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376
376
Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
It sounds like the narrator in this piece has been dealing with some deep, intense issues. I think you asked some interesting questions that generate thought. My only suggestion would be for the following line:

Being held at gun point, strangled and having a knife held to your throat.= It is really an incomplete sentence, the thought isn't complete. What does being in this situation do?
Regards,
Ms. J
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377
377
Review of Slow Rush  
Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is an interesting poem. The mermaid/siren is a powerful symbol to use. Your description creates wonderful imagery. I like that you used the senses when writing this. It adds to the vivid imagery I also like the personification of the tide, and wind. Nice job.
Regards,
Ms. J
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378
378
Review of crumby steps  
Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Is this a dream metaphor? That was the way I read it. I think that you have a good theme, but it may have gotten lost in the typos. Make sure to proofread. I would also caution you not to write in text speak, it is distracting. The use of the chicken and the goat as symbols was interesting. They are animals that both frighten easily, yet they continue on their path. Thanks for sharing this with us.
Regards,
Ms. J
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379
379
Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Comments:
What a beautiful scenic view I've been blessed with to? experiencing.
This is an interesting piece. I am assuming it is a metaphor or symbolic of a relationships. The help that the speaker gives to the other is returned in the end. I like that they both make the climb together.
Regards,
Ms. J
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380
380
Review by Ms. J
Rated: E | (4.0)
Title: City of Sin
Chapter reviewed: 3
User name: Fallen for Grace


Plot: Crystal and her sisters prepare for the ball.


Characters: The personalities of the girls are coming out nicely through the dialog. The sisters remind me of the Bennett sisters in Pride and Prejudice, with the oldest being the calm maternal one, the second headstrong but duty bound to her family, and an immature younger one.


Grammar: See line by line


Style/voice: Just a few suggestions. See line by line.


Setting: The bedroom wasn't described as much as it could have been. Was Dawn looking in a full length mirror set in an oval ( name a type of wood) frame?


Overall:
Dawn is kinda a modern name too, but not as modern sounding as Crystal. I did look up the history of the name Crystal and it the English. It was around in the 19th century but not widely in use yet. The other sisters have more traditional 19th century names.

In this chapter, you did a nice job of using the dialog to bring out the personalities of the sisters.
Regards,
Ms. J
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381
381
Review of Dear God  
Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a poem that captures what many of us have felt at one time or another. In the face of adversity it is hard to maintain your faith. My answer to the speaker would be sometimes the signs are there for us, it is just hard to see them through the dark.
Regards,
Ms. J
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382
382
Review of Untitled Poem 1  
Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is an interesting poem. It sounds as thought the speaker is in anguish over something. It also sounds like the emotions that one experiences with depression. The last line in particular has an interesting message. Perhaps everyone goes through something like this?
Regards,
Ms. J
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383
Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with Novel Review Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Title: City of Sin
Chapter reviewed: 2
User name: Fallen for Grace


Plot: Crystal has a dream that is probably foreshadowing what is to come.


Characters: By making Liza speak in dialect, it tells us volumes about her and where she comes from.


Grammar: Good


Style/voice: Just a suggestion, see the line by line


Setting: The odd unconnected scenes of the dream, make it a realistic nightmare scene.


Overall: Interesting chapter. I think there is much foreshadowing, and the symbolism will be better understood once the story develops more.

Regards,
Ms. J
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384
384
Review of Photo  
Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
This is a nice little piece that celebrates something that has deep meaning for you. People can relate to that, because we all have something like this that we love to do that takes us to a wonderful place of piece. My only suggestion would be to add some color. Describe the colors of the sunset.
Regards,
Ms. J
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385
Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a really interesting concept. You have literally brought to life conflicting aspects within our being. I like that you point out the differences, but also how interdependent the two entities are. This is a creative way to express these notions. Well done.
Regards,
Ms. J
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Review of Pigeon Parade  
Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I think it is great that you are celebrating a bird that not many people seem to appreciate. You did a wonderful thing when you compared the bird's experience of rejection to something that is human like. You poem kinda reminds me of watching my high school students in the hall. Great use of images and color. Nicely done.
Regards,
Ms. J
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387
387
Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is wonderful poem that captures an image. You have used such vivid detail that as a reader, I picture what is going on. I love the adjectives you have chosen to describe the men as they are playing chess. The following is my favorite stanza:

Game pieces sliding on concrete tables,
re-cementing checkered lives
with silver-white tactics,
cantankerous grins,
and hierarchy's strategy.

Regards,
Ms. J
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388
388
Review of Love's Too Blind  
Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
The themes of this poem will be easy for people to relate to. We have all had those relationships that have turn sour. I like how your poem is almost in two parts, much like the relationship. I also like how you use the action of waking up figuratively to show the emotion.
Regards,
Ms. J
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389
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Review of A Darkest Sleep  
Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I rather like this poem. Maybe because I suffer from the plague of nightmares. You have done a nice job of capturing the emotions involved in such a visitation. Your use of comparisons, and personification really gives vivid images to this piece. Nicely done.
Regards,
Ms. J
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390
Review by Ms. J
Rated: E | (3.5)
Comments:

"Maya! Your friends are waiting outside!" said came? the loud sound of my Mom

"Not the big deal!"= Not a big deal or No big deal?

The reason that my parents didn’t let me ride the bicycle was? because they were afraid I would have an? had accident or something bad happened to me

You have some more typos that you need to look at.
I think this is a good start to the story. I hope all will work out for the character.
Regards,
Ms. J
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Review of Promise Me  
Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This piece captures strong emotions. It would be interesting to hear it with the music. I've just got a couple of suggestions below.

Except your in love with a person= you're

I can’t barely breath= can barely breathe?

I like that you compare your life before as empty to your life now.
Regards,
Ms. J
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392
392
Review of Heaven On Earth  
Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This is an interesting poem that puts the choice of good or evil into black and white. You have used imagery and the senses to make your point and show the difference between the two. The questions asked give the reader more of a reason to think about the theme. I don't really have any suggestions.
Regards,
Ms. J
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393
393
Review of Don't Worry Mom  
Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is an interesting little piece. The theme is one that many people can relate to, I'm sure. It reminds me that you go through that period in your life when you feel like your parents are the dumbest creatures on earth. Then one day you wake up, and they seem pretty smart. I hope your mom likes this piece.
Regards,
Ms. J
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Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
You have used Shakespeare in an interesting way. I'm glad that after all these years, he can still offer inspiration to others. My only suggestions would be don't forget to capitalize your I's. I think your argument that it wasn't suicide is also interesting.
Regards,
Ms. J
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395
Review of Life begins  
Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a great poem! You have a wonderful command of poetic devices. The imagery you have created is clear and vivid. I also enjoyed your personification. You have used the senses well in the descriptions in this piece. I particularly like your last line.
Regards,
Ms. J
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396
396
Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I found this to be an interesting poem. The theme that I found that spoke the most loudly to me was that of temptation. I especially liked how you used opposites to show the allure of something so dangerous, yet so beautiful.
Regards,
Ms. J
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Review of Joseph's Prayer  
Review by Ms. J
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is an interesting poem as well. You have even managed a rhyme scheme which aids in the flow of the poem. It is told from the unique perspective of a little boy looking down on his family as he is in heaven. That's a creative point of view.

all the ignorance they shy= I didn't quite understand this line. Are they too shy to go to God in prayer and ask for comfort? I'm not sure.

But, what's eventually???= Only use one ? otherwise it becomes text speek or something like an e.e. cummings poem. The rest of your poem isn't formatted that way.

I like the twist at the end where the speaker is still questioning God, but at the same time afraid to do so. That ends the poem nicely.
Regards,
Ms. J
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Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Fish Lover- Interesting poem to celebrate fish. That is not a subject I would have thought about. (I'm allergic to sea food, but I do see that there can be beauty in the creatures.)

Dracko- This one seems to be about your fish Dracko, and his habits that he has developed. You've also given an interesting little history about where he comes from.

Mysterious Deep- I think I like this one the best because it celebrates all sorts of life in the sea, and celebrates the diversity that is there.

I must say, your poems have given me a new perspective on fish. Thanks!
Regards,
Ms. J
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Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
That is such an interesting idea to take an unsigned Valentine's card and use it as a metaphor. Very creative! It also works great as a symbol. I think many people can relate to your poem, because we have all had the experience of unrequited love.
Regards,
Ms. J
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Review of Endless wants  
Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
You have done a nice job with the rhyming in this poem. It gives your work a lyrics quality to it. Your subject is one that I think many can relate to. I especially like your metaphors. They are strong and add to the overall mood of the piece.
Regards,
Ms. J
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