Very powerful piece. The lyrics paint pictures of a doomed relationship. From the very start, it seemed destined for failure and the writer acknowledges that it did indeed end. It's hard when such events occur in daily life. However, this song writer, using metaphors, showed how dreams were dashed, "darkness engulfed all the life." Please keep sharing!
This piece shows the poet's fierce pride, patriotism and faith in his country. Utilizing the American Eagle as a symbol of the United States of America, the poet calls for liberty and warns terrorists. "You've killed and tortured my people,
made threats against my land,
You hold the world hostage!" Love for the poet's country comes through very clearly as well. I enjoyed this. Keep writing!
This poem is composed well overall. It's flow could be a bit better. However, the descriptions are wonderful e.g., "You're beautiful and scented like a flower, mischievous and full of enchantment," and "inebriated by the sea and the sun,". The land is definitely vibrant and scented with salt air and tropical sunlight. I enjoyed the image as it reminds me of my earthly home. Keep writing!
Well written. I enjoyed this poem describing love. The stages in it work well, "Too long I declined to see,
Your love my shining star." and, "We walk along the meadow, Your hopes and dreams you share." The poet then goes one to "wonder" why she didn't "seem to care". Yet she declares that she'll "change it" for "You'll feel it in my kiss." The final line ends the piece solidly with the statement, "True love is hard to miss." Keep writing! I enjoyed this!
This piece depicts desire and yearning for the woman the poet no longer has. The line "Gold flecked orbs heralding the treasure within" stands out in that the poet's diction and description show that her eyes captivate and hint at her hidden qualities. It seems unfinished as if the story has not been completed yet nevertheless draws the reader in. Well done.
The writer sounds like a philosopher. "I think, therefore I am" is so close to the writer's final phrase, "perhaps we are only here to wonder." This ending leaves more questions than answers for the roving psyche. Can our existence be so banal? Don't we all long for something we cannot touch, a void we can't fill? I think so. This is definitely a thought provoking piece. Keep writing!
The end truly encapsulates the writer's fear of being trapped in a shadowed, foreign place. I found these senteces intriguing, "Then you realize the woman has horns; sharp white crescents adorn her head. But you keep running, because there is nothing else you can do." The woman who before seemed a possible ally, now appears threatening yet the person cannot stop running across "the chessboard floor." The emotions are well captured. Keep writing!
Wow! The effect of the poet's ending, "Because I love you with everything that I have…
Left…" is like a punch in the proverbial gut. After the emotions the poet stirred in this piece, the ending truly says it all. He loves her but she's taking so much from him already. Yet still, he persists in loving her. However, the anger at her betrayal is very apparent as well. Well written!
Quite well composed. The poet uses the metaphor of the caged bird to ultimately describe himself. Both are held back, unable to soar. The bird is a slave to it's cage while the author is an, "in-house slave." The rythymn achieved in this poem is quite exceptional. Well done and keep writing!
In all truth, I cannot fully agree with your premise. Nonetheless, I do believe that children who are different i.e. who don't fit into the 'average' category should be looked down upon and even bullied. What is 'average' or 'normal' anyway? Since, I'm bipolar, this question is one that I've struggled with over the years. I agree that we should teach our children to not exclude and befriend those that they find 'different' from themselves. While maintaining their own personal beliefs, if grounded, they can see beyond the 'label' and into that person's heart.
This poem is well written, pointing us out of ourselves and to the One Who gave His life freely that we might live. The Holy Spirit, "guides us through the storm
and keeps us on our course,", while Christ is, "the beacon on a rocky shore,
the heart of hearts, the source." I truly enjoyed this. Keep writing, T.L. Finch!
This definitely draws emotions out and you've done well with that! "Instead I'm lying - - - face down in the dirt
Tears falling - - - Yearning...
for the make-believe...
In love with the man
you pretended to be" This verse stands out so starkly. You thought that he was someone else and now he has lef you "so Jaded" and "Stuck in the past" because you "Can’t see through the static in my looking glass..." Wow! That last line is very well written. Keep writing!
This kept me interested yet I wanted more description. It felt like reading a graphic novel (which I've never acquired the taste for). However, you showed that justice prevails over evil, "...No. I am the one who came to exact punishment for the things you have done, foolish human, and my face will be the last that you see in this world." In the end, I feel a lack of compassion from the eternal being as in response to the girl's screams, she's "unmoved." This piece leaves me feeling conflicted yet interested to know what happens next. Keep writing!
This poem is tightly written. It shows that you're quite capable of rhyming and not making it sound forced. That alone is a gift. Honestly, my favorite verse is your final one: "When seeking to repair
Some scheme which is broken,
For yourself, you must care,
By the same friendly token!" because it demonstrates your ability to rhyme so well. Well done and keep writing!
As one can see, this is definitely written from a believer's perspective. Since I too am born again, I appreciated what you had to say. Although I found some minor errors such as, 'can not' - 'cannot', "If we move fast enough then trouble" (a comma should be inserted before 'enough') and 'Jesus's' should be Jesus'. I enjoyed the commentary on First Peter, especially the part about peace. The verse, "Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee." (Isaiah 26:3 King James Version) For that particular verse, I prefer the King James. Please keep writing. You have insight to offer!
This Haiku - as best they do shows succinctly how love is experienced through growth and testing of patience. This is, "hardest to pass." Thanks for providing such an insightful look into love. Although, if a longer poem such as open form had been used, this could have been expanded! Well written!
Well written, your poem flows nicely. Your fifth verse, "in the days of
the dimming sun
the poets are holy as
the hallowed saints" compares poets with saints. While I don't think this is completely accurate, it sounds good to the average reader. Your ending verse picks up the motif of wings with the swallows and notes that they're not "coming back." Keep writing!
Wow! This is a very emotional piece and get's to the heart of the audience. You certainly have caught my attention with this poem! The description that you use in here i.e., "He’s made of steel, his muscles are cords of iron,
His hands are blocks of granite." showed me that you're a very good writer. I could almost see his muscles flexing or fists balling before a punch. All of this happened because he's driven, "He uses the rage she gave him." What a way to heal a broken heart... Well written!
Personally, as a born again believer, I like how you incorporated scripture into your piece. It shows the wide variety of struggles that a believer will face yet must "press on toward the goal" after "forgetting what is behind". I especially thought your final line, "working out with fear and trembling your salvation." was aptly placed as it is taken directly from scripture. The mantra at the end, also shows that you know your Bible. You quote Paul, "(For me) to live is Christ (but) to die is gain." Well done. Keep writing!
This shows good perspective on the media which so infiltrates our minds and even our world views today. Without it, would we care about the latest trend or crave what we cannot have? Can nothing satisfy? The yawning hole into which we pour worthless junk vacuums it up. The media may encourage this as the poet cleverly suggests, "We adore materialism
Addicted to its ring". However, that gaping wound is in fact 'God-shaped'.
Although rather morbid, this poem speaks truth. Death is a reality that no human can escape from. The final verse states, "But that can’t, won’t, shouldn’t occur
For the world to keep on turning and stay as it were." (Death to cease to exist). However, then begs the question, is there life beyond this one or are we just six feet under? If there is life and good and evil, faith, God, grace and salvation, then perhaps it isn't quite as bleak as it once seemed. Keep writing, I enjoyed this well written poem.
Well written. I enjoyed the poet's musings over being sent back to right wrongs, "And to set things straight" by going, "back in time." This piece is crafted well and shows the poet's desire to change the past. Some of my favorite lines are, "I know the past
Send me back
To change history". However, it's idealistic. If we can learn from our past, we won't repeat the same mistakes. Yet most refuse to learn so I can see the poet's heart here. Keep writing!
Well crafted. I enjoyed the description. Your final line, "Night had opened its door and released its darkest shadow." sums it up quite well, leaving an eerie ring. I found it easy to read this and enjoyed it. A line that I truly thought noteworthy was, "while shimmering specks of light were cast from above." Keep writing!
This is extremely well written. I enjoyed the read and the images you were able to create. However, the lines in the last stanza, “Never to worry what path grace
All paths go….. To same place.” sat ill with me on a personal level. That seems like saying 'all roads lead to God.' However, the poem itself is crafted well. Something I also personally though enhanced this poem was using older words like 'lowing'. Please keep writing as it's a noteworthy piece.
One thing that I immediately noticed is that you have an error in the first line of haiku number one i.e. to = too. In the second haiku, I noticed the line, "bending each to each on rock". I believe that you should replace the second each or rephrase the first part of the line. An example might be "bending limbs brush leaves on rock". Anyway, those are some of my thoughts.
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