Style The point of view was excellently kept throughout. Great work!
Mechanics My life was at a plateau, I wasn’t improving yet I wasn’t declining. This sentence has two separate ideas. Try changing the comma to a semi-colon to improve it. His confidence and intelligence amazed me; He had a sort of presence to him that could not be matched by anyone. I was just wondering why the He after the semi-colon was capitalized, when none of the other sentences in the story were...
Characters I really got a sense of Meg from this piece. She seems easy to connect with. I loved the fact that she came from a small town (at least that's what I inferred from what I read) and now has to deal with life in the city. I also got a realy good sense of Meg's cousin. The only thing I didn't like was the fact that it didn't seem that he had a name.
Plot The plot ran smoothly, with absolutely no bumps along the way. Even when meg was reminiscing about the past, the story kept on going at the same steady pace.
Descriptions, Setting The descriptions were very good. I especially liked the one of Meg's cousin no longer being the little boy with mud on his jeans.
My Overall Thoughts
I liked this. It was a very good beginning to a story, and it really drew me in. OVERALL RATING: 4.5s
Style The point of view was consistent throughout the story, with no slips into another character's voice. Good job!
Mechanics I wish I could express to you these feelings- but words do not do them justice. I suggest that you change the dash to a comma, since the sentence would flow smoother that way. There is no way, in no earthly situation could I ever tell you what "we" were, are, and will be. I suggest that you rewrite this sentence the following way (or something similar to it): There is no way, in any earthly situation, that I could ever tell you what "we" were, are, and will be. It is clear to anyone who's ever felt love for another person, as we grow together, there is also spawned hate. I suggest that you rearrange the wording to the second part of this sentence. Left as it is, the sentence consists of two separate ideas that should be further separated with a semi-colon or with the splitting of sentences. Try It is clear to anyone who's ever felt love for another person that as we grow together, there is also spawned hate. Though as we change, you and I, I believe those places, those things that you showed me have diminished. Add another comma after you showed me. I found it rather difficult to read this, as everything was smushed together. I suggest that you separate the different paragraphs to make the entire letter easier to read.
Characters There wasn't enough room in the letter to get to know the character very well, but what was there showed that the character grew as she experienced life with Him. Good job!
Plot There wasn't any direct plot, but it was implied in the letter. I felt that a little bit more could be added, though, such as examples of how their relationship went back and forth, or something of that nature.
Descriptions, Setting The descriptions were pretty good. I especially enjoyed the image that I saw of the two characters rocking in chairs outside a country house. =]
My Overall Thoughts
I liked this letter. The way it was all put together really showed a unique style of writing. I liked the change the writer went through as her relationship changed. It was very real and easy for readers to connect with. OVERALL RATING: 4s
Style The point of view was consistent with the narrator throughout the story. Good job!
Mechanics I could see my grandparents in the living room, resting in silence on the couch and watching their “shows.” The word shows does not need to be in quotation marks. Their weary eyes, sunken deep in their wrinkled, tanned expressions seemed to say, "I want something more." Another comma is needed after expressions. He was covered in leaves, his old green uniform had now faded to a beige color. Take out the word had. If you leave it in, then the two parts of the sentence are entorely separate ideas and need to be separated by a semi-colon. I noticed that throughout the story the grammar seemed to be changing. Read over your work, checking to see that the same grammar tense is prevalent throughout. Also, when speaking of the past, use a tense that is different from the past tense you are using in the rest of the story, when the action is actually taking place. For example, use the past perfect tense (had taken... had talked) when speaking of events that had happened earlier.
Characters There isn't much in this story that can lead readers to develop a clear image of the narrator. Try writing about specific things the narrator does (or try to incorporate his/her description somewhere in the story).
Plot There isn't much plot in this story. The narrator is standing outside his/her grandparents' house, describing each thing he/she sees, and then walking toward the lake through the woods, reminiscing about the past. Try to add a bit more action into the story.
Descriptions, Setting The descriptions were excellent. Every single word brought about a clear image in my head while I was reading. However, I felt that the descriptions took away from the story itself. The story was bogged down with description after description, and there wasn't much of a plot. Try either expanding this story, adding more plot, or try leaving it as it is but taking away some of the over-used descriptions.
My Overall Thoughts
I liked this story; it accurately described the immense load of things floating around someones head when their life is about to change. Good job! OVERALL RATING: 3.5s
Style The point of view was well-maintained throughout the story. I especially liked how the narrator's wife always 'communicated so much through a simple look.' My mother does the same to me, and it is so true!
Mechanics “It’s midnight” I said. Place a comma before the end of the dialogue. Grumbling, I murmured “This is the real Christmas tradition.” Place a comma before the dialogue. I shook my head, hoping for an answer that didn’t have the flavor of my wife’s voice saying “I told you so!” Place a comma before the dialogue. My wife looked at me - funny how she can communicate so well without speaking – and then, for emphasis, whispered “No. Not while they’re awake.” Place a comma before the dialogue. I rushed back into the house to find TJ and Kristi in their mother’s arms wailing “Santa’s gone… Santa’s gone!” Place a comma before the word wailing. “Hey guys” I said, “Calm down! I spoke with Santa. He has a lot of houses to get to so he promised he’d be back.” Place a comma before the end of the dialogue. With a hug, she murmured “Next year, let’s NOT have any early visits.” Then, with a tired smile she said “Merry Christmas, Santa.” Place a comma before the dialogue in both sentences.
Characters The characters are well-developed, showing much of their personalities through their thoughts, actions, and dialogue.
Plot The idea of the plot was cute, something different and unique. There were no bumps to deter the smooth flow of the plot throughout the story.
Descriptions, Setting The descriptions made the story interesting, especially the sounds the clock was always making.
My Overall Thoughts
I really enjoyed reading this story; it was extremely well-written and was easy for readers to understand and connect with. OVERALL RATING: 4.5s
Style The point of view was well-maintained, and the stars (asteriks?) did a lot to help divide the story.
Mechanics They love me because we are family, we have a mutual, unconditional love that can't be destroyed the way that bone and skin and muscle can be destroyed. I suggest that you replace the first comma with a semi-colon, to separate the ideas bogging down this sentenc.e They said I'd get used to it; but they never said I'd grow to like it. Change the semi-colon to a comma. I suppose, to an extent, I have got used to it. There is incorrect verb usage here. Change got to gotten. My Hate is like a cancer; the internal equivalent of the Face, just as ugly and irreparable. replace the semi-colon with a comma.
Characters Sheila Hughes is protrayed as a very emotional character through her thoughts, especially those about her Face. Readers are able to connect easily with her, and some may even understand what she is going through.
Plot The essentials to the plot are very basic and serve the story well. I inferred from the story that a car accident occurred, and that a girl named Lindsey was in a coma. I felt that maybe the accident could have been brought into the story a but more.
Descriptions, Setting The descriptions were very good. I especially liked the absence of descriptions for Sheila's Face, which added another dimension to the story itself, and wrapped a cloak of mystery around Sheila's past.
My Overall Thoughts
I liked this story; it is very emotional and heart-wrenching. Readers are really able to connect with Sheila's heartbreak. OVERALL RATING: 4.5s
Keep Writing !!!
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The point of view was excellently kept throughout. Great work!
