You are right, being a mental health nurse is not easy. You end up taking your work problems at home. It is nice to know that some of these patients get cured and it is touching to know that one of your patients phoned you to thank you and say that she loved you. Even though it is a hard job, I'm sure that it gives you a lot of satisfaction.
The poem is well written and the rhythm is perfect.
Again, this is a well written short story and you make use of a lot of colorful imagery. The comparison of a fly in a web being torn at every limb is really original. It represents a person being 'torn' by lies and dishonesty.
I like the way the short story ends because you ended on a positive note. You are no longer being torn and used because you are the spider.
Just a few suggestions. There is a spelling mistake in the first stanza. Deciet should be deceit . I also think that there is a mistake in the fourth stanza. I think it should be: Look at you now, your disgrace.
I would arrange the following line:
Through my own arrogance, I let you grow but I am the cure to the viral disease you spread.
Wow! This is brilliant! I really enjoyed reading this short story.
It is well written...You could easily make it longer. It is very emotional and you use a lot of imagery. The reader feels what you are feeling. You have what a good writer should have!
I have not seen any spelling mistakes. I will review your other items.
Well done! I really enjoyed reading this short story. It is so touching and so sad! It kept me interested till the end and it is as though the reader is actually there. I liked the metaphors you used. I liked the following sentence in particular: 'Darkness tore his wings apart, so he had to walk, walk alone.'
The ending is very sad: He died with tears in his eyes wishing there was someone next to him who cared.
You definitely deserved your win with this entry. You have pictured the situation perfectly and the reader feels as though he is feeling what this poor woman is feeling.
The woman is shocked when she gets to know the news of her husband's death and yet she seems not to be attentive to what is being said by the Colonel. With every sentence he says, she is thinking about a particular moment with her husband.
You end this short story so nicely:
“I will always be with you, Eleanor, for all eternity.”
This is a well written story. It reads very smoothly and I enjoyed reading it. You build up the tension and keep the reader interested till the end. It is sad to see how someone can react upon getting to know something, as in the case of jared's brother. He treated him badly and knew that he was hurting him a lot. However, at the end he wants his brother back to tell him how much he loves him and ' if only dear God, if only you bring him back home, safe and sound to me. '
This poem does not seem to have a flow. It does not capture the reader's attention and to me it seemed a bit dry. There is no imagery in this poem at all and does not have any clear cut rhyming scheme.
There is as spelling mistake in the fourth stanza, second line. It should read: "He's just there", "He's available ", "He's free" for someone else's love.
This is just my opinion. Don't lose heart on the negative comments.
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