Ok, first of all, anyone who can write an Haiku is a wonder to me. Then there's the fact that you actually wrote a good one, not just some cheesy thing where you mashed words in there because of their syllables. You have even managed personification in this Haiku. Very nicely done!
Regards,
Ms. J
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Comments:
explanations unexplained= interesting use of opposites
i feel & things i do & i set myself = Be sure to capitalize I.
cant= can't
your speaking= you're
i set myself on a journey without a destination.=Great line! It sums up the theme of your poem.
Nice job.
Regards,
Ms. J
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This is a wonderful poem that celebrates the wonders of our universe that surround us every day. I like that you attributed these things to some kind of intelligence not just happenstance. More people should celebrate the small wonders of nature that surround us everyday. Good job.
Regards,
Ms. J
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Comments:
It feels you let loose of ribbons
That I had to trail and be gone.= I know you're going for an image here, but it's not quite clear. Be a little more precise. Are you saying that the ribbons are like strings that the speaker chasing, and comparing that to the lost love?
You''ve done a good job capturing a strong emotion with this poem.
Regards,
Ms. J
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I can really identify with this poem, as I have three kids. Anyone who says there are no such things as miracles anymore has never spent time with a child. Thank you for writing it and sharing with us. Very niicely done.
Regards,
Ms. J
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This is a good poem that celebrates a relationship between two people and the new beginning it has brought into their lives. The rhyme scheme is good, and the poem has a nice flow to it. The emotions expressed will ring true with many people.
Regards,
Ms. J
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This poem sounds like it carries the theme of love that is not returned. That is something that many people can relate to, so it has a wide audience. Anyone that can write in rhyme has my admiration. That is something I cannot do. Nice job.
Regards,
Ms. J
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This poem has an interesting story to it. It is both a love story and a ghost story. My only suggestions would be to add color to it. What does she look like when she appears? Was she wearing her white wedding dress when they found her? Was it stained crimson from the blood? Just some thoughts.
Regards,
Ms. J
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Comments:
fight for everything he has every cared for in this lifetime. =you change tenses there from past to present. It shoud be had instead of has.
Despite all the broken bones= I would say, because of the broken bones
Strong beginning. You've created an interesting scene, and I like the comparisons of the two fires. I am assuming this is werewolf story, and if it is, my only suggestion would be make them your own. Set your werewolves apart from any others.
Regards,
Ms. J
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My only suggestion would be to add an is after daydream possible. It aids in the flow of the poem. Otherwise. Nice comparisons, similes, and so son. You've done a great job capturing an emotion and experience that is hard to describe. Good job.
Regards,
Ms. J
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This is an interesting poem that expressed many vivid emotions. It sounds as if the speaker has reached a point in his or her life where they want to bring about some change and start in a new direction. Your metaphors are also interesting.
Regards,
Ms. J
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As i was reading this, I thought that it would be good as songs lyrics, and the last line said it was. There you go! This has good messages for both young and old about choices, and drinking and driving. Sometimes it takes an event like this to wake us up.
Regards,
Ms. J
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Comments:
We usually think of church= that kind of switches the voice that you started out using.
premises. (And he could.)= premises, (and he could.)
family was on food stamps= survived on food stamps?
(Willie wouldn't use drugs in any case,... I don't thin you need () around this, just a new paragraph
Carol. And= Carol, and
I like that the church building itself is spooky. That helps draw the reader in. The name of the Church is interesting. Who is the most holy named saint? Interesting idea.
Regards,
Ms. J
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This is an interesting story that seems to combine boy Jewish and Christian traditions with Native American. You have meshed the two together nicely. I also find it interesting that man has forgotten why the dog howls at the moon.
Regards,
Ms. J
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This have great imagery! I like the symbolism with the trees, the birds, the animals, and so on. it reminded me of the scene in Romeo and Juliet when the morning comes and the have to part, and Juliet tries to convince Romeo it is not the morning lark singing. I digress. Anyway, I like how you tie it all together in the end and that the mockingbird become personified, and is showing respect to the man who did not cut down his tree. Nicely done!
Regards,
Ms. J
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There are a few grammar errors, but those can be fixed easily.
a War going= lower case w
Its= It's
killed you= killed. You
try who = try. Who knows? It may work.
wor= war
there big brothers= their
Your piece has a good strong point that people need to pay attention to. We have many problems right here at home that need to be addressed.
Regards,
Ms. J
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I'm not sure why the man was calling her a disgrace. Was he drunk and thinking she was someone else? Was he trying to demoralize her? Was he trying to have power over her by saying this?
As a mother, this is a hard poem to read. No child should ever have to go through something like this. Unfortunately it happens, and I pray that the angels take those children into their arms when they are face with something like this.
Regards,
Ms. J
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This is a very interesting poem. I like that it combines mythology, and parable, and is in the form of a poem. On top of that, you have even manage a nice rhyme to it which makes is sound pleasing to read aloud. I love the twist at the end that is cause for reflection. Very well done!
Regards,
Ms. J
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This poem has good rhyme scheme. I also like the imagery you created with your comparisons. The theme is something that many people can relate to, so that makes your poem good for a wide audience.
Regards,
Ms. J
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This is a poem with strong emotions. You subject is something soooo many people ca relate to. My only suggestion would be maybe use some comparisons to express the intensity of the emotions. Also, I don't know, because this is poetry, but on the second line of each of your stanzas, you use a ,- I would use a ;- just a thought.
Regards,
Ms. J
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This poem is very sensual. It is an interesting way to celebrate love and all the wonders that come with it.. Your comparison are nicely done. The title Rainbow Moon adds an air of mystery which is appropriate, as love can be mysterious.
Regards,
Ms. J
This is an interesting poem. I like that it is told from the perspective of the baby penguin as he/she discovers the world. You have used imagery well. I also like the comparisons you used. I think that this experience could go beyond that of a penguin. It could apply to anyone discovering a new world. Good job.
Regards,
Ms. J
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Interesting story. I like how it was all told through dialog. You did very well establishing your characters and conflict. The dialog flowed well. This was fun to read. I also think this could be great start to a larger project!
Regards,
Ms. J
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Comments:
...cake of my...= off
...three grape in...= grapes
... Your Giovanna?...= you're
...way to much...= too
You need to re-read and fix some typos, but that's just "cosmetic" stuff. You've done a good job creating a character that will appeal to readers. Everyone can relate to feeling like a nobody. Keep going with it. I think you've got a great start!
Regards,
Ms. J
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