great use of the prompt words. I also liked the surprise twist in the end. Seems like a development of a airflight crash simulation game. Excellent idea. I was bored in the beginning but my moved lifted towards the end!
Good read, and good dialogues too (realistic) write on!!
Zubia
You forgot the parade:) Just kidding. I felt I was there again, just like Alice, especially walking through think clouds to get there, and I am 34, lol! Serously, I enjoyed visualizing Alice and having kids myself, I know how impatient children are.
Well captured:)
Write on!
Zubia
Nice use of metaphors. The dialogs helped define the characters (I could tell who was bossy and who was irritated and who lacked guts...) Good job on the conflict too. You said a lot in a few words...
Write on!
Wow.Nice work there. A phone call of death means two very different things for two families. I thought the dead person was terminally ill. Nice twist.
Keep it up
Zubia
Good twist. And good flashback: taking out the wings of the fly and the shark having a good sense of humor. The person was lucky he did not die an ironic death.
Seems like you had a close encounter with a shark too:) If you didnt, this was realistic!
Zubia
I connected with the scnene instantly. If its not money, it people, if its not people its the simple chores, if its not this, its the kids, the husband the extended family and before we know it, we lose track of the seasons and the beauty around us. Women need to pause and really revel in the simple pleasures. A good jog did the protagonist a lot of good. For a moment I thought she woke into her dream, but she actually was seeing the beautiful Fall around her.
Love does ease our pain.
How well written:)
Zubia
Such was the confidence that hung in a not-quite-seen aura around him.
I wish I could write like this. The ending is unexpected and hence keeps the reader glued. Your words are different from what I have read in others' work. slinging a rock into his destiny was also a good punchy line. Satisfying.
Good work!
Zubia
Touching. You take us back in time and tell us a small scene out of history that changes millions of Germans.
Good job, this tell a great deal about your interes in historical settings. Research and write on!
Zubia
I stare at my reflection in the mirror. Even with ten layers of concealer and a straight fringe of bangs across my forehead, I still suffer the red-hot zit pulsing SOS signals to anyone within a five mile radius.
\\Funniest line:))
I thought this was a teenager! She's getting married:))
So well done
Zubia
Of all the stories I have read at WDC, this is the best. By far, the best. I felt I was the protagonist. The fact that I feel queer in queer places made me really connect with this story.
Your story is neatly tied. You answered everything. Your imagery was fabulous. I sweated in my cool room:)
Dont stop. You owe it to all of us:)
Thank you
Zubia
Sounds like you had fun at Vegas:)) I liked the use of sounds, I could hear you. The could also see the waitresses. I could also smell the think air of smoke around me. Good depiction through well choosen words!
Good job!
Zubia
imaginative: wheel of cheese as a weapon!! hilarious...Creativity is the heart of writing. Also the word judges should be judge's isnt it? A little punctuation here and there, proof reading would take care of that! On a serious note: Lots of men hit with seemingly harmless objects in a fit of fury, unexpectedly hurting their spouses fatally. This wasa good example.Write on!!
Zubia
That was a good way of putting a life we all so much envy. It was comforting to read that even too much of riches is a curse. A great way to acquire self control is to manage your own life. This is a simple piece yet powerful in the events that its describes. Keep going..Good work!
Zubia
I am blown away. Thanks for this introspection. I agree, giving is the best way to receive peace in life. It comes back... I feel the same when I am extremely worried or agitated about some events in life (especially those I cannot control) I abruptly calm myself and try to feel the moment. The moment in which I have all my "safe elements" around me, my boys, my home, my parents, husband, etc. The moment we are grateful, we want to share it with others by being kind. We all are the same!!
Great!
Zubia
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