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2,316 Public Reviews Given
2,316 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I try to be honest and positive. My Christian faith is an important background factor. I hate rating low but have a system that determines how I grade.
 
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#2259390 by LightinMind
I'm good at...
More interested in the content of what you write than the style. Theological, political, historical, scientific, or experiential, or indeed anything that paints a vision of the future. A good grammar checker will tell you about spelling and commas.
Favorite Genres
Not entirely sure as I like most stuff. I prefer something with a soul rather than purely secular. But I like Sci-Fi, anything Christian, and also 'What-if' type speculations with plausible plots.
Least Favorite Genres
Anything that fails to look for a way out of the darkness. You can be dark, just don't wallow in it. Generally, I try to steer clear of Fantasy, and most Dark or Horror stories just make me laugh or grimace due to their ignorance of the dark side.
Favorite Item Types
I have really liked some of the heartwarming dramas I have read here particularly personal stories. Thought-provoking poems or stories are cool also though I am no expert on poetical forms.
Least Favorite Item Types
Anything that is just an affirmation of the dark side. I hate empty words. I always look for human intelligence. I try and avoid Fantasy and Horror where there is no metaphorical resonance or connection with real-world truth.
I will not review...
I mainly review at random and just see what grabs my attention. I will usually skip stuff I do not like unless it gets me riled or if it is interesting for other reasons.
Public Reviews
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Review of Life  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hello, Msbowie . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Life "  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

'Life is a combination of daylight and downpour.' But if we trust God we can find the bright side in every situation. We should remember what He has done for us in the hardest of times and act with compassion for those who are also hurting.

*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

This was wisdom and flashes of artistic brilliance in a dirty, messy container.

I liked the sentiment here. Bad things happen, God is with us in our pains and we can alleviate these in ourselves and others with a positive outlook, compassion, and with faith.

Your first line was very good and engaged the reader. But the text fell apart after that as the mechanical errors below were substantial ones. The rating mainly reflects the mechanical issues. The content was quite good.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

This reads a little like it was written in another language and then dumped in Google Translate to convert to English. You need to break up long sentences and you often use archaic words like betide for example that are not in common usage now.

Sentences begin with capitals and end with full stops.

You need to be consistent with your tenses.

Many of the sentences do not actually make sense and contain poor word choices.

every one of your weights will appear to be such a ton lighter - each of your burdens will feel a ton lighter

We frequently believe God's been uncalled for and gave us substantially more than our portion Of minimal day to day aggravations - We often believe that God's given us substantially more than our portion of suffering


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


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302
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Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, G. B. Williams . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Tragedy Strikes Again!"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Linda comes from a large family. One of her favorite brothers died last year and it seems that Charles another older brother will soon follow to lung cancer. She is feeling out of sorts about this.

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

With such personal revelations, it is often hard to take a step back and think what this might sound like to someone who does not know all the characters in the story as intimately as the author. The use of the generic 'brothers' to describe multiple brothers meant that it was often hard to distinguish one brother and their stories from another.

This is a deeply tragic tale for the author and is written with a focus on these impacts rather than on any families or friends these brothers might leave behind. It is in the Biographical genre.

You left it ambiguous as to why your brother had never found the will to fight his addiction to smoking and why he seemed so willing to surrender to the inevitable. There is a tale of actions by the father and the hatred he had for his specific occupation as a plumber but were these really the reasons?

Thanks for sharing such a difficult account for you personally.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

My brother seemed to have smoked [for] as long as I can remember.

I am feeling some kind away about all of this. - I am feeling out of sorts about all of this. OR I am feeling some kind of a way about all of this.

It has taken a year to stop waiting for the phone to ring and hearing my brother's voice on the other end. - It has taken a year to stop waiting for the phone to ring to hear my brother's voice on the other end.


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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303
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Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, fyn }. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "I've Heard Them Sing"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A tour of the sights, smells, sounds, silences, and music of creation. The poet takes us through meadows under the moonlight, deep into the ocean, out there into the stars, past mountains, trees, flowers, and creatures of the land, sea, and air, and asks us to pause a moment to listen to a piece of unforgettable music.

*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

This was truly beautiful and indeed was a mesmerizing use of language. I have never contemplated the silence between two heartbeats or how the flowers in groves that no one has ever entered might smell on the wind as I pass them.

There is a music to Creation. I was walking yesterday by the North Sea coast on holiday. It was a windy day and the roar of the wind, the patter of hail upon the beach around me, the song of the birds in the salt marshes, and the crash of the thunder that followed too closely behind flashes of lightning were both terrifying and awesome in their beauty.

This is the kind of poem that opens a person's eyes to the beauty all around them. As you say a man could be struck dumb, deaf and blind and still remember this beauty if but once he would let it in.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Perfect.


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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304
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Review of A Rat Race  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello, Beholden . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "A Rat Race"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

How do people experience death? The poet divides the experience into two groups...

*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

This was brilliant and I cannot fault it. On first reading, I was thinking how can death be just another day for dead people. After all, there is only one day that you die on so isn't it unique? I wondered at your theology of death and how those who are dead might experience the arrival of a new soul. But then I noticed your title and the deeper meaning. For someone who is truly alive death does indeed hold a macabre fascination but for a drone in the rat race who is not truly alive then yes it is just another day.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Nothing major.


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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305
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Review of Life and Death  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, BlakeFran3 . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Life and Death"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Two roads in a yellow wood, life and death, the broad easy way and the difficult narrow one, the Boston Red Soxs and New York Yankees form a complex beauty that we need to jump into the abyss to unravel.

*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

You combined a lot of themes here. The piece reminded me of a bible verse from Matthew 7:13-14:

13 “Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. 14 But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.

You spoke of a process by which we could dismantle the dogmas that blind us to the second road. This act of jumping into the unknown of the abyss involved a rejection of what we know and what is familiar to us in favor of the truths which our blindness has hidden from us. This was not a simple task but rather a complex one. You spoke of life and death as the same thing because you included in your piece the faith to suggest a rebirth that followed death.

The two roads analogy could have been life and death except a man may live and die on the road he is born on. It could have been an incompatible and partisan tribal choice between two baseball teams or indeed political parties or between truth and darkness, deception and light. I found the analogies did not always complement each other and indeed created a rather confusing mix of images. I could reduce them to the simple choice of two roads that underly the mysteries of life and death, but if authenticity can only be found on the second road then does the first road even truly exist, or is it just a fabrication of upbringing, self-deception, and tribal choices?

The introductory quote adds to the confusion in that your piece clearly favors one road over another. So we should choose the right road even if we have to fight hard, a shed a lot of preconceptions in order to find it.

By the way, for an Englishman Baseball is simple to understand. It is a militarized form of a girl's game called rounders. Or is that first-road tribal thinking that does not see the deeper revelation of second-road American thinking when it comes to that sport?

Thanks for an entertaining and thought-provoking read.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

But what if we reversed the notion of thinking they're polar opposites, and instead, claimed they were one and the same. - Its a question and needs a question mark

It comes natural to us—without thinking. - It comes naturally to us—without thinking.

Slowly, as control is gained, the beauty as a result begins to inevitably shine through. - Slowly, as control is gained, the beauty, as a result, begins to inevitably shine through.

So, they decided to stay on the road they know and live as the traveler they'ved known.

Possessing material things don't doesn't bring you happiness

Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


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Review of Parked  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, Maddie Sunshine Stone . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Parked"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Teenage lovers parked in moonlight hear a scratching noise and then more sinister sights. Will they escape what lurks in the shadows with their lives?...

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

So you convert Edmund Sear's famous phrase, 'It came upon a midnight clear' which describes the positive event of the incarnation, and turn the words in a more sinister direction.

We have murderous monsters in the shadows with eyes that burn red with hate. We have fearful lovers fleeing the scene with a burst rear wheel tire.

It could have just been a teenage lark, but then there is the state of their car and that axe...

I quite liked this and you built the story in the poem up quite well and authentically. Although the scenes did seem a little too familiar from various horror movies.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

You write in an abbreviated style that misses a lot of pronouns, but this is a free verse (b-d rhyme) and I think you get away with it.


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


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307
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Review of Jane Doe  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, xxx. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received {item:} via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Just another Jane Doe murdered by a hateful spouse buried in the woods. Her spirit cries out for justice and for the cycle of violence that placed her there to end.

*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

This is a very serious topic and in the context of the pandemic was a significant feature of the isolation. Obviously, the sentiment of the poem is that justice needs to be done and any fair-minded person would agree with that.

If she is not found quickly maybe the forensic evidence will itself become unusable? She cries out across the phantom airwaves to anyone who can tune in.

You use I a lot in this poem as it is about the identity of a 'Jane Doe' who defines herself as a victim and the poem is written in her voice. But since we know that she is the one talking, pretty early on in the poem, I wondered if it was always necessary to use I and that the shorter lines might be just as effective.

So for example:

I cry out for help each and everyday;
But I can’t get anyone to even look my way

Crying out for help each and every day
No one ever even looks my way

*Quill*Mechanical issues

I was beaten, stabbed and kicked in the head; - I was beaten, stabbed, and kicked in the head;

Do me a favor and use dogs, hikers and planes, - Do me a favor and use dogs, hikers, and planes,

On my body you will find blood, fibers and DNA; - On my body you will find blood, fibers, and DNA;


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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308
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Review of Green With Envy  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, Elisa the Bunny Stik . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Green With Envy"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A Ski Jumper, Simon, thinks he has his nomination secured. But then a jumper, Greg, with a different skin tone exceeds his score...


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

Sometimes the other guy regardless of his skin color is simply better than us. Knowing that is never easy and can evoke the worst of our natures as we find reasons why they cheated to protect our fragile egos. In this case, Greg appears to be an Imperfect which is some kind of half-caste between a Perfect Green and a normal skin tone. But since another guy seemed to have skin the color of Pistachios one wonders what normal is in this context and what color Simon's skin was. OK, the racial categories are made up but I see your point. He does not like that he was beaten and then he finds a racial reason for that.

I thought this was well-written and engaging. Only Simon's character was really explored here while the coach and Greg were a little one-dimensional. Simon was ambitious and lived for his sport, making sacrifices to keep his weight down but then he gets beaten and his envy rises. But the story was about racial discrimination not about the characters within it.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

You wrote in American English but used metric distances. Maybe that is just because that is the Olympic standard though. Nothing majorly wrong with style here.


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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309
309
Review of The Moon  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Nicole Clark . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "The Moon"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Sunlight bares all and not everyone wants such harsh exposure. The moon is gentler and reveals less in its softer light. Maybe walking in the moonlight is therefore more comfortable.

*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

I loved the core idea here. You made the sun more male-sounding, harsher, and aggressive and the moon feminine more forgiving, and gentler.

I wondered how the moon found out your secrets if it could not see them. But then you had these lines about it listening to your heartbeat in the dark. I guess we have more senses than just sight and so your version of the moon sounds more balanced than the visually focused sun.

I did not really understand the last line:

Moon please don't skip my space


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Nothing major.


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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310
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Review of Nelida  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, Lei Sylvan . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received {item:} via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

She might lose the child and is very sad. She comes home from the hospital with a beautiful baby girl and is overwhelmed with feelings of love.

*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

The first poem is written to a child that might be lost. The second seems to refer to the mother. The power of a mother's feelings for a child she might lose and then the joy of having the child born healthy and in her arms cannot be underestimated.

I found the second poem a little confusing. Why had the mother not seen the face at the birth or at the very least after she awoke from whatever operation at the hospital? She would not have been released without her child and without seeing her child's face.

So these last lines make little sense to me:

She does not yet know the loving, caring, beautiful person that you are

Your new Baby Girl awaits the wonderful Vision that is her Mother's face with bated breath and tiny open arms.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

You capitalize for emphasis in the case of Always and that works but I don't know why you capitalize Baby Girl as a title nor Vision in the last line.


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


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311
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Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, matelot . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Many Hands Make Light Work?"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A difficult task is assigned with inadequate tools. Fortunately, a passing engineer with a magical super tool passes by and offers help. Then he tries to switch his cengar saw on...

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

You wrote this in the first person and it sounded biographical. You sounded like British Royal Navy though this was never said. It is a highly amusing account of how even the best of tools may not pass muster in the thick of battle. I loved the amusing account of the engineers huddled around trying to work out a solution. Engineers hell, when they have done everything right and it still does not work!

Then there is the Chief gunner watching the group from behind.

There were some really amusing analogies like the valentines day flowers and the design project that was hung from the ceiling and then unceremonially burnt.

I cannot really fault the content and enjoyed it immensely.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

it's furthest point - its is the possessive form
it's return journey - ditto

Once I turned round - Once I turned around


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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312
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Review of Adversity  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello, iKïyå§ama . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Adversity"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

The poet managed to get a tale of unrequited love and even aspiration for racial harmony into a carefully structured Lune poem format.

*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

I was very impressed that you pulled this off with the requirement for the alphabetically ordered first letters.

The poem even included the haiku format and an interesting tale of hope and longing by lover for beloved.

Seems you have already won some awards for this one also.

I liked the last stanza, particularly with the line color code sin


*Quill*Mechanical issues

The structure and content were great.


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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313
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Review of The Probe  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, Cave Dweller . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "The Probe"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Com links to another world, neural synching technology that allows a consciousness on earth to populate a body on Mars. The mission is one of exploration and it leads to a surprising discovery...

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

So there is a man in a chemical vat on earth controlling a silicon body on Mars being directed by Mission Control on Earth also, maybe even in the next room.

The fact his silicon body was so close to the temple implies some kind of preparatory insight about that. He sees the temple quite quickly and is immediately told to look for underground tunnels. The implication is of prior knowledge

There is no mention of the 5-20-minute travel time of signals to Mars (depending on the planetary position.)

They appear to use a public channel for communications and all the pertinent details are revealed about a hidden temple and underground tunnels with human statues. So why did Mission Control then shift communication to different channels, the details were already out there?

Also, I was a little bemused as to why he had to create a fire and base camp for a silicon body that could walk on the Martian surface in its sub-zero temperatures. A fire would not burn anyway because there is no oxygen.

While reading this I thought a different kind of accident might occur leaving his consciousness stranded on Mars in this silicon body while his actual body was comatose and even soulless on Earth.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Within my field of vision an image was forming, - Within my field of vision, an image was forming,

Using deep breath exercises - Using deep breathing exercises

heiroglyphics - hieroglyphics


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


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Review of First Flight  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, 🌕 HuntersMoon . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received {item:} via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A hilarious account of Jackson's first flight.

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

Jackson's first flight, he is nervous enough and then the pilot exclaims: WATCH OUT! OH, MY GOD!...

You built up the situation very well. Jackson is the main character here and the other guys come along to offer reassurance or in the case of the pilot abject terror at a crucial moment.

I loved the last line which summed up the ultimate expression of fear very succinctly. There was something almost cliched about the build-up and especially since anyone who has flown can probably associate with each of the emotions you expressed there. But then the actual explanation of the Captain's outburst over the com makes sense of it all and the hilarity in the last line was a perfect and unconventional surprise.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Nothing major.


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


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315
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Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (2.0)
Hello, Wandering Thoughts . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "The UN "UNITY" dollar"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

We are all equal and every life counts. Can a one-world currency owned by the people and for the people unite the planet?

*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

Very John Lennon...

Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion, too

One world government has been the aspiration of every dictator that tried to conquer the planet. Everyone from Julius Caesar, Genghis Khan, King Philip of Spain, Napoleon, Hitler, Stalin... It is the Christian hope that the King of Kings will return to reign over all the earth also. Before that, an AntiChrist figure is envisaged to express the dark side of that vision.

Up until now, all these visions have failed so I looked through your piece to find a methodology or approach that might make a difference. But you are more interested in the mechanics of setting up the currency itself that gaining the position to be able to do so.

The idea of planting chips in people so that they could buy and sell sounded very "mark of the beast" in character.

You then describe a socialistic state where everybody is made to work for each other. Made how? You are not very specific about the brutal state apparatus that would be required to enforce this. Perhaps this could be modeled on modern China or the old Soviet state though? How would the valuation of each life as of infinite worth square with the needs of the state to force people to work for each other's benefit though? Some people will object to this and violence will ensue.

The vision of a united world without war, sickness, famine, and strife may have to wait for the only One who is able to actually implement that. Come, Lord Jesus!


*Quill*Mechanical issues

A good grammar checker would help with innumerable spelling and grammatical errors here. Grammarly can be loaded for free for instance.

Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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316
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Review of Anger journal.  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (2.0)
Hello, DragonWolfZinthra . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Anger journal."  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

An anger journal with three rules.


*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

This needs fleshing out. Maybe you have not found the setting that allows you to make private stuff that is not yet ready for public viewing. If you just want to vent anger without giving personal info away the privacy option works very well.

Anonymity gives a freedom to express oneself and to stick to the stories, characters, and themes at hand. But I guess eventually authors want to be published and want an audience and have to take the masks off.

There is no expression of anger in this piece that fits the title.

A good story is pregnant with alternate pathways and possibilities as you say. But there is no story here.

But this story has not been written yet


*Quill*Mechanical issues

exept - except


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
317
317
Review of Romantic Poem  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, Yio . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Romantic Poem "  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

He loves her. He sees her in a gurgling spring, a wildfire, and a pine forest hidden in the fog. She is in the moonlight, the storm and in passion, she is wrapped around him. He writes all this in a romantic poem that tells her he is not writing a romantic poem tonight.

*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

You had a lot of powerful images here that conflicted and lacked integration. You went from a wet spring to a wildfire to a damp fog for instance in just a few lines. One second we can see the moonlight which would require a cloudless night and the next there is a storm raging. This confusion of contradictory images spoils the flow of the poem.

Again the title completely contradicts what you do in the poem. You write a romantic poem and then you tell her you are not writing a romantic poem tonight. This undermines the credibility of your last line when you tell her that you love her. Since you lied that this was not a romantic poem why should she trust this declaration?

I get the impression this might have been written in another language originally. Maybe it sounds better and runs together better in that language also.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

every living things in this second began to grow wildly - or - in this moment life surged wild


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
318
318
Review of Dark Matter Drive  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, Ryan . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received {item:} via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A strange human/alien says goodbye to a frustrated girlfriend, pontificates about time, and then reaches for the stars.


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

I actually wanted to read this because of the reference to a dark matter drive and what you might say about this. But the title did not really fit the story which was about a strange, sick, almost alien creature (from his description), about moments in time and saying goodbye to a disgruntled 'girlfriend.'

You suggest each moment in time is unique, there is pain in the futile quest to reclaim perfect, peaceful moments lost forever, and there is delusion in remembering and clinging to what is not now. Yet he wants to carry fossilized moments to the stars with him as memories of her. The man is a little confused and I understand her frustration with him. What is 1 moment next to infinity is a fair question on her part since he plans to spend the rest of forever away from her.

After all didn't he spoil the moment by talking philosophy about snapshots in time when he could have been kissing her and building better memories?

He wants to explore, the price is leaving her behind. He can sugarcoat it and self-justify it with fine-sounding words but the reality is he is leaving her behind forever.

Time restarted as she moved and stepped forward - cool line, I liked this.

Overall I missed the science of dark matter and thought that the dilemma over time was something unique to a godless perspective on reality. In synch with the Eternal Perfect God, this dilemma fades into meaninglessness and each moment can be animated with a coherent sense of the Divine.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Despite the general contrast between the three, land supported the houses, and the result was accompanied by life around it - Not clear from the preceding text what the three refer to and this sentence does not make any sense.

breathe - breath

You could use more spaces between paragraphs to break up the text and make it easier to read.

You are missing question marks e.g.
But what about everything else.


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
319
319
Review of Beauty  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, hdarling . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Beauty"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

We copy all our best stuff from nature.


*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

I liked the positive tone of this poem. What we see in creation we copy into something worthwhile.

We mimic the beauty that we find in creation, echo its music, duplicate its smells, and mix and match its colors and the feel of the objects we find there. When we kiss a woman we get a glimpse of heaven. We learn from the design we find and grow wiser. This had an almost Platonic feel to it. The perfect form of a rose or a butterfly is what is being copied here not the rose missing crucial petals or the butterfly with a manky wing.

I guess we also copy the destructive features of nature and its weaponry to do bad things. We spoil, we loot and we trample on the beauty that we find. There is ugliness in a cursed universe as well as a blessing.

This poem aspires to a more harmonious relationship with God's creation. Indeed it does not refer to nature as an accidental experiment but more as a miraculous wonder. Our senses then become conduits for new creativity as we image our Creator's creative works.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Nothing major was found.


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
320
320
Review of Do Not Enter?  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello, AmyJo- only 2 steps behind - . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Do Not Enter?"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A cheerfully scary Halloween poem.


*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

It is funny how the grotesque masks of Halloween with all their fake darkness and stereotypical scary stuff can seem cheery in the times we live in. But I found myself smiling as I thought about witches, angry black cats, and bubbling cauldrons but then came the axe and that felt a little too real.

You got the three phrases in, full marks for your presentation, though you used a bullseye image to describe a miss.

The laughing witch's image transmitted to me the feeling of dressed-up school kids knocking on doors for candy. But then being let into a house with an actual bubbling cauldron should have been a warning sign and then there was that axe. I guess this person will not be eating candy for dinner.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Nothing major


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
321
321
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello, Rojodi . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received ""Where's My Book?""  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Mindbending tale of dreams within dreams as we search for Ray Bradburys Anthology.

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

I got a bit lost here and found the text confusing even allowing for the supernatural factor. I presume 'I' is the father (Jennifer's beloved Lawrence). The book went missing in the bedroom. It was the daughter Nicole who found it in the bathroom. She put it back in the bedroom. But the mother is holding it at an undisclosed location. Then Lawrence wakes up and the book is in the bathroom again!??

But Jennifer no longer lives with Lawrence in reality and no explanation is given about Nicole's custody. So I guess this is supernatural because we have a book moving around the house without explanation or alternate human cause being a factor.

Or Lawrence simply went nuts when his wife left him and as the story says Ray Bradbury's anthology may well be a poor replacement for her.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

3AM - 3 AM

I leaned off the edge, [to] see if it went under the bed.

The only things I saw here [there were] the shoeboxes she left.

It wasn’t on [in] either place.


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
322
322
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Hello, Monalisa Vandercox . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Letter to My Enemy"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A poem about addiction to Vodka and the drinker's decision to choose herself over the drink.


*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

There seem to have been a range of reasons to drink in this poem: The pleasure of the taste, the ways in which fears and inhibitions were dismantled by drinking, and the ways in which pains were forgotten while drunk.

Then there is a list of reasons why it was not a good idea to drink. The shame that drinking brought, the ways in which drink was an avoidance measure by which pains were not properly faced up to, the dissolution of social contacts that resulted, and the fact that the drink was in control, not you.

I would add cost and the reductionism and lack of creativity of the drinker's lifestyle. Once liberated from drink you can contemplate doing alternate things that might be more healthy, sociable, and rewarding.

The choice is made by the end to be the boss over the drink rather than the other way around. Others have found that total abstention is the only effective remedy to such an addiction.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

There was a variable rhyming structure which I found a little confusing.

The warmth, Burn, and Numbness were great too - remove capitals

In reality it was my only saving grace - In reality, it was my only saving grace

I had to get raid [rid] of you


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
323
323
Review of The True Abyss  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, DoXx, The Renegade Monkey . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "The True Abyss"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A man torn apart by troubles aspires to goodness and a return to a lost innocence but wonders if that is just a fantasy.

*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

This poem describes to me a man in pain. He is tempted to describe the possibility of the good as a fantasy because he is wounded by his experiences and cannot look past them. It seems that this pain and suffering is ongoing with fresh wounds inflicted every day. But the poem ends well with the aspiration to recover goodness and innocence in his life.

To me, it describes the problem of a secularised society. Unable to look beyond their own existential experience, having lost any kind of anchorage in the eternal they are unable to rationalize any kind of reasonable hope from their experiences. So all that is noble, pure, good, and true, becomes a fantasy that they no longer have the power to reach for.

Goodness and evil are activities rather than states of being. However, torn or wounded we are we can choose to make the right decision and not allow our pain to dictate our actions. We become the man that our decisions make us.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

This was a free verse with a variable stanza length with no obvious errors given that structure apart from the fairly arbitrary addition of spaces.


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
324
324
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, Blue . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "The War of Three: Book 1(WIP) - Prologue"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Tanya is a warrior who has sworn a vow to protect her people. They gather now as refugees crowding into a massive crawler hoping to make their escape to a safer place. The CUWs are coming and will soon be here. But do they have spaces on the Crawler? Will Tanya find the courage to fight for her people?...


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

I like the raw idea here of refugees fleeing some approaching menace. I am sure the crisis in Ukraine and indeed in much of Africa and the Middle East provides a lot of useful contemporary examples of such flights. Here you have a Star Wars Crawler and an alien enemy and set this tale somewhere out there in the galaxy and in another time.

I like the way that Tanya wrestles with her fears, but it seems her time to act is running out fast. She seems to use anger to overcome those fears but is still undecided as to whether to fight. Is that her decision if she is only a cadet?

The captain addresses a cadet as Ma'am. That requires more explanation. If Tanya is a princess in a soldier's uniform then that needs to be said.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

You should separate this into paragraphs to make it easier to read. Also, some of the sentences are too long.

whom she sworn to protect - whom she was sworn to protect

As she witnesses this tragic event, he turns back the general. "How long do we have?" she asked. "Only a few minutes with the soldiers we have protecting the entrance." the captain responded.

So a cadet is speaking with a general now? So why does a captain reply?

She couldn't just stand her[here] and do nothing


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
325
325
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, AmyJo- only 2 steps behind - . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Caverns of the Mind"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

The mind is a vast cavern that is inaccessible at times and dark. Only with care, kindness, and patience can its secrets be unlocked.

*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

Mental health is a theme of the age and neuroscience is a major focus of the modern scientific agenda. But the brain and its mental landscapes remain mysterious. The link between the hardware and the thought processes inside the human mind is hard to trace. Some conclude that thought is independent of the material world and must be considered in its own right. People like Thomas Nagel conclude that:

materialism cannot provide an adequate explanation of life because it cannot provide an adequate explanation of mind.

Specifically many philosophers focus on the problem of intentionality.

Creationists often cite the developed nature of the human brain relative to other primates as an impossible jump from our supposed common ancestors. It is the material basis of our imaging of God and his attributes, and proof in itself of special creation.

Your poem reminded me of these issues. It seems to refer to an old mind perhaps one closed off by Parkinson's or Dementia. Doctors look for surgical or pharmaceutical remedies too often but mainly these are not that effective. You understand the task in terms of a caregiver kindly and patiently offering support to troubled minds. Holding hands giving hugs and being there for someone lost inside the darkness of their own mind, frightened and confused by the loss of light and clarity there.

This was a helpful poem that reminded me of various old people that used to be in my life.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Nothing major.


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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