights of public view! Keep on writing and good luck! Over and out! Maxamilium.
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Review of Open Your Eyes  
Review by Maxamilium
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, pumkin*~*`komori uta`*~* . . . This is awesome stuff, very well written while provoking the mind to react, you have but touched feelings well alive, this is good reading for those afflicted by constant ridicules as children or otherwise, I'm sure could be clarified as self help! I hope many read it! Good luck and keep on writing! Over and out, Maxamilium.
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Review by Maxamilium
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi, Armadillo; great stuff with deep emotions that grab the soul, are you not afraid they're going to trow you in jail, you know the Fascist pigs in charge well in the guise of democracy! I am a Canadian and truly hold relentless sympathy towards your cause, since by now in dire need! You practically touched every avenue of reality with tis piece, Bravo to you! again well done, and remember that all are not so blind and can very well see what therefore is visible to the naked eye! Good luck to you and your country? Thanks for sharing this. Over and out, Maxamilium.
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Review by Maxamilium
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi, darkmind19 . . . Wow, very nice indeed! You caught me off guard and grab my attention without release, this is a very profound piece which took me to the nadir of my soul and awoke felling of long ago! I liked it very much and myself wrote something to the fact, you may want to check it out (Befallen) by Maxamilium, lebelmiky@writing.com . . . again very well done, I wouldn't change anything, since very good as is! Over and out! Maxamilium.
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Review of The Back of You  
Review by Maxamilium
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Ana LLena, this poem is wonderfully done, I enjoyed it tremendously . . . I felt the pain of a relationship coming to an end as the person loved walks away with his or hers back revealed! Your choice of words carry heavy within the text and captivate the reader until the very last word . . . again very well done, I wouldn't chance a thing, perfect as it is! Keep writing, over and out! Maxamilium
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Review of Mother and Child  
Review by Maxamilium
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Short and direct, I like it, but the way the words are positioned made it hard to read, none the less, not bad at all! It reminded me of a child falling off a high balcony at mother's reach with tears rising to the sky, but I would have used the word death instead of dead, it would have brought me into the actual moment, this of course only my opinion..... not bad at all...keep on writing and best wishes. Maxamilium.... lebelmiky....
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Review of Ode To Coffee  
Review by Maxamilium
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, Maxamilium here... not bad for a coffee cup, well arranged but sounds like tedious work... I would have completed the word morning, but that's me... not bad all around...keep up the good work and GOOD LUCK...PS. if you want to check out some of my work on this site go to lebelmiky or Maxamilium...
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Review by Maxamilium
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi, Maxamilium here... I would like to know in some details how your father lived and died, maybe this is to painful for you to write about, none the less, it would of given me a base for your pain...A little more effort would have been nice while incorporating the leaves into your fathers entety when blowning away with the wind...I really like the last two lines...try elaberating further with well choosen words...none the less, I got the feeling of how much you miss him terribly...not bad all around, but could be extended.....GOOD LUCK...over and out
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Review of Paranoia  
Review by Maxamilium
Rated: 13+ | (2.0)
Hi, this is Maxamilium here... why didn't you relate more intrusive questions once in the room the first time around, this would give the story more drama, and a reason for being there in the fist place... word structure... (He almost didn't want to tell what he was about to tell me.) try this.. He appeared as if he did not want to relinguish the words at the tip of the tougue, or, He almost didn't want to tell me what he was about to say! try this... My midsection was jam-packed with Midigel, preventing speech, so I nodded very slowly....try changing the structure of words, especialy at the start of a sentence... example... (He moved closer.) try... The authoritative man moved in much closer... try... Once achieving a clean bill of healt I was tossed into a small confinning cell with degrated metal walls, and felt confined to the point of phobic astatic... Your story in my point of view somewhat needs improvement... work on the word structure revising the whole of the tale...remove needless words...GOOD LUCK.... over and out.....Maxamilium....
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