I really enjoyed reading this poem. The title is quite original...you made me curious to see what was this bathtub heaven...it is the heaven of your dog...the only place where he does not feel terrified.
It seems that any noise scares him away and you seem upset to see him in this misery.
The rhymthm of this poem is excellent. You make the reader eager to see why your dog seems so upset.
I have seen no errors in grammar and have no suggestions to give you because I think that it is perfect.
This is a very touching poem because you are talking about something which unfortunately is very common. This piece shows what the abused children have to go through.
The title of the poem is quite touching too. You have chosen the right title.
I think that this poem is well written. You manage to say a lot in a few words.
I truly enjoyed reading this poem. You talk about how each moment, your love for your partner grows and it will follow him wherever he will be.
The rhyming is perfect in the first two stanzas. It is a pity that you do not continue rhyming in the same way i.e. 1st line with 3rd and 2nd with 4th.
The rhythm and flow is very good
My favourite part is:
Know these ties
that bind us two,
are shared by us both,
me and you.
This poem appeals to me a and my husband a lot! Keep writing!
This is the 5th review I owe you! I think that this is a beautiful poem. You are describing photos as being candles which light up the darkness we have in our minds. I like the descriptions and metaphors you use. You say that time weighs heavily on your eyelids and that you try to remember your friends by looking at photo albums. This person's friends are dead since yhou talk about the past as being an old world and friends seem to be ruins. You plead to see your old friends again.
My favourite part is:
for when the circuit is shorted,
and fuses blow all around,
photographs are candles
to light up the night.
I have really enjoyed reading your poems. This is my favourite poem Sorry for taking so long.
This poem appeals to me In this poem you talk about something which happens quite often: a person is listening to a tenor...the song moves this person and his thoughts start to linger as the song drifts.
It seems as though the tenor has managed to say the life of this person through his song.
My favourite part is: you leap
to applaud
a dusky tale
written in invisible ink,
filtered through
vocal cords;
since,
sometimes
truth
can only be sung.
I have enjoyed reading this poem too I have no suggestions to give you here too.
This is a well written poem. I've enjoyed every line! You are speaking about a mother who did not know her sibling. I think that this sibling has been abandoned by his mother and you say that he heard her inside the heart's ear even when distant from sight. She didn't wait for the him and for the things he wanted to say...and perhaps he had arrived to late.
I like the description of this mother eg. she swayed with each gust in dark tunnels and nested in shadows.
I have no suggestions to give you because I think that it is perfect. I have seen no errors in grammar.
This is so sweet I hope that I will have a nice family as yours eventually. I'm glad that you have such a nice family
I have seen some spelling mistake. I think that you should keep describing everything in the past. You started by describing the first two stanzas in the past and then the others were in the present. It is a bit confusing.
My son Jordan comes flying toward's me and shoots me right upside {?} the head. My husband sees this from the corner of his eye and replies, "That's it, get your mother." with a twinkle in his darling blue eyes. That sends Jordan in overdrive and he leaps apon me in the intentions he's going to wrestle with his mother.
My husband's smiles raising should be My husband smiles raising
This prose seems to be full of hatred. You do not care about what others might think of you and you don't want them to pity you or pray for you. On the contrary, you pity the others and you hate them too.
I think that I have seen a spelling mistake. I think that congralutions should be congratulations.
I have no other comments to give you for this prose because I think that it is well written. My favourite part is:
Pray for yourself.
I will pity you.
I will hate you.
Always.
And I will tell you.
This is another good poem. You speak about a disease who is going around every cell of the body and it even enters the sould of an individual. Once it finishes this body, it will infect another body. The routine is always repeated.
The disease is described as a human. I liked the following sentence:
smiling happily as it feeds on the body,
chewing on juicy organs and using tiny bones as mere toothpicks.
I have seen no errors in grammar and I think that the flow of this poem is very good.
This is another good poem. I like the word staine in this poem and obviously in your handle. It is a title in most of your folders and it certainly catches the eye, cos it shows that you have been stained by something...sort of hurt.
My favourite part is: I welcome the shadows clouding my stains.
I have seen one spelling mistake in the second line: shodows should be shadows.
I liked this poem because you are speaking about an aging book but you are describing it as though it was human. There is no rhyming, however, the flow is very good.
I like the way you divide the stanzas of the poem. The first stanza shows how the book felt about his past and what he has giving to others. The second stanza shows how he has had enough of everything while the third shows his resolution. He longs for death but he knows that it cannot be granted.
My favourite part is: But soon I will be forgotten.
Then I will spend my aging days wishing for death that can never be granted.
I would have never expected the story to end like this! Those ingredients which were sent were very special indeed! It changed dogs to humans and humans to dogs!!! It was a real surprise. You kept me interested till the end.
The dogs were finally happy cos they could eat food that humans eat!
Well done and keep up the good work!
It was a pleasure reading your entry. I hope to see you in the next round. Winners will be announced soon.
This is quite an original poem. You make use of spaces and one word lines to make us feel how small the space is and how we might not really miss something until it is gone. You give us examples such as noise, screaming etc.
My favourite part is: 'So many lost in surface dreams'
It has been a pleasure reading your entry. Winners will be announced soon. I hope to see you in the next round!
I have enjoyed reading this poem. It is about someone who is secretly in love with a person but it seems that he hasn't told her about his feelings, how much he longs for her and how much she means to him. The reader can feel a lot of emotions especially this man's desperation.
The poem is well written. The rhyming is perfect and the flow is very good too. I have no suggestions to give you because I have seen no errors in punctuation or grammar.
It has been a pleasure reading your entry. Winners will be announced soon. I hope to see you in the next round!
This poem is so funny! It has made me smile from the beginning till the end! I could imagine the hamster in his cage making fub of people! I think that my favourite line is:
I’m happy with my hamster life,
At least I’ll never need a wife!
The rhyming is excellent. It is a pity that you did not rhyme the 6th stanza.
I have no suggestions to give you because I think that it is well written.
It has been a pleasure reading your entry. Winners will be announced after the 31st October. I hope to see you in the next round!
I have enjoyed reading this poem. I think that it has a good style and it has a good flow. I imagine this woman by the sea feeling sad but at the end there is her lover who can confort her.
I have seen no errors in grammar or in punctuation.
My favourite part is: Night, depths of darkness from a broken soul;
A broken soul housing the vulnerable gentle glow.
It has been a pleasure reading your entry. Winners will be announced after the 31st October. I hope to see you in the next round!
Wow! I really enjoyed reading this story. You got me confused at the end but it was well written cos this poor woman was dreaming about meeting her family and being in the comfort of their house while in reality she was always at her house with her nasty husband. She seems to have been trying to live an illusion.
My favourite part is: All she could do was stare into his eyes, feeling the eternity of the misery that they had become; knowing she should find some words but there were none.
I have seen no errors in grammar or punctuation. This short story has a good flow and keeps the reader interested!
I love this form of writing, in fact I have two poems in Pi form
The message you are trying to convey is very touching. It seems that some people were crying and the angels where looking on to witness what was going to happen. We see that these people died and the angels scream. God hears his angels and they cried for the dead.
Since this is a pi poem, you have tried to limit the number of words per line because of the Pi formula. However, in doing so, you left out some important words which make more sense eg. They held each in comfort, seeking a holy answer would look better if it was They held each other in comfort, seeking a holy answer
Listening to silent crimes committed this bloody day would sound better it it was: Listening to silent crimes committed on this bloody day
On the whole I have really enjoyed reading this poem.
Keep writing
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I enjoyed reading this poem. You speak about a friend making you appreciate yourself and help you erase the pain when you are feeling down.
You make use of a lot of describtive words eg: from this shepherded society losing heart. I think that this is my favourite line.
I have some suggestions to give you. I think that the first line is longer than the rest of the poem so it would look better if you would split this sentence.
You should also make use of some punctuation so that it would give the poem a good flow.
These are only my suggestions.
Keep writing!
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Thanks for telling us about yourself. I knew that you were a published author but I did not know that you had published so many books!
I am glad to see that you are down to earth and not a proud person. You have a lot of good qualities and this is whosn when you say: I don't toy with others' feelings, for I don't want mine toyed with either, for I bleed just like anyone else does when hurt.
Well done for your success!
Keep writing and cheering people with your reviews
You have brought tears to my eyes. It is a very emotional poem which talks about an autistic son. I have a sister who has had a brain damage, so I have a soft spot for this 'children' with special needs. It hurts to see them remain children, or be in a world of their own. I guess that life is worth living for them...at times they do get depressed cos they see themselves different, but they are loved. The problem is: What will happen to them when we will die?
This is a touching poem. It is well written and it has an excellent flow. I have no suggestions to give you because it is perfect!
Keep writing!
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I enjoyed reading this story. I would have never imagined it to finish so tragically. You describe a typical day at home but at the end ou receive a phone call from your mum. You have started to think about your grandma in heaven...but your dad has died. The only word which you say is 'No'.
I think that this short story was well written. I have seen no errors in grammar or in punctuation.
These story classes certainly help especially if you have a writer's block. They give you their opinions to make the story better.
Keep writing!
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How Sweet! I love reading about children and about their wanting to drive people crazy You are blessed to have a son like him! I enjoyed the part where he gor your husband embarassed. I was reading it out to my boyfriend and we were both laughing!!! Children do amazing things without thinking!
I think that the title should be: Gotta! My Son't Mischief
I have noticed a few mistakes:
-Elevatores should be elevators
-michief should be mischief
-in priceless should be is priceless.
-To much should be too much (in the 3rd paragraph).
-I replied in the closet should be I replied that they were in the closet.
The genres you have chosen are perfect for this short story
Thanks for sharing part of your life with us
Keep writing
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smiling happily as it feeds on the body, 
