Joey,
First of all, apologies for the much-delayed promised review. If it's any consolation, this will be my 100th review. So, um, congratulations?
Ok, onto the nitty-gritty...
There is a list of subject matters I avoid reading due to completely subjective personal tastes, such as poetry, juvenile fiction, and anything and everything involving cats. Then there's religion. Hoo-boy, religion. I suppose avoiding such stories is a personal choice as well, but there's a practical basis too. For example, it's a delicate matter pointing out plot holes in a story when their source material (the Bible, Quran, etc) are just fraught with them and the author often finds that source material infallible.
An exception to this rule of mine might include stories, such as this one, that feature a skeptic as the main character. Now, usually the story arc of such a characters ends with some type of redemption, either in the form of acceptance or, more rarely, an affirmation of that skepticism. Unique here is Jake's resolution seems to be a hybrid; he seems to accept the existence of God (albeit "your God") while deciding that he, and not a deity, must intervene to resolve the story's conflict.
The setting, a humble church in an unnamed land in some kind of human-made crisis, was vivid and well constructed. That larger setting, as said, is unnamed and given the vague references to the crisis most readers will assume it's some third world country. That's the impression I had, in any event, which is why the main character's name kind of took me out of the story for a bit. "Jake" is about as Western name as there is, and guys so named aren't native to such places unless their interlopers. Guys named Jake also don't use the fiery and flowery rhetoric employed here. The character's speech is that of an exotic revolutionary...not a "Jake." I suppose what I'm saying here is consider changing the protagonist's name, if for no other reason it runs opposite to the goal of keeping the reader from mentally leaving the world you've created.
The conflicts you've introduced were clear (Jake's faith, the children's suffering) and their urgencies vivid. Their resolutions were less clear, and we are left wondering what actions follow. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, but clearly there's more to the story.
The side characters were one dimensional, but served a purpose. The priest was a good proxy for Jake's (we assume) former beliefs, and his interactions with Jake in a setting such as this (i.e. a place of contemplation) create almost an argument with one's self. The antagonists are generic, which is ok. We don't need to know why the guards and their unnamed masters are perpetuating these horrors, although some inkling would provide additional motivations.
No issues with spelling, grammar, punctuation, etc. The story's structure was solid and moved the story along.
Overall, this was a good, emotional telling of a crisis of faith story, with a somewhat twist at the end in that (in a rarity these days it seems) violence will be committed not in the name of God, but rather because of the absence of God. |
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| (4.5)
| (4.0)
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