Oh! The lure of the midnight hour. Very visual poem Whome.
You touch alot in this small well written poem. The transition from one day to another, which you portrayed in a very neat way. You touch the mood and thoughts that surround the midnight hour, all the myths came to mid for me as I read that second stanza. Nice!! Then like you poem says it goes so fast!
Wonderfully written. Edited great Whome. I see no errors and have no suggestions to change such a greatly written, creative somewhat dark poem.
This is a well written small poem. You leave enough to the reader's imagination to see a couple of different things in this poem, and normally that would make it confusing and lapse, BUT! in this it adds to it, for true poetry is each its own, but I could see alot in this and enjoyed what I did imagine.
I do have a small suggestion, that I hope you will find helpful for that is my only intent to help.
i should always be captalized.
Thanks so very much for sharing a dark poem with me! Buwhaha!
What a wonderfully told story Kiya!! You always write such expressive stories that readers can actually relate to and this is another very creative story.
I liked the characters alot, and really could see my old childhood, fighting with my own sister, darkskye and Hehe! I was so mean too!
But! WOW!!!
Now that is a ending!! I really can say I did not see that coming,( mind ya my dark muse was lurking.. ). I read it twice just for the ending! Do write on Kiya!! Bravo!! on your win!
I love the opening line. Indeed we all must look into ourselves to even begin to see what is truely there and trust in who we expect others to trust in. It is often though a very scarey reflection.
I like this alot. I like that you haven't over presented it with writing.ml. The message is so quiet but heard.
I see no major errors, but offer one suggestion, that I hope is helpful. If not discard it.
Line 9, I would insert "they" in front of have. This makes this line more clearer.
Wow! your first day here. It is not often I happen across a member so new with a delighful small port and a neat dark poem about all the eternal escatacy that hungers in the dark.
This is very descriptive and has some nice imagery for a wonderfully gothic poem. One about vampires or werewolfs of just something that we dont wanna know about that hungers in lust for mankind.
I know from the title and the description you state vampires but really you dont truely make it undoubtable that you could mean somthing else.
This to me seems like a beginning of poem, there is no ending, no conclusion to what you are expressing. You could really expand on this, it is nicely written so far.
This is just striking it its imagery, and the small hue of darkness it contains. This poem's "TOI TOI" drips with intense quality, and I was just delighfully lost in all I saw while reading this wonderful poem.
I do not know much of Africa, just bits and pieces really but while reading this I felt as if I could relate, that I was almost there hearing the country speak, it's pain, it's confusion, the taint that it just cannot wash from its soil.
Ever since the dawn of creation
Africa has been ripped and torn
In all different stages of cremation;
From windswept ashes, countries reborn.
Woot! I am captivated truely. Full five from me, I love reading a deep poem and I could drown in this.
Very unigue vision of the prompt Spidergirl and I must say I am delightfully surprised. Very enjoyable poem, in a angry, self revelation sort of expression, and the way you presented some parts really added to what you telling. It added some deep emotion and individually to your poem.
I like this alot, waking up, the turmoil of those first moments especially not a morning person, defiantly what "beneath cripples rainbows" would be like. thank for entering and entertaining me, with a quirky, lighter poem but forceful nature.
I see no errors, and have no suggestions to change or improve on this poem. Wonderful! Write on, or well in your case "Web on" Hehe!
The image of darkness living inside, portrayed as monsters, demons, and gremlins, and the detail subtle and every soo vivid, of the feeling, sickening, like barf re swallowed, yet some how fulfilling in their dememented comfort. Nice, I saw so much in this dark poem and delighfully see no errors.
....The half-seen
Reservoirs of Pain,
The angry fire
That rages and burns
And craves in vain
For deadly revenge,
The stench and drone of
Old, stale resentments
Eating me alive,
The fear of future Pain
And future disaster,
The horror and terror of
What has been,
What is now, and
What may come.
Wow! This part really struck me. I enjoyed your poem, alot. Thanks for entering and good luck!
Vert creative idea, well I mean I supect lovers of the dark have thought and perhaps given Satan their names, but to write a poem about it, Bravo.
I like it, in it quiet simply imagery and presentation, and really have no suggestions that could improve this well written tiny poem, at last only, if we were given a glimpse of Satan and all his luring illussions.
Just before the sun peeked
Over the dead horizon
Nice!! Dead horizon... ohh I think my muse drooled...
I enjoyed your poem and hope this year you write many more for me and everyone else here on Wdc to read or sink our teeth into. Good luck with your resolution.
What a delighful way to inspire poets to step out and write. To help them with some writer's block, provide a prompt, or even just to see how others are inspired by the great prompts provided.
I see no errors, the forum is presented well and not overdone will writing.ml. You offer expsure to other poet help books, and forums.
I liked this alot, and I always like stories, that give great detail, add deep character to the characters, and in the mist subtle way lead every so talently to a wonderful surprise ending.
There were a few words I didn't understand, which I had to look, but haha that me for ya, but I really enjoyed reeading it Kiya and I usually dislike reading stories on a computer.
So heartbreaking and tragic, poor Savannah born to such laws and turmoil, I could truely picture her a baby, living in darkness, and the stress, the fear the pain of having a child in secret fearing every moment what would would happen, and I honestly though they would suceed that nothing would happen especially when it is mentioned that she might be choosen, that her birth and survival might be the start to a change, and revoultion against the existing laws.
You really write some amazing interesting stories Kiya, gee anytime you want me to read one hollar sweetie, I would be delighted.
This is very neat prose, and very enjoyable. I liked how it is told in first person, it captures the tiger more so and makes it more believeable. It has a small amount of humor too.
Oh my heavens, embarrassing indeed!!!!!!!!!! and gosh darn too funny! This is one moment that you had a hard time getting over, LOL! and gee the way you friend answered you in the pool, Haha! she had a delighful sense of humor, you could tell reading this.
Thanks for sharing, such a humerous moment, in such a well written error free story.
I loves poems that tell a sort of tale, a myth. This is neat in the whole goddess theme, and how you gave her such depth and tenderness. This is very believable and so smooth and nice to read.
Congratulatiions on third place, you go sis!
I have no suggestions to change this, or improve apon it. It is great a poem, wonderfully written and expressed.
This is just darling. Very humerous and quirky. I enjoyed it, it almost seemed like a child's story. I like how ya describe him talking to God in heaven, those few moments before we are created in earth, Very neat, and well you mislead to race color so I laughed to see it a zebra.
Gee I adore your username, very cute! I just had to share that.
I adore reading poems about that one person who rocks your socks, each describe their love so differently and really give a glimpse of how love is to their own hearts.
I take to heart everything you do or don't say;
my love for you is not covered with a disguise.
This is just honest. I liked this the best from the poem, for you say something truely unique to your own relationship, not just the same I love ya.
Thanks for sharing, and I hope your enjot my "Simply Postive Review" isn't Sher, and Kelly just darling for creating group.
Wow! This is so just gosh darn sad, it almost brought me to tears, thank goodness I had my muse chewing on my leg.... Hehe!
Very well written, and gee I love these lines, they really touched me close to some of my own feelings...
It has always been this way for me.
I wonder when this sadness will eventually swallow me and end my life.
I have asked myself this so, so many times, Wow Gothie, this is just a very self reflective prose. Thanks for sharing and in a way knowing that if this is personal you are not alone in your sadness.
To be having this so long is kinda neat Kim. I have had a recurring dream myself too, but haha much rated beyond "E" I like the detail you gave this, very so like we are living the dream with ya, I could see those eyes deep too, and oh my "Who face do they change to? Do ya know the man? or is he just the essense of all that fear in the dream?
Hehe!! Don't run sweetie. I am in your port ya, and delighted with what I found. "About Me" Peek everyone, truely sweet self reflective poem.
This just flows so well, and in ways humerous.
If you want to know about me
then lay a blanket by a tree
sit down because you will be here awhile
because short stories are not my style
We're friends already.. Short stories scare me.
Okies, ok suggestions, This is very well written in expressions of youself, and how you portray yourself, you say so much so quietly and passionly. However a few adustments is going give this just the little touch to make it be presented more poetic form.
This should be broken into stanzas, I suggest four line, ending with two line. breaking it this way, doesn't breal the poems flow, and still keeps the imagery tight.
This is what it would look like, edited as I see.
If you want to know about me,
then lay a blanket by a tree.
Sit down because you will be here awhile
because short stories are not my style.
I am a woman of immense passion.
Honesty, and trust are my fashion.
I am a woman so true and real.
I will show you how I feel.
My heart so quick I give away;
which makes me a target for others[ to betray ](betrayal).
Like others I have my faults,
so you cant hurt me with your insults.
My foolish ways are about to change.
My life I am going to rearrange.
I really enjoy this and would gladly return to change my rating., with some editimg done. thanks for sharing, a small glimpse of Shannon
Very neat, free form poem. Truely free style too, the extra lines, in the firts stanza, first line, and in other places throughout this poem add to it, where in other cases would take form the poem's grammar.
What little light there is stares back at me,
Unblinking
Like a teasing salvation I can never reach.
Buwhaha!!
I like this alot, and imagened a King story story while reading it. I have no suggestions to improve it, and see no errors.
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.31 seconds at 1:44am on Jun 02, 2024 via server web2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
You touch the mood and thoughts that surround the midnight hour, all the myths came to mid for me as I read that second stanza. Nice!! Then like you poem says it goes so fast! 
but haha that me for ya, but I really enjoyed reeading it Kiya and I usually dislike reading stories on a computer.
This is amazing!!!!!! I am in tears, I can honestly say I have never read such a deeply emotional romantic poem, especially one so so well sad.