~WhoMe???~'s (whome) Reviews

~WhoMe???~

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4,509 Public Reviews Given

4,699 Total Reviews Given

301

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14 days may be credited.

#3688725

Review of Seventh Seal

for entry " "University""

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 18+

| (3.0)

As I began reading this two chapter book, I was completely enthralled. I was wrapped up in the story and eagerly devouring word by word, thirsting for more. The story was interesting and seemed to be heading for adventure.

Then, as if another writer stepped in, I was swept from a novel of ancient discoveries and friendships that stood against all, to a Dr Seuss children's book. This is where the story losses me as a reader, and I was disappointed, because confusion was all I could see. I ventured to the next chapter, that although made sense in an unnatural setting, was something I could easily follow.

The speaker's introduction is where the story gets lost. There is nothing leading up to prepare the reader, and confusion ensues. Here are a few items that posed as needing to be pointed out:

~towards~ represents directional movement or action of time. In speech many people like to take the action words and give them an added syllable "s" to help propel them forward. Already being a word of action, this effort is unnecessary and leads to creating a slang term. This terminology then transfers into our writing. Now, if the piece of writing already contains slang terminology throughout the piece, then this would be acceptable, if not, then I would alter the word to the proper form, as I suggest with this instance. This also happens with forward, afterward, inward, downward, backward, outward, and beside, to name a few. The exception to this is that the British do add the "s" and in so doing are correct for their proper language. So if this is a British writing, then please disregard the comments as coming from this ignorant American

~If the roll landed on the roast beef, it would get gravy on it. So picking it up and throwing it, would then also get gravy, possibly, on the hands that caught it.

~RUN ON SENTENCE: “That would be the Catapult” came the voice of Mark Scrivener, one of the tenured professors at the university “I always wondered if the students ever stopped eating here what we could do with this stuff.[new sentence]

~ToToo lazy to go...

~Overall this has great potential, but loses me as a reader. Additional editing and writing, may prove to be what settles the confusion.

302

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#3688715

Review of No Need For Carousel

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hello my friend, it has been quite a while since I have visited, and I see you are still writing. Another great piece for us to review.

~One of the things I like about your writing, is that if you are writing for a prompt, you almost always leave a link or description so that we know where the basis of the writing is coming from.

~This piece really stands out for me. My husband is a HUGE sci-fi buff and, though I am sure he has already seen it, on this writing prompt alone, I am inclined to get it so that we can enjoy it together.

~ There were a few small typos that seem to creep in.

at itits best for ...(not positive on this one, but it stood out)

is in this film...

~Overall, I think this is a well written prompt entry. It will also serve as a good product review for the movie. Your short piece has inspired me to check it out and I can't wait for tomorrow to tell the hubby I want to see it. THANK YOU.

303

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#3684395

Review of Kite

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (5.0)

I found this a very visual appealing poem.
This free-style piece was on the wind, as I envisioned being twisted and turned upon the breeze.
The lack of punctuation and format helped to create the lightweight feel and airyness needed
to reach the desired effect.

This is a poem that was simple, yet complex in the fact that it moved you emotionally and
helped you to visualize and feel the wind in your hair as your kite soared.

304

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#3680240

Review of Because...

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: ASR

| (4.5)

Ridley

You have been selected as one of the lucky authors to be spotlighted at "Simply Positive Review Forum "

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First of all, let me Thank You, for allowing us to review your work. Remember that reviews are the opinions of those reading, and ultimately, the choice is yours on whether or not you choose to alter your item based on the input of others.

Because...

(ASR)
World Poetry Contest Entry. When a teenage girl falls in love with her inspiration.
#1853711 by Ridley

An emotion filled piece on loss and love, this tale feels battered and bruised as if the chords of the song have been stretched beyond their limits.

Not many authors, or readers, give much thought to placement or alignment, when it comes to poetry. It is my thought that something as simple as where or how you place a poem on the page, can add to its imagery. Poetry is up to the interpretation of the reader. What a poet writes, and the message a reader gets isn't always the same, especially when using metaphors. That being said, aligning a poem to the left of a page may imply unification; all is right in the world. Centering an item so that all the lines are askew, based upon the character count, can have the meaning of chaos and turmoil in life or emotion. Though keep in mind, this is just my personal feelings on the subject, and not all will agree with this. Though, it does give one something to consider.

Some will tell you that punctuation is needed in poetry. Others will argue that it is not needed and makes no difference. Still, there will be those who say it is up to the particular poet and the poem itself. Personally, I feel that the way the verses flow down the page, that punctuation is necessary for this piece. Though without it, the message is still there, it just isn't as strong.

For me, I use to write poetry without any punctuation. Somewhere down the line someone gave me sound advice, and it made sense to me. The punctuation, or lack thereof in a poem, is the direction of the writer, guiding the reader. The punctuation is where the author wishes the reader to take a breath; to contemplate; to pause for dramatic effect. The lack of punctuation says the same thing, "Read in one breath, whether slow, or fast, down the page". To me, punctuation is the direction from the author to the reader. Use it, or don't, to your heart's desire and don't let anyone persuade you otherwise. However, if using it, be consistent throughout the piece. My personal opinion, this poem would benefit from punctuation, as well as a break, to show two verses, instead of one.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

"Spreading The Luck of The Irish"

305

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#3680239

Review of IT BEGAN WITH A KISS

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (5.0)

SHERRI GIBSON

You have been selected as one of the lucky authors to be spotlighted at "Simply Positive Review Forum "

. That means that this week, many of our group members will be by your port to review this item. We hope you find the reviews useful, if only to find out how well this particular item is received. Sit back and enjoy the feedback and attention. You deserve it.

First of all, let me Thank You, for allowing us to review your work. Remember that reviews are the opinions of those reading, and ultimately, the choice is yours on whether or not you choose to alter your item based on the input of others.

IT BEGAN WITH A KISS

(E)
Love began with a kiss
#1831186 by SHERRI GIBSON

I thought it might cheer you up to see some reviews in your own port. That being said, I didn't expect to find something that I myself hadn't already read. In fact though, there is still plenty in your port for me to peruse.

You have amazed me with this wonderful piece. I am stunned trying to figure out, is this you, is this me, or is this make believe. I truly feel that it could be any of the above. Though, I don't remember telling you much of that fateful night in September some, oh almost four years now, but you seem to have gotten it down pretty good. Where did you hide the camera sister dear?

This is a wonderful picture of love and romance. A tapestry of artistry in its finest form.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

"Luck Of The Irish Auction "

306

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#3680231

Review of The Promise

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Simple Dykie

You have been selected as one of the lucky authors to be spotlighted at "Simply Positive Review Forum "

. That means that this week, many of our group members will be by your port to review this item. We hope you find the reviews useful, if only to find out how well this particular item is received. Sit back and enjoy the feedback and attention. You deserve it.

First of all, let me Thank You, for allowing us to review your work. Remember that reviews are the opinions of those reading, and ultimately, the choice is yours on whether or not you choose to alter your item based on the input of others.

The Promise

(E)
Two men; seperated by circumstances, and a promise made.
#1814494 by Simple Dykie

A wonderful poem of rhythm and rhyme. This was a tale that was easy to follow and a joy to read. I found myself reading this the same each time. The voice seemed to find me right away.

The only thing I think I would change, would be the separation of the two men. In order to do this, I would close in the gaps between verses, and then between the two men, add the extra space. This also will be metaphoric in nature of the gap between the two men, being bridged by time.

Overall, a great poem that I enjoyed reading time and again.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

"Luck Of The Irish Auction "

307

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#3679956

Review of Lying with Dragons: Ch 1

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Kaz

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First of all, let me Thank You, for allowing us to review your work. Remember that reviews are the opinions of those reading, and ultimately, the choice is yours on whether or not you choose to alter your item based on the input of others.

Lying with Dragons: Ch 1

(13+)
Chapter 1 of the fantasy adventures of Zahilla and Allen.
#1847726 by Kaz

This is a well written opening to a story. I have found myself captured with intrigue to find out more about the characters and what befalls them.

I am not one who reads a lot of fantasy, unless you include Tolkein and George RR Martin. Other than that there is the occasional King, Saul, and a few others. So maybe this isn't so far out of my league after all. I can say that I am very very interested as to what comes next.

The intrigue and mystery is built well, without revealing too much of the story. The opening is great. It immediately drops the reader in the midst of the action, with mystery that must be solved and a thirst of interest that must be quenched. What is Zahilla, and how is he a threat to the king. What kind of a shape shifter is he, and can he escape the dragon?

I look forward to more.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

"Luck Of The Irish Auction "

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308

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#3679944

Review of “Andrew's Treatment”

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (5.0)

BEAR

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First of all, let me Thank You, for allowing us to review your work. Remember that reviews are the opinions of those reading, and ultimately, the choice is yours on whether or not you choose to alter your item based on the input of others.

“Andrew's Treatment”

(E)
Freelance article written for Creative Writing Institute
#1846408 by BEAR

This is a wonderful story. I enjoyed reading it. This brought something to mind. The question is posed, as to what it was that sparked Andrew's recovery. Is it the persistence of a stranger, or could it be that Andrew is taking responsibility for the world around him? Did Andrew finally see that life wasn't what he was making it, and as he starts to see the world through different eyes, this bright stranger hands him a Valentine, and his world opens up as never before?

Starting a sentence with a conjunction, but, or, and , creates an incomplete sentence for the reader. These three words are coordinate conjunctions used to join sentences or part of sentences that have the same grammatical status. Avoid beginning a new sentence with a coordinating conjunction (for,and,nor,but,or,yet,so). Coordinating conjunctions should be used for connecting between items of the same class within a sentence. In formal or academic writing situations, in particular, they should not be used to introduce a new sentence. Though the use of conjunctions to start sentences is becoming more of a norm in today's writings, it is still frowned upon in many writing circles. When used with slang terminology, the use of conjunctions to start sentences is a commonality. I have now come across two main circumstances where this happens repeatedly. The first is when the writer is putting to print exactly as they speak, and the other is with addressing or speaking to or for a younger audience.

I think this is well written. It gives one pause to look at their own surroundings. What are we missing, when we wrap ourselves inside, and fail to notice the life around us. Humans are a compassionate race and have the ability to do and see so much, if only they open their eyes. This is not only a great story, but also a metaphorical piece for so much more. This could be a modern day fable or tale of the one that loses out when not seeing what is in front of them. Open your eyes. Life is waiting for us to experience it.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

"Luck Of The Irish Auction "

309

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#3679908

Review of One and the Same

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Dan Sturn

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First of all, let me Thank You, for allowing us to review your work. Remember that reviews are the opinions of those reading, and ultimately, the choice is yours on whether or not you choose to alter your item based on the input of others.

This is a very profound and deep poem. I like how this represents the thought of us all being a part of the whole. This poem is styled in a format that is very complimentary to the poem.

To me, this poem says, I am a part of you, and you are a part of me. Together we are one. This could be metaphorical and representing love, or it can also be spiritual and religious. Looking back, I see that this is slated as being religious.
I am a part of you, and you are a part of me, therefore we are one and the same. What you do to you, you do to me. A very thought provoking poem that I enjoyed reading.

animated sea horse

310

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#3676978

Review of Losing You 17 lines

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Yellow Rose

You have been selected as one of the lucky authors to be spotlighted at "Simply Positive Review Forum "

. That means that this week, many of our group members will be by your port to review this item. We hope you find the reviews useful, if only to find out how well this particular item is received. Sit back and enjoy the feedback and attention. You deserve it.

First of all, let me Thank You, for allowing us to review your work. Remember that reviews are the opinions of those reading, and ultimately, the choice is yours on whether or not you choose to alter your item based on the input of others.

IMAGE

Losing You 17 lines

(13+)
Losing you
#1850135 by Yellow Rose

Not many authors, or readers, give much thought to placement or alignment, when it comes to poetry. It is my thought that something as simple as where or how you place a poem on the page, can add to its imagery. Poetry is up to the interpretation of the reader. What a poet writes, and the message a reader gets isn't always the same, especially when using metaphors. That being said, aligning a poem to the left of a page may imply unification; all is right in the world. Centering an item so that all the lines are askew, based upon the character count, can have the meaning of chaos and turmoil in life or emotion. Though keep in mind, this is just my personal feelings on the subject, and not all will agree with this. Though, it does give one something to consider.

With the emotional train ride that carries this poem, I see how the centering compliments the lines and verses of this poem. A very creative image is captured in doing so.

Some will tell you that punctuation is needed in poetry. Others will argue that it is not needed and makes no difference. Still, there will be those who say it is up to the particular poet and the poem itself. Personally, I feel that the way the verses flow down the page, that punctuation is necessary for this piece. Though without it, the message is still there, it just isn't as strong.

For me, I use to write poetry without any punctuation. Somewhere down the line someone gave me sound advice, and it made sense to me. The punctuation, or lack thereof in a poem, is the direction of the writer, guiding the reader. The punctuation is where the author wishes the reader to take a breath; to contemplate; to pause for dramatic effect. The lack of punctuation says the same thing, "Read in one breath, whether slow, or fast, down the page". To me, punctuation is the direction from the author to the reader. Use it, or don't, to your heart's desire and don't let anyone persuade you otherwise. However, if using it, be consistent throughout the piece. My personal opinion, this poem would benefit from punctuation.

With the three line verse, I have often found a rhyme that guides each verse along, as is the case with this poem. To me, the voice speaks out loud and clear, and no direction is needed. Other reviewers may find a different experience however.

I see this timeless treasure of love that has lost spark. The spark was taken away, and though there still may be feelings for the each other, both parties know that the relationship will not surpass the mountain of obstacles the trauma has reaped upon them. No longer will the two survive as one, but must struggle to find their solace as individuals. This is a well written poem.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

"Luck Of The Irish Auction "

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311

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#3676761

Review of I Love the Rain!

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Alexis Tigerspice

You have been selected as one of the lucky authors to be spotlighted at "Simply Positive Review Forum "

. That means that this week, many of our group members will be by your port to review this item. We hope you find the reviews useful, if only to find out how well this particular item is received. Sit back and enjoy the feedback and attention. You deserve it.

First of all, let me Thank You, for allowing us to review your work. Remember that reviews are the opinions of those reading, and ultimately, the choice is yours on whether or not you choose to alter your item based on the input of others.

I Love the Rain!

(E)
A short poem written about rain and its natural beauty.
#1846474 by Alexis Tigerspice

Not many authors, or readers, give much thought to placement or alignment, when it comes to poetry. It is my thought that something as simple as where or how you place a poem on the page, can add to its imagery. Poetry is up to the interpretation of the reader. What a poet writes, and the message a reader gets isn't always the same, especially when using metaphors. That being said, aligning a poem to the left of a page may imply unification; all is right in the world. Centering an item so that all the lines are askew, based upon the character count, can have the meaning of chaos and turmoil in life or emotion. Though keep in mind, this is just my personal feelings on the subject, and not all will agree with this. Though, it does give one something to consider.

Some will tell you that punctuation is needed in poetry. Others will argue that it is not needed and makes no difference. Still, there will be those who say it is up to the particular poet and the poem itself. Personally, I feel that the way the verses flow down the page, that punctuation is necessary for this piece. Though without it, the message is still there, it just isn't as strong.

For me, I use to write poetry without any punctuation. Somewhere down the line someone gave me sound advice, and it made sense to me. The punctuation, or lack thereof in a poem, is the direction of the writer, guiding the reader. The punctuation is where the author wishes the reader to take a breath; to contemplate; to pause for dramatic effect. The lack of punctuation says the same thing, "Read in one breath, whether slow, or fast, down the page". To me, punctuation is the direction from the author to the reader. Use it, or don't, to your heart's desire and don't let anyone persuade you otherwise. However, if using it, be consistent throughout the piece. My personal opinion, this poem would benefit from punctuation.

This is a beautiful poem. I enjoyed the visuals that this poem created.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

"Spreading The Luck of The Irish"

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312

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#3676759

Review of Autumn Years (a continuation)

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Cyril Sweet

You have been selected as one of the lucky authors to be spotlighted at "Simply Positive Review Forum "

. That means that this week, many of our group members will be by your port to review this item. We hope you find the reviews useful, if only to find out how well this particular item is received. Sit back and enjoy the feedback and attention. You deserve it.

First of all, let me Thank You, for allowing us to review your work. Remember that reviews are the opinions of those reading, and ultimately, the choice is yours on whether or not you choose to alter your item based on the input of others.

Autumn Years (a continuation)

(E)
Entry for writers cramp 2/9/12
#1846996 by Cyril Sweet

This is a very deep piece. The emotions that run through this are ones of sincerity and can come from nowhere else but from the heart.

This was well written. I was able to wrap myself into the character and experience the event as if it were happening to me.

I didn't notice any grammar, spelling or punctuation errors.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

"Spreading The Luck of The Irish"

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313

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#3676492

Review of The Mighty Huntress

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Redtowrite

You have been selected as one of the lucky authors to be spotlighted at "Simply Positive Review Forum "

. That means that this week, many of our group members will be by your port to review this item. We hope you find the reviews useful, if only to find out how well this particular item is received. Sit back and enjoy the feedback and attention. You deserve it.

First of all, let me Thank You, for allowing us to review your work. Remember that reviews are the opinions of those reading, and ultimately, the choice is yours on whether or not you choose to alter your item based on the input of others.

The Mighty Huntress

(13+)
A young slave girl calls upon the mighty strength of nature to escape her tortured life.
#1395650 by Redtowrite

At the first reading of this poem, I was a bit confused as to what wolves had to do with the girl of the poem. After several more readings, it became apparent just where they fit in. This is a complex piece that touches on many subjects, and does so while maintaining rhythm and rhyme.

Not many authors, or readers, give much thought to placement or alignment, when it comes to poetry. It is my thought that something as simple as where or how you place a poem on the page, can add to its imagery. Poetry is up to the interpretation of the reader. What a poet writes, and the message a reader gets isn't always the same, especially when using metaphors. That being said, aligning a poem to the left of a page may imply unification; all is right in the world. Centering an item so that all the lines are askew, based upon the character count, can have the meaning of chaos and turmoil in life or emotion. Though keep in mind, this is just my personal feelings on the subject, and not all will agree with this. Though, it does give one something to consider.

Going along with this train of thought, we see the wolves howling for her pain. It is as if she were a part of their pack, and they are sympathizing with her, letting her know, that there is strength in numbers. She gathers her strength from their call. The centering of the poem shows the conflict and strife she suffers as she must come to terms with her life, and make the decision to change her path.

Overall, I enjoyed reading this poem and could find no flaws with it.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

"Spreading The Luck of The Irish"

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314

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#3675614

Review of Dahlia Deep (Snippet 1)

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

Perish Throckmorton

You have been selected as one of the lucky authors to be spotlighted at "Simply Positive Review Forum "

. That means that this week, many of our group members will be by your port to review this item. Since I am a little late in getting to mine, I am sure you have come across many already. We hope you find the reviews useful, if only to find out how well this particular item is received. Sit back and enjoy the feedback and attention. You deserve it.

First of all, let me Thank You, for allowing us to review your work. Remember that reviews are the opinions of those reading, and ultimately, the choice is yours on whether or not you choose to alter your item based on the input of others.

Dahlia Deep (Snippet 1)

(18+)
Dahlia Hart's ideal life makes her sick. What happens when she throws it away? WIP
#1834408 by Perish Throckmorton

This is an interesting "Snippet". We never truly find out what it was about her relationship that she found lacking, or if she was simply bored in it. This reads as if from the mind of the main character, and is told very well.

Technically speaking, this was virtually flawless. There was only one minor point that stood out to me, and maybe because I am noticing it more and more in writing. Starting a sentence with a conjunction, but, or, and , creates an incomplete sentence for the reader. These three words are coordinate conjunctions used to join sentences or part of sentences that have the same grammatical status. Avoid beginning a new sentence with a coordinating conjunction (for,and,nor,but,or,yet,so). Coordinating conjunctions should be used for connecting between items of the same class within a sentence. In formal or academic writing situations, in particular, they should not be used to introduce a new sentence. Though the use of conjunctions to start sentences is becoming more of a norm in today's writings, it is still frowned upon in many writing circles. When used with slang terminology, the use of conjunctions to start sentences is a commonality. I have now come across two main circumstances where this happens repeatedly. The first is when the writer is putting to print exactly as they speak, and the other is with addressing or speaking to or for a younger audience. I only actually NOTICED it once in the story. Not saying it wasn't there more, but only once sticks out.

This character is interesting, as well as the foundation put forth. The reader is left wondering on several levels, and therefore feels compelled to investigate further.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

"Spreading The Luck of The Irish"

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315

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#3674253

Review of Dear Me

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Shannon

You have been selected as one of the lucky authors to be spotlighted at "Simply Positive Review Forum "

. That means that this week, many of our group members will be by your port to review this item. We hope you find the reviews useful, if only to find out how well this particular item is received. Sit back and enjoy the feedback and attention. You deserve it.

First of all, let me Thank You, for allowing us to review your work. Remember that reviews are the opinions of those reading, and ultimately, the choice is yours on whether or not you choose to alter your item based on the input of others.

Dear Me

(13+)
My 2010 "Dear Me" letter.
#1632126 by Shannon

First of all, I want to say that the letter image at the top of the page really grabbed my attention. It made the letter seem as if it had come in the post, and It made more of an impact on me.

Reading through this, I see the compassion and warmth for the fellow man, flowing off of the page like a waterfall after the spring thaw. So many of us have become hardened to life, as we go about our days. When I came to the city, some three years ago, I was all about helping the fellow man. As I have watched time and again, that help be taken advantage of by all walks of life, I have found myself hardening as others have.

Too many times, I have watched groups of kids, or adults pull up in a vehicle, spread through a parking lot, and begin panhandling, only to get back into their new mustang and head out. I have watched one particular street intersection rifle through countless of those with signs, asking for help, with money, food or work. Then there are those that stop you at your car door, as you pull up to go shopping, asking for money, before you can even park your car. Many of these experiences have hardened me to a degree, and make you doubt if helping is actually hurting. Then, there are the times when you see the mother's eyes, as she has to take the child's treat, off of their shopping order, because she simply doesn't have enough to pay for it. I have witnessed those same eyes as myself or others have payed for that treat. Compassion does get taken advantage of, however, those that need our help and understanding, are the ones that truly appreciate us for who we are, and will never take advantage of it. There is nothing like feelings you experience when helping someone in need.

This very article is exactly what was needed to renew my spirit and put my mind and heart back in place. Thank you.

Sorry to go off on a tangent, this letter was very well written and was the perfect therapy for what was ailing me. I was losing hope with the fellow man, and you renewed my spirit.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

"Spreading The Luck of The Irish"

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#3672665

Review of The “River Horse”

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Harry

You have been selected as one of the lucky authors to be spotlighted at "Simply Positive Review Forum "

. That means that this week, many of our group members will be by your port to review this item. We hope you find the reviews useful, if only to find out how well this particular item is received. Sit back and enjoy the feedback and attention. You deserve it.

First of all, let me Thank You, for allowing us to review your work. Remember that reviews are the opinions of those reading, and ultimately, the choice is yours on whether or not you choose to alter your item based on the input of others.

The “River Horse”

(E)
A poem about the 'river horse'.
#1795479 by Harry

Once again it is an honor to have this opportunity to read some more of your poetry. This one was a little different than normal for me. Having no rhyme, and no set pattern that I could detect, this read as prose...though isn't prose, simply put, poetry. Maybe I myself should brush up on that a bit.

What I did like is that you were able to describe this mammal so very well, all without naming it. I liked that. It keeps it a puzzle for those who don't really take the time to read this POEM...

Something else I liked was that there was a word I had to look up the meaning for. There is always more to learn. I love that...
Anyway, this was a great piece, and another opportunity to stop by. Thank you.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

"Luck Of The Irish Auction "

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#3669935

Review of He Shows Me

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (4.5)

ChrisDaltro-Chasing Moonbeams

You entered the 87th round at "Invalid Item"

. That means that this week, I will be by your port to review this item. I hope you find the review useful, if only to find out how well this particular item is received. Sit back and enjoy the feedback and attention. You deserve it.

First of all, let me Thank You, for allowing me to review your work. Remember that reviews are the opinions of those reading, and ultimately, the choice is yours on whether or not you choose to alter your item based on the input of others.

He Shows Me

(E)
I think he knows...
#1776280 by ChrisDaltro-Chasing Moonbeams

Not many authors, or readers, give much thought to placement or alignment, when it comes to poetry. It is my thought that something as simple as where or how you place a poem on the page, can add to its imagery. Poetry is up to the interpretation of the reader. What a poet writes, and the message a reader gets isn't always the same, especially when using metaphors. That being said, aligning a poem to the left of a page may imply unification; all is right in the world. Centering an item so that all the lines are askew, based upon the character count, can have the meaning of chaos and turmoil in life or emotion. Though keep in mind, this is just my personal feelings on the subject, and not all will agree with this. Though, it does give one something to consider.

Some will tell you that punctuation is needed in poetry. Others will argue that it is not needed and makes no difference. Still, there will be those who say it is up to the particular poet and the poem itself. Personally, I feel that the way the verses flow down the page, that punctuation is necessary for this piece. Though without it, the message is still there, it just isn't as strong.

For me, I use to write poetry without any punctuation. Somewhere down the line someone gave me sound advice, and it made sense to me. The punctuation, or lack thereof in a poem, is the direction of the writer, guiding the reader. The punctuation is where the author wishes the reader to take a breath; to contemplate; to pause for dramatic effect. The lack of punctuation says the same thing, "Read in one breath, whether slow, or fast, down the page". To me, punctuation is the direction from the author to the reader. Use it, or don't, to your heart's desire and don't let anyone persuade you otherwise. However, if using it, be consistent throughout the piece. My personal opinion, this poem would benefit from punctuation.

This is a beautiful poem to read, and yet, it gets lost in the spacing of the verses. I think this may be due to copying or loading from a word document program. I have been told, there are ways to adjust this in the account set up, something about preserving space. Also if you can't locate that, I would suggest doing a preview, and going through and editing out some of the air.

The added spacing between lines, becomes a distraction for the reader, and though small, the poem loses some of its emotional pull due to this.

Other than that, I found this to be an emotional poem of love and understanding. The rhyme and rhythm seemed to tumble down the page as a couple in an embrace.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

"Luck Of The Irish Auction "

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#3669902

Review of An Angel's Wing

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Brenpoet

You entered the 87th round at "Invalid Item"

. That means that this week, I will be by your port to review this item. I hope you find the review useful, if only to find out how well this particular item is received. Sit back and enjoy the feedback and attention. You deserve it.

First of all, let me Thank You, for allowing me to review your work. Remember that reviews are the opinions of those reading, and ultimately, the choice is yours on whether or not you choose to alter your item based on the input of others.

STATIC

An Angel's Wing

(E)
The daily comfort we receive from the presence of Angels around us.
#1841303 by Brenpoet

What a beautiful poem. Much like the guardian angel, always on our shoulder, this is a poem of the wings of angels and how they hold the key to our loved ones who have passed before.

The grammar, spelling and punctuation all appear to be in order. The centered format lets us see the chaos and turmoil that try to intervene, but are thwarted by the wings of angels.

Overall, a beautiful poem that brought a smile to my face this early morning.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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#3669443

Review of Glory and Honor?

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

Duke-CastleChaos

You have been selected as one of the lucky authors to be spotlighted at "Simply Positive Review Forum "

. That means that this week, many of our group members will be by your port to review this item. We hope you find the reviews useful, if only to find out how well this particular item is received. Sit back and enjoy the feedback and attention. You deserve it.

First of all, let me Thank You, for allowing us to review your work. Remember that reviews are the opinions of those reading, and ultimately, the choice is yours on whether or not you choose to alter your item based on the input of others.

Glory and Honor?

(18+)
Why does he fight? Glory is a thing of the past, but still he fights on, for...
#1723532 by Duke-CastleChaos

I found this to be a very well written, and thought provoking piece. Why do men fight, and what is it that will unite all nations to band together as one. In my opinion, you have hit the nail on the head. It is a common cause that will unite us all. We can only hope that it isn't one that has to do with us fighting for our lives. Perhaps though, that is the only thing that will be able to unite us together. Whether it be fighting for our planet, or against a common foe, if we can reach the place where we band together, we may just have a chance.

Starting a sentence with a conjunction, but, or, and , creates an incomplete sentence for the reader. These three words are coordinate conjunctions used to join sentences or part of sentences that have the same grammatical status. Avoid beginning a new sentence with a coordinating conjunction (for,and,nor,but,or,yet,so). Coordinating conjunctions should be used for connecting between items of the same class within a sentence. In formal or academic writing situations, in particular, they should not be used to introduce a new sentence. Though the use of conjunctions to start sentences is becoming more of a norm in today's writings, it is still frowned upon in many writing circles. When used with slang terminology, the use of conjunctions to start sentences is a commonality. I have now come across two main circumstances where this happens repeatedly. The first is when the writer is putting to print exactly as they speak, and the other is with addressing or speaking to or for a younger audience.

Overall, I liked the personal approach this takes. We see firsthand that this man has suffered, and he has a reason to fight. His orders to encourage others to join the cause trouble him some, and I believe that is because he has a conscious awareness of just how fragile life is.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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#3664359

Review of The Mother's Day Gift

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

♥♥♥♥♥ A Review For You in connection with "Showering Acts of Joy Garden"

[E]♥♥♥♥♥

"The Mother's Day Gift"

Legerdemain

You have been selected for review by me, due to a package gifted you in "Showering Acts of Joy Garden"

. I have volunteered to help fulfill this reviewing package. I hope you find the review useful, if only to find out how well this particular item is received. Sit back and enjoy the feedback and attention. You deserve it.
I consider it an honor to have found your port and this great piece of writing. Thank you for taking the time to submit writing into your port. It is a pleasure surfing through your port, trying to decide what to review.

Oh what a joy it is to read stories where animals take on human qualities. I was unable to distinguish if they were chipmunks or squirrels, but it had no bearing on the story either way.

I read this several times over, before starting the review. Since I haven't finished my cup of coffee yet, and my eyes still have that morning haze, I decided to try one of my editing tools to help me distinguish any comments that might need addressed in that area. The funny thing about that is, I learned a valuable lesson. According to the tool I had chosen to use, this story was riddled with error, and yet, I can see, the errors it was trying to point out, simply did not exist. It tried to change some of the wording, and add commas where they simply did not belong. I guess I must be more awake than I thought. This is well written and is error free.

How true it is, that we parents often have blinders, and sometimes miss the important message our children are trying to deliver. We see the dug up flowers in the flower bed, when the little on is only trying to present us with a gift of love. This story brings out the true message of love and understanding between parent and child.

I really enjoyed reading this tale. It is pure and untainted, delivering a message to parents, at the same time that it gives a nice story and memory from the heart.

Overall, I didn't notice any grammar, spelling or punctuation errors. The storyline flowed smoothly and was a tear jerker in the end.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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#3663684

Review of Central International Airport

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

♥♥♥♥♥ A Review For You in connection with "Showering Acts of Joy Garden"

[E]♥♥♥♥♥

"Central International Airport"

Legerdemain

You have been selected for review by me, due to a package gifted you in "Showering Acts of Joy Garden"

. I have volunteered to help fulfill this reviewing package. I hope you find the review useful, if only to find out how well this particular item is received. Sit back and enjoy the feedback and attention. You deserve it.
I consider it an honor to have found your port and this great piece of writing. Thank you for taking the time to submit writing into your port. It is a pleasure surfing through your port, trying to decide what to review.

I was really drawn into the story. I immediately felt a connection to the action and characters, and couldn't wait to read more. However, when I did so, this being an interactive, the story just wasn't the same for me. I found myself searching for the familiar tone that started the journey.

I haven't really explored the interactive too much, and I am finding this is a lot like those "Pick your own ending" books I use to read in grade school. I never stopped to think that each path chosen could be written by a different author. Now that I see it from this perspective, it gives a whole new light to the stories. I might have to spend some time going through these at a later date.

The opening for this interactive story takes place in an airport. This bustling port is given its life and vitality through the eyes of a few major characters. We get a brief background, to set the pace for the story, and then it is turned loose to the next author to choose a path for the storyline.

Editing notes:
~sprinkling of freckles...
~ her chestnut[,] shoulder-length...
~ her bumped against her ...[with each read, I kept inserting this word in naturally, and thought it noteworthy to add to the comments]
~with him for a year[,] and...
~In her eighth year of being...
~Apparently[,] she wasn't...
~in the suitcase[,] and as...
~some of the world[.] (missing punctuation)

I like how this first part has a plethora of characters with different backgrounds. Each person has an agenda, and it is up to the reader to choose the path, from the selections given.

Each character is described with a basic appearance sketch, allowing for the characters to be described by their actions and what they are, and how they act.

Kanya~The one part of this opening that doesn't ring quite true for me, was the fact that Kanya would be bored. She hasn't gotten under the radar quite yet, so she should be feeling apprehensive and as if Raul was going to stop her any minute. She had taken precautions in case he found her hidden accounts, but she wouldn't feel secure enough to become bored, until she was well away from the area of where he was located.

Justin~With his background in scientific research, Justin doesn't have time to go dating. When he had a woman throwing herself at him, he was so wrapped up in work, he couldn't see it for what it was. Now, he yearns for some companionship and relaxation, only he is alone, and feeling the emptiness of the black hole he has been living in.

I feel enough was said about Justin to give the reader a hint or stereotype to draw on, but more would be helpful as well. I am torn between wanting more, and seeing it for what it is.

Rollings Couple~A lot was said about Mrs. Rollings, but what does the Mr think? Does he know the purpose of this trip, or does he have some ideas of his own? Nothing is told about that, so it is a hidden agenda. I think it could spice it up if we knew in the beginning of the story, just where he stood on this trip. Yet, that could be a path chosen later.

Festus~I picture Festus as someone from the nearby countryside. He lives outside of the city, on a farm, and has made his way into the big city, to take a trip to somewhere far away. He is unfamiliar with the sites, smells, customs, and bustling of the airport, and feels overwhelmed at it all.

Taffina~I picture her as someone who is uptight. There is nothing that gives me that impression, other than her tugging along on her suitcase. She is offended at the smell of Festus, and to me that puts her as feeling her station in life is a bit above his. This is just my opinion of course.

Overall, these characters are set up so that the next person to write a chapter has a basic sketch to go by. The setting is clear and the characters are vague, with their true selves being revealed in later chapters as we choose the path along each chapter to read.

I feel you did a wonderful job with this introduction of characters. Each character has an appeal that makes me want to dig in and read more of their story. Where are they going, and what will they see? Will Raul find Kanya, or will she meet Justin and travel with him as her companion? Will the Rollings get-a-way be just what they need to rekindle the romance, or does her plans get thwarted by a ....fill in the blank. There are so many options and choices to choose from.

This looks to be a very popular interactive. With so many paths to follow, this could take a while to finish each leg of the journey. I am including it in my next newsletter for others to enjoy as well.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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#3663379

Review of Lovesong

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (5.0)

David Cooke

I will be reviewing

Lovesong

(E)
A longsong.
#1840060 by David Cooke

for you today. I hope you can gather some useful information from the review, even if it is just to find out whether or not I enjoyed reading this poem. Remember, I am but the reader, the poem is yours and you alone can decide if anything should be altered. I can merely offer my advice and opinions on what I am reading. My intentions are pure, to never do harm, only offer my opinions and views on what I am reading.

How did I come across your item?

You have been selected as one of the lucky authors to be spotlighted at "Simply Positive Review Forum "

. That means that this week, many of our group members will be by your port to review this item. We hope you find the reviews useful, if only to find out how well this particular item is received. Sit back and enjoy the feedback and attention. You deserve it.

Thoughts and expectations from the title:

With the name being what it is, I new love was in the air, and nothing else permeated my senses. I knew a song about love would be the gift I could read.

How do I feel about the pace and flow

The pace and the flow was a bit awkward for me. The sporadic punctuation made it difficult for me to find the rhythm. With music this would tell its tale better, though without it, consistent punctuation serves the place of the tunes.

Some will tell you that punctuation is needed in poetry. Others will argue that it is not needed and makes no difference. Still, there will be those who say it is up to the particular poet and the poem itself. Personally, I feel that the way the verses flow down the page, that punctuation is necessary for this piece. Though without it, the message is still there, it just isn't as strong.

For me, I use to write poetry without any punctuation. Somewhere down the line someone gave me sound advice, and it made sense to me. The punctuation, or lack thereof in a poem, is the direction of the writer, guiding the reader. The punctuation is where the author wishes the reader to take a breath; to contemplate; to pause for dramatic effect. The lack of punctuation says the same thing, "Read in one breath, whether slow, or fast, down the page". To me, punctuation is the direction from the author to the reader. Use it, or don't, to your heart's desire and don't let anyone persuade you otherwise. However, if using it, be consistent throughout the piece. My personal opinion, this song would benefit from consistent punctuation, as it would serve as a replacement for the actual music.

Overall, this is a beautiful song that I would love to hear the music that accompanies it.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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#3663376

Review of Sparrow

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (4.5)

aprildesire
You have been selected as one of the lucky authors to be spotlighted at "Simply Positive Review Forum "

. That means that this week, many of our group members will be by your port to review this item. We hope you find the reviews useful, if only to find out how well this particular item is received. Sit back and enjoy the feedback and attention. You deserve it.

First of all, let me Thank You, for allowing us to review your work. Remember that reviews are the opinions of those reading, and ultimately, the choice is yours on whether or not you choose to alter your item based on the input of others.

Sparrow

(E)
A poem about a bird.
#1831431 by April Desiree-I'm back!

Something that gave me pause, was the thought of a sparrow, landing in the ocean to bath. I don't think they can. Though I am no expert, my personal thoughts on this, are that sparrows feet do not have the proper webbing to allow them to maneuver in the water. I am though, totally ignorant on this, and going from my own thoughts.

This poem had terrific rhythm and rhyme as the couplets cascade down the page. There was not a single line that was forced, it ran smooth all the way.

Some will tell you that punctuation is needed in poetry. Others will argue that it is not needed and makes no difference. Still, there will be those who say it is up to the particular poet and the poem itself. Personally, I feel that the way the verses flow down the page, that punctuation is necessary for this piece. Though without it, the message is still there, it just isn't as strong.

For me, I use to write poetry without any punctuation. Somewhere down the line someone gave me sound advice, and it made sense to me. The punctuation, or lack thereof in a poem, is the direction of the writer, guiding the reader. The punctuation is where the author wishes the reader to take a breath; to contemplate; to pause for dramatic effect. The lack of punctuation says the same thing, "Read in one breath, whether slow, or fast, down the page". To me, punctuation is the direction from the author to the reader. Use it, or don't, to your heart's desire and don't let anyone persuade you otherwise. However, if using it, be consistent throughout the piece. My personal opinion, this poem would benefit from punctuation.

Overall, this is a nice poem that told a story, and could possibly be used as a fable.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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#3661262

Review of ~Another Event in My Darling Family

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

♥♥♥♥♥ A Review For You in connection with "Showering Acts of Joy Garden"

[E]♥♥♥♥♥

"~Another Event in My Darling Family"

StaiNed-House Targaryen

You have been selected for review by me, due to a package gifted you in "Showering Acts of Joy Garden"

. I have volunteered to help fulfill this reviewing package. I hope you find the review useful, if only to find out how well this particular item is received. Sit back and enjoy the feedback and attention. You deserve it.
I consider it an honor to have found your port and this great piece of writing. Thank you for taking the time to submit writing into your port. It is a pleasure surfing through your port, trying to decide what to review.

It has been many moons since we last talked my friend, and so much has happened in each of our lives, we are going to have to find time to get caught up. I can see by your newest handle, that some computer issues are prevailing, so it may take you a while to get this review. I hope when you do that you enjoy the visit, and the review, I have left here for you.

It is always a joy to read something on your family. You are a precious bunch with some fun antics about you. Each time I read one of your family stories, I smile and laugh.

~small home of five[,] and...
~mother." with a twinkle in his darling blue eyes. [There is a period in the sentence, and the next sentence starts with no capitalization, and is incomplete standing alone as it is.]
~was helpless,[instead of a comma, a period is needed] I had ...
~tormenting him,[instead of a comma, a period is needed] I asked, "Who
~ wrestle wrestling match, the...

Just a few editorial remarks above. Nothing serious. This wasn't written to be an item for publication. This is one of many memories, captured for time, on screen, to share with friends and family. Editing it would help improve the reading in the future. I do so enjoy reading these tidbits.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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#3659801

Review of How can this be?

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

oh my

You have been selected as one of the lucky authors to be spotlighted at "Simply Positive Review Forum "

. That means that this week, many of our group members will be by your port to review this item. We hope you find the reviews useful, if only to find out how well this particular item is received. Sit back and enjoy the feedback and attention. You deserve it.

First of all, let me Thank You, for allowing us to review your work. Remember that reviews are the opinions of those reading, and ultimately, the choice is yours on whether or not you choose to alter your item based on the input of others.

{bitem1837051:}

I found this to be an interesting bit of writing. Written in a format of centering, these lines speak to me as a poem or of prose. They have a very poetic rhythm and rhyme for me when I read these.

Finding solace in the writing aspect of this piece, is something I could easily relate to. Writing is therapy for many.

Overall, I didn't notice any grammar, spelling or punctuation errors. I felt that thought centered, this could also be broken into smaller verses and lines, enhancing certain aspects of the poem.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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