I really like this work. It didn't really ever tell you right out what costumes where being pulled out, but you could tell what they were seeing just from what they said. I thought that was a sign of strong writing. Keep on writing, my friend.
Great job.
Ben
I think you did a great job on this example of couplets. It flowed really well and didn't stick to small words to help the flow. I think that you have a clever piece here. I haven't seen a lot of this style before and this was a good introduction.
Great job!
Write on!
-Ben
I like this story alot. You had a casual style that flowed well without any problems. The transition into your stories of being in solitary was perfect. It shows me that writing is very important to our mind and spirit. It give me joy to write and it helped you stay sane.
Keep up the good work and WRITE ON!!
Ben
It was an amazing read. You reveal your skill for personification in this story and i really enjoyed it. I have several cats and i know how realistic you really are when you give your animals personalities. My cats have defined personalities and you captured your cat's personality quite skillfully.
I enjoyed this work. Write on!
Your friend,
Ben
First Thoughts:
I have never seen this style of poetry before, and I like it. Good job with excuting the story with a solid style and delivery. I didn't really like the darkness, but you did a good job with it anyway.
Errors:
None Found.
Change:
"gluttonous" and "glutton" were used quite a bit in the final half of the poem. It was a little repetative. Maybe that is intential, but another word might help ease the flow.
Final Thoughts.
Good job writing this poem. Like the other review I gave, the four rating is a matter of preference.
Write on!
First Thoughts:
Amazing job. Once I realized that I that you were refering to "Alice in Wonderland" and the title did not read "Mad Hater", I really began to enjoy the poem.
Errors:
None found.
Change:
"I responded quickly(,) body filled with glee."
"Why what flavor?" This statement was a little awkward. It might need to be "Why? What flavor?" These are all suggestions. Take them if you wish.
Final Thoughts:
I really enjoyed this work. The steady flow and rhythme were a breath of fresh air.
Write on!
First Thoughts:
Yeah, you did your job well. Man, that is dark!
Errors:
None found.
Change:
Some of the first verses in your stanzas end with ,'s. Others should probiably have ;'s because they are a complete sentence. Then again this might be a style of poetry. Just a suggestion.
Final Thoughts:
Lets just say you did you job well for what you were doing. You commnicated what you were try to say well. The four s rating is mostly because i don't prefer this style of writing. That one extra is a matter of opinion.
Write on!
First impressions:
Good style of writing. It is very casual, like a someone telling a story. Though i thought at certain points the sentense were a little long. A good sentense should be easy to say in one, unforced breath. Just a suggestion.
Errors:
Nothing in particular.
Change:
"Though I will look twice if a black cat crosses my path and (I)don't see the harm in throwing a pinch of salt over my shoulder when accidentally spilled,"
"So when coming to such a junction with my arms cradling a bucket of liquid and several less then (replace with than) random items I couldn't help but quickly scan over the possible occurrences."
Final Thoughts"
Good job with a clear message. I found the origin facts of the bad luck of ladder very interesting. Good job. Write On!
You did a good job creating the scene. I could see what he saw, yet you did not have decribe the scene. Your indirect statement weaved a picture that was vivid and clear.
I think you did fantastic job with this paragraph.
"Thick seaweed wrapped her body, encasing her in a slimy tomb.
If she still had lungs, I'm sure breathing wouldn't have been an option."
You have set yourself a high standard. Write On!
Ben
Pretty cool. You did a good job with you three verse stanzas. I like your expression of the feeling you have. Great job!
I especially like this stanza:
"Days pass by.
Now you are the image
I awake to."
Good Job! Write on!
Ben
Awesome poem! I felt this same feeling last week when i sat down to write and nothing came. The ink of my mind had ran dry. Great job! I especially liked this verse:
"Those empty pages
Float carelessly across the room,
Urging me
To infuse them with sentiment,
To transform them into landscapes,
And populate them with souls.
Will I never live up to expectations?"
Great job! Write On!
Ben
I really liked this poem. Good job! I did see any errors that would be anything other than style choices. I especially like this verse:
"My mind
Sees
What my eyes must forget"
Good job. You have a strong message in an elegant form. I liked the line:
" heard your mothers prayers as she shivered in the night...
she prayed you would accept me and come back unto the light"
Keep writing!
Ben
Good questions. I will try to answer some of them.
First, I think when Jesus became a man he had to shed his full glory in the process. This might explain the confusion on why Jesus does not seem to be equal to God. Second, the trinity is composed of three persons. Each of the three persons do not have the same positions and responsibities. For example, the Holy Spirit is the messanger of God. Here is an example from the picture of a family. The husband and the wife are equal, but because of their responsibilities the husband is over the wife. Jesus had a different job/purpose than God. This purpose called him to be under commision of God the Father.
In response to your statement about not believe Jesus was God because the belief was made common under Constantine. I am not sure if Constantine was a Christian in his heart. Back in that time, being a Christian might not have mean a personal relationship with Christ. Much Evil has been done in the name of Christianity. God works through the evil men do and evil men themselves. Nebechanezzer in the Bible was quite an evil ruler at certain points, but God worked and displayed his glory through him. It would be foolish to disregard a belief supported in the Bible because it came into being under an seemingly non-christian man.
That answer might or might not satisfy. But there is a great reason that we have to believe that Jesus was God and Man. If a man was perfect and sinless and wanted to die for someone, his death might be able to save one man. Why? Because he is only one man. His righteousness can only cover one person. Himself or one other person. In order for God to redeem and save all of mankind, he had to have a sacrafice greater than one man. The sacrafice had to be God himself. Only the death of God himself would be great enougth to cover the sins of all mankind. Also, Jesus had to be a man to pay for the sins of mankind. God could not pay the price of our sin as God; He had to become man. These are only one of the many, many reasons that Jesus had to be God and Man.
Your Brother in Christ,
Taylor
Good questions, but not ones i believe would have grounds for being anything to question the bible.
I think i might be able to help. In the days during and after Jesus, people would have servants or freemen who could read and write. The writer would dictate what he wanted said orally.
I have heard before myself that Paul might have had different people who wrote down what he said because some of the writing in Pauls letters had slight differences in style.
I will try to give you more information later, but this is rough answer to your question.
Your Brother in Christ,
Taylor
A very good story. I have feeling i know where it was leading, but you left it up to the reader so i am happy. You did a good helping the reader relate to the main character and did a good job keeping it believable. Good job.
Write on!
Ben
A mosquito is not in the same genus as flys. A mosquito is not a fly. You might want to restate the question as: What insect carries the deadly disease Malaria?
This is a fantastic poem. You betray well the feeling of one's heart. You pull me into the character's mind as they look out to the light. A very good story with an excellent ending. Good job.
Keep Writing, my friend, more of this type of work.
Ben.
I thought that you did an amazing job. The story had good flow and a good plot. A good display of thought and imagination. I have a story like it with an older character called "Dusty Attics and Clouded Minds."
Keep on writing, my friend, more of these types of stories.
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