I think this poem shows your raw emotion and personifies the crush you have. There is some typos and layout errors. As you write more they will disappear and get noticed by you quicker. This poem is great at showing the magnitude of your emotion.
This is a great poem. I actually do know someone like this. I know of two people that just need to lose their marriage mates because they are just being taken advantage of. Everyone knows they hold the short end of the stick but refuse to walk away. Your poem will affect many I am sure. If there is anything wrong with this poem it lies in form or structure and I'm no expert on such things. So as a result you get a five.
This poem is great because it can be applied to God. There were a couple of minor things that kept it from becoming a five star rating. First when you started off the first eight lines rhyming together then to me the next eight should have had the same type of rhyming scheme. Instead it went four, four, four. It is of minor consequence but it throws consistancy away. The other thing is that it really had no powerful line that stuck out. Beyond that the poem has a great and powerful message and it was nicely written. I think it has an almighty message in such a simple language. Thanks for posting this delightful breath of fresh air.
This was an interesting style. I think I liked the asked and answered type of approach. I think the poem has some really great lines and stanzas in it that leave powerful images imbedded in my thoughts. It almost seems like a tragic poem although no one has died........yet. Thanks for posting and sharing this.
This is really a great poem with a lot to say in a short period of time. The comparisons to broken glass and that there is no device are great lines. Thanks for posting. I didn't give it a five because you started with a rhyming element and didn't finish that way. A minor thing but it prevented it from being perfect. This is an awesome poem no matter what way you slice it.
WOW. This poem is amazing. I try not to hand out five star ratings but the message is so powerful and delivered so effectively I an blinded to whatever may ail this poem. You have great verses and a well thought poem. Thank you.
I love the tragedy angle this took. It has almost a Romeo and Juliet feel to it. I didn't give it a five because the rhyme was off in a few of he stanzas. Although some of the words ended the same way they weren't pronounced the same way. Beyond the minor rhyming thing the poem was solid. I liked this line "With broken wings she flew with a broken heart."
I liked the image it gave of complete failure because with broken wings nothing can fly and add a broken heart into the mix it is a no win situation. Thank you for this excellent poem.
Thanks for sharing a little part of your rough life. I rated this a four primarily because there were a lot of typos. I would love to see this story get expanded upon. Turning this into fiction and making a short story could be great. I can feel your emotion in this piece and i want to thank you for sharing it.
I think that this poem flows great and is real sing-songy. It was written well but it lacks something to make it jump out more. I wish I knew what that was but it wasn't major. Thanks for the great poem.
This is interesting because it is no real format. I think it speaks volumes in the ways people interact with one another. Especially the opposite sex. It has a real human side to it and you captured the scene well. Thanks for sharing this.
Thanks for sharing this piece with us. I like the poem's message most of all I think. You did a good job at representing it. I didn't give this a five because the fourth line of the first stanza where you say I evolve. It seems out of place there. Maybe a rewording of the sentence or a different rhyming word will help you out. I love this line "My hole in the dirt may lie next to you." This gives me an image of allies, and strength. Thanks for sharing this.
This is absolutely amazing. I like the sequence of the years and how the child goes from where is mommy? to why is mommy here? It is a good story because eventually the girl grows up to be a woman, and with kids of her own. The thought reflection about the boys shyness is a good one to ponder but from what i can tell of the woman in the story she is there for her boys and they will be more grounded. I know I was shy as a boy and then became the opposite when I got older. Thanks for posting this.
If you wanted to encapture sadness, depression, and loneliness you sure accomplished that mission. This is a great piece of literature and it kind of reminds me of some type of abuse issue but not one hundred percent sure. Anyways nice writing, nice style, no complaints. Thank you.
This is a good cute poem but yet true to life. Sometimes you have the pressure of "blow out the candles quick" before you really have an opportunity to think about what you want. I used to wish for dumb things because I was rushed. Thanks for enlightening use with this poem. The only thing I noticed is that if you put the question mark in there then you should put the other punctuation in. If you leave it all out then I think it is ok to do for a poem. But it is a minor thing. Thank you and happy belated birthday.
Very awesome poem with lots of emotion. It really seems to portray a great struggle and I think you did an excellent job with it. Thank you for sharing it.
There really is a lot packed in this little account. As this appears to be a one night stand type of encounter the story is just as short almost symbolic. I think the ending could use a more of a finishing touch. I was not sure who's back was against the rug as they both can't have their backs against the rug. It is really a tiny issue but needs clarifying. Beyond that Excellent work.
This is very good. I love how you construe negative items and make them seem like a good thing. It really shows how close you were to the individual and how much lover there was only for it to be nothing but a memory of life. Thank you for posting this powerful poem.
I liked the ending of this one. It kind of brought out a sadistic character. As I re-read this poem it started to grow and grow on me. I think this is an excellent poem. Keep at it!
This is a great story about an anticipation that almost seems impossible. My thought would be that one or the other is married and that is why circumstances won't allow. I liked how it showed how important even the very idea of the kiss is to the author. I think the sentences are a little off making it slightly difficult to flow through the poem. That is the only flaw that I see however. I liked it very much thank you for sharing.
This poem is great. I think you put a lot of thought into the message you wanted to convey. There were some memorable lines for me such as "I pray for the worried to gain the strength of many put in one". To me this speaks volumes because when you become burdened with worry it is somtimes a problem bigger than yourself so when a person gains the strength of many they are able to find a way to overcome. I didn't give it a five because some lines just a little flat, and the poem was a little choppy. With the vision I can see that you have you'll be getting fives in due time. Thank you for sharing this wonderful poem.
This poem has some good elements. Namely that it compares two things together. I can see the similarites between the types of swinging, swinging by yourself, in all types of weather etc. The major flaw I see in this is that there is absolutely no capitalization whatsoever. That forms a distraction for me. However, I especially liked the comparison of when others were pushing you or pulling you. People in life do help you and there a select few that try and hold you back. I like the message found in here. Thank you for sharing this.
This is a very good story. I thought it was suspenseful because as a writer I think writing is suspenseful and when she was reaching the climax of the story I was just as excited and then you had her dead. If you didn't hint that the story doesn't always end first I would've been taken more by surprise. Thank you for the fine read.
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