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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/rexkramer/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/3
Review Requests: OFF
222 Public Reviews Given
222 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I'm honest but encouraging. I try to suppress the wannabe-grammarian in me, but if an error is so glaring that it distracts the reader I will point it out.
I'm good at...
I read a LOT, and always have. Over the years I think I've developed a "talent" for objectively divining what is good story-telling and what is not (regardless of whether or not the story appeals to me.)
Favorite Genres
Honestly, anything interesting. If it's weird/different, has interesting characters and goes in unexpected places, I'll probably like it.
Least Favorite Genres
Poetry. Quite frankly, it's completely lost on me.
Favorite Item Types
Short stories
Least Favorite Item Types
Poetry. Please, no poetry.
I will not review...
Poetry (with the exception of limericks,) juvenile fiction, religion-themed pieces (any religion,) romances, anything cat-related, resumes, or how-to items. Exceptions made if your submission is weird.
Public Reviews
Previous ... 1 2 -3- 4 ... Next
51
51
Review of Joey's Secret  
Review by Rex Kramer
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I'll let you in on a little secret....I've been a police officer and detective for quite some time. We have some ridiculous laws in my neck of the woods that sometimes we have to enforce, but "illegal literacy" isn't one of them...yet.

I like your version of dystopia; it's contemporary, and thus accessible to the reader. Within the word count limit you were able to create two vivid scenes and three fleshed-out characters, which are nice feats. The characters act and interact as one suspects they would given the circumstances. The conflict is clear, believable and engrossing. Its resolution isn't a resolution, per se, but it does deliver the twist/punch.

No glaring grammatical errors were found. Sentence and paragraph structure were sound. There were a few spelling errors or typos, but nothing distracting. I did have issue with some punctuation choices (not errors, really) that kind of took away from the dialogue. Specifically, Officer Tilly "barked" and "yelled," and so the reader would expect his commands to end with exclamation points.

Related fact: I come from a very German family. Did you know that in German all commands end with an exclamation point? That's probably why we sound so angry all the time. Ok, back to the review...

Overall, I like where you went with the prompt and enjoyed the story. Great job!
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52
Review by Rex Kramer
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
An admission: I'm an idiot.

I'll clarify.

On first read, I was completely confused, and was preparing to say so (in the nicest, most constructive way, of course) in this review. Tiny wings? Skinny legs? What the....?!?

Then I read it again. Jay. Raven. Robin. Mr. Crane. "A little bird told me," "rattle the nest," etc, etc, etc. Like I said, I'm an idiot. Luckily, most others here on WDC are not, and so they'll no doubt get as much enjoyment on their first read as I did on my second.

Anyway, I was hoping someone would "take on the gorilla" (so to speak,) and I'm glad you did as I like the original direction you went. The setting was recognizable to anyone who has been called into an impromptu meeting. The characters, as we learn, are unique but relatable, and their interactions are believable. The conflict is clear (the literal 800 lb gorilla in the room) and its resolution is clear and wraps the story up nicely.

Your story is well-written. No glaring spelling, grammar, punctuation or structure errors were noted. It flowed nicely, and moved the reader effortlessly through a funny story.

Overall this was a funny, enjoyable story, and an original take on the provided prompt. Excellent job!
53
53
Review by Rex Kramer
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Shamrock* Welcome to Power Reviewers March Mayhem Review Raid *Shamrock*


Hey Joey!

I'm working my way through the list of requested reviews for this month's WDC Power Reviewers' March raid, and you're up (not sure whether to offer congrats of condolences!)

Now, I promise that I won't let the fact that I'm an University of Florida alum affect this review, given the line, "...as soon as I get back to Tallahassee..." Well, not much, anyway. :)

This is a warm, endearing story of family to which almost every reader can relate (who amongst us doesn't have a "weird uncle" or two?) It's thus relatable, and a pleasant, funny read. I do have a few suggestions, however, which I'll get to in just a bit.

The characters had some substance and, well, character. We see a college student, eager to help his colorful family with his limited knowledge, and the deft and respectful way he deals with them. The setting is also familiar; although not every family has a family fishing hole (mine, oddly does,) everyone can relate to family gatherings and uncomfortable conversations with their kin. The minor conflicts that pop up (misunderstandings) are resolved fairly quickly, and the overarching issue of the main character's conflict (career choice) is addressed in the epilogue.

The pace fits the story, and moves the plot along. No issues with spelling or grammar, and the sentence and paragraph structures are fine. There are some punctuation and capitalization issues, mostly in relation to dialogue. The most glaring of these are the overuse of commas, which can be a bit distracting. These are easy fixes.

Overall, I enjoyed the story, its characters and their interactions. It's a family story that is warm without being syrupy, which isn't an easy feat. Good job!

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 
54
54
Review by Rex Kramer
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
*Shamrock* Welcome to Power Reviewers March Mayhem Review Raid *Shamrock*


Well, the genre did say "dark," and boy, did this story deliver!

Is there a more taboo fiction subject matter than dead kids? That was rhetorical; the answer is noooooooope.

I like it, though. Not dead kids, mind you....as a father that would make me a monster. What I like are stories that go in unexpected directions.

As for the story itself, the characters weren't developed, but they really didn't need to be as they're so familiar. I suppose the conflict is deciding whether or not to go to "Neverland" in what we learn is a toxic-fueled dream. The resolution is, well, dark, but it's a resolution nevertheless!

No issues with spelling, grammar, punctuation, etc. The story's pace is brisk, a requirement for such a short story I would think.

Overall, a good, creepy read. Well done.

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 
55
55
Review by Rex Kramer
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Shamrock* Welcome to Power Reviewers March Mayhem Review Raid *Shamrock*


I feel as though the husband in this story and I should be in some kind of "men too proud to ask for help" support group. I have (somewhat) learned to call a pro when a project is beyond my skill set, but I'm still somewhat cheap and way too proud. Luckily, I haven't burned the house down (yet!)

This was a cute, breezy, funny story. The characters aren't very developed, but they're relatable. The plot and setting, likewise, are accessible to most readers. The resolution is satisfying; the husband learns a lesson, the wife gets what she wants without overly belittling her husband, and, heck, at least the plumber will get paid (and more than he would have if he'd been called earlier!)

Spelling, grammar and structure were on point. Sentence and paragraph structure were without issue and moved the story along. Take this one suggestion with a grain of salt, but the best piece of advice here on WDC was to minimize, or even better, eliminate adverbs. Once I did that, and replace them with more powerful verbs, the quality (and readability) of my items increased quite a bit.

Overall, an enjoyable read. Well done!

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 
56
56
Review of Naive  
Review by Rex Kramer
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Shamrock* Welcome to Power Reviewers March Mayhem Review Raid *Shamrock*


It's tough to review "ultra" flash fiction pieces like, mostly because I can't conceive of how to squeeze critical story elements, such as character, conflict, setting, etc, into such a small space. You managed to do it, however, and do it well. Kudos!

The reader is dropped instantly into the setting; we assume it's a bed without it being made overt. It's uncomfortable, as the main character can't recall how she arrived there, but not terrifying as she knows the person with whom she's with. That lack of memory is the conflict, and although there's no real resolution (due to the format's limitations, no doubt,) we're led to believe that at the end she's searching for one.

No issues with spelling, grammar or structure. The story's pace is limited by the format, but is implied through action.

An interesting read, and a good example of the blink fiction format. On that note....

(WARNING: SHAMELESS PLU FOLLOWS)

If you want to take a stab at a longer form of flash fiction, check out my new contest at...

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#2077696 by Not Available.
57
57
Review by Rex Kramer
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
100 words are tough, aren't they? You set a good job setting a relatable scene/scenario within the limitations, so kudos on that. I do kind of feel you wasted a few words, especially by repeating "damn, that was close," that could have been otherwise used. Maybe you wanted to emphasize that, but with a short word count I'd advise using that at the end only.

That said, overall I enjoyed this flash fiction. Good job.
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Review of Irregularity  
Review by Rex Kramer
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Overall, I really, really liked this story...until the very end. The frustrating thing is I can't offer any suggestions to improve it at this time. It just seems, I don't know, a bit weak compared to the very strong main part of the story. Sorry that I can't be more helpful.

That said, there's a lot to like here. The scenes you set were excellent. The characters, even Will with his OCD quirks, were relatable. I have a young son with mild autism, and breaks in routine were once traumatic for him (he has since learned to cope.) The theme of unexpected breaches or normality were consistent without beating the reader over the head, and established well for a short piece. Well done!
59
59
Review of Remember  
Review by Rex Kramer
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey there. Neat story about memories of youth. There's quite a bit of repetition. Not sure if that's lack of proofreading, or a comment on the fragility of memory as one ages. I prefer to think the latter.

Hopefully I'll still have my wife with me when I'm in my golden years. And still have access to bacon. Can't imagine life would be worth living without both.
60
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Review of For sale  
Review by Rex Kramer
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
I liked this story for personal reasons. I'm not a car person, but my father was. We didn't always have money for rent or bills, but somehow he always had a nice car and Corvettes were his thing. He was....not a good person, and so projecting him onto Tony gave me some sadistic satisfaction.

One small suggestion; consider upping David's appraisal figure. A mint condition 1953 Corvette (the first year they were built) would go for six figures at a minimum, with the earliest ones worth up to $750k (and yes, I had to look that up.)

Anyway, nice creepy story. Good job.
61
61
Review of Jolie the Wise  
Review by Rex Kramer
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Congrats on winning the daily flash fiction challenge!

Working within 300 words isn't easy, but you managed to work in setting, multiple characters, conflict and resolution. Nicely done.

Cute story, and much less brutal than the original. :)

One suggestion: space your paragraphs. It's neater, easier to read, and lets the reader mentally pause between each.
62
62
Review of The Last Titan  
Review by Rex Kramer
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Chris:

I really liked this. Reminded me of Neil Gaiman's "American Gods." I know it's a victim of flash fiction's limitations, but I would have loved to learn more about Mari's antagonists. Villains are always more interesting, don't you think?

Anyway, I enjoyed reading. Good job!
63
63
Review of Royal Despair  
Review by Rex Kramer
Rated: E | (4.0)
Congrats re: winning the daily FF challenge. Well earned!

I don't know why, but the maids entering in "typically military-style fashion" grabbed me. One doesn't usually associate maids with military discipline. That description definitely helped me imagine the scene.

Literary license is more than acceptable in these formats, and you did label this as fiction, but the 1st paragraph kind of distracted me during the remainder of the story (Mary didn't know her father, as she was a newborn when he died.) It's a small matter, but that unseen character could have been replaced with another, even fictional one.

Overall a good read, and good use of the prompts. Well done.
64
64
Review of Lead Paint  
Review by Rex Kramer
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Bizarre piece, and honestly, I can't pay a higher compliment.

Reading it I imagined an alternate universe Garrison Keillor entertaining an audience with tales of some twisted version of Lake Wobegon. This, I should point out, is the only scenario I can imagine in which Garrison Keillor would be entertaining.

I chuckled at each vignette and found myself wanting to learn more about each storyline. That, then, is my challenge to you; take one (or more, as they all have potential) paragraph and expand it into a stand-alone piece. I'm partial to the child-dog war plot, for as a father and a dog owner, I'm curious to see how that plays out.

Anyway, fun read, good job, etc.....but most importantly, stay weird.
65
65
Review of To Be Human  
Review by Rex Kramer
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a really neat and original story for so many reasons. I can easily see this being expanded into a longer form, and going in all kinds of interesting directions.

No real critiques. Well, maybe one. What you meant by "At night she dreamed of the ease of a mechanical replacement, amplified now in this sea of busy perfection" was not immediately clear. After re-reading, I get it but...it could be made more clear to the reader.

That's a small issue. Overall, given its limited word count, this story achieved something impressive in that it drew the reader in and left him wanting more. Good job.
66
66
Review by Rex Kramer
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I really liked this story. Good scene-setting, a brisk pace and an ominous tone all draw the reader in. Excellent job pulling off some imaginative terror in a very short story.

If I have any criticisms it's minor ones with the beginning and ending. The first paragraph seems a tad clunky and expository, although I suspect that latter is a necessity given the word count limit. As for the ending, I felt some stronger verbs and punctuation were needed to express to the reader the terror John and Mike were feeling.

These are quibbling things, however, as I really enjoyed the story. Good job!
67
67
Review by Rex Kramer
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This story touches on some universal themes, and so is relatable to most readers. Who hasn't "shut down" their feelings when they've been hurt? Who hasn't observed cruelty and been forced to decide whether or not to intervene?

In real life divine intervention/the knight in shining armor/karma rarely appears so conveniently (in this case the basketball coach,) but nobody wants to read a story about the bad guys winning the day, do they?

You fit a lot into the confines of flash fiction's limits. Good job.
68
68
Review by Rex Kramer
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Note: this is a review of a randomly-generated item.

This certainly resonates, as a college friend introduced me to Buffett's music, and from that point on it became the soundtrack for our drunken escapades. I don't drink anymore, but even now when I hear his music I long for a frosty beer or a frothy "boat drink."

I get the feeling that this is some kind of diary entry, as it assumes the reader is familiar with your history (i.e. I have no idea what "Simmons" is.) Thus, I'm reluctant to offer any criticism. One thing that stuck out, however, was infusing a story about the past with present conditions, such asreferring to your date as your husband. That is, of course, unless you knew on that first date that you'd marry him. If that's the case, you really should consider becoming a "date counsellor." I imagine you'd make a fortune! :)
69
69
Review by Rex Kramer
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I will automatically recommend any story that prominently features pretzels. Pretzels are delicious, and anyone who says otherwise can not be trusted.

That said, I liked this cute story even though, unlike pretzels, I hate rabbits. A weird thing to hate, I'd agree, but try having one for a pet. Filthy, destructive rodents. Still, seeing a familiar story unfold through the unwilling eyes of this rabbit was fresh and funny.

Someone recently advised me to avoid using "suddenly" (or other common adverbs,) and so I'll pass that along to you as well. I fought that advice at first, but once I considered it I agreed that such words are a bit tired. Try using a more powerful verb instead.

Anyway, cute, fun story, and a nice read. Good job.
70
70
Review of Fear is Real  
Review by Rex Kramer
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Very sweet story about the importance of family and deciding what's really important. As a father, I'm constantly balancing work and family needs, and so your story is certainly relatable.

There are some minor grammatical errors, but I won't focus on those. One suggestion, for readability's sake; try to minimize, or eliminate, beginning sentences with conjunctions (like "but.")

Maybe I missed something, but the focus on fear seems a bit misplaced, or maybe just overemphasized. The thrust of the story seems to be Liam's hyper focus and the things he's missing out on because of it, and fear seems, at best, a secondary issue.

That said, I did like your story, especially Bri (do four year olds use cell phones?) Good job.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
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Review of Lion Attack  
Review by Rex Kramer
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Note: This is a review of a randomly-generated item.

Hoo boy have I learned how tough it can be to pull off a story in the flash fiction format, but you did a really good job with this one.

Excellent job taking the reader in an unexpected direction. Did not see the lion tamer angle coming.

Some quick observations...you used "roar" as a verb quite a bit, maybe a tad too much. It's a story about a lion so, yes, you have to use that word at some point. Maybe throw in a synonym or two.

Also, a minor issue: you wrote "clang" when I think you meant "clung" (another repeated verb.) Is "clang" a word? I don't know, maybe, but it seems a bit awkward.

Overall I liked your story, and again, especially the unexpected ending. Good job!
72
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Review of Plate Tectonics  
Review by Rex Kramer
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
First of all, I want to thank you for correcting me on the proper plural form of "Elvis." For years I've been embarrassing myself by using "Elvi." :)

Excellent scene-setting. I think everyone can relate to the memories of a childhood home, as well as with a creepy room (mine, cliche as it may be, was the basement,) and making your story relatable to your readers is crucial. Good job!

I also liked the plate tectonics theme of things changing and moving in different directions, but not so radically that one can't see things as they once were.

Anyway, good read. I'd be interested in seeing where your heroine end up on her ride.
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Review by Rex Kramer
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Note: This is a review of a randomly-generated item.

The genre advertised "dark," and you delivered!

Excellent imagery; I've visited a number of old cemeteries over the years and your writing vividly brought back those memories.

The decaying memories of the deceased was especially haunting. Confirms my own decision to be cremated!

Good, creepy read! Good job!
74
74
Review by Rex Kramer
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Note: this is a review of a randomly-generated item.

In keeping with the theme of this story, here's an "opposites attract" moment: I hate, hate, HATE literary romances, and yet....even when I saw that genre was attached to this story, I read it anyway. And..I'm really glad I did.

The story was light, paced nicely and entertaining, but what really grabbed me was Nate. I have so many unanswered questions that a sequel seems in order. How/why was he turned into a duck? Was he actually turned into a duck, or is Edi completely mad? Why is he on a leash? Where does he go in the winter? So. Many. Questions!

Anyway, it was a well-written, fun read. I won't become a Romance fan, but like the characters in your story I'm willing to take a chance now and then.
75
75
Review by Rex Kramer
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
First of all, I think this story has potential. There are plenty of examples (off the top of my head, "The Dirty Dozen," "Escape from New York," etc) of "condemned being offered a second chance through service" to draw upon. Creating a female character as the hero in this type of story is still fresh in 2016 and opens the potential for a new perspective in that genre. It would seem, projecting from what you provide in this chapter, that there is no shortage of conflicts and scenarios you can explore with Fay (proving herself innocent, whatever Black Swan has planned for her, her relationship with Nikki.) Lots of fertile ground there.

So, the story is sound and filled with possibilities. The rest of my review will deal with the story telling from the perspective of a reader. Specifically, how can its readability be improved a bit so that the reader wants to continue, well, reading. Here goes...

Tense confusion: It's a small matter, but can be a distracting one for a reader. I noticed a few times tense switched from present to past, sometimes in the same paragraph. I think this may be a result of writing in the first person, speaking of which...

Perspective: The "Game of Thrones" books are a great example of switching character perspectives in each chapter. When done well, this device allows several intertwined plots to advance independent of each other, as well as to allow time to pass in preceding plots. Where GoT succeeds in this is the author, while writing from the perspective of the character, employs the 2nd person. I think this story might benefit by using that example, as multiple first person accounts can be confusing to the reader (unless the main character is a split personality, but I don't think that's the case here.)

Fay: Here's what we know about her from chapter 1: she's a solider/operative imprisoned and sentenced to death for crimes she didn't commit. Given that small bit of information, when we meet her she seems a bit, I don't know, cavalier? The revelation that she's falsely imprisoned seems an almost "oh, by the way" throw-away plot point instead of what no doubt will be a central issue in the rest of the story. Perhaps her character will grow more driven over the course of the story to redeem herself, but at this point she seems a bit too resigned.

Again, I feel that this story has a lot of potential and would definitely be interested in seeing where it goes. Keep up the good work!
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