Queen Owl, this is a very important expression of thought. Somewhere along the line we forget the message behind this so called 'political correctness'. The goal was to teach acceptance of people for differences. Now it has been transformed into a means of repression, to keep people from expressing themselves. While I don't subscribe to the phrase 'a rose by any other name would smell as sweet'; I certainly understand its meaning. Words are not enough, we should show true acceptance with actions. And I applaud you for saying the truth, this 'political correctness' is a sham. Top notch!
Whoa! I....I am silently stunned. This surprise ending pushed a 4 star chapter into a 4.5 star stunner. The grandmother chose to shot herself and her husband? That was beyond unexpected. The brilliant way you established our main character not as a cold hearted monster, but as a woman of principle exploited by her self-centered, legitimately hard hearted mother. This was very well written! Please keep going, J.E, you have true skill!
I once reviewed your work and was less than kind, so I decided I had to review a different one to show that I can be kind as well. Reading your mother's poem, I desperately wanted to give it a really high rating. I can't do that and be fair to you. This poem was ok, but I have been harsher to far more poets and given low ratings. So I am giving you a soft 3.5 stars. I hope your mother is well and I wish her all the best.
I am torn spidergirl, as I find myself going through increasingly. The piece of working is interesting....but there are some things that bring my rating down. How many times do you use the word name? Too often and it really hurts this work from 7 years ago. Obviously you have written far greater works since then, so I have no issue giving you a very soft 3.5 stars. You are capable of much greater work and you have proved it in other works. Keep writing!
I thought about what rating you deserved. I reminded myself that you wrote this a year ago. The odds remain you would have improved significantly since you wrote this. So let’s begin with constructive criticism first. The issues are spacing, spelling and repetition. Whenever you create a tale (notice I avoid the 'w' word), it needs to be readable, so start a new paragraph after about 5-7 lines (8 maximum). And remain consistent in its application. How many times did you use imagine? Use a thesaurus to avoid monotonous use of the same word ad nauseam.
The spell check on Microsoft word can be invaluable. Please feel free to activate it. Grammar is important, so if possible try to avoid "and" to link two sentences too often. It sounds if I may be frank, as if you are learning to converse in English. Now with the criticism concluded (please note I separate the criticisms in two), I like your chapter. The character's sense of desperation and confusion were well written (more descriptive words perhaps). The setting was reasonably well explained. Overall a solid effort, keep writing.
Well Don Two, that sounds like a reasonable explanation to the tragic and horrific condition known as obsessive compulsive disorder. You describe the gnawing, the endless battle for control, to achieve the necessary goal. Your choice of words especially using the animal bulldog and the use of teeth and biting is excellent. I am pleased to see how seriously you have taken in describing this piece of writing. Top Notch. Please keep writing.
Well this is an important theme for all of us. While repetition occurs, the importance of the emotional descriptions made, the use of unwavering logic coupled with strong stirrings of the heart compels me to give this near maximum. Blacpoet, this is a fine poem. Words fail me mostly when preparing this review. Therefore, I am awarding you a well deserved 4.5 stars. Well done and please don't stop contributing to this site!
Despite the rhyming, that was beautiful. Nothing rates as sweetly as the eternal journey to conquer longing and loneliness by finding one's soul mate, not matter how long the battle. Not sure about why there are men in gray, but still a beautiful poem. I like that there are many faceless strangers seeking out the love of their lives or walking with them in eternal bless. Laughter and tears, I deeply enjoy this writing! Please keep writing, its beautiful.
Rainangel, I am torn. Some part of me wants to give you a much higher rating. But in truth, that would be giving you a disservice. So I am going to give you the lower rating, certain that your contributions in the succeeding 4 years are of a much higher quality. There are a lot of strong elements at work here. As you may have noticed, I give thought or emotional provoking pieces a much higher rating.
The reason this piece doesn't get is the lack of strong language (profanity doesn't make it strong) and the limitation of the word count (it is far too short for so important a theme as you present). Nevertheless this had positive qualities like definition and description with intertwined magnificently. And it is very emotional and thought provoking, so please keep writing!
I read this twice to be sure I wanted to give you this review. After reading it a second time, I have to be honest. This poem is full of repetition and excessive linking, which I must confess Valerie sounds artistic, but comes off as extremely formulaic and somewhat immature. You seem to have a strong style and there are power in your words. But the emotions they evoke are choked by the constant unyielding reusage of words. So I will give you a 3.5, more for your talent than for this weak piece. You have great skill, please keep writing and prepare a better article of writing than this. This looks like an early piece, I am sure your next piece will be a 4plus rating. Keep writing!
Interest take, Ignatius on the meaning of the passage of time and its experience. I wanted to give you a much higher rating than I did, but sadly I had difficulty following it, so I couldn't. I applaud your choice both of words and themes. This has a mature and strong setting, that tends to surpass much of the traditional rhyming tales. I am thrilled that I got to read a prison poem from a different point of view. Well done and keep writing!
Wow, Pritchett! Now that backs an emotional punch! Other than the lack of spacing and paragraphing, this is an excellent piece of writing. I like how personal it got. I like how the point was very well done. However you use the word stranger 5 times and the word invisible 3 times. While repetition can be important, it can be overdone. Fortunately the power of the emotive language goes a long way to removing this. Still, I suggest in your next posting, that you avoid that. The central character is very expressive and we can all relate to her tale. Well done and keep writing!
Um....Cute? Well its a nice little poem, even if I am struggling to decipher whether the s.z is actually describing faeries in his/her poem or rather providing a description of the change of the season to autumn. So far I am tempted to be a little more critical than I usually would, however I can't fault the beautiful descriptions that this poem possesses. So despite not being complete clear what it refers to, I am giving it a soft 4 stars. Well done and keep writing!
Well that is very interesting Fyn! I must admit that I was not expecting a poem about the importance of book reading. I enjoyed reading about the use of grammar in the descriptions of words about the book. I deeply enjoyed the way you provided a full usage of vocabulary. That haven't been said, I feel this poem is a little short. It does evoke the joy of reading for the first time. Congratulations about being a Great Grandma and best wishes. Please keep writing.
Cosimo, that was....brief. I like that it was concise and despite the lack of verbosity provided adequate description of this individual journey. I am undecided whether the principal character has met the love of their lives or whether the character has left the world. That in itself is worthy of another 0.5 stars. A nice poem, I can't wait to read another of your tales, seeing that this was is 4 years old. Keep writing, you have talent. 8.5/10.
Okay, that was interesting. Although the 'she is dead and speaking to the One' was slightly telegraphed at the beginning. I look forward to reading more of your tale as it showed a certain strength in the manner which your characters interact. Tess has found herself in a heaven of her own making and a la Twilight Zone finds it less than thrilling. Well it is a good start and I look forward to reading more. Congratulations and keep writing.
Breathtaking, beautiful, sad and delightful. All adjectives that apply to this simple and beautiful piece. It feels like an age since I gave a piece a hard 4.5 stars. But this was a piece that truly moves the part of us that remains human and mortal. Fallenangel Lynnea Martino, you shall indeed be missed as a friend that I have never met here on writing.com.
Sad as it is that you may never write again, we shall recall this piece and say a toast to you and your devastated soul mate. For this reason, I cannot sign off with my usual phrase, so I shall say thank you so much for writing.
Cute poem. No rhyming which is great. A nice way to discuss two people having a civilised lunch during a break. I like the use of vocabulary, the description of settings and the general friendly banter of the piece. Sweet piece of writing, Tim! Please enjoy a soft 4 stars as thanks for writing this light hearted fare. Please keep writing!
Spidergirl, that is a nice poem. I must confess I figured out it was a spider before the end and before I read your mantle. I like this poem, because you took your time to express yourself as an arachnid would, without either mentioned the species' name and especially the lack of the poem. To think you wrote this 10 years ago makes it an even more remarkable piece of writing. Well done, keep writing.
I am torn as to how to review this poem. Suicide is a very serious topic of discussion and this short poem tries to use humour to a very humourless topic. It dealt very well with the feelings and emotions that go through the mind of a suicidal person. The hopelessness, their feelings of self worth and that horrific feelings that the world would be better without a dismal failure like yourself. For this reason, I am awarding this 3.5 stars. The topic is so serious, I cannot in good faith award it higher. Well written Lindsay Clarke, so well written I fear for you If these are your true feelings, please get help. This site would lose something without you as would your family and the world.
Okay, this was an interesting story. It had adventure, mysticism, action and magic. The descriptions are very strong and full of necessary knowledge to follow the story. That having been said, there are potential areas of improvement. Many authors, myself included, have made the mistake of trying to cram too much in a paragraph. This makes it much harder to read.
This chapter has a few confusing elements, particularly the timing, it begins at the end and the end is the end. This leads to repetition which is a bit much. Regardless I found this chapter entertaining and thoroughly deserves a 7.5/10. Please keep writing, sundog!
It was an interesting poem, but not my thing. I most admit that I wasn't impressed with the choice of language and description. I am always uneasy when a poem has rhyme. But I was pleased to see that there was happiness and bounce in this poem. And there was no variance in the theme, which remained constant. Keep writing!
It was an interesting poem, which got an extra star for the fire ant revelation. I was suitably impressed with the choice of language and description. I am always uneasy when opinion enters a poem. But I was very pleased to see that there was no rhyming and the theme remained constant. Well written, well done, keep writing!
Interesting start. Drama, convincing arguments, no-one is what they appeared to be. And a cliff hanger at the end. Your characters have that correct blend between dark and light, where no-one appears to be completely one-dimensional. Well written all round. I think you have a future as a writer of supernatural fiction, which is currently in high demand. And kudos for not having stupid vampires in this story. Congratulations Early
This is the kind of poem that can only be appreciated if you are older and wiser. It brings to life a certain reality that nothing is what you expected. I particularly like the last 5 lines as it really does emote and awoke a sense of return to the primitive stage as part of the cycle that we go through. So I am going to give this poem four and a half stars. There is no infantile rhyming, it is clearly set out and while the central theme is repeatedly entered, it fits with this poem. Please keep writing, Dan, you have great skill.
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