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318 Public Reviews Given
318 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
In depth and honest. I try not to let my personal feelings about a genre or a story interfere with the review. Though if I feel a certain aspect of your writing would be improved with a change, I won't hesitate to make the suggestion.
Favorite Genres
I'm open to everything
Least Favorite Genres
Ditto
Favorite Item Types
Mostly everything
Least Favorite Item Types
Interactives. Mainly because it seems unfair to review an item that so many people of varying skill levels participate in.
I will not review...
Again, there are very few things I flat out refuse to review. Though I respect everyone's viewpoint, I will not read anything, there is a line, and you will know it if I feel you've crossed it.
Public Reviews
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126
Review of The Garden  
Review by NateSean
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
This was definitely a unique story. Would I be correct in guessing it was set sometime in the late 1800's, or is the time period deliberately vague? I only ask becaus laudanum, or opium, was readily available without a perscription until the early 20th century. By now there are certainly more popular drugs that are easier to get a hold of for recreational uses.

I like how the flower became the Flower after his bizarre transformation.
127
127
Review by NateSean
Rated: E | (5.0)
A Doctor Who crossword is always a plus. ;)

Nothing from Smith's run in this one, so you must have written this ages ago.
128
128
Review of Elected To Stay  
Review by NateSean
Rated: E | (4.0)
A lot of people were misinformed as well. The governers of most of the states declared a state of emergency and a lot of people just didn't get the message. Even after cars were ordered off the road here in Mass, I still got splashed by about half a dozen of them as I trudged through the pouring rain and whipping winds.
129
129
Review by NateSean
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
I liked the bit about Jelly Babies. Having just recently discovered them at a gummy candy store here in the US, I haven't yet found a blue one. It's hard to judge and comment on the others on their own merits when you have it all in one item.
130
130
Review by NateSean
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This was a nice quick piece. No doubt it's what many of my cats have thought over the years and you made an excellent build up to revealing what they were.
131
131
Review by NateSean
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Not bad for a standard zombie story. Just like with vampires, there are really only so many ways to tell a story featuring a zombie apocalypse.

I suppose a journal entry isn't a bad way to tell the story. But I feel like this could be a part of something much bigger, like the prologue to a novel.
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132
Review of WLTM IRL  
Review by NateSean
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
In 1,040 words you do a wonderful job of setting up the story and ending it on a perfect note.

An interesting fact about the early days of the Internet is that vampire enthusiasts were among the first people to set up social networking sites. Masquerade players, etc, were able to get in touch with each other over distances. And the Internet fits perfectly into whatever aspect of the vampire mythology you follow, whether it's something to wile away the daylight hours, or as you've done here, it allows you the anonymity to hunt and stalk your victims.

Well done.
133
133
Review of Hero to Zero  
Review by NateSean
Rated: E | (3.0)
Well, you've promised us a short story, but you fell short. No pun intended.

Nothing really happens here. It's a few paragraphs of telling us about Michael rather than "showing" us what he does, or how he turns these negative things that happened to him in the past into a positive today.

A short story doesn't mean you write a few paragraphs and that's it. A short story is the art of telling your readers a novel's worth of story in fewer words. Like a microwave meal as opposed to a full ten course dinner, you want to at least make us feel good about reading your story when we could have read a much longer, much fuller piece.
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134
Review by NateSean
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
There's certainly nothing wrong with dark feelings. How they're presented tends to get a little fuzzy. There were some line sin this poem that I thought could use a rewrite.

"Purge the mind from the positive thoughts."

You can purge the mind "Of" positive thoughts. The definition of purging is to eliminate, so unless you're eliminating your mind and leaving the positive thoughts, this line doesn't make a lot of sense.

"Nobody better not know what you're thinking."

So... you don't want anyone to not know what you are thinking? Or do you want no one to ever know what you are thinking? Those are the questions you should ask yourself when you're reading that line.

"Satan can chuckle, hell's a good place."

When referring to a place, Hell is a pronoun.

"It must be done to kept from getting hurt."

I think you mean, "It must be done to be kept from getting hurt." Or "It must be done to KEEP from getting hurt."
135
135
Review by NateSean
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
This started off right, but the ending left me flat, like slamming into a brick wall after checking out artwork in a gallery.

What happened there? You started off talking about the relationship between you and your mother and how her puritanical ways didn't effect you. Then you ended on something a comedian said about a vibrator. None of these subjects are tied into one another.

A lot of this just feels like a series of blog entries that got crammed into one static item.
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136
Review of Gay Marriage  
Review by NateSean
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Goes without saying that I generally beleive marriage is an outdated institution. But if two people are willing to make a commitment to one another than what right does anyone else have to interfere with that decision?
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137
Review of maybe today  
Review by NateSean
Rated: E | (3.0)
The formatting is a bit distracting. I get that the title is "Maybe Today", so it's uncessary to keep writing the same two words in bold formatting. It doesn't evoke the meaning or feeling you're probably going for.

I'll admit that I'm not the best critique when it comes to writing poetry. Point of fact, my own poetry is amateur at best, so feel free to take this with a grain of salt. But I recognize alot of the same beginner aspects of your poem from looking back at what I wrote way back in high school.

It's likes like this one: maybe today we will be able to look past color that bog the poem down with cliche. While racism and prejiduiced certainly are rampant, skin color is the least of the reasons why people tend to discriminate anymore. We now have sexual orientation, disability, religious views, and the actions of a few members of race or demographic for someone to discriminate against.

In the end, a poem should paint a picture with words. It should evoke a feeling by the terms you choose to use, the style with which you present them, and the effort you put into it. And this piece comes off less like a poem and more like a laundry list.
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Review of What Not to Write  
Review by NateSean
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
An overall informative piece. Though by now a lot of your links have gone dead. Perhaps it would be a good idea to go through this again and fine links to items that do the same job of illustrating whatever point those other items have done.
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139
Review of The Sound  
Review by NateSean
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I really wanted to give this a 5.0. I did. Because this story is so well put together and everytime I move into a new place, I swear I find something odd about it. Whether it's a wierd sound, a wierd smell, or whatever. And my first place out of college wasn't much better.

Of course Fred's problem solving skills clearly leave a lot to be desired. You get the impression that his parents spent more time criticizing him than teaching him critical thinking, which is another reason I sympathize with his character. Not with the damage he's done, of course.

The main reason I did not give this a perfect score is because I couldn't go one paragraph without seeing the word "I". When you're writing in the first person, obviously "I" is going to come up quite often since the perspective is limited. And a short story is equally challenging because you have a limited amount of words and time to get everything across.

The only times you didn't use the pronoun excessively was when other people were involved. But there are still ways to avoid using "I" in every sentance when Fred is alone.

Example: I finally decided that this wasn't my problem. I pulled up Happy Times Apartments from the contacts in my cell phone and pressed Call. I got a recording and left a message for Ms. Taylor to call me. My phone rang a few minutes later, just after the sound stopped again.

How I would Write it: Finally, I decided this wasn't my problem and scrolled to Happy Times Apartments in my contacts list. An automated voice announced Ms. Taylor's absence and asked to leave a message, so I made it brief and asked her to call me back. After a few minutes the phone rang and the sound stopped.
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140
Review by NateSean
Rated: E | (4.5)
Pretty decently written. It paints a very graphic picture of trying to take more than what you deserve and getting punished for it by your own actions. As in, not by divinity, but suffering the consequences for what you tried to do.

Is this poem based on any mythologies like the Morning Star or Icarus?
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141
Review of Eternal Slumber  
Review by NateSean
Rated: E | (4.0)
These lines were actually my favorite in the poem.

If you need to see me one more time
Just look up to the sky

I'll be watching over you
From my perch up in the clouds

They reminded me of line in a poem my friend wrote sometime before she died. The night before she died I was looking at the only star in the sky and asking for a sign that she was all right.

That week at her funeral, her friend read a poem that I never knew she had written. And the last line in it was, "I'm looking down on you from a star."

The only thing I would suggest is to watch your rhyme scheme. You pick it up after the first four lines but you should start with it for the sake of consistency.
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142
Review of It Isn't Their's  
Review by NateSean
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
There were a few roughspots. At times I know you were trying to capture the "inner" thoughts of the crew. IE: With Jayne and Zoe on the job with him, there weren’t anyone else he trusted could look after Kaylee. But then there's a mistake with a word like "Should could get hurt" and it takes away from the style choice.

The use of the Chinese terms is a good touch and you seem to have Joss Whedon's style of story telling down. Meimei does mean my sister, but I suppose Mal could think of Kaylee as a sister so it's not a huge deal either way.

I'm guessing this takes place Post Serenity since Wash isn't there.
143
143
Review by NateSean
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a very powereful piece. Some of the lines do get a bit clunky in parts.

[quote]As far as you and I
Are concerned there can be none[/quote]

This line sticks out for example. You have a trend of keeping one thought per line and then this comes along, which is two lines for the same concept. It's distracting only because it differs from the way you have the rest of the poem written.

Rhyme schemes can be tough to manage. In poetry I always feel that if you're going to rhyme than keep it consistent. But if there are parts that won't rhyme than don't begin with it.
144
144
Review of The Lone Dalek  
Review by NateSean
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I know you wrote this almost six years ago but I thought you'd still appreciate the compliment.

You did a great job capturing the point of view of the Dalek. I think you have their mindset down perfectly and you added a great deal of depth to an episode I all ready fell in love with purely because of Ecclestein's performance upon seeing the Dalek.
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