Hi, I really enjoyed this, I think it's a beautiful story. I loved the way you explained it in a logical order, with just enough extra information to set the scene, without cluttering the story.
One thing I think you could do to improve it is to introduce Jeri's name earlier, as it sounds a little cumbersome to say "meet this person on the sidewalk..."
Overall, I think you've done a good job on this, it's a really nice story.
If you have time, feel free to drop by my port, I'd love to hear your opinion.
Hi, This is really nice. I loved the last line, "They grow". I think it really adds a sense of completeness to the poem. Well done.
One part that I think could use improvement is the line "Ah ... No ..." I think it almost falls flat, perhaps a little more description surrounding it would add impact.
Overall though, this poem has a good sense of rhythm and I enjoyed reading it. Well done.
If you have time, feel free to drop by my port. I'd love to hear your opinion.
Hi, I really enjoyed this piece, the imagery is very powerful. I like the way you use "I am" for two of the stanzas, it's very effective.
The imagery seemed to jump around a lot, but in this piece that worked well. Overall, I really enjoyed reading this piece, it seemed to flow really well. Well done.
If you have time, feel free to drop by my port. I'd love to hear your opinion.
Wow, it's quite amazing to see where everybody is from, the majority is definitely America. I think you did well in this poll, with an option for people who have multiple nationalities etc, and an option for poeple who just want to see the answers. Overall, very nice poll.
I voted Australia and Oceania.
If you have time, feel free to drop by my port. I'd love to hear your opinion.
Hi, I really liked this. It did make me smile. I liked the imagery of the umbilical cord, that's a really nice idea.
I didn't think the last stanza worked as well as it could have, I had to read it a couple of times to have it make sense. Maybe it would work better reworded?
Overall, I thought this was a very cute poem, and all the imagery was very powerful. Well done.
If you have time, feel free to drop by my port. I'd love to hear your opinion.
Wow, I really enjoyed this piece, I love the use of the word "moon" in the first line, it sets the scene for "night" in the second line. This is a very simple but very deep piece. Well done.
If you get time, feel free to drop by my port. I'd love to hear your opinion
I really like this piece. It's a very simple Haiku, but it seems to have a deeper meaning about the passing of time, and how nothing can last forever. I don't know if thats what you intended, but its what I got out of it.
Well done.
If you get time, feel free to drop by my port. I'd love to hear your opinion.
Wow, I think this is absolutely beautiful. I think you did really well to come up with this, and it just captures the emotion and pointlessness of all the wars going on in the world today. Overall, I think you've done a great job on this, comparing the garden as a place of peace to the world at large is pure genius. Well done.
Wow, really interesting poll. Looks like a lot of people got into writing very young. I like the way you had the open ended option of 53 - up, but one of the categories is larger than the others, 22 - 28. That may make it harder if you wanted to analyse results.
Hi, I think this is a really beautiful poem, you've written really well about something very strong. I know I was guilty of this, and I really related to the piece. One part that I think could flow a little better is the line "But it truly isn't the other person's fault", it just seems a little rough, if you know what I mean.
Overall though, I really enjoyed this, I think you've done a great job. Well done.
Wow, this is actually a really original poem. You've chosen a simple topic, and used description to bring the poem alive.
I didn't really understand the last line, it seemed disconnected from the rest of the poem, and fell flat for me.
The part I enjoyed most was the decsription of feelings, "fly into the dashboard", "hit my head on the ceiling", stomach tickles", are all very vivid descriptions. Well done.
I really enjoyed this. It did give me a laugh. I think you've got enough variety here to allow a wide range of people to relate to it, I know I could. I like the comparison you made between 'Kid Sense' and 'Common Sense', I think it adds a bit of depth to oyour writing.
Overall, I really enjoyed reading this. Well done.
Hi, I really enjoyed this poem. I thought it had a very interesting structure to it.
One little point, where you say 'to' in the line "Until I to", should that be 'too'?
I thought it was interesting, the way you shifted from describing things as they are, to imparting advice to the future. It's not a technique commonly seen, but it added a mystical quality to your words, which really fits the theme of your poem. Well done.
Hi.
I like the ideas in this poem, I love the image you used of "Ones falling shadow
Masking the others flaws". It really gives an impression of beauty being in the eye of the beholder.
It may be just me, but I had a bit of a problem with the uncommon words such as pulchritude. I have no idea what that word means, so for me it disrupted the flow of the poem.
Overall though, I liked the flow here, and I think you got your ideas across well. Well done.
Hi, I really enjoyed this poem. I liked the theme, and the way you used the first stanza as the last one. It really finishes the poem off well.
In some parts the rhythm seemed to move around a bit, but overall it flowed well.
I really enjoyed reading this, Well done.
Oh this is brilliant. I love the way you take a simple idea like Santa, and explain how to practically make him work. You make the ideas flow smoothly and almost seem feasible. You had me hooked right from the start. There are a couple of small spelling mistakes I noticed, but nothing major.
I love the way you suggest using the space program to fund it, it really makes it sound achievable. Well done.
Hi, I think that this is beautifuly written. You've chosen a great topic, I love the way you used rain as a metaphor for blessings and sadness in life. I have no suggestions to make, you said it perfectly. Well done.
Hi, I think this is very powerfully written. I love the idea you address here, and I love the way you reuse the words 'heckling' and 'yanking' at the end of the poem, it ties your ideas together and adds some continuity.
One suggestion I have is to play around with the punctuation a bit. I can see some points where it might flow better if the comma at the end of the line was removed, but it's up to you.
Overall, I really enjoyed reading this. Well done.
I really enjoyed this, I felt that it had great lyrics, and a strong rhythm that would sound good set to music.
Theres one line that didn't really seem to make sense, "Our world entwine is like a bliss". This seems gramatically incorrect, so maybe it would sound better with a bit of rewording?
Overall though, I really enjoyed this. Well done.
Hi, I thought that this was a very thought-provoking poem, it conjured up images for me of being lost within myself. I love the rhyme of most and ghosts, it really works in the poem. I thought the last line was very interesting, "A haunted spirit roaming free." because when I think of the word 'haunted' I tend to picture 'trapped', so seeing it used in this context created a lot of contrast, its almost oxymoronic. The "running free" seemed a little different in comparison to the rest of the poem. Overall, a very insightful poem.
Wow, I think this is a really peaceful poem. I love your use of description here, I could almost see the scene. I love the way that you've made this rhyme, yet none of the rhyming seems forced. Overall, I really enjoyed reading this. Well done.
I reall like this. I love the last stanza, it has such a powerful rhythm to it. I really felt the rhythm, and I think the balanced sentences really added to that. In the third stanza, should 'peice' be written as 'piece'? Overall, I think you did a good job on this. Well done.
Hi, I thought this was very powerful, I especially loved the lines, "For My Love is your Love and your Love is My Love,
And our Love is the Love we have all been in search of,"
I thought they were very well written. In some points I thought the rhyming seemed a little forced, but overall the poem sounded good.
Well done.
Wow, I really love the first stanza, it had me hooked. The first two lines are particularly effective. In the second stanza, I think you've got a typo in 'distinguishing'? I didn't find the rhythm as strong in the second stanza, but I enjoyed the poem overall anyway.
Well done.
Very well written, I think you did well in expressing your views. The arguement you used was clear, and concluded nicely at the end. You used texts such as the bible, open to interpretation, to back up your arguement. I think it was wise to include the prelude, as it gives people some idea of what to expect. Well done.
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