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151
151
Review of [ice tears]  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, Faye Lorraine *Smile*

Very descriptive poem you have wriiten, enjoyable in all the cold, emotions you share, in that one can relate who suffers too, and have some comfort in that storm that they know others have depression too.

Symbolic to a winter's storm and the use of some very nice creatiive expressive words is great to your poem. *Smile* I had no problem understanding your intent and what you hoped to share, such feelings as one endures them at that moment are often confusing and isolating but in your poem they are very set and clear in the sadness, loneliness, all expressing in some poignent imagery.

I do have some suggestions that I offer in only my intent to be helpful as you deem. *Smirk*

Your first three lines seem different from the rest fo the poem. They seem unfinished and choppy.

Ice Tears frozen
Fiqhtinq down my cheeks
They sickle jaqqed

Adding a beginning to you poem, since you express the tears, as an entity seperate from yourself, the depression is a breathing force in which you fight to escape.

Perhaps:

Frozen Ice Tears
sickle,jagged`
Fight down my cheeks.

Destiny is spelled wrong. *Smile*

You have a wonderful expressive poem here, describing the depression as a frozen burden weighing you down in the storm of life, is quite neat. I enjoyed this alot, and thank for sharing such a emotional struggle with me.

Write on!

StaiNed-House Targaryen




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152
152
Review of Deeper  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hiya, Hedren Rowe

Nice to meet you! *Smile* I am delighted to have taken the time to read your poem "Deeper"  My only intent is to be helpful, and encouraging. *Smile*

Indeed a small, clearly expressed poem of one's depression, and their searching in that depression for the faint crossroads between sanity and insanity, and in that search feeling the lesser of the two evils is a more welcomed one. *Smirk*

This is relatable in the imagery of not wanting to get out of bed, the hopelessness of sadness, and the confusion of not understanding the sorrow that seems to spring like a leak of happiness from the sun's itself almost. Very creative!

I do have some suggestions that I think could add some depth to this poem.


You use "uninvited,unchallenged" in the second line, and the second last, for the emphazie of repetition on the feelings you are expressing with these choosen words, however for me reading it, they made it cluttersome and unexpressive, it was like reading the first all over again and not getting any kind of ending to all the depression oozed in this poem.

Fourth line, first stanza, I would omit "and"

You last stanza needs seperate creativity to the rest of the poem, I think sinstead of reapting the imagery from the first perhaps changing to another spoekn of in your poem, night, fear, or perhaps peace in being pinned to the bed.

Interesting outlook to a sad topic often misunderstood. {E;smile} Thank you very much for sharing.

Write ON!

*Ghost*ies... StaiNed-House Targaryen





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153
153
Review of Vacant  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (3.5)



Hi, Tristan Asher

*Smile*!

This poem does indeed stand on it's own, such stagmative descriptive feelings. Not a topic often wrote of, and you involve a deep feeling of love in this too, quite a surprise. Confusion, acceptance, a subtle voice that speaks in openeness, and pain.

I do have some suggestions that I only intend to be helpful. *Smile*

In your desire to be descriptive, you almost overdo and lose some of the intense sinful imagery you strived to inprint your readers with.

Very first line, its like a cliff, I was thrown for a sec, seeing as you end with "I" no comma, or period, yet the next countinues your thought but almost painfully.

You wrote:

Not even ghosts would dare to tread where I
Within my hollow shell adrift at sea


Ghosts would not tread with you so evil, mailgn the place your body without a soul suffers, I understood, but, this is a weak sentence compared to the claritty of the rest of yor poem.

Perhaps tweeking this opening line would cement it to the rest of the poem, withput the gasp it gives now. Like,

"Not even ghosts would dare tread to where,
I, within my hollow shell adrift at sea."

Just a few words moved makes it clearer and less wordy.


Enjoyable dark evil poem. True purgatory is sins manifested, in this by a love so wrong. Thanks for sharing, and always keep them coming! *Smirk*





StaiNed-House Targaryen




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154
154
Review of Siren's Song  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Wow~~~ This is great!
155
155
Review of Shattered  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)



Hiya! duskinrose *Smile*


Oh! *Shock*! This is quite the shocking love poem, not at all what I was expecting! Nice touch! *Wink* You say alot in few words and that in itself is quite the talent in poetry of any kind or form.

Adding a little to this would greatly improve on the flared idea. I know but wow! What a love, broken poem, death, not as all what I expecting. *Smile*


Thanks!!!

StaiNed-House Targaryen


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156
156
Review of Reality  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)


Hello, Bwitchd3 *Smile*

Thanks for sharing your poem! This is a fast paced, quite simple yet somwhat perplexing at the same time. A great quality in any poem for me.

You start each line with a repeating phrase it adds and takes form your intent to inforce the presense of the "reality" but takes too in the repetitive feel it gives to your poem.

Great ending!!


Somebering to express "reality" as such a malign thing. *Smirk* Well done, I only suggest perhaps expanding on all the poignent offset.



StaiNed-House Targaryen











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157
Review of Sanctuary  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)


Hiya! theravyn *Smile* Welcome to writing.com.

KimChi send me your way, and golly delighted I am to have a chance to enjoy this super cyptic, bountyful poem about such a dark painful love.

Golly to take a relationshhip, something that should be happy, rewrading and blessed, and well you still have these qualaties in this poem, but they are so abyssal, so perplex in these clear perceptions of suffering, malign pain that bloomed, yes so bloomed in a love that was so strong, so afire that it left nothing more than an aftermath of cinders and monsterous depraving longing still.


WOW!!! *Delight* I very so enjoyed this! I do though have a suggestion that I offer only in helpful intentions *Smile* Ohh creative description too! that's it draw us in!..

Second stanza, second line you need a comma after "gaping" and I would omit "with".

This is intense! I love what you express, and how you end it with a sentence that truely makes you understand, and fell a love so painful it was like bliss.

Blinded by my love, but destroyed by your heart

Oh!! write on! I am a fan! *Bigsmile*







StaiNed-House Targaryen




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158
158
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)


Hi, SHERRI GIBSON

What a terrific love poem Sher. *Delight* I was deeply moved by the feelings you have in this, and the honesty in what you tell. You mention the growth we all ebrace our loved other in, the fear, the hard times, we all have for love thought it may be the most super duper hugable feeling out there, without the hard times we would forget the warmth of those late night hugs.

Love poems to me are not easy to write. We all embrace love differently, but I enjoyed your poem alot Sher, such a happy feeling well edited beauty this is. *Delight*

You are so lovable, Thanks for sharing Sher.

*Wink*

StaiNed-House Targaryen




SP CHALLENGER SIG
159
159
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)



Hello, Ԝ€ß☆ԜiʈCH *Smile*

I have no idea whta my inner animal is, WW dear, but you defiantly do. *Laugh* This is a well expressed poem you have written, portraying yourself symbolically as various animals, or as I saw. This has a native feel to it, I almost expected to hear their dialogue. *Wink*

Your the mother wolf, fierce, protective, educater, yet I really saw other animals in this, an owl, an tiger, perhaps a mother hunting cat. Well written this is I know, for you express so much it truely makes it an interesting poem to read. Thanks WW for sharing for me.

Write On!!


StaiNed-House Targaryen



SP CHALLENGER SIG
160
160
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)



Hiya, Daizy May

*Bigsmile* Oh!!! I am a fan!! this is so a long epic poem, one that tells all, leaves nothing to imagination of we follow the sorrowful ghost, try to haunt who broke her heart, and ended her life. Very interesting, and told in a way only you can manage Nancy,

I agree with that purdy black ribbon. great poem, full of rhymne, and somwhat dark, sad imagery.

StaiNed-House Targaryen



SP CHALLENGER SIG
161
161
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)


Hi, Daizy May

Dill pickles and milk, wow! eek! An acquired taste indeed like pb and honey, or kd and ketchup. eww! *Laugh* I think this and the other children's poems I have had so much fun reading are just fantastic. this is well edited, and has one of the the most creative subjects I have ever read. There are few poems written that just make ya smile, and you heart swell, and make you cann friends or whomever be with you to the computer screen to grow bubbling feeling over. I cannot say how much I enjoy this poem!!

Kudos!!! This is just super endearing. awwww, you almost convert me my friend.


StaiNed-House Targaryen




SP CHALLENGER SIG
162
162
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)


I am back Daizy May so delighful was your last poem I enjoyed I just had to peek for more, and golly, you have a very humerous talent.

I would never have thought up anthing even remotely close to the happy feelings this has, and all about a flat basketball. {E:laugh This will go down in as a children's classic I'm postive! This is a poem that makes one want to hug. I could see so much in this, and smiled the whole time!

Kudos!! Daizy, I love your poetry!

StaiNed-House Targaryen



SP CHALLENGER SIG
163
163
Review of Under The Sink  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)


Hiya! Daizy May

This is just so delightfully childlike. I can see so vividly a small adorable child in this, trying to convince, that the mess is not his/her fault. This has such a lighthearted feel to it, so warm, humerous, and poetic in in endearing "e" qualities, it is fanatastic!!

Wow!! I enjoyed this very much and see nothing I would suggest changing. You go girl!

StaiNed-House Targaryen



SP CHALLENGER SIG
164
164
Review of Hidden Thorns  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)


Hi ~Sue~

Wow! this is wonderful, I must say! Beware the hidden meaning inside this well expressed, wuite emotional, creative, super duper edited almost dark poem. It so had a tainted fell to it, so alive the thorn felt.

You have written a quaint beauty here. I see no errors, and cannot see any suggestions to chnage this, you rhymne is endearing and unforced, and in the end, this is great!

But you know, for all their beauty
when you grasp roses tight,
the sharp thorns ranged along the stem
impart a painful bite.

Fav'd! You gave the thorn a personality. One can see it, more than what first comes to mind but as a injured, pained heartbroken feeling. Nice.

Thanks!!! and do write ON!

StaiNed-House Targaryen






SP CHALLENGER SIG
165
165
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)


Hi again! ~~~Dia~~~

Oh! *Delight* A quiet, mockingful poem, dandy!! This taunts one, you give a simple perception, and wrap in up in the dark, twisted pathways that leads us in circles, never really getting to know what way we go, or what we see, or what we read. *Smile* The silent bomb like poem! Boom!

I like this alot! Do though have some suggestions again. *Blush*

The night to me, in not the othersome from day literally, but more a demonic being, that takes, abuses in a a misguided affection of what it thinks is affection but it only deception. So in your title I think "Wandering within the Night" since the night seems to breathe. Third stanza, "Iam" got ya again, "I am" space Dia. Last stanza, you wrote:
Laughter falls
through the breeze
taunting me with torture

I suggest "with" "your" for really there is another tormenting, and portrayed as the illusive night, and in the third, "master" would be better "masterful". *Smile*

You have a very creative talent that shows in the originally of your poetry. Keep them coming, and looky "`Endless Night Dark Poetry Contest"  darkness since 06. *Laugh*


StaiNed-House Targaryen





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166
166
Review of Reborn  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)



Boo! ~~~Dia~~~ *Smirk*

Spray and wash Dia. stains do linger. *Laugh* I am hopefully here to gift you a helpful, honest review, budding dark poet, *Wink*

This has an almost lyrical feeling to it Dia, and you have a very sombering, somwhat beautiful image going quite smoothly within this small dark poem. *Smile* I like alot that there is now fear, the chnage is almost like rapture, a blessoing of a undead nature, in dead an evil rebirth is born, it makes me think or my most loved evilies.. zombies. Eek!

I do have some suggestions, for you really do have a good poem here, but I see a few things I feel can be improved on, I only hope to help, not step on toes, so omit what you see as otherwise, no *Ghost* will get ya. *Laugh*

Third line "vains" is veins. *Smile* Eighth line "i" should be captial. Tenth line, "Iam" needs a space, Line Eighteen I think "beging" is meant to be "begin".


This would be superb broken into couplets or stanzas. It would take the essence of the feelings this poem has, and cradle them together where they bond and support similar emotions within your poem. Structure adds quality I was once told when I joined and I do agree with the sentiment alot, and see it as a benefit to your poem, Dia. *Smile* I am not sure if you know but couplets are third line groupings, stanzas four. *Wink*

For example:

as a couplet:

Coldness of the wind
I can feel it trap my breath
freezing my veins

the dark light takes control
uplifting me into a dark unknown
winged shadows dance

upon this inner rage of fire
boiling hot it consumes my life

as stanzas:

Coldness of the wind
I can feel it trap my breath
freezing my veins
the dark light takes control

Uplifting me into a dark unknown
winged shadows dance
upon the rage of fire
boiling hot it consumes my life



In your fourth and fifth line you use dark right in succession, I suggest a different word in one of the two uses, perhaps "glum,dim,sour,sinister,sullen,pitch black,ill natured.

Your nineth line you change tense, and "knew" should be know" for yes you are expressing a past event of change, but in a present voice or sure knowledge and admiration not fear. *Smirk* Line fourteen you use "plead" I suggest "commit" or "endure" or "forfeit" since throughout your poem Dia you speka of being rebormn, although a drak evil rebirth, a welcomed almost prayed for emlightenment, "plead" makes it seems dreaded, and this poiem ghas no glimpse of such feelings within in.

Also, you could give some more depth with some wonderful emotional words to the "wings" spoken of in the first few lines, they belong to someone or something morbid, and to give some indentity to that would add to what the rebirth means. Also in you description I suggest adding "New life begins in death" since really this is a death, yet a step forward into a darkness that never dies and know not age.

Enjoyable poem! I* like it!!!! *Bigsmile* I am delighted to a mentor you peotry is so mmy muse. *Smirk*

Thanks for sharing and again welcome!!!






StaiNed-House Targaryen




** Image ID #1604798 Unavailable **
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167
Review of The Dark...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)

Hi. Ԝ€ß☆ԜiʈCH *Smile*

I see so many poems here related to Acme's Scream Comedy Event, and wonder where I was, LOL! I am finally here W.W with your gifted package from "Just Because I Want To Group", and the ever so kind Lonewolf

"The Dark..."  [13+] such wonderful things happen there, and you so very very surprised me, with what does.. happen in the dark place of this very niffy, dandy of a poem! *Delight*

I almost thought at first this was gtoing go steamy, and oh the 13+ness of its contest was going high and hot. *Laugh* but such you have a way with words W.W. that you painted a mild, yet very suggestive ideal of what a wooden manneguin, and her devilish lover, golly this is simply great!

Only Webwitch I gotta say,, you need a title that gives this the justice it so deserves, *Wink* one jist as thrilling in all the quiet, touches this poem has.

Buwhaha! You go girl~ *Wink*



StaiNed-House Targaryen




** Image ID #1604798 Unavailable **
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168
Review of The pain within  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)



Hello, jaya

I am here on behalf of Simply Positive to hopefully as is my intent to gift you a helpful, positive review. *Smile*

Such an inner profound torment. The pain one feels deep when they feel as if their very core has been cracked, damaged, and each breath bears only the pain of heartbreak. That perhaps life cannot go on. A sad poem, yet somehow I felt a small glimpse of hope. Despair, confusion, all is expressed in your poem, yet through we travel the road of darkness indeed we have rod in hand, and in that hope remains, it lives with each painful breath that light will shine guiding us down the blackened tunnel.

I do not see any editing errors, as mechanical, though you use some over creative words for the simple, deep quality your poem contains, and in that I thought what you express forced, almost confused.

Enjoyable. despite its somber message. Thanks for sharing!

*Smile*

StaiNed-House Targaryen


** Image ID #1639266 Unavailable **
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169
Rated: ASR | (4.5)


Hiya! Ԝ€ß☆ԜiʈCH *Smile*

Golly I really must say what a delightful quirky poem~! *Laugh* This is well written, and almost like a children't poem one would tell in not for the subject that in most quietly hinted at. *Wink*

Creative, and truly comic. You have a darling talent to expose pleasent tones in this poem dispite the horror that peeks, this really is just a wonderfully E poem. *Bigsmile*

Thanks! and do keep such poetry coming!



StaiNed-House Targaryen




** Image ID #1604798 Unavailable **
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170
Review of Taken Chapter 3  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (3.0)


Hi holz1812 *Smile*

Ah! *Smile* In your last of three reviews, very enjoyable novel you have started, somwhat morbid, and suspencful you take me back to main character Anna. Stil brimming with emotions of uncertainty, hopelessness, and new a glimpse of self pervasion. {e;delight}

Again spacing is important. You have some normal editing errors creeping throughout. You have a great chapter her, we are given insight more into the crazed boyfriend Danny, has a more set picture of where Anna is, how she feels and how all this plays into Danny sense of crontol, hostility, demented love.

Oh! The suspense when we are taken! *Smirk* Thanks for sharing and again write on! Interesting novel. *Wink*

StaiNed-House Targaryen
Angel Army leader.

on behalf of "The Angel Outreach Program" 
171
171
Review of Taken Chapter 2  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)


Hiya! again holz1812 *Bigsmile*

Into the second chapter I go. *Smirk*

Ok I must tell you I'm lost. {e;worry} from Anna's kidnapping in the first chapter, all what she was experiencing, and even the Detective James in the end, I am introduced to Chester and a dog kennel? and a, wondering to myself what does this have to with Anna, her crazed boyfriend, being Taken in general as the title lures us. *Smile*

Into it I learn what I hope are important later on details, however it this a needed chaoter two. in the order this novel is presented? Could what I learn here be told later on when we the readers learn more of Anna? what led to her being taken? Why she was? Why suddenly caused her beau to turn black? So much is raised in the first chapter in in this secind chapter no answers are given.

I know you are trying to create a background for all the will happen, however I am just unsure when Chester plays now in your novel. This is fast paced like the first chapter, you are depply creative and have a solid idea, only getting off to clear start is somwhat cloudy.

I suggest a decription to prick our curiosity. Thanks for sharing, and I look forward to reading more.

StaiNed-House Targaryen

Angel Army leader.

On behalf of "The Angel Outreach Program" 
172
172
Review of Taken Chapter 1  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)


Hello! holz1812

This is your first of three, very humble reviews on behalf of "The Angel Outreach Program"  for being Feb's! Newbie drawed of that month! *Bigsmile* I am delighted to be gifting you your goodies, though note, stories scare me, *Wink* and are a weak point for me, evil poetry girl. *Ghost**Smirk*

Your title sums the story up straight as a arrow, not beating around the bush to what or what may and may not happen. My first glance was it does make paragraphs easier to read when they are always spaced.

You open up into Anna;s captavity, her surprise, he fear, confusion, panic, In sopyts because you seem to try to express to much too fast, you have an overflow effect, and what you attempt to express and share with the reader is lost. I would break the first paragra[ph together more, and not repeat feelinsg that are in fact all the same.

Second parargraph I would use "grasp" not grapple".

She listened hopelessly in the dark trying to listen for the slightest creak in the darkness but could only hear the thudding of her own heartbeat in her ears.

This sentence sticks out for me, for you overuse "listen" Listened hoplessly in the dark trying to listen? *Worry* Hmm, I think your off with what your expressing and to me it seems as if your trying to say something like " She listened in desperation trying to hear for the slightest creak in the dark but only hearing the thudding of her heartbeat in her ears, defeaning." *Smile*

Paragraph four is a small flashnack, to whom the appartent crazy boyfriend is. I think with all that the first chapter is this in not needed, and does nothing for the chapter as a whole.

Detective James as a closing couple of paragarphs, he ruined relationship, his problems, should be carried into another chapter, set seperate from Anna's captavity, they do not tie together well.

Though All this is interesting! Fast paved, and has a character though we do not know her well yet, she has grabbed out attention, and promises to take us with her horrific journey.

Creative! Thanks for sharing and I;m sure you will have a great novel in the end. *Bigsmile*'s

StaiNed-House Targaryen
Angel Army Leader! Ya`
Thanks! kiyasama you passed finals sweetie!

I am a Mentor! Click me to find out more!
173
173
In affiliation with JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM T...  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)

Hi, 🌕 HuntersMoon this is your second of three reviews, gifted to by Just call me Omni and Just Beacause I Want To Group! *Bigsmile*

Indeed you never know what you will find or better yet what finds you, and this is just amazing!! You gave such feeling! I could feel the ancient evil, it's anger, it's wickedness, it's leechlike desires. You open this just steady and expressive and truly tell a wonderfully spun tale of an evil book, bound by the pages in waits, trapped in.

A nightmare image penned in ink
falls from a book, tattered and torn.
Long forgotten, stained with years,
it bears an imprint that is borne
upon a deteriorating parchment sheet.

Kudos!! This is a very well written of my favorite reading material dark!! Thanks!!


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Review of Melody of Madness  
In affiliation with JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM T...  
Rated: E | (4.5)



Hiya, 🌕 HuntersMoon I am back! *Delight* I am delighted! yes get a flashlight, darkness comes..*Ghost* with three reviews, yup! on behalf of Just Because I Want To Group, and... Ta da! Just call me Omni She enjoys your poems as well. *Bigsmile*

Oh! Where to start! Well the title is just captavity in the lurk of what is to be sung, how soothing demented logic can be, *Laugh* and indeed winter can take more than you warmth. "StaiNed Bits and Pieces"  *Laugh*

This has a sensual erotic touch to it Ken, and it written with some very homesome words, and a string of popcorn like stanzas, that just come together pop pop pop.

I saw alot in this and really when I ponder on it, I am a wee confused, which is rare. She, unclear certainty to whom, what "she" is, but I though she was as if a demon of frozen bliss, one that comes shrouded in sexual haunting, a demon that once was life, brutally murdered, and now the memories of that, keep the one cold.

Deep poem Ken, well written, enjoyable. Thanks for sharing, and remember spray and wash. *Wink*





StaiNed-House Targaryen




** Image ID #1604798 Unavailable **
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Review of Those Walls  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, SWPoet

Thanks for your entry in "Project Write World" .

I always enjoy reading a poem that has a small epic feel to it, one that takes a image and uses it in all their deep and complex emotions they see. This gives me a sense of fighting, of salvation, of misunderstading. Well told. I only and this is my humble thought, a little repetitive, you resuse words throughtout for emphazise and perhaps in that your effect was the opposite. *Smile*

Good luck and thanks for particapting.

StaiNed-House Targaryen
Poetry Judge.
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