I have enjoyed reading this romantic poem. The reader can actually feel what you are trying to express in this poem eg. when you are flying etc. The eyes are like an ocean where one can get lost in.
I think that you should include some punctuation at the end of each or most of the sentences cos without any punctuation, the poem lacks some rhythm. Try reading it aloud and you will see what I mean. This is only a suggestion. The rhyming is very good. I have seen no grammatical errors.
Thanks for sharing this beautiful poem with us. Keep writing!
This is a really sad poem. I think that the rhyming is a bit forced and you may loose the interest of the reader in this way. The rhythm of the poem is good.
My favourite part is: Hoping and praying you won't hurt anymore,
here I'll sit, beside your closed door.
Pain, anger, and depression you have succumb.
Leaving your mind and body tingling and numb.
In this poem you speak about a teenage girl who puts on a mask whenever she is with others. You show us her different faces and I think that a lot of people can relate to this poem.
I think that you have made good spacing and the rhythm and rhyming are perfect.
I have no suggestions to give you because I think that it is a well written poem and I have not seen any errors in grammar or punctuation.
What a lovely poem! I really like the title a lot and I am sure that a lot of people can relate to this poem.
You have made use of good imagery. I think that the rhythm is a bit lacking but you make good use of rhymes. I think that you should try to improve the rhyming so that it will be easier to read.
I hope that this green-eyed woman knows what you feel for her. I'm sure that she would really like this poem.
This is a nice poem where you are talking about a beast who cannot be beaten but you say that you will build a haven for this person so that this beast might pass by.
I cannot understand whether this beast is time or life. The poem does not have a good flow and so the reader has to read some parts twice to understand eg: that I could gaze for
eternity, and hurt for
as long
and as hard as I stare
My favourite part is:
We could lay here
suspended in this sanctuary
And if I saw the creature soaring by.
It wouldnāt matter
Cause with you time
flies by.
These two stanzas are so romantic. Keep writing!
It has been a pleasure reading your entry. Winners will be announced in the first week of february. I hope to see you in the next round!
Welcome to WDC! I enjoyed reading this poem. You are talking about your love for a woman who you really want. She means everything to you.
I have noticed some spelling mistakes: enternal should be eternal Gods should be gods peice should be piece
This poem has a good flow. I think that you should have continued refering to this woman in the third person. You have started saying 'you' in the last 2 stanzas and it is a bit confusing. This is just my opinion. On the whole, I think that it is a good poem.
This is a good short prose. It has a good flow and you keep the reader interested till the end.
I find it hard to agree with you on some things. In my case, I married my first (and only) love. I agree with you that first love can be strong, but it certainly doesn't fade away quickly. I've known my husband for 5 years and a half and our love has not ended...it is stronger than how it was..it is true love. I think that you can still be jealous and not really trust even when there is true love. If you are not jealous of your partner, then in my opinion, it is not true love.
This is just my opinion!
I like the last two lines... True love never fades away.
It is a bond that can never be broken and lasts for eternity.
Keep writing!
mandy
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The title of your short story seemed interesting. I'm glad I read it. I kept on smiling while reading it and the last part was so funny because you say it in an innocent way and it is hard not to smile!
I think that you are a talented writer because you keep the reader interested till the end. Your story has a good pattern and a good flow. I have seen no errors in this story.
Welcome to WDC. Hope to see other items of yours in our port raid forums.
Keep writing!
mandy
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Wow! I really like this adaptation. I'm just sorry for Flowerina's brothers. You leave the readers curious to know what might have happened when she gets to know that the wolf has eaten her brothers!
The genres are well chosen. This short story is well written and you make the reader interested to know what is going to happen next because it is quite different to the story we know of the 3 little pigs.
I have just noted one spelling mistake:
"I like you to too and I'm glad that you aren't concerned that I am a pig."
I'm sure that your son and other children have enjoyed reading this short story...I surely have!
This poem is about how a marriage has ended because of the betrayal of the other partner. It seems that your partner has cheated on you and you are asking him/her how he/she can ask you to be forgiven.
Unfortunately, a lot of people can relate to this poem. It is well written, the rhythm is very good and the rhyming is excellent. I have no suggestions to give you. Keep up the good work
It has been a pleasure reading your entry. Winners will be announced in the first week of february. I hope to see you in the next round!
This is such a sad poem. You are speaking about someone who is very lonely and who is pleading for someone to help her. You have managed to show us how depression affects someone's life.
I think that your poem is well written and it has a very good flow. I have no suggestions to give you because it is a very good poem.
My favourite part is: A bleeding heart screams out to you,
to obliterate the misery itās going through.
āPlease help me before I fall apartā,
words issued by my bleeding heart.
Keep up the good work.
It has been a pleasure reading your entry. Winners will be announced in the first week of february. I hope to see you in the next round!
This is such a sad poem and I can relate to it. This is how I used to feel a few years ago...you just seem to be seeing everything around you and no one seems to know you exist. It is so depressing.
I have just noticed one spelling mistake: One day I shall just fade of off into the past
This poem has a good rhythm. I have no suggestions to give you. I hope that you are no longer feeling lonely. Keep writing!
It has been a pleasure reading your entry. Winners will be announced in the first week of february. I hope to see you in the next round!
This is a good poem which I've enjoyed reading. You describe a lioness chasing a deer and how a friend comes in aid of this deer and they manage to escape but you say that the lioness still attacks in spirit.
I tried to search in a thesaurus to see whether prowel exists. I could not find a definition but could it be that you meant prowl ?
I think that this poem has a good flow and you have managed to make the reader interested by making us want to know what is going to be the fate of this deer.
Keep up the good work!
It has been a pleasure reading your entry. Winners will be announced in the first week of february. I hope to see you in the next round!
This is a really sad poem which makes the reader sense what this man must be feeling. I think that your first stanza is great because you give the reader a lot of information about what is happening.
The short description of the poem made me very curious and I like the part where you say:
And his body heavily fell,
But his soul was free for eternity,
And would, forever, be well.
I think that this poem has a good flow and the rhyming is very good too.
Keep writing!
It has been a pleasure reading your entry. Winners will be announced in the first week of february. I hope to see you in the next round!
I have really enjoyed reading this poem because it makes the reader think about what man is.
I think that the rhythm is good in most of the poem. I think that you should avoid having a long sentence in one line because you disrupt the flow.
I have noticed that you have added two lines in the message you posted in our forum. They are not included in your poem. I'm pasting them below so that you can just copy and paste them onto your poem...just in case you forgot them.
As we walk the yellow streets of heaven for all time,
the man in hell won't hear a sound not even the crisp wind chime.
On the whole I think that you did a good job. Keep writing!
It has been a pleasure reading your entry. Winners will be announced in the first week of february. I hope to see you in the next round!
This is my third review. I really like this poem. Your poems deal with everyday experiences. In this poem, you describe everyone around you being agaist you and your partner. At first, you trusted him and you went against the others but later on you realized that they were right.
This poem is well written and is more organised the other poems I've reviewed (of yours).
I think that 'understands' in the last line, should be changed into 'was right'. This is only a suggestion.
I have no other suggestion to give you because it is quite a good poem.
I think that this is a well written poem. You are speaking about how you trusted someone...probably a friend. You thought you knew him because he showed you a good side of himself. When you realized you had made a mistake in your judgement, it was too late. Your life is no longer the same and you say that your world is full of shame.
I think that this poem has a good flow, however you should add some more punctuation and make capital letters whenever there is a full stop.
I think that you should arrange the following line: i am not the same life over before it had begun
Wow! This poem is really amusing! I would have never managed to write such a good parody! I am sure that any child would love to hear it. I'm glad to see that you have won an awardicon for this poem because you deserve it!
I am sure that Terryjroo has enjoyed reading this poem too.
I have seen no errors in grammar and have no suggestions to give you.
This is the first review from your winning bid in Staine's Auction. The title of this poem has filled me with curiousity and I'm glad I read it.
You give us a good introduction about how you are feeling and making us imagine the voices and visions which are tormenting you. The descriptions you use make us feel your anxiety and fear and there is a climax in the seventh stanza. At the end, a prayer makes these spirits go away and everything seems calm once again.
This poem has a good flow keeping the reader interested until the end. The rhyming of this poem is perfect! I have no suggestions to give you.
This is a sad poem. You are talking about cancer and you show how it affects the lives of the people suffering from cancer. You describe cancer as being a monster. You plea for more time because it is not enough. You want this cancer to go away to relieve the pain and grief.
Again, the flow and rhyming are excellent. You keep us interested in what you are going to say in the next line.
Keep writing because you are a very talented writer
This is a lovely poem which was written for the man you loved. You are showing your appreciation for what he has given you and this is also shown in the title of this poem. You seem to have changed a lot thanks to this man.
The rhyming and flow of this poem is good.
I would change nothing of this poem because I think that it is well written.
Well done!
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