Hi JJ!
Here's my review of Apparitions.
Synopsis
Hmmm, how much to put in without posting spoilers...Sam's group is brought into the loop with DS9 and are shocked by a visit from a surprising new group of characters. These new additions don't sit well with Sam's gut instinct - even with news of apocalyptic endings and promises of joint salvation.
First Impressions:
Okay, this section is going to be a doozy, with long strings of my jumpy consciousness. Bare with me and feel free to ask for clarification...
I liked the new characters very much (I don't want to post spoilers, so I will continue to keep things vague). The visuals of the ships coming and going were fantastic. There is, however, an embarrassing admission I must make. Some reviewers brush off their forgetfulness as nothing big - but for me, to be utterly lost and forgetting (what I think are) key characters is something I take as a failure on my part. There is, however, something positive to be taken away from all this (stay with me, it will make sense soon.) First, I forgot who Jessie is - I mean totally forgot. "the words of Jessie tumbling through his brain." Nothing sparked my memory despite reading the chapter twice and thinking back on things before. Now, I have to keep in mind my reviews have spanned over months, and I usually eat up books in a couple days (so it's easier for me to remember people). If he was mentioned somewhere in previous chapters, maybe a quick reminder of who this person is will help the reader. I don't want to say this guy came out of know where, because all references to him were written as if they were mentioned in specific sections before - eg"They make their own weather". In short, I forgot him, and other readers like me might need a little help remembering, especially with so much info from previous chapters to remember plus the big plot reveal dropped on us in Apparitions.
The special visitors - Interesting, very interesting. I liked how the woman had debilitating effects on the men. Perhaps (if you wanted) the male could have an affect that puts all of the men on edge. Sort of the opposite of the female, but without extreme negative effects and would cause violence. I wonder if the males have similar pheromone effects on human woman. Worth mentioning?
As I said before, I'm horrible at catching subtitles in stories. Although these characters are great additions, I'm wondering how much was hinted at in earlier chapters - other than the area 51 reference. This might be my poor memory though. If there are concrete hints that tie the meeting with the new guests, cool (and I apologize for dropping the reviewing ball on that one). Merci's predicament seems tied with the Cloy'ie, so I don't think there were any "out-world" hints in her chapters. I'm guessing there were some withing the military sections - but most of it was collecting the special ops team. That only leaves sections directly related to Sierra Alpha and Sam. I thought area 51 and other facilities were just secret government military bases and the technology was just human advancement. In short, the "guests" were cool but felt introduced out of no where. My mind was on the supernatural track (from Merci's visions etc) and this new revelation was fun yet demanding to integrate into my understanding of the story so far. I interpreted "a blip from deep space" as something related to a satellite they were using to spy on the islanders and Merci - not a new ship coming in.
---- I don't paint this as a negative thing, just something I wanted to share with you, so you know where my mind is and where other readers might be. ----
Lost and Overloaded in Tapestry Land - After "No arms, just legs. I have a slight detour to make. I'll see you at the meeting." to "General Carston motioned Sam to sit opposite him." Everything in between had me fairly lost and I had to read it twice last night and once more this morning. I understood that Sam had to pick up the pizzas, a strange aircraft landed, and there were several security checks. Beyond those three key ideas, I got pretty lost in the tide of details, names, and actions. One thing I think that would clean it up, would be to omit the excess descriptions of rooms and furniture, especially since most of the guys are just passing through. The only room you would really need to describe would be the main meeting room. The other thing was the pizza - I'm wondering if this section is needed at all. I know it wins him some points with the DS9 people, but considering things seem to be on high alert and locked down, why would they be wasting time ordering take out or even having it picked up(even with two hours before the scheduled meeting)? And since the special ops team was always intended for this, why would they have to "win" friends anyway? And with all the high tech stuff on the base or in the areas, why wouldn't there be at least a kitchen, canteen, ration packs or something? The extra scenes just added layers upon layers of info I had to sift through and decide what was important and what wasn't. If you wanted to cut that out, a little more time could be spend on the actual meeting and establishing Sam's distrust better. (see below)
Malevolent and no one has noticed? - Granted we don't have a lot of background to go on, but I'm surprised Sam is the only one who feels like these guys could be trouble? (or at least the writing makes me feel like he's the only one) Even the female makes mention of his strong psyche. But was the military too excited about technological advances and survival of the plant to sense that things might not be on the up and up with these visitors? I know the females can naturally turn the human men twitter-pated, but it's written like the others aren't suspicious. They just seem scared, which makes me wonder if Sam and his team are truly in the loop. Then again, if anyone becomes suspicious, I guess they would just be killed. It's hard to know how to feel about Sam's "suddenly established" feelings of distrust. My advice would be to cull some of the info earlier in the chapter and spend more time with an "after meeting" where they could ask questions.
Info drop about the planet and the aliens. - This was a great reveal. I liked how it's added another layer of "holy crap" to the closing of the story. It also has enormous potential for later books. I did, however, find it a bit of an info dump. Too much too quick with no build up. Since the world government is being pretty secretive, it would be hard to drop hints throughout the story, but maybe it could just be something as simple as spreading the information across a longer conversation. I know the male is "chilly succinct" but this style sort of clashes with the readers ability to take in new details. Maybe add holographic visuals during the explanation? A world map of where they think the old ship is? Break it up a little more.
The rest of the team - I know Sam's focusing on the woman, but I was also wondering what the team's reactions were (Vit's, Redman's etc.) I know they all landed some pretty serious hard-ons, but since this team communicates with facial expression, I'm surprised there wasn't at least a tiny mention of that in this section. It could also go to breaking up the info dump about the coming catastrophe.
Now, remember at the start of the long string of jibber-jabber I said there was a positive to take from all of this? There's probably a good chance the issues I had with the section are just mine, but at least you know one reader's reactions to this chapter. Then, you can decide if there is anything you feel would benefit from being cleaned up, clarified, or hinted at better. Also, when other readers get to this, you can compare to see if they had similar issues as me.
I'll go over my predictions at the end of this review.
I try to give as many suggestions as possible, so the writer can use anything they feel will help their story and disregard the rest. Please remember that each point is given with the intention of being helpful.
In General:
Repeated words (whether in quantity or close proximity) - airstrip, roof, guards
Specifics:
The original black-and-white version of Frankenstein(,) starring Boris Karloff (,)was playing on the big screen. (commas, I think)
Sam eyed the offending device(,) knowing well that it would not be delivering a welcome home speech from the boss. (comma?)
who is currently,(...)" he paused for a moment ... "underground. (It feels like the ellipses should be where I placed them in the brackets. I could be wrong, but I wanted to throw it your way anyway)
Sam sensed that he was about to be ordained into an elite society of men—about to be put into the loop. (why would he sense this considering the guy pretty much said that in the sentence before)
Carston cleared his throat.(") This—meeting—with (quotation marks?)
He tensed again, knowing that sulfides were deep earth compounds emitted by volcanic vents. (why would this make him tense)
Except for her eyes, which glowed with an unsettling bio-luminescence, the creature had a distinct Egyptian look, human in many ways and alien in many others, an Amazonian Cleopatra. (comma heavy - puts off flow in such an important paragraph)
He wondered if they could see the aliens snake-like irises—feel her sensual heat as he did. (awkward sentence)
"Thirty years ago(,) one of our exploration ships (comma)
The good Majors just happened to be in the facility when ..." (this one confused me. Which facility and what happened. Dead? Detained?)
Sam was stationed there but never allowed in certain areas (hanger 22) - was this mentioned before? I know he had a desk job monitoring the construction of a fleet of toys, but maybe add a reference about him being curious about hanger 22. (assuming there wasn't one put in already that I missed)
a craft the size of a tramp steamer (had to look this up. Maybe a more accessible comparison?)
He had also said that the huge lift was constructed for emergency repairs of these incredible alien machines in exchange for advanced technologies. (This one also left me struggling to remember if I had read it before)
Fastwalker, but at its extra-terrestrial crew. (hmmm, I'm must be out of the loop because I had never heard of this word before.)
Favorite Lines:
releasing a lung-load of bourbon-laced anxiety.
spiked with the smell of ozone after a lightning strike. (this made me think of the incident with Merci at the start of the book. Don't know if it's intentional, but I still like the connection)
Although one sentence needed some tweaks, I loved the description of the alien.
All in all:
I have to say the plot reveal in this chapter is my favorite by far - and probably my most favorite since the very first where Merci had her vision. Earth seems to be in the middle of this ancient galactic battle. I'm wondering if the Annunaki are lying about the planetary collision to get to whatever power the Cloy'ie have hidden behind that shield - which I'm assuming that's what the island is (or at least it's on the island). Aside from Sam's gut feeling, it makes me wonder. Because if things were truly dire, the inhabitants of the island, or at least grandfather, would know and possibly act. Since there is no action beyond getting Merci there so she can mind meld, I'm wondering what the Annunaki really want. They've gone through a lot of trouble to stay a secret, and make humans do all the work and observation, when a planet ending catastrophe is coming. If I were them, I would just swarm the place and try to take the extra-dimensional craft. Subterfuge suggests ill intentions (which is another reason I'm wondering why more people in the inner loop aren't suspicious). I'm also wondering if Merci's rare genetic condition is something special to the plot as well. We know she's sensitive to...solar bursts I think it was ... or at least something cosmic. My other suspicion is also starting to grow more solid - I'm still leaning towards one in the team (or all of them) are going to turn and join another side (probably Merci's).
What we have now is a wonderfully captivating plot. The threads are weaving together, but the final image of this tapestry isn't clear yet - Jon, you enormous tease.
Robyn
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