This is an interesting piece of fiction, and well-written. It was very technically sound, as the only mistakes I saw were rooted inside dialogue and seemed to be intentional, therefore I will not be pointing those out.
Your concept was fairly original, although there wasn't quite enough explanation for me to say that with certainty. I can make assumptions as to what is going on here, exactly, but they would be just that - assumptions. I prefer more clarity in fiction, because with an active imagination like mine left to its own devices, I am likely to come up with things to fill in the holes that are widely outside of your intended zone. You might consider expanding the piece, including more explanation of what is happening, how these 'Sojourners' (I love that, by the way!) came to be in human captivity, and how the world found out about it.
Another point, was the inconsistency I noticed in your main character, Iora. He irascibility in the beginning of the story was very pointed, and you wrote that section to really play it up, almost overly so. That would have been fine, to demonstrate her temper and ire so strongly, if you maintained that personality trait throughout the piece. I found it oddly incongruous with her previous behavior to so docilely give her hand to the 'Sojourner' at its command, no thought or hesitation there. If this was because she felt compelled to hand herself over so willingly, then it should likely be mentioned, for the reader's edification.
Another thing I thought about, was that I would like to know more about the way the 'Sojourners' look! We all have our own ideas about what 'aliens' look like, and it's always a treat in sci-fi writing to hear someone's description of their own idea. I was disappointed when the only description I got there was their height. I definitely wanted more.
Lastly, I think your ending is too abrupt and rushed. There is absolutely no resolution here, only build up and more build up, then hanging anticipation! The piece, to me, reads more like an Introduction or Prologue to something much bigger and in depth. Is that the case? If not, I suggest that you write more on the end to give your reader more closure. If it is, then you might consider putting something to denote that in a 'disclaimer' or in the item's description.
I did very much like your characters, and their interactions with one another - that was the gem of this piece, for me. Your writing style, also, is very clean and conducive to an easy reading experience. Technically it was very good and relatively seamless.
Overall, well done, and I hope that you found this review helpful! If you have any questions about my comments here, please feel free to message me - my door is always open!
Keep putting pen-to-paper,
~ L.C. ~ The Dark Huntress ~
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
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