Your poem is powerful. I really like it. You have some very strong images. I think this has great potential and could be published somewhere. I do have a few suggestions.
1. Find someone who is more capable than I am to advise you about your punctuation.
2.Change some of the words in the last part of your poem to be as mighty as the rest of it.
3. The way you contrasted fire and snow is very effective in your love poem. The words you used together kiss and snow are an example of the creativity and imagination you have as a writer.
4. I think you can create a fantastic ending. I am not sure if you want to change it however if you do I have some ideas. Now it's cold outside
The winter burns me
Ice within my veins or within myself there's ice
It is this last part that does not quite fit as well. Maybe you could read the poem outloud and see if you can find the rhythm you like.
I enjoy writing and reading poetry and I know what seems right however can not always tell why. I think every
good poet has a time where he or she just knows the poem is exactly how they want it to be. It that is true for you about this then do not pay attention to my comments.Regardless, I want you to know that I think you are a talented writer and encourage you to keep creating new poems.
Dear Lilli,
Your letter to us is beautiful, compassionate and very well written. The sentiments contained in it are ones that should be communicated often and unfortunately aren't.
Truly God has given you the gift of encouragement and the skill and ability to communicate. You have used what you have been given to freely offer one of the most incredible blessings that anyone could ever receive. Many people will smile because of what you have written. To some though you words will be like an embrace from their creator. Your message is like a hug from our very best friend. I commend you for caring about what we all need more of and that is love.
Your poem is profound. In it you ask questions and you give one important answer. I have a few suggestions on how to make this an even better poem that it is already.
1. Would you consider using a question mark at the end of the questions you ask?
2. At the end of the sentences would you consider using question marks?
3. A good poem leaves an impression on the ones who read it. My impression is that the writer has been severely hurt by someone who was once an object of affection.
4. You have a remarkable way of expressing your thoughts and feelings. You are very talented.
You expressed your faith and the peace and joy that you have found. As I read this I thought of some ideas that might help. Remember that these are just suggestions.
1. Maybe instead of " thus" you could say so.
2 You might write : How can I profess my faith is real or How can I profess that my faith is real?
3.Remember in free verse the words do not rhyme. They can be near rhymes.
4. You could say: though my steps falter and I fail to know His will and my confidence wavers I have no where else to go.
5. Your quotes could be exact scripture references since the poem does not have to rhyme.
4. Knowing that free verse poetry does not have to rhyme you can make a declaration of your faith and that is you believe the promise of God that heaven will be a pleasure.
Free verse is challenging. I can see you have a gift write and inspire others. In free verse poetry there has to be rhythm in the writing and meaning in each word. If you want to change some things and want me to review it again without me asking for gift points I will. I hope something I said helped you somehow.
I understand why you thought about and were convinced that poetry was a good way to express your views about this subject. I imagine this was a big challenge. As I see it, your efforts have brought success. I think you have a very wise observations and believe others will also.
I looked at the results of your efforts.
Truly I am amazed. I hope that you write often because you have the ability, creativity, humility and the determination to be an excellent communicator.
I think your story is lovely. I can not think of any suggestions except to publish it somewhere as soon as possible. My impression is that the message is one that we all should be seeing more often.
The images that were brought to my mind involved the promise of new life, forgiveness and extraordinary affection.
I am curious to see what other stories you have written and will be happy to review them. This one left me with all kinds of happy thoughts and feelings.
I am not sure if what you have written is poetry or prose. You have the skeleton drawn in this word painting yet you have not drawn the total body or clothing or details so that as your reader I am left looking and wondering too much about what you want me to see. I want to see more than just bare bones. I believe that you have the potential to write something very impressive.
I hope that what I am attempting to express in this review helps you somehow. As a person who really loves poetry I know the challenge it is to write free verse sometimes. Considering that you are writing about such a complicated subject as American economic views you have really challenged yourself.
My question is why have you decided to use poetry as your form of communicating? If you are convinced it is the best way to say what you want to stay then I would be happy to review your poem. If you decide to change the format I will help by reviewing it also. Either way I will not charge additional gift points.
My suggestions, questions and observations are
1. What do you mean by verses? The dots indicate you have more to say and I wonder what?
2 What does rolling in the footsteps mean? Do you mean following in the footsteps. You have indicated by the dots that you have more to say. What more do you have to say about the subject?
3. What advisement is being given by the left?
I read it 3 times before I even had a slight understanding.
4.The same questions remain about what you are actually trying to say here.
I am giving you this rating because I hope you will use it as a challenge for you to write more. I hope that you will accept my invitation to review what you write again.
Your poem is really good, I think. The recently added punctuation helps me to have an even better comprehension of your intent. Everything about this poem is wonderful in my opinion.
It is good to know chivalry is not dead. What you described as chivalry is just being kind and that never does go out of date.
Thank you for explaining your reasoning about why you sometimes do not punctuate your sentences. I thought there was a good rationale that I might not be aware of and I often do see modern day writers using that style. Your explanation does make sense to me.
Your poem is far from foolish and in my opinion almost perfect. I have some suggestions. Honestly I am not sure about why some writers do what you have done and it may be completely proper and that will be for you to decide.
Impressions:
Your poem had a surprise ending and was delightful to read. Chivalry is not dead. Your observations are very true and wisely stated with all the rhythm and rhyme of a traditional poet.
Suggestions and questions:
1. One question I have is why did you vary your sentence structure and intentionally capitalize words that could have been part of a total sentence?
2. Why did you refrain from using punctuation until the very last line?
3.My suggestion is to consider changing those things because it will help you and anyone who might read it silently or out loud to express what has been written.
If you decide to use make any changes and want me to do a review I will be happy to do that and not charge you additional gift points. I encourage you to keep on writing because you do have a marvelous talent of painting pictures with words.
Your poem is fantastic. It is not easy to provide suggestions for a writer who expresses thoughts and feelings so effectively. I am going to attempt to hoping that you understand that I am hoping to give you a different perspective so that you will feel more confident.
As I read I became aware that the sentence structure was inconsistent as far as what words you capitalized. Some were constructed in a traditional way and others were not. An example of what I am referring to is after "You turned with one last look me, then... I am not sure why Then would be capitalized. Perhaps you can see other times when traditional sentence structure was not used and if that was not your intention you could make changes.
I encourage you to keep writing powerful poetry. The meaning of this poem is very clear to me. I believe that people will be able to identify with this scenario and how you felt.
I will be happy to review this again if you make changes and will not charge gift points. I am learning and as a novice certainly my reviews state only my opinions. I hope my view helped you somehow.
I like your poem. I think is is rhythmic and has good rhyme. I have often wondered where some of our favorite things go. Socks are difficult to keep matched.
Maybe you could use an idea like the one I am suggesting now to you. When my daughter was little and helping me with laundry she said she would help me marry the socks. I always thought that was cute for her to say.
I am looking forward to reading more of your poetry because I really enjoyed this one. I will look at any changes you might make without charging you.
I have this dramatic scene in my brain of you frantically looking for one of your socks. I know the feeling. It really is funny though to consider how strange many of us act when we lose something we really think was just there a short while ago.
Your poem about Veterans has the potential of being recognized as a fine example of free verse. I want to make some suggestions to make it better.
1. Find a way to not tell us but show us to be appreciative.
2. Experiment with changing the position of the verses.
3.Look at why you are using specific punctuation marks.
It seems to me that there are some aspects of this that could be changed to make your message more effective. Can you think of a new way to say something that has been said before? Poets who do that can leave an impression or impressions in reader's minds which last far after the poem has been read. These impressions are often not easy to create yet the mark of an excellent poem, in my opinion.
One way is to have a very powerful ending. Your ending by using the dots at the end indicates that you have more to say. My question is what?
You wrote this to say thank you and to explain why. It seems you may want to give us powerful reasons and then along with your ending take away the dots and leave only one period.
I actually think that by using the word say thank you as many times as you do that the meaning is somehow lost.The two words could have tremendous power at the end.
I am not sure you want the word "of" at the end.
My advice is to change the poem around and perhaps end it with the concept of sleep and then maybe the words " say thank you".
If you want I can give you more specific suggestions and will not charge gift points. I would like to see this poem published and read by many people because the message is so important.
You certainly were a wise child. It is incredible to me that as a twelve year old you were writing this poem. I can only imagine how amazing your poetry is now.
I really like this. Images come to my mind when I am reading the last lines. Bells chiming can represent different things. I could read your poem one day and find one meaning in those words and then another day find another. A good poet in my estimation has the artistic ability to create various images for the ones who read their poems. In the last part of your poem you did just that.
The only suggestions I have are to consider using question marks and periods. You do not have to however it is something you might do to help to make it easier for a person to read. Sometimes when reading out loud speakers appreciate knowing how to convey the intention of the poet if punctuation is used.
The use of the words God,dove,time stand and waiter in your poem have a spiritual connotation to me. They also bring various pictures to my mind. I am looking forward to reading more and encourage you to keep creating because what I see here is a beautiful example of faith and love.
These suggestions are fabulous. I have learned more about reviewing because you wrote this. Thank you for taking the time to clearly explain the aspects of being a helpful writer.
Your ideas are very easy to understand and I get the impression that you have much experience. I intend to re-read this to have a better understanding of the guidelines because I am learning how to give better responses to people who are looking for feedback.
I am giving you a high rating on this because of the content and the potential your writing has to encourage members here to review and work toward being more competent. If practiced these guidelines have the capability to encourage us to be more confident and to give great reviews.
I enjoyed reading your interview. Cupid brought out some interesting ideas about love and the true meaning of Valentine's Day. I have only one suggestion.
I was drawn into the interview by extreme curiosity and quickly became more interested in what Cupid had to say. Your interaction with Cupid was fascinating. You are a talented writer and have a unique way of expressing thoughts and feelings. That is why the holiday spirit's messages were clear to me. The words that you used showed wisdom.
I believe that the last sentences are not as effective as they could be. The end of this story matters. You did such a good job with the interview and it seems you could write a really incredible ending. If you do change the ending please allow me to review this without charging you gift points.
I enjoyed reading your interview. Your brought out some interesting ideas about love and the true meaning of Valentine's Day. I only have one suggestion.
I was drawn into the interview by curiosity and I became even more interested in what you had to say. You are a talented writer and have a way of expressing thoughts and feelings well. Because of this, the holiday spirit's messages were clear to me. The words you used showed true wisdom.
I believe that the last sentences are maybe not as effective though as they could be. Perhaps you could end your interview with a word relating to celebrating love. The ending of a story matters. You did such a great job throughout the story that it seems you could write a really incredible ending. If you do that please allow me to re- review your writing without charging any points for it.
I am a new reviewer and I was quite enlightened by what you said. Your suggestions were beneficial to me. I plan to read and reread them because I think I can learn much from your observations.
I only have one suggestion. I saw one word you might want to look at and change. Near the beginning of this you wrote "thank you" in a very unusual way. It was sort of how I would imagine a bovine speaking words of appreciation if a cow could truly speak.
I can see why whoever told you to post this here said to do that. You have a kind way of expressing your thoughts and warning us of things the problems we might encounter.
As a novice reviewer and somewhat inexperienced writer I recognize that I am still learning. This is the reason I give reviews freely. I do not ask for gift points. If I am awarded them I am quite appreciative though. Keep that in mind if you like this review.
I am a new reviewer and I was quite enlightened by what you said. Your suggestions were beneficial to me. I plan to read and reread them because I think I can learn much from your observations.
I only have one suggestion. I saw one word you might want to look at and change. Near the beginning of this you wrote "thank you" in a very unusual way. It was sort of how I would imagine a bovine speaking words of appreciation if a cow could truly speak.
I can see why whoever told you to post this here said to do that. You have a kind way of expressing your thoughts and warning us of things the problems we might encounter.
As a novice reviewer and somewhat inexperienced writer I recognize that I am still learning. This is the reason I give reviews freely. I do not ask for gift points. If I am awarded them I am quite appreciative though. Keep that in mind if you like this review.
There is a tremendous amount of hurt yet much hope in your poem. The feelings you describe are aspects of a relationship that has changed and the writer sees the object of romantic affection as still worthy of friendship.
The forgiveness and respect shown for the one who this is being written for is a very important part of the goodness of the person who is expressing thoughts and feelings here. No bitterness and extreme anger is a contained in the words.
The only suggestion I have is you might want to look at way you are use punctuation. Perhaps some periods and not as many commas are needed. This may help the readers to understand where to begin and end the statements made. This is your choice though as a poet.
I think you have a wonderful way of writing. The rhythm and rhymes are good in my opinion. Your talent is very evident to me. I am looking forward to reading more of your writing.
I really liked your poem. I read it a few times so that I could give you some suggestions though. I saw a few things you might want to change.
1. Looking at what your sister tells you and what she will tell you perhaps you can either vary the terms or just keep one. You could say "she tells me" in one line and then "she will tell me in the other". You might use that idea throughout the whole poem until maybe the last sentence.
2. I believe you wanted to write when we think of the things we went through.
3. You might consider using periods at the end of each complete thought.
I really like the ending of your poem and I think you are very talented.
I am a poetry lover, a person who likes to laugh, and an insomniac at times. Because you apparently are too, I could identify with your writing. I really enjoyed reading your poem.
So many thoughts and feelings do go through our minds at night and you captured some in your very humorous style of writing. Being an American I am not experienced with wickets though I sure could with your other concerns.
I think you are a talented poet. I noticed how you found fantastic words that rhyme and you have good rhythm and descriptions. I could just see those sheep asleep and the ending is actually really funny to me. I think many others will like your poem.
I read this several times to make certain I was understanding the story you were telling. This character, Zorro, is unlike any other gentleman I have ever known.
I am not certain that this would be labeled politically correct however it was a funny story. You have the ability to take your readers to places in your imagination and then with a quick twist turn them where they did not think they were going. This is fascinating.
I would not recommend this to anyone who was easily offended by cross dressing Foxes. I did enjoy reading it. I commend you for your writing and comedic capabilities.
I absolutely believe every word that you wrote and it ministered to my heart and soul. The way you wrote your message of encouragement left a mighty impression.
The true humility and extraordinary wisdom you displayed is inspiring. Your comparison of our journey of faith with a candle is a good one. The scriptures you used relate very well to what you are saying about how our actions show we are not yet what we will be. The concept that we are sinners saved by amazing grace is a humbling one and a very important part of faith in Christ.
Your message is inspiring, hopeful and very valuable. The scriptures you chose are wise ones to use I think. You have talent and are developing skills to be not just a writer. You are a voice crying in the wilderness and like the John who baptized our Savior, perhaps because of your humility, you have been anointed with the ability to show us the meaning of faith. Though your writing many can be reminded or introduced to scriptures and learn more about how to live victoriously in this world by understanding important scriptural concepts.
Your poem is very well written and actually really funny. You certainly have a way with words. Not all writers have the ability to surprise their readers by taking them on a comedic trip down memory lane.
Your talents and skills as a writer are displayed in a kind and magnificent way. Humor is good medicine and your writing is potentially healing balm. The characters are ones we can laugh with and not at.
You've used your uncanny ability to describe clothing, feelings, people and events to create a wonderful historical and completely hysterical poem.
I am an acrostic fan. I really liked yours. The words appear to be carefully chosen and describe a place that I can identify with now and I think that others will appreciate.
A combination of creativity and the knowledge you have about the subject has added up to make this a wonderful work of art. I could readily see the value you place on being a part of a whole group of writers.
I can see many things right about your writing. Your acrostic is informative. It is truly a pleasure to read. It has been a delight to have a glimpse of what you have observed. You have used the talents and skills you have to create something very meaningful to me and I believe this acrostic will be very helpful to others.
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