This review is meant in the spirit of encouragement and support. It is my humble opinion....nothing more.
First Impression:Good title. I instantly knew she was having financial problems. I wonder how this story is going to workout...so I read on!
Creativity: Well, you say you're not good at dialogue, but I think you did a really good job at it. In addition, most people might actually shy away from it, but most of this was dialogue and it flowed well.
Grammar/Spelling: Overall, well edited. I saw no typos or anything of the sort. Just one suggestion -
“I can’t! What will Mom and Dad say? I’m twenty-one years old Mike. I’ve only been on my own for a few years. If they find out they’ll kill me!” The "I can't" is a little confusing to me. Do you mean she can't hide from her creditors or her parents or that she can't file for bankruptcy?
Likes/Dislikes: I loved the ending. Her response of possibly becoming an escort was funny and not expected. Poor Mike slapping his forehead shows even he doesn't know how to help her.
Overall Impression: Good story and great job with the dialogue.
Off Topic - Welcome to WDC!!! If you want to work more at you dialogue try this contest out "Invalid Item"
This is my first charity auction and Wow! the adrenaline is pumping. Great event for a good cause! As a newbie to something like this I must say that everything has been very informative and helpful. Good luck to you and me!!
Hope it is a huge success.
This review is meant in the spirit of encouragement and support. It is my humble opinion....nothing more.
First Impression: Good title and intro, gives the reader enough info about what is going on without revealing any juicy details too early!
Creativity: Excellent job at describing Michelle's psychosis. Very clever by having her "translate" his words and actions. This gave real depth to her insanity. This sentence really said it all: We could go weeks without exchanging words, yet at the same time, exchanging passionate declarations of our commitment.
Grammar/Spelling: Overall good. I noticed a few things I would chalk up to being small oversights.
“Oh!” He exclaimed, rotating the stool so that he was face me, eyes ablaze with our love. Face should probably be "facing".
I settled myself in the darkness of the closet, shutting the door just enough so that I the front desk was still visible This line could be reworded, it's off grammatically, a slice of light shone through the shadows from were I sat.This section might work best as a new sentence all together.
Time slowed down while I starred stared at their lips dance, my eyes irate.
I glided into the room, but didn’t get his attention until I slammed the door closed behind me; the force knocked a picture off the wall. Maybe you could omit "closed" as slamming the door already implies that it closed...also helps the flow, I think.
“Michelle! What the hell?” He screeched, looking from my hand to my eyes, scorching though his with insanity. The last part of this sentence is off. If you read it perhaps you'll see that something is missing.
Likes: Here is what I loved -
My overly voluptuous build would most defiantly be a new change to that of his…wife. The (...wife) really gave off the feeling of disdain and hatred for Rob's wife.
We practically made love the time I "accidentally" locked us in the sauna. I have never been alone with a man that long in all my life. I never felt so scandalous. I liked this sentence for two reasons. First, I thought it was funny as hell and also because it is so indicative of her insanity...just what exactly does "We practically made love" mean when the other person barely acknowledges your presence? Great attention to detail in describing this crazy woman.
My voice reached volumes I never thought were possible. Great way to describe her yelling!
Blood soaked through every surface around us; I loved the feeling of his own scarlet warmth, saturating my tingling skin. Awesome description for his blood.
Overall Impression:Great story! You did an excellent job at showing this woman's growing psychosis!!!
This review is meant in the spirit of encouragement and support. It is my humble opinion....nothing more.
First Impression: The title certainly gave the impression of a cat and mouse game. You're opening line was GREAT, so descriptive, so telling, good choice of words.
Creativity: It is very difficult to come up with a story of only 300 words. You were able to incorporate the given prompts well into the storyline quite effortlessly.
Grammar/Spelling: I saw no errors. Good job at editing.
Likes/Dislikes: I loved the whole thing, but this line was so well and succintly said: Medical attention was as needed as it was out of the question.
Overall Impression: Great story. You maintained the suspense throughout. This is a winning story!
This review is meant in the spirit of encouragement and support. It is my humble opinion....nothing more.
Title: While it does work, I wonder if you could have given something a little more to entice the reader. Yes, this is a stranger but yet someone very familiar. Perhaps this could have been worked into the title.
Creativity: Good use of the prompt.
Grammar/Spelling: None.
Likes/Dislikes: I liked the setting. The dialogue was very good and had great flow.
Changes: None.
Overall Impression: Really good story for the prompt. You were able to say a lot with few words. I was wondering why would this man not recognize someone he was married to. You made the story interesting and was still able to hold off on giving anything way until the end. This was a very moving story....sad, but maybe hopeful as well.
Write On!!!!!
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“I can’t! What will Mom and Dad say? I’m twenty-one years old Mike. I’ve only been on my own for a few years. If they find out they’ll kill me!” 
!!