Trust, so hard to gain after being lost. It's so true with so many people, I'm one of those people. You depicted it so greatly in this poem. Great job.
Suggestions:
Maybe making the poem into stanzas. If not, it's more along the lines of prose. You say it's poetry, so unless it's a specific form that's supposed to be like that, I think stanzas are the way to go.
Overall thoughts:
Very good.
-Writing Jewel-
Write from your heart, write from your soul. Write on!
Ah, I can feel your emotions through this poem. Even if it's short, your passionate emotion and love shines bright through the words, few or many, it doesn't matter.
Suggestions:
None, you hit it on the nail.
Overall impression:
Two big thumbs facing towards the sky!
-Jewel-
Write from your heart, write from your soul. Write on!
Wow, there is no doubt in my mind why that award is hanging by this piece. The beauty of this piece is fluttering around all throuhgout my head. Wow, so beautiful, so sad.
Suggestions:
No suggestions for this beauty.
Overall impression:
I LOVE IT!
-Jewel-
Write from your heart, write from your soul. Write on!
I LOVE the second stanza. So true, I feel so bad for Miami folk because their Christmas is not usually snowy. I can't say it's a given, though. I know sometimes they do get snow, so let's not prejudge it.
Suggestions:
Green isn't a good color for this song, lol.
Overall impression:
Good job!
-Jewel-
Write from your heart, write from your soul. Write on!
Wow, that is pounding at my soul. You're a really good writer, and this is definately very good.
Suggestions:
None that I can find.
Overall impression:
I hope you won the writer's cramp with this work! I wrote a song about 911 called '911 is with my tears' you can read it if you want. It won a ribbon too!
-Jewel-
Write from your heart, write from your soul. Write on!
Such a deep, strong, impactful meaning put into a poem.
I do have a few suggestions:
perhaps say the remembrance of her past assults her. It sounds better grammatically. However, I suppose grammar isn't entire all that matters when it comes to poetry.
Also, I believe it should be too much not 'to' much.
Also, perhaps have no comma after 'she feels pain'
maybe no comma after 'the light, is so close' and maybe no comma after 'the light'.
Sorry to be a bit on the negative side. I just want you to be open to any suggestions, whether you chose to take them or not. Overall I did think it was a great piece of poetry and very well done.
So true with love, do you really know the one you love? Is he really in love with you? Or does he just want to use you then hurt you in the end? Is he a liar, or is the person you think he is. You may never know until it's too late.
Such a great portrayal of how I feel about my lover. You hate him to death but you can't bear to spend a minute without him. Or at least you want to hate him but can't seem to bring yourself to that conclusion.
Amen! That was such an amazing poem. Beautiful. God is the hope for all of the future.
And may you rest with him when the days may be long and the nights may bring you to the end, you shall never be ended for you shall dwell in the house of the lord forever.
Suggestions for Improvement:
No suggestions, your poem is as you are, perfection.
Maybe rate it ASR or 13+ because I think a four year old whose mom is reading them poems would not like to be read this. It's a bit too graphic. That's not a bad thing, it's just not what strikes me as E
Ah, the memories of kids. I am still a kid myself, and I can remember the first day of school. My mom I'm sure did too. I wouldn't be surprised if my mom would be writing something like this someday when I'm all grown up. (If you don't consider 13 being grown up then). Anyway, good job!
My favorite folder of yours, they're all so truly touching and inspirational with such strong emotion. They all paint a beautiful picture of the truth of life. I think, in my personal opinion, this is your best folder. i'm not sure what you think, but that's my opinion.
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