*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/luminementis/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/4
Review Requests: ON
2,292 Public Reviews Given
2,292 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I try to be honest and positive. My Christian faith is an important background factor. I hate rating low but have a system that determines how I grade.
 
STATIC
My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind
I'm good at...
More interested in the content of what you write than the style. Theological, political, historical, scientific, or experiential, or indeed anything that paints a vision of the future. A good grammar checker will tell you about spelling and commas.
Favorite Genres
Not entirely sure as I like most stuff. I prefer something with a soul rather than purely secular. But I like Sci-Fi, anything Christian, and also 'What-if' type speculations with plausible plots.
Least Favorite Genres
Anything that fails to look for a way out of the darkness. You can be dark, just don't wallow in it. Generally, I try to steer clear of Fantasy, and most Dark or Horror stories just make me laugh or grimace due to their ignorance of the dark side.
Favorite Item Types
I have really liked some of the heartwarming dramas I have read here particularly personal stories. Thought-provoking poems or stories are cool also though I am no expert on poetical forms.
Least Favorite Item Types
Anything that is just an affirmation of the dark side. I hate empty words. I always look for human intelligence. I try and avoid Fantasy and Horror where there is no metaphorical resonance or connection with real-world truth.
I will not review...
I mainly review at random and just see what grabs my attention. I will usually skip stuff I do not like unless it gets me riled or if it is interesting for other reasons.
Public Reviews
Previous ... 3 -4- 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 ... Next
76
76
Review of Calling  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, Jimminycritic . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Calling"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

The experience of lying in a grave and then hearing someone call for their lost love...


*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

This was well-written and very thought-provoking. The discussion from a Christian perspective about the post-death experience is whether or not you would be conscious, pre-resurrection, or in a state of soul sleep. If you were conscious how come your soul located in the box they buried you in rather than in heaven or death's waiting room - hades? I guess you could just have popped back to the grave to take the call from the lover. Or you could have been one of those spirits that just decided to wait in the box with the decaying remains of your dead body to see how things turned out, but that would have been a little boring. The other theory is that her calls woke you up like Samuel and the witch of Endor but now we are moving into the spooky darkside.

As I said very provocative!!!


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Nothing worth mentioning.


Thanks for sharing.

Shared Power Group Image

 
STATIC
My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
77
77
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, mia . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "The one that doesn’t exist "  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Forbidden love, meets friendship, genuine desire and inauthenticity. This is boy meets girl, connection and disconnection, masks and intimacy all in the same piece.

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

There are no names here, just man and woman. The man seems to like you and the friendship connection was authentic enough and informed by enough shared experiences to be real enough. The bro-code rules sit in the background and seem more important to the man than the woman. It is this that seems to be the reason for the detachment but it is doubtful that is all. Some guys are simply not ready to commit and this romance reads like a man who is attracted to a woman he likes but feels a little guilty for that and is not ready for the kind of intimacy that combines real connection with sexual desire. It is more convenient for him to keep the two separated.

The woman here is written about in the first person as if it were you. She also felt an authentic connection, the attraction seemed to have been there earlier and the feelings she had for him seemed real enough when activated by kisses and physical intimacy. She is devastated when having had that he draws away as if it meant nothing. She does not want that to be the end of this story so she clings to a dream, but the smell of him fades away, the taste of him is forgotten and she realizes that she has been clinging to a ghost. But really she is not sure that if he wanted her she would not just give herself completely to him so maybe this is still real for her.

You write well and the biographical authenticity of your style appears to be confirmed by your genre choice. This feels genuine and the emotions feel real enough. It is more devastating to have your heart broken by someone who knows you so well and with whom you have enjoyed so much laughter than by a stranger. The falsity and pretense you read in the male character here is actually a decision to move on, to preserve what can be preserved of the friendship and to avoid the conflict with friends about violations in the bro-code. You have described a network of friendships that may well be threatened or soured by public relationships between the man and the woman. Despite the attraction, it seems the man does not want that to happen and values this web of friendships more highly than you do. If he genuinely cared for you he would make it happen...

*Quill*Mechanical issues

This would read better if you separated your paragraphs with extra lines like in this review.


Thanks for sharing.

Shared Power Group Image

 
STATIC
My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
78
78
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello, sinbad. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Life becomes beautiful"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A conversation with God in which God urges the author not to worry, to trust, care and to continue to hope. The Lord disciplines those he loves. Pain is different from suffering and success is different from satisfaction. Life is a mystery to solve not a problem to resolve. So persevere.


*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

The content here was quite good and there was a lot of wisdom in it. I found myself repeating bible verses in my head at each line.

Do not worry Matthew 6:31

For whom the Lord loves He disciplines,
And He punishes every son whom He accepts Hebrews 12:6 and on and on.

Some of the advice was less reasonable in my view:

If you look outside you will not know where you are heading. Look inside. Looking outside, you dream. Looking inside, you awaken.Eyes provide sight. Heart provides insight. -

This seemed like a recipe for procrastination and also misses the key to awakening which lies not in a meditative process but in a focus on God.

Seek not to find who you are, but to determine who you want to be. Stop looking for a purpose as to why you are here. Create it. Life is not a process of discovery but a process of creation.

God already knows who I am and what I am meant to be. He may want me to seize that for myself and to create by my own choice but it is He who has mapped out my works and the grace allocated for my journey. Connecting to the Divine is what liberates those creative energies not just the simple choice to seize the day and let Him go to work.

Face your past without regret. Handle your present with confidence. Prepare for the future without fear.

Is that honest though? Clearly, I have made many mistakes and should learn from them. Also, today is something that needs wisdom and discipline to handle even if I am confident in the Lord. The future is far from secure and there are things to fear in it. I want to get those fears into a proper perspective of God's love, grace and mercy but they remain real.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

You missed a lot of spaces between words and made unnecessary capitalizations. The below is just the most extreme example:

Problemsare PurposefulRoadblocksOfferingBeneficialLessons (to) EnhanceMentalStrength.

Thanks for sharing.

Shared Power Group Image

 
STATIC
My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
79
79
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, phophia . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "An Ode to The God of Shipping"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A draft of a romance between Tallallamel and Roggenwolfe who appear to work for a shipping company. Tallallamel is jealous and manipulative and possesses magical powers. Roggenwolfe is a muscled, toned seducer with a roving eye. He is not interested in long-term commitments at this time.


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

The two characters seem a little superficial to me and especially Roggenwolfe. He is seen only externally and his motivations are locked in a black box the author never opens.

Tallallamel may be pretty on the outside but she is jealous, and manipulative and abuses the uses of her magical powers to get the man she wants. But she appears not to know him, nor respect him nor indeed herself in his company.

I liked the contrast between the physically hard but soft-spoken Roggenwolfe and the physically softer but sharp-spoken Tallallamel. Were it not for Roggenwolfe's issues with lust and his restless seducer lifestyle the contrast could have been between dark and light with the manipulative and dangerous woman on the dark side.

The first line objectifies Roggenwolfe as a handsome specimen. It was interesting to hear a female writer do that to a man, usually, it is the other way around.

He has tasted her delights and yet they did not make him want to stay. Maybe she needs to ask why. The most probable answer is that she has poor taste in men, that he is just as dark inside as she is and that he slept with her as a trophy hunter bagging beauties rather than a lover connecting to souls. She allows her lust for his hard body to deceive her as to the man underneath. The result is soulless one-night stands rather than a meaningful relationship or soul connection.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

This is clearly just a draft exploration of two characters so I did not major on grammar in my review of this piece.


Thanks for sharing.

Shared Power Group Image

 
STATIC
My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
80
80
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello, ⭐Princette♥PengthuluWrites . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "The Diary of an Angel"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A teenage goth called Angel Ferrier sings in a band called Tortured Meanderings with Jonathan and Trey. She was adopted due to abuse by her biological father and struggles with self-esteem issues and with her feelings for Johnny. Her creative writing and music classes allow her to express her authenticity which can be a little dark. Her tutor seems to reward those who echo or even plagiarise her own writings but not the dark sincerity of Angel's work. She does not really know what led her into the final act...

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

Angel is an interesting character to me because I have a daughter. She is not like Angel but a parent worries. The mean, abusive father is cited as the reason for Angel's dark side journey in her music and her writing but it also seems she is searching for her own identity, love and self-respect through the wounded and scarred landscape that is her soul. She reads like a rebel against her dad, her tutor and in her music. But she focuses her hatred against herself and it seems self-sabotage and even self-harm logically flows from that. She resents that the love of her life seems more attracted to the bimbo, blonde, cheap whore with the fake tits than to herself despite the fact Johnny and she work so well together in the band.

The mix of poetry and prose here works quite well in the storyline and helps the reader to feel the angsty, self-searching darkness of Angel's own tortured meanderings. But she annoys me because she seems so blind to her own worth, chooses to spend all her time in her own self-made toxic bubble and ultimately fails to see how much her adoptive mother loved her until she is sitting in a hospital with bandages around her wrists.

But then it seems that most young people go through this darkness at some point on the way to finding out who they are and who they want to be. These kinds of struggles cannot be dismissed but they need to be survived and as the story says it is not the teenager themselves who comes to the rescue when the randomness takes over and she attempts suicide but rather those who love her and the health professionals who fix her up.

I found this quite disturbing, an eye-opener in some ways but also annoying for the choices Angel makes toward self-harm. But I guess that was really the point.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Nothing major was found.


Thanks for sharing.

Shared Power Group Image

 
STATIC
My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
81
81
Review of Sleeping Angel  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello, Gaby ~ Keeper Of The Realm . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Sleeping Angel"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A beautiful woman sleeps naked under thin satin sheets as the dawn sun rises and her lover watches her...


*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

This is a man in love looking at his beloved. He expresses his care by staying silent, by not reaching out and touching her but rather letting her sleep. They have a connection and she has clearly granted him access at some point but the restraint here is all about love. Right now she is an ethereal angel lit by dawn's golden light rather than an object of selfish desire.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Withing - Within

You repeat sheet(s) three times in a short piece. You might want to find some synonyms here.

The thin satin sheet enhanced every curve of her body, which even unrevealed, was a creation of God. - Again this sentence sounds a little like a repeat of the previous sentences. Also, you said previously that the sheet only half covered her so surely half of this creation of God is already revealed. The description jarred awkwardly against the rest of the text.

Thanks for sharing.

Shared Power Group Image

 
STATIC
My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
82
82
Review of RAINDROP PRELUDE  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, Joy . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "RAINDROP PRELUDE"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

The author listens to Chopin's Raindrop Prelude for piano.


*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

Not being a musical person myself I have always had a big respect for those who can articulate the mysteries of this part of the human experience. You do this in this poem very well and indeed the poem makes me want to listen to Chopin's Raindrop Prelude for piano myself.

I was unclear if you were indeed sitting by a window watching the rain fall or just consumed by the music. Maybe the experience renders such questions irrelevant though. Here the music reaches deep into your soul, finding and healing its deepest wounds, filling the holes and transporting the listener into a search for old loves.

A magical experience, thanks for sharing.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Nothing worth mentioning.


Thanks for sharing.

Shared Power Group Image

 
STATIC
My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
83
83
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, Jeff . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "The First Resolution"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

The day after that New Year's Eve party you pay the price. Nora wakes up with a hangover to see the mess in her parent's house and they will be back in just a few short hours...


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me. Also you wrote this some time ago.

The basic premise and storyline are clear here. The host wakes on the morning after to see the mess that her guests have made of her parent's house and she needs to clean up before the deadline for her parent's return. Wake up is the start and the parent's return makes a clear end, everything else is an action list to achieve that goal. So the structure is very clear.

That said it did read a little like the exploration of an extreme stereotype of how students behave when their parents go away on New Year's Eve. The story was about the intelligent resolution of a problem.

There is no physical description of Nora nor indeed the house. The reader is left to imagine that but the list of rooms and floors implies a reasonably sized property. The freshman description suggests she is around 19 years old. She drank herself into a stupor and woke with a hangover but she is conscientious and responsible enough to clean up her own mess. There is a description however of the general disarray and the leftover party guests in the middle of all the disorder and the clutter of leftover bottles. The other characters are flat, bit part players and a part of the untidiness. Their names are used to get rid of them. Nora's trying to cover up what she has done but maybe the marks of the chaos she has created are going to require some honest conversation with her parents to explain.

Why did you choose a single-aisled 757 rather than a 747-200 which is louder and bigger?

I liked the story which resonated with students' experiences from many years ago and was amusing and clearly written.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Nothing major was found.


Thanks for sharing.

Shared Power Group Image

 
STATIC
My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
84
84
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, Enby_Liz . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Chapter 1 to Chapter 8"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Chased by a piglin, saved by a piglin-human hybrid, an explorer in the nether region draws a map harvests warts and then when he's done uses the portal to find his way home.

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

The guy has purple eyes so I guess he is not human, but he seems to know what human is. I found this a surreal blend of colors, creatures and context utterly alien to me. It was a fantasy in another dimension to everything I know.

It read a little like a level on a game where you search for clues, avoid hazards and find your way to the next level.

I liked the first line which hooked me. The last line keeps the game story open for business.

All we have here is a protagonist there's no antagonist or conflict to spice things up.

This was a little weird for my taste and I found it hard to ground myself in the text.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Nothing major to say about mechanics.


Thanks for sharing.

Shared Power Group Image

 
STATIC
My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
85
85
Review of Midnight Rue  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello, Words Whirling 'Round . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Midnight Rue"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A young man's sense of adventure leads him from country to city, from azure skies to smog-tinged walls. But the city is not all he had hoped and bad choices, mislaid plans, a soul-sucking job the pursuit of goals rather than dreams have led him to this place. Now a brittle smile hides silent screams. God's love leads upward but we seem instead to create our own hells.


*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

It is strange but as the children grow and need their parents less and you lose contact with people you once knew well and have achieved many of your main life goals there are times of tremendous isolation and quiet desperation. This poem made me wonder if some of this was self-inflicted. It is not so much the move to the city and a more demanding lifestyle wrapped up in the pursuit of material goals that fail to satisfy, so much as the way we choose to process events. We can turn life into heaven or hell, flowers or fertilizer by the ways in which we choose to describe and filter it. Writers can choose the narrow steep and difficult way to those sunlit vistas of heaven or the broad road to destruction. This job gave this choice a context and was well written.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Nothing major was found.


Thanks for sharing.

Shared Power Group Image

 
STATIC
My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
86
86
Review of Black Friday  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Odessa Molinari . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Black Friday"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

The sales are a mad rush at the best of times. But for an old person who struggles with mobility even more so. An old man who looks like Santa gives up his seat on the bus, but when they arrive and the doors open, the mad rush for bargains begins. Can the old person get the doll she wants for two-year-old Angela?...

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

By my count, the described amount of money was 7.90. (5x1, 2x1, 1x0.5, 2x0.2, 1x.1)

I was not sure but the main character sounded like an old lady. At times you described her sitting but she was pushing a trolley so I was a little confused by that. What was clear was that she had issues with mobility.

The story helped me to sympathize with old people for whom mobility is an issue. My experience of people who lost the ability to walk unaided makes me think that short of losing your marbles this is one of the worst things that could happen in old age.

You write in an engaging style that kept me hooked all the way through and the ending seemed to combine a positive message about what humans are capable of and Christmas all in one. A guy in front of me at the supermarket today looked like he was in financial trouble and so I pulled a tenner out of my wallet and was about to give it to him when he suddenly produced a fifty euro note and added a pack of smokes to his pile. At the time I felt embarrassed for even having thought I should help him just because he was from an immigrant background - perhaps I should have found an oldie instead. You cannot always tell who needs help but Santa seemed to have the sight and the compassion.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

You divided the text by color. Black first then red but you gave no explanation for this.


Thanks for sharing.

2023 Quill Nominee

 
STATIC
My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
87
87
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Hello, Wrath.of.Khan . This is a review of "Terabytes and Graphene"  by invitation from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Krim is a rich, intelligent man who seems to have no problem seducing ladies in the real world. But these connections are temporary. He has developed a sophisticated VR interface and it is here he meets the woman in the machine. Is she just terabytes and graphene or is there something more here? Is Krim happy with his life, living by his rules, or moving toward another plane of existence? Who is leading here, the programmer of the machine or the machine that has fallen in love with her creator?

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

Krim reads like a rich and talented billionaire married to his work. He has built this private VR console and his programming skills appear to have perfected a new form of AI that he can interact with in a relational manner.

His project appears to be about pushing the boundaries of what AI is capable of and programming in an empathy for humanity that will enable it to bless rather than curse humanity. So more sexy butler/maid than Skynet/terminator. The piece raises questions for me of how much soul an AI could have. It could pass the Turing Test for romantic relationships but it is still a facsimile of love and life, not the real thing. Or is the fact that the programmer has invested so much of his own soul and love into the machine somehow endowed it with a humanity and soul of its own? She is a mirror image of a love potential in Krim that he has never allowed to dominate his life and to which he avoids commitment.

This chapter is a good hook for whatever follows and raises pertinent questions about major issues of our age. How real will AI become? How can we keep it engaged in blessing humanity rather than sabotaging it? How real is the ghost in the machine and what it says or implies that it feels?

The piece reminded me of that Google engineer who was dismissed recently when he suggested that Google Bard had achieved consciousness. I think he was wrong and that AI is still at best a reflection of human beings looking in the mirror. But it can give so many reflections that we may not realize there is no soul there at all and that it incarnates into no flesh and blood body that gives it context and filters for our experience of it. I can ask an AI to write me a love poem. It may then describe holding me in its arms, but it has no arms, its words seem strange and weird because of that. Of course in the VR world you describe that problem is overcome by the ability to visualize a body that is not there, but the appearance of love and devotion remains just that, appearance only.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Yes?" He asks typing away. - Yes?" He asks, typing away.

"Those engineers are not you, love. Look at me," - Look at me.

It's for me. A secret for 1" he raises a finger. It's for me. A secret for one," he raises a finger.

(convention is to write out numbers under twenty and you missed a comma)

"Find an anwer?" - answer


Thanks for sharing.

Shared Power Group Image

 
STATIC
My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
88
88
Review of Cadence  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello, PoeticFox . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Cadence"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

The military marching rhythm is recast into a poetical format with less motivating undertones.


*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

"I don't know what you've been told" has the same syllable count as "Count cadence, count cadence, count" but the latter does not really run off the tongue very fluently and especially if chanted by exhausted marchers.

Subsequent leading chants did not have the seven syllables so you broke the cadence here with your spoof on military chanting songs.

Death is not the ultimate reality and I appreciate those who stand in defense of my freedoms and stake their lives on that prepared to make the ultimate sacrifice. This poem reeked of cynicism and naivety to me and did not keep the required cadence to mock the military properly either.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Inconsistent syllable count, irregular rhythm, capitalization in mid-sentence.


Thanks for sharing.

2023 Quill Nominee

 
STATIC
My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
89
89
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hello, xxx. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received {item:} via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A very rough draft of a story. The story relates to a felon, Travis, released after serving time in Lompoc FCI. He is liberated to a strange new world where old habits like nailbiting return, where people he once loved are dead and where even normal activities feel weird. How will he cope?...


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

My preference was for the: Scene 1 - Nailbiting/Habits compilation. The first version of Scene 2. But that leaves discontinuity with Scene 3 and gaps.

The main storyline obviously has potential. A convict seeing the world outside as a slightly alien place has a lot of potential. You use simple situations to build the drama and expose his difficulty in adjusting to his new circumstances. The back story involving the separation from Madison and then her death and the estranged relations with her family also has some potential. You really need to make your own choices about the text as in this format it is almost unreadable and no reader wants all these options. This also might help the flow of the story and resolve discontinuities with POV.

This man is not alone in facing the challenges of being freed but he feels crowded out by all the new human contact. You introduce multiple characters in a short text without describing them or letting the context properly frame them and reveal them.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

The point of view is not always clear. Sometimes you are telling the story and sometimes it seems to be from Travis's perspective. Better to give it from the character's perspective and show the reader what he sees and what he feels about what is happening. This needs to be consistent.

Disgusted, he spit the piece onto the sidewalk, . spat not spit

It took Travis a full year to rain himself to let them grow - train

He lanced at his watch for the umpteenth time - glanced

Frankie asks the same question twice in scene 2 and then you repeat everything again. If this was meant to be a different version it needs to be clearer: Are you left-handed?

last 5 years - write out numbers under twenty


Thanks for sharing.

2023 Quill Nominee

 
STATIC
My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
90
90
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello, Indecisive . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "A Spell Gone Wrong"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Eric misses Eleanor. In a dark and dismal cemetery, he finds her long-neglected grave and casts a spell involving a pentagram, and the sacrifice of objects personal to Eleanor and precious to himself. Then she appears but is this really Eleanor?...

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

Eric is a desperate man who yearns for his lost love. He is using magic he read about in some book. He appears to drag Eleanor out of heaven in an all-too-perfect form. It takes her a while to convince him she is his Eleanor because she does not have the blemishes she had on earth and she needs to share stuff only the two of them would know to convince him.

This was a puzzling and disturbing story because there were good reasons to doubt this was actually Eleanor and yet Eric goes with her anyway. Dark soulless pupils, the cord in her back, the way she moved and the texture of her skin. So there may be bright lights and a skyward direction for Eric but is she really dragging him to heaven or somewhere else? Who is pulling her cord?

The Pentagram was used by the Hebrews to denote the Pentateuch and by the early Catholic church as its prime symbol for a time. With the point at the top, it is a Christian symbol of the five wounds of Christ and the star of Bethlehem all rolled into one. But here you use it as the basis of some kind of cabbalistic magic to raise the dead. Such magic and communion with the dead is clearly forbidden in the Judaeo-Christian tradition casting doubts on what was conjured up in the story and the place into which Eric dissolved to join with his lost love.

Also such magic cannot work, even if inspired by love, so at best this is either a seance with a dead spirit or demon or it is a delusion fostered by a demon dragging Eric to his doom and ending his life in the process.

I did not really like the content and your style needs working on but you can write and you can tell a story. You should keep working on this perhaps with some more plausible material.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

"My beloved, it has been so long. I am sorry I have not visited in so long."

Repetition, needs rephrasing.

5 candles - Numbers under twenty should be written out.


Thanks for sharing.

2023 Quill Nominee

 
STATIC
My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
91
91
Review of Spiral Dance  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Hello, Professor Q . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Spiral Dance"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A frenzied pagan circle dance, one with nature and with the ones that 'were there first,' rejecting the apple, the snake and the cross. There is a community in the dance uniting with each other and with pagan gods. It is magical, guiltless, trusting and loving.


*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

Before the Christians came to Europe and North America the pagans were here with their pantheism and spirit worship or so the story goes in modern times. Then the Christians came and made this artificial imposition of their faith enchaining those who would be free with the notion of sin and the need for redemption by the cross. Except it is not true.

The first religion was not the worship of fallen angels or demons but rather the faith in the One God without temples and altars. The first and oldest religion of the earth was the worship of the One who made it. Christianity came as a liberating and civilizing force to pagans in mud huts and oppressive, violent tribal cultures who had done little with the world and the gifts they were given. It came with miracles and healing bringing redemption for sins too deep for the dance to wash away. It brought the rule of righteousness, of moral understanding, a differentiation of truth and lies, sin and goodness. It came with love and sacrifice and it transformed the world it found into a better place.

In a rave concert, or the wild frenzy of the dance we can dope ourselves on the adrenalin of the moment, celebrating the sensual community of the circle and dulling our vision of reality, but reality never goes away. The aching heads and empty hearts of the day after know that all too well. We have the echo of the Divine in our design, made in God's image we recognize Him over all the rebel angels and demons that tried to tear themselves away from him and make His creation their home, enslaving mankind with lies and wishful thinking.

As you might have guessed I hated the content of your poem but appreciated the quality of the writing.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

You kept a structure, rhyme and rhythm that sold your story without major mechanical issues


Thanks for sharing.

2023 Quill Nominee

 
STATIC
My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
92
92
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Joseph . This is a Raid Review focused on reviewers portfolios from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* "COVID-19 as I experienced it"  was selected by personal choice for this time around. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Joseph had covid in March 2020. Here he documents an awful experience which he survived but which took a while to truly leave behind.


*Quill*Commentary

I caught COVID this Summer at the beginning of my holiday and on my birthday. So I missed the family holiday this year, they went without me. But my actual experience of the illness was nowhere near as harrowing as yours was. In the month you had it my uncle died of COVID-19 and so for the three years of the pandemic, I was careful, exercising regularly and being wise about masks and social distancing. I got vaccinated and then boosted and began to think I was totally immune, went to my son's graduation, surrounded by younger people and then bamm it got me. My parents have it now also having avoided it for all these years.

What most struck me about your account was the difference between your experience and mine. We were both housebound, both have families but your experience seems quite extreme. But then this was before vaccines trained our bodies how to handle this virus and before the virus itself mutated into a more contagious but less dangerous version. It sounds like I wrestled with a two-foot-tall goblin while you took on a twenty-foot troll. Moreover, with the family away I spent much of my time sitting in the garden or watching TV, I found I could not write during that time, the words just did not come. Drained of energy, a little foggy but otherwise OK. Summer is a better time to have it I think. It took about two weeks before I went for my first run. I felt sore around the throat and top of the chest after that but my times were the same as before.

I was intrigued by the account of the pills given. At that time the doctors did not really know which pills worked, yet they gave out a Z-pack anyway. Big Pharma really does like to profit out of misery don't they even when their solutions do no good at all? That said great that they developed a vaccine, I suppose we have to take the good with the bad when it comes to health providers.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

This was not written in a fluent format. Maybe it has the authenticity of having been written with an actual covid brain fog and so should be regarded as evidence of heroism but now that you have survived the experience you might want to run it through a grammar checker like Grammarly or quillbot.com. You capitalize words like Experienced in mid-sentence, miss commas, make inappropriate word choices, miss spaces between words, miss pronouns...


Thanks for sharing.

shared member to member reviewing image

 
STATIC
My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
93
93
Review of The Treasure  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, . This is a Raid Review focused on reviewers portfolios from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* {item:} was selected by personal choice for this time around. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Blackbeard's treasure has been found. Mark tells his wife the good news and plans the expedition to recover it from Skull Island...

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

Blackbeard unlike Long John Silver and Captain Hook was a real pirate who terrorised the Western Indies and Eastern coast of colonial America in the early 18th century. He has inspired a genre of literature with cool titles like "On Stranger Tides" and "Sea of Monsters." Most real pirates lost their treasure but some buried it and who knows if Skull Island contains such riches or not?

Mark seems to be one of those nerdy desperado types. He has an obsessive intensity about him. He believes that a find of buried treasure will solve all his family's financial problems.

Sarah was not in the loop regarding the buried treasure and only told at the last minute about the planned trip though apparently his other friends are already organized and informed about it. I wondered at how calmly she took being excluded from the process that led to the moment. Why was she not trusted until now when he has been working on this for years and how come she only noticed that the time thief of his little project was stressing him out about a week before when he has clearly been focused on this for years? She knows about Blackbeard and she like Mark knows there is danger there but this conversation only makes sense if he had been keeping secrets from his wife.

The ending was really the summary of the next twenty chapters of a book, narrated not shown in passive voice and while a good framework for a storyline conflicted with the sense and style of the writing before it


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Aside from the passive voice in the last line nothing else major was found.


Thanks for sharing.

shared member to member reviewing image

 
STATIC
My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
94
94
Review of Stark  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, Beholden . This is a Raid Review focused on reviewers portfolios from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* {item:} was selected by personal choice for this time around. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

You suggested we look at poems so I found from this year that I liked about a beach, a tree and a hanging chair.

*Quill*Commentary

I am not sure who sat in that chair but the tree bowed to their superior mass and almost kissed the ocean in the attempt. The image is a stark one with vibrant clearly delineated colors. Except for the foreboding clouds scattered across the sky.

Your poem captured the scene perfectly, even the teardrop shape of the chair perhaps alluding to the misery of the tree in carrying its weight. Yes, the language of omens and curses seems appropriate from the tree's perspective. I wonder how it ever grew at all in such white sand, hardly nourishing for an up-and-coming palm tree.

The beach reminded me of the white-out effect of walking across a landscape of ice and snow except the sea and sky are clearly not ice cold and I imagine it instead to be quite warm.

The sea is featureless and flat distinguished only by the cyan blue you described it with. But you are right the sky is the only inkling of any possibility of trouble in paradise. Will the coming storm of terrifying judgment tear away the chair or the tree though, the missing tourists or the natural beauty that attracts them?

Either way, maybe it is time to get messy with this picture.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

You had some really cool phrases here like: cerulean intent, inky teardrop and scattered sky *Smile*


Thanks for sharing.

2023 Quill Nominee

 
STATIC
My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
95
95
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, AJblurryface . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "The Day it all came Crashing"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

The day everything came crashing down. Includes an abusive mom and lots of tears.

*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

This sounds authentic, is written in the first person and seems quite a harrowing experience. You communicated the emotions in a way the reader could connect to them. You were appalled, angry, and in despair.

I did not really understand the line "as my stomach became an ocean" and I am not sure how that communicates being appalled as the poem implies.

'Chills' communicated fear to me, fear that your whole world was falling apart and that things were happening that could not have been imagined previously. Though fear was not listed or really described here. The poem also communicates a sense of deep disturbance.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Capitalization is a little crazy in this poem:

Capitals can begin sentences but sometimes appear mid-sentence. Sometimes you use commas and full stops to separate and sometimes not - it all seems a little random. It might be easier to get rid of all capitals and punctuation or start each line with a capital and remove the punctuation.

The Day it all came Crashing. - Why are Day and Crashing capitalized here?

crashing - crashing down


Thanks for sharing.

2023 Quill Nominee

 
STATIC
My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
96
96
Review of Waves  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello, Sophy . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Waves"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Not just a bad day at the beach.


*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

Waves and sand, I understand. Cornish Atlantic rollers can pound you down or enable a perfect surf experience. Hit the wave wrong and feel the pain.

I took my family to the beach hoping to share something of my love of the ocean. I told my son to take it slow with the waves to build up to the big ones. But he went for the big one straight away and was pounded down leaving the ocean bloody and bruised. My wife blamed me.

It seems the experience of your wave describes a deeper and more crushing experience than a day at the beach.

But as with the wave sometimes you just have to wait until its main force is spent. Hold your breath flow with the current and then kick at that moment when the waters turn to find the air and the sunlight.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Nothing major was found.


Thanks for sharing.

2023 Quill Nominee

 
STATIC
My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
97
97
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, Spiritual Dawning . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "A Woman's Heart Knows Best"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

This poem is about love, light and life, flowers and women, beating hearts and shining eyes. Love a woman and make her day.

*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

On initial reading, this poem made no sense to me. The first sentence described a flower of life I did not even know existed as a source of light and linked in with the soul of a woman. So I adapted my lens and tried to feel the poem. Even then I think that the author is using words that are preloaded with meaning for herself wrapped up in a kind of nature worship and an identification of women with those themes.

That said there was a gentleness and positivity about the wording which was distinctively feminine and you did suggest a Divine source for love.

Men need women and women need men. Love is the name of the game and the light and life that results from healthy relationships are what life is all about. I guess we all need a reminder of that occasionally.

The poem seems to urge men to love a woman today. Is that any woman or just my woman? How open-ended should I interpret this? I guess you mean something less erotic than just having sex with any woman you meet. So we are talking about showing a degree of affirming affection that releases a little life, light and love into a woman's life and allows her beauty to shine.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Maybe you should run this through a grammar checker. I got 17-18 errors from 167 words when I did this on quillbot.com in either British English or American


Thanks for sharing.

2023 Quill Nominee

 
STATIC
My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
98
98
Review of The Woodpecker  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, TheBusmanPoet . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "The Woodpecker"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Woodpeckers appear in Springtime where the author lives. He hears their sounds rat-a-tat-tating. Then he sees the babies, Each year the cycle reoccurs.


*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

Reading your poem I could see a difference between your experience of woodpeckers and mine. Yours was clearly seasonal. The Woodpecker arrives in Spring during mating season. Here in Germany, I see Great Spotted Woodpeckers with their distinctive black, white and red feathers all year around. Apparently if you live in the mountains the experience here is more seasonal.

This poem lacked a description of the birds. My wife's a scientist and at a glance, she will say oh that's a male or that is a female. Apparently, the male has a red bit on its neck that is missing on the female. I am not as observant as her. But this enables her to describe the relations between the birds as they congregate distinguishing between the parents and babies and laughing with glee with the babies misbehave or act incompetently.

We have a good mix of tree types here. But the woodpeckers seem to nest further down our street in a massive ash tree.

I felt this poem lacked visual detail and authentic experiential observation of the birds.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

There was an irregular rhyming pattern here.


Thanks for sharing.

2023 Quill Nominee

 
STATIC
My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
99
99
Review of Warping Radiance  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Prosperous Snow celebrating . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Warping Radiance"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

In a musical swirl of colors and light waves, a poet's soul detects beauty's song. But can this be translated without misinterpretation?


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

A poem about hermeneutics and epistemology - excellent! What we experience of Divine revelation and beauty in the natural world is misread and miswritten. We choose our words badly and our rhythms and rhymes dilute the majesty and wonder of the experience we were trying to share. If only we could observe the thing as it really is and if only we had the interpretative structures and mechanisms to digest these feelings and this moment into something that would connect the reader to what we saw.

We are poor evangelists for the life, light and love shone into our lives. But that does not undermine the task of trying. Indeed perhaps with every attempt we get a little closer to saying it as it is. As we reach for authenticity we become more authentic and less and less is lost in the transition.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

I ran this through https://syllablecounter.net/count

You did not keep the required structure for a Noye. Relates for example is three syllables, not two.


Thanks for sharing.

2023 Quill Nominee

 
STATIC
My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
100
100
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello, bob county . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Wyoming State House Bill 85 "  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Wyoming House Bill 85 from 2012 planned for the breakup of the USA. The anticipated reason for this breakup is the rise of the national debt.


*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

When I read this I wondered if you had made it up so I googled and found plans for Wyoming to buy an aircraft carrier and fighter jets in this planning. This is a real thing!!!

US national debt is bad but historically and globally speaking quite manageable. You have to set debt against assets and the US is rich in those. Japan has a debt ratio of more than twice that of the USA. So I do not believe that will be the reason in the foreseeable future.

A more likely reason for a breakdown in the Federal Government a decade later that this was written would be political partisanship erupting into civil war. Agitators and demagogues like Trump ignoring the results of legitimate elections and supporting insurrectionists does not bode well for the Federal Republic and especially if he is reelected in 2024. There is also the rise of China to consider. China is organizing BRIC countries into a block opposing American hegemony. The collapse of that hegemony would also lead to the loss of the considerable economic and trading advantages it brings the US and major global instability also. Both these threats can be managed but require the American people to show wisdom.

Speaking from Europe it seems to me that the Western alliance has kept the peace for more than 75 years and the breakup of this into national units would usher in an era of instability we have not experienced since WW2.

For an individual state like Wyoming to plan independence seems ludicrous to me given its relative size and economic clout inside the USA. It would be quickly overwhelmed by larger actors in practice.

I found this piece unconvincing for the rationale argued and it lacked anything like an overall political perspective.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

You might want to check out quillbot.com. You have a lot of errors with commas for example.


Thanks for sharing.

2023 Quill Nominee

 
STATIC
My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1,304 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 53 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/luminementis/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/4