This review is part of the Shower from "Invalid Item" .
Please
allow me to introduce myself, or if we have already met, Hello again. I am David, I love writing and I am a dreamer.
Within these words and in between the spaces, may you find joy and encouragement. With kindness, I offer my opinions and or suggestions for improvement if I feel any are needed. Please disregard anything I have written in this review of your poem if it does not speak to your heart. My hope for you is that in some way, even in the slightest, that this review further fans your flame of passion for writing.
Overall
I am drawn to your poem Whispering Stars because simply put, I love stars. Your words are like the sights and sounds of the beacons in the night.
Emotional Reaction
I feel a longing for freedom as I read your words. You poem evokes a feeling I have had many times gazing into the depth of the night sky. For me, there is a longing for what can not be seen and a whisper, like a beacon, sizzling in the stars.
Theme
I like how you approach love and peace found in the moonlight at the beginning of your poem and then come full circle back to the world is peaceful and ending with the wonderful line the stars whisper my name.
Wow!
The following word choices you have made, create my favorite lines;
In the moonlight,
the world is peaceful
and the stars
whisper my name.
Other lines I like;
they shine down their love
and mark the trail.
They reach through the stillness,
and whisper my name.
Rhythm and Flow
Your poem has a smooth rhythm and a flow as I read it aloud.
Improvement
I really had to look hard and spend quite a bit of time to find anything that seemed out of place with your poem. As I read your poem over and over aloud, the only line that caught my ear as far as needing attention was The beams of their light. With that being said, I offer an alternative suggestion;
The beams of their light
are pure and free,
Their beams of light
are pure and free,
Time
or shall I say, the feeling of the passage of time may be evoked by very few words. I find that feeling in these lines;
They have conquered the earth
and taken their place in eternity.
I also like the feeling of the passage of time from the moonlit night, throughout the day, and then again into the night.
Every
writer makes decisions regarding Grammar, Punctuation and Spelling. I find the grammar and punctuation in your poem to be consistent. The spelling is perfect.
Rhyme
is not used in this free verse poem.
Joy
is a part of writing. Both in the writing and in the sharing of the written word. I am sure you feel joy and quite a sense of accomplishment in the writing of Whispering Stars. I enjoyed reading and reviewing your poem.
Other thoughts or feelings
I am touched by your writing of Whispering Stars. Indeed, the Angels are whispering in your ear.
You
have written a wonderful poem that was a pleasure to read and review. Thank you.
I also like your willingness and courage to speak to the difficulty of these issues. I like that you are writing about coming together. This is a crazy world. Thank you for bringing your words to light and sharing them with us. It is time for young and old to see eye to eye. It seems somewhere along the way mutual respect has been lost in fear.
Bravo! On your poem.
<<<we are just hushed away in silence.>>>
Maybe say something about how repression a suppression erupts in violence;
about the need to be heard. Of course this could be another poem on its own.
We all need to be heard.
I really like these lines:
<<<So, perhaps you could help us,
instead of shooting us down,>>>
I like the rhythm and the pacing. I could hear you reading this at a poetry slam.
Hello Oldwarrior First let me say thank you for your service. Above all I cherish my freedom. I am forever grateful to all who ever have or ever will serve our country.
Hello Oldwarrior You indeed have the heart of a warrior... the courage of a mountain lion. Your poem touched my heart and got me thinking of my mom again. Thank you for your words. My favorite part;
“Mommy I need you, to remember these things,
and soak up the joy, that each memory brings.”
Hi shadowghost Welcome to WDC! I like the magic and rhythm of your short verses in "Violet Eyes" I could hear you reading this at a poetry slam. My favorite stanza is;
“Step by step
reflections show
open windows
to the soul”
Hi The FreeMan Welcome to WDC! I like that in this writing you have made a life choice based on peace. You have not bowed to peer pressure.
I have been dreaming and writing of peace for as long as I can remember. If I were to make a change in your writing it would be in regards to your line; “In the end they’re all gone and forgotten, their deaths virtually meaningless.” I understand what you are trying to say here but I do not believe the death of anyone who has sacrificed their life for my freedom is meaningless. I honor all who ever have or ever will serve my country. When I say; “Give Peace a Chance” I am speaking to the whole world. Everyone needs to find peace on their own terms. Please stop destroying each other!
I would be curious how you would re-write the line to speak your feelings in regards to war rather than the warrior. Have you seen the movie “Lions for Lambs” This films speaks to these issues in a powerful way.
Very nice work on your writing. Again, Welcome to WDC!
Hi GiveMeARevolution Welcome to WDC! I like the imagery of your poem "More So Than Ever. " There is a lot in your words to ponder. Two lines that caught my attention are “Carrying a torch to a dug grave” and “cassettes That horde the music I love.” What I like the most about your poem is your message of believing in hope. Very nice work.
Hi whitleenew Welcome to WDC! I like haiku poetry and really enjoy your poem "The Bay" "The Bay" evokes both wonder and sadness in your very few words. There is longing leading to a reaching out and then a sense of loss of of hope at the end. Very nice work.
Hi Shaara What a wonderful story. I love your style. Your quickness of thought and short sentences are brilliant. This story reads like a poem. I do so love synchronicity. What I mean is that we met by way of your review of my poem “Forever More” and your last word of this writing is “Forevermore”
Hi Angels in my Ear I like it. I see how this could be a bit upsetting for a young one. I like the rhythm of your poem. I could see (hear) you reading this at a poetry slam. Very nice work. I also like the haunting image you used. That is
What would I change? Only 3 words.
First line: “dark” to “dank”
Line 7: “for eternity” to “forever”
Last line, first word: “I” to “We.”
I am grateful. Thank you Thing. It is an honor to be on this list "One Writer's Favorites!" with so many amazing writers. Best regards to each of you and to all of you. David
Hi Keaton.I really like your poem. Especially the line; "Poke bears with sticks" and another great line is; "Acceptance is king In every empty castle." This would be a great poem to read aloud at a poetry slam. The way you wrote this there are many variations on the rhythm of the words. Maybe it is just me but I do not understand this line; "Two and a half dozen Of the other" It seems to be in reference to 30 of something but I have never heard this phrase before. Anyway. Nice work. Thanks for sharing your poem. Best regards. David
Thank you for your words. Your gratitude is clear and shines brightly. I cherish my freedom above all things. I am forever grateful to all who ever have or ever will serve our country. God Bless you. God Bless America. God Bless our men and women who are currently serving now. Best regards. David
Hello Connieann. You had me at how I learned to dance. Your story brought me joy knowing that this is a happy memory you have cherished for so long. I like your line "I had heard through the grapevine some practical joker had called a funeral home in the middle of the night with the news that the Principal had died and to send a hearse to pick up the body." It reminded me of CCR's "I Heard it Through The Grapevine." Nice subliminal addition. Your last line reminds me that WDC has me already reminiscing of memories made here. Thank you for your story. Best regards. David
Hello Prosperous Snow. Thank you for your words. The lines that caught my eye and landed in my heart are "light split into love’s primary colors" and "A rainbow’s arc spreads across Earth’s continents, mystics dance." Who can not smile at the thought of a rainbow? What would I do to change this writing? In a word. Nothing.
Hi Ali. "Words are Wind" caught my attention. I read it several times seeking it's depth. There are many great lines here. Nice work. I really like the line "The bellowing brave sails of the White Widow disappear into the grey horizon." How would I improve this poem? I see a few instances here that I would actually cut the end of the line and let the readers mind seek and find the deeper meaning. There is depth here to be found. Thank you for sharing your poem. Best regards. David
Hi there. Very powerful poem. "All you need to do is follow the Path Unknown." Yes. I agree. What strikes me about this poem is that I see it as written from the point of view of a wolf in the wild. And though you make no mention of this in your words, the essence and feel of wolf magic comes through for me. It is fitting that your handle is Oldgraywolf. Thank you for sharing your sense of the wild and wonderful world. How would I change this poem? I believe there are a few words in this landscape that could be removed and carried with the wind. Best regards. David
Wow! Your arrow struck the bulls eye! At first glance I was taken by your layout of the arrow head. How fitting for a poem about camp. I really enjoy the positive attitude flowing between and behind the words. "Nature as truth and hope." What a wonderful and needed message you are bringing to our world. Thank you. How would I improve this poem? May I suggest two things? One. I believe there is a typo in the word iridescent. Two. Perhaps in that same line a change to the following would smooth the tip of your arrow;
"And varied, iridescent flora and fauna." These are minor suggestion in my mind and do not detract from such a positive message. 5 stars for your work. Best regards. David
I love this poem. I spent most of my life in the long Alaskan winters. Snow is one of my favorite friends. I love glaciers too. The picture you paint is a wonderful reminder of home.
I really like the “Push - Pull” feel of the poem. It certainly speaks of loves battle between the heart and the mind. I sure hope the heart is allowed to win.
I like it. I like the way you suspended time and space and then summoned the love. I believe your poem speaks of a calling that is beyond what we know. And it seems to me that dreams sometimes are as far as we can see. Bravo. Let us step beyond them. Great work! Thank you.
It seems in your writing that you are setting yourself free. Bravo. May the stepping stones of your writing bring you to the depths you have not yet known. Good luck with your writing and with your journey of exploration. Best regards.
Stargazer
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This review is part of the 
Shower 
I am David, I love writing and I am a dreamer.
My review has been submitted for consideration in "
Let us step beyond them. Great work! Thank you.