This short story is written well with a controversial ending, "He saw God was smiling too." In comparison to the pain and confusion that the man feels as he prays to his God. Why then would God's response be a smile? "Hope faded away from his world." This man is desperate yet God here offers nothing but a smile in response to his "empty smile." This piece is crafted well with good word choice yet the ending doesn't fit - at least not for me personally. I believe that God should reach out to the man in some way and the smile almost seems mocking. Well, these are my thoughts. Keep writing!
Well written, although the last line is a bit cliche as none of us can honestly promise to "always be there" as much as we'd like. We're only mere mortals and will one day die as I discovered with my dad who died when I'd just turned twenty. Anyway, I enjoyed this piece. Keep writing.
I agree with your sentiments but wish you had ended this differently. Some of this echoes John Donne's Holy Sonnet 14 'Batter My Heart Three Personed God for Thee'. I guess that's why the last two lines in the final verse jarred me as they are very generic although very true. This poem shows promise yet leaves me wanting more. I cannot help remembering John Donne's Holy Sonnet 14 as in some ways these two are similar. Keep writing! I'd love to see more of what you've written!
Wow... I hope that your friend gets help for this. Cutting is very serious and is often done because the person doesn't know how else to express their own emotional suffering. This piece is handled tastefully and written well. Keep writing.
Interesting perspective. I wonder what your real name is and the hidden story behind this poem. I found it a bit long but filled with emotion. Well written.
This poem is crafted well. However, there are certain lines like 'the birds and the bees" that are too commonplace. In general, this poem conveys its message well. Keep writing! I enjoyed the read.
I'd give this a 'five' except that bleeding is misspelled. Have you ever read George Orwell's 'Animal Farm'? There is a lot of imagry here. Your poem is thick with it. Well written.
This poem, while good, uses some cliches like climbling "the tallest tower". However, the last vers brought it to a quick, almost knife-pointed conclusion. The last line wraps it up well. Keep writing!
This is well written and draws the reader in. However there are multiple errors such as, "Theres" which should be "There's" (that one is repeated), I is found in the lowercase instead of uppercase once and "myt" instead of "my". However, this poem catches you as you pause, seeing the images which have been so vividly crafted.
Whoa... That's well written, but I truly hope that this is not based on reality... If it is, seek help. Don't wait.... Call a friend, or your parent/s or someone else that you trust. Go see a counselor. If it is all based on fantasy, you are truly a great writer with an active imagination. If you want to talk, e-mail me...
This poem intrigues me. I would've rated it a five excepte for the spelling errors. "myslef" - "myself" and "sheild" - "shield". Also you had I lowercased once. However, this is well wriiten. Just a tip: check your spelling before you post. Keep writing. I truly enjoyed it!
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