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Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a poem that contains many of the poetic devices. I like the personification of the wolf. It gives the reader a different perspective on the animal. You have made good use of the senses to create your imagery. I only have one suggestion for you. The second line ends with wet. I wondered wet what? Compare it something wet.
Regards,
Ms. J

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Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
So, you live near Redding? My Grandfather was born in Redding, and when he was young lived in Mount Shasta. Great Bio. I was entertaining to read. I loved hearing about your many early forays into the publishing world. You are quite the character!
Regards,
Ms. J
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Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with Native First Peoples Group  
Rated: ASR | N/A (Review only item.)
These are interesting character analysis for Bella and Rosalie. I think you have discussed their motives and actions well. Most of what you addresses in this character analysis is about the indirect characterization. I think it is good to take a deeper look at those characters from authors that you admire. Good job.
Regards,
Ms. J
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Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with Native First Peoples Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I loved this! I am horrible about cleaning out the fridge and the unfortunate task falls to my husband. I remember once in college my roommate decided to clean out the fridge and we found eight bottles of mayo- all full. May the Gods of the fridge smile on you as you undertake these dangerous quests!
Regards,
Ms. J
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Review by Ms. J
Rated: E | (5.0)
I would like to donate to this auction.
Thanks,
Ms. J
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Review of Fear  
Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a very interesting poem. It has a lot of vivid imagery that helps get the theme across to the reader. The last line, gives reason for the reader to think. I like the comparisons you made, the personification of the storm, and well as the symbols you used. Thank you for sharing.
Regards,
Ms. J
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Review of Seasons  
Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I like that you are celebrating the changing of the season and the cycle it creates. I also like how you compare it to the years flowing in and out. Did you mean the process will go on? I wasn't quite sure why you chose to use capital letters when you did. Other than that, good job.
Regards,
Ms. J
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Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I am normally not a an of acrostic poems because they tend to turn out too simple. However, this poem made me give acrostic poems another thought. This is an acrostic poem that has a theme to it! I love how you discuss the awakening that touched your soul. This is a beautiful poem celebrating Isis, and the deep meaning she has in your life. Nicely done!
Regards,
Ms. J
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Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This poem has a theme that will resonate with many readers. It reminds me of my own children. I experience many of these emotions on a daily if not hourly basis. You have done a great job of putting these emotions and thoughts into words. I also like your use of near rhyme. I gotta go kiss my kids now, whether they want me to or not!
Regards,
Ms. J
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Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
I like how you used time to show how the story changes and evolves. That was creative. My only suggestions would be to use a * or # before the paragraph to visually show the passage of time. Also, you may want to use " or even put the dialog in a script format. That would make it easier to follow. I enjoyed this piece. Thank you for sharing it.
Regards,
Ms. J
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Review of The Perfect Rose  
Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is interesting. It is short, yet big on meaning and symbol. I like the use of the rose. I also like the theme that even as a flower changes so do we. It also says to me that sometimes things are revealed to us in their own time not ours. I enjoyed this very much. Thank you for sharing it.
Regards,
Ms. J
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Review of Hotly Scored  
Review by Ms. J
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is an interesting poem. I like the comparisons you used. I also like how the speaker compares the experience of the pain of love to being burned by a flame, yet they still keep going back. Your used of near rhyme is also good. I haven't seen that for a long time. Here is works well.
Regards,
Ms. J
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Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I love porch swings! I like that the speaker asks to hear about comings and goings, symbolic of the motion of the swing.

Llife will bring and take= Life

Can I pour you a cup of coffee, maybe cut you a slice of cake.= You need a ? at the end of this sentence.

Other than that, it is a nice enjoyable poem.
Regards,
Ms. J
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Review of Live It Up  
Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This poem has an interesting message. It addresses jealousy, one of the stronger emotions we experience. I like the twist on it though. The beginning of the poem shows that the speaker understand the feeling, but then end gives advice on how to handle it. The theme is worthwhile.
Regards,
Ms. J
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Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is an interesting poem with an interesting message. To me it sounded almost as if the speaker were some kind of a therapist or something. I like the physical manifestation of fear with the eyes. That is a nice touch. The line about needed something more before we have faith, is also thought provoking.
Regards,
Ms. J
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Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
This poem is one that many people will be able to relate to. Many of us have experience this very emotion, and know how painful it can be.

The lines that stuck out to me the most were...
Just because I am different
does not mean I do not want to find someone to love

I think that line speaks strongly to the theme of your poem. Everyone is different in their own way, and everyone deserves love.

Good job.
Regards,
Ms. J
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Review of The End of Summer  
Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Comments:
(Pinkies, Lois called them)= I think you could use commas here instead of ()

At the end of her summer vacation, Lois would cry again because she had to go back to the city and leave her martins, some of which she had I would leave out had. It really isn't needed here. named.

and unable to water the last fifty= I'm not sure of your meaning here. What is the last fifty? Acres?

Great job how you have compared Lois' illness, and the end of summer. You use great descriptions. It sounds like a wonderful place anyone would love to spend at.
Nicely done
Regards,
Ms. J
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Review by Ms. J
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Title: City of Sin
Chapter reviewed: 5
User name: Grace


Plot: The tension is building with the son wanting his father's wealth, and wishing him dead. Perhaps that is a bit of foreshadowing.


Characters: Their mother was not one to drown you with compliments. She preferred a healthy layer of critiscm on top of flattery.= Great line of character development! Oh, so many people can relate to that!


Grammar: There were a few comma issues here and there. Also an issues with an incomplete sentence. See the line by line. I think I found a misspelled word or two as well.


Style/voice: I made some suggestions in the line by line. The scene with the carriage was confusing. I wasn't sure if she was in it or out of it or going in and out or what.


Setting: Good description of the dinner table. You created wonderful images here. I like that you mixed in French or Creole words there.


Overall: Another good chapter. You've added another layer of tension and foreshadowing that keeps the reader interested. I made a couple of historical suggestions. Sorry, it's the OCD historian in me. She is very hard to control when I write! :O I find it can be a very thin line between accurate and too much information.
Regards,
Ms. J
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Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a piece that has two potential purposes as I see it. The first is that it is a wonderful tribute to your mother. The second is that it can bring comfort to others who experience the loss of a loved one. The later, is I'm sure something your mother would be proud of.
Regards,
Ms. J
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Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I think this is a good start. It draws the reader in. There has been a plane crash, and someone has survived the crash, but there is something else out there he must survive.

I do have a couple of suggestions.
Make sure that you stay in the same tense. Your first sentence was in past tense, and then your second sentence switched to present. Use just one or the other, not both.

Also, if you are planning on continuing this for a larger project, make your vampire different. Make them stand out? What makes your different from Stephanie Meyer, or Anne Rice. Anne Rice gave vampires compassion. Meyer gave us vampires that could live amongst humans. How will your be unique! The title Vampire Chronicle is too similar to Anne Rice. Don't be afraid to make it your own! You've got a great start!
Regards,
Ms. J
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Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
On one level this sounds like a poem about a vampire. On another level it reads that as a person is struggling to control the demon within and is loosing. The goal of the speaker seems to be to hide who they really are from the world. Those are my interpretations on your poem. Sometimes I think it is interesting to see how others read and relate to our works.
Regards,
Ms. j
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Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is an interesting piece that celebrates the strength within us that we didn't know was there. Your theme is a good one that many readers will be able to relate with. The part the struck me the most was when the speaker talked about being grateful for the day the other person left because it opened up a new world for him/her. That is where you theme came through the strongest.
Regards,
Ms. J
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Review by Ms. J
Rated: E | (4.5)
Title: City of Sin
Chapter reviewed: 4
User name: Grace


Plot: Crystal goes to the ball and overhears her fiance talking about something. She is uncomfortable with his advances.


Characters: The youngest sister is a pest! The actions of the characters stay true to their development. Her fiance is rich but sounding like really not such a nice guy.


Grammar: See line by line


Style/voice: See line by line


Setting: The house and party were well described. Rosemary was an interesting choice to catch her dress on. Consider Shakespeare's line from Hamlet, "Here's rosemary for remembrance", and the fact that is was often place on the grave of a loved on.


Overall: Good chapter. The suspense is building.

Regards,
Ms. J
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Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
It sounds like the narrator in this piece has been dealing with some deep, intense issues. I think you asked some interesting questions that generate thought. My only suggestion would be for the following line:

Being held at gun point, strangled and having a knife held to your throat.= It is really an incomplete sentence, the thought isn't complete. What does being in this situation do?
Regards,
Ms. J
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Review of Slow Rush  
Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is an interesting poem. The mermaid/siren is a powerful symbol to use. Your description creates wonderful imagery. I like that you used the senses when writing this. It adds to the vivid imagery I also like the personification of the tide, and wind. Nice job.
Regards,
Ms. J
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