Note: This is my opinion as well as a desire to encourage the writer.
The poet shows a desire to understand the spiritual battle which encompasses us, yet he is also cynical of it because of what he has 'seen'. The first verse shows utter his despair, "For decades it seems
Two foes battle it out
Endless pain between
Neither one gaining ground". The second adds humanity to the piece, utilizing good description, such as "sweat" as well as better diction, like, "Permeate". The poet seems to desire that the fray, "end". This leads into the third verse. Again, I find this perspective negative and in a sense naive, in that the poet does not seem to realize that he cannot understand it all. We as humans long to grasp meaning. However, much is beyond us and will stay there. The final verse appears as a nail in the proverbial coffin, "All because
He
Blinked", giving the 'oops' sense combined with an overall foreboding. Good thoughts and free verse piece overall. Keep writing!
Profound words, Liam. Keep writing such heartfelt sonnets. The final couplet, "But Hope may only dwell in our today,
Not in tomorrow, nor in yesterday." is absolutely true when our perspective is correct. Looking into the unknown of our future causes, "indecision" in life's "quest". The lines, "If I but only had her sense of vision
This riddle wouldn't cause me such unrest." also ring true. Here, you have personified the future as a woman with a "fickle nature". There's a wealth of wisdom in this sonnet, with older diction, such as, "scope", "recompense", and "dwell". Well written. I have no thoughts on how you may improve.
This piece is quite deep, showing a a battle of the wills, mind sets, cultures, views and parental preferences! Well thought out and written. I encourage you to continue to use this gift. The title says it all, "Love knows no color". How true! The verse, "I see you staring through the corner of your eyes
Trying to hide your deepest emotions
Too afraid of what your peers may say
Still your face ignites when I pass your way" speaks of the heartfelt longing yet sensing societal, perhaps even parental disapproval. This is a difficult topic for such a short poem. You did well with this difficult topic. In His Grace, Melissa.
This poem is well written overall. I liked the fact that the poet dealt with a grief journey: a loved one dies and the separation is real. The husband left on earth longs for, "the promise of a kiss, so pure and sweet.", yet his desire is tempered as the years pass. The poet utilizes superb diction in comparing the heart's emotions to, "savagely, spinning beneath" , yet recalls the joy of the, "lover's leap". This is a mysterious piece, entwined with hope and yearning. Keep searching, and writing Waynelee. In His Grace, Melissa.
This piece expresses heartfelt love and devotion to the Father because of Christ's work on the cross. In addition, the writer describes struggles of daily life and how God reminded her to praise Him despite the "ho-hum" and "unanswered prayer". The only error that I found was a fragment, "The exhilarating thing you showed me today is that even when my days start to look the same." Overall, this is an inspirational piece and encouraging as well. Keep writing!
This piece definitely captures the reader. It works well as a flash fiction piece, although it leaves the reader wanting more. However, the three errors in this piece, "He landed in ungracefully." should be, "He landed ungracefully.", "he dived head first into the alley." should be, "he dove", and, "a fiery arm brought forth" should be, "A fiery arm..." detract from the flow of this intriguing story. Keep writing! This story has great potential and ability to captivate! Will there be a second part?
Yes, I too see such trends in American society today, and the world at large. This tribute to Orwell's, '1984' depicts dire scenes of where we're headed, "Telescreens invade the streets, keeping proles in check" and ""in a world devoid of trust, an Orwellian dystopia". Oh, how the mighty fall. Will they one day brainwash us into believing that two plus two equals five? Keep writing, fell!
Although, I personally disagree with what is stated in this article, it is well written overall. I did find two errors in it, perhaps typos, "of the later is the Christianity" which should be, "of the latter is Christianity". This essay clearly states the author's point of view and defends if without leaving much room for another possibility. The author wants "clear proof of a religious life after death truly existing". Keep searching and writing.
Wow, the depth of passion intermingled with fury overwhelms this piece. "Brush past me again, Let me brand your scent into my being, And chain your soul to mine" and, "
I watch you, Wanting to be you...To drain you, empty you" describe the wealth of emotions flowing through the poet's veins. Well done. Keep writing!
Well done, Kate. You conveyed relief very well in the short amount of words. As a tip, give a word count. It's required. I truly enjoyed the final lines, " Strong arms engulfed her. His love and protection surrounded. Finally pure love had found her. Her heart rested. Peace."
This beautiful poem imparts a man's dreams, comparing them to the tides and the dawn and dusk. Two lines which I thought especially well crafted are, "Mind numbing burns
Colliding gleams of surrendered dreams". There are three errors in here that I found. They are, "Dawn is dusks one true love" should be, "Dawn is dusk's...", When they separate I can see their hearts", place a comma after separate, and "Or don’t I’m me," should be "Or don't, I'm me,". This poem speaks to the reader's heart. I truly enjoyed reading it. Keep writing such descriptive pieces, Doug!
This poem astounds me. Yes, Jesus is the answer to the deepest yearnings of our souls! As a believer, I can relate to this poem. The darkness in which the poet began, "Soul in Anguish, Soul in torment, Soul in delirium,", leading into, "I search for my, Soul’s companion.". After listing so many vices, the poet changes the mood abruptly. Truth only can satisfy as her suitor, "Mr. Truth will, Undergird my, Weakness..." The only two errors I found were that the line, "Something deep" is separated from, "Within me tells me", and "What of Vengeance" is separated from, "Narcissism,". However, the poet may have intended these lines to be separate for emphasis. Keep on writing!
This poem paints a vivid picture of depression, opening with, "In the pit you call despair, Deep in the darkest hole." That verse ends chillingly, "It wants to steal your soul." Despite the fact that the poet has two errors, he shows his personal experience with this deadly "pit". The errors are, "no one can bare." should be "bear" and You'll surly fall" should be "surely". Overall, this piece is well written and captures the reader! Well done and keep on writing!
This poem does justice to a person's experience during both the manic as well as the depression moods. The ending captivates the longing on the soul to no longer be ensnared with the, "ever changing maze" of their disorder. I too, struggle with Bipolar. It's not always pleasant and definitely challenging! As the poet describes, "Just as quickly as the maze turns to gold The maze can turn deeply dark; never ending." Well done. Keep writing!
This poem slices open the 'mundane' life and describes what a mother and wife goes through with candidness. Well written! It's a tribute to mothers and wives, showing what can happen when the work doesn't get done! I like the lines, "My mother used to say “my work is never done” Now I know what she really means". Keep sharing!
Well done, Kraken! With each new acronym, you create a plethora of possibilities! A hurried entry simply cannot work. In this contest, entrants must adhere to the acronym given, it must make sense and it must be strikingly better than the rest. Keep them coming!
This simple poetry paints a picture of a night permeated with anguish over the loss of his lover, "What love is this, I cannot find?" All he is has left are "memories vast" of better times within his "lovers grasp". Althought, the poet expresses sleeplessness due to grief, he ends his piece with remembered rest, "we yield to sleep at last." Keep writing. I enjoyed this piece.
This is an intriguing take on an unemployed indiviual's outlook on life, despite the economy. He defies all odds in his bravado, "But my laugh is just a cover, For I know to brave the future". There are a few errors in this piece, such as, "They say I dont have and Job" and, "But thats just an oxymoron". The poet should replace "dont" with 'don't'. Also, the poet should replace "thats" with 'that's'. Keep writing, I enjoyed your piece!
This poem is lovely, causing the reader to think and taking them back to the time when a lone woman knelt before her Master's feet, pouring oil upon them. It mingled with her tears as she dabbed it with her hair. I can almost see her. This poem reminds me of the song, 'Alabaster Box'. The fourth verse which truly captured her and paints the emotions with vivid brush strokes, strikes a chord in the reader as well. "Her dream of goodness,
Crushed out and gone,
The tears of failure,
The box held it all." Well done. Keep writing!
This is a well written piece. Even the shape of the poem is crafted in favor of its content. I enjoyed the description and rhyming, "even deeper, darker down
Their power here grows stronger,
I can feel them all around". The ending especially stood out. It is not what the reader expects but yet is very true. Keep writing! I look forward to reading more pieces from you!
This painfully honest poem shows how a young girl learns the hard way about wrong relationships and the wrong type of guy. I wouldn't much of anything in this piece except for the final line and third verse. This is simply my opinion and you, as the poet can take it or leave it. I'd change, "But now I do." to "But, I do now." In the third verse, I'd place a question mark at the end of each line except for the last line. On that one, I'd place an exclamation point. Keep writing! This is truly moving. The emotions connect with the reader well.
Well written Malizzzter! I hope all is well with you! The images that you added to your acrostic compliment it beautifully. I enjoyed the read! The lines that strike me the most are, "At my keyboard's beck and call
Perch I. Waiting for inspiration
Perchance to wander up the hall" Keep sharing and congratulations on winning this one!
The repetition causes this poem to gain in momentum as the reader reflects upon each verse. Monday mornings can be stressful if we don't learn from out mistakes. The poet's optimistic view of life is refreshing in a world of humdrum Mondays. Well done. Keep sharing!
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/writer4him/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/3
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.26 seconds at 5:17pm on May 19, 2024 via server web2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
