Okay, now I realize I should have read this chapter first. A nice introduction. Taut character development and realistic scenery. The mist, the fog, the unease of being on the hunt while knowing something was amiss all served to heighten the tension beautifully.
I'm beginning to like Arae a lot more. She has smarts, cunning, guile and warrior skills, but still is naive in a way. Stopping to admire and admonish her first kills almost gets her killed. Lashing out at Nithe in the middle of a battle is a sure way to get oneself killed needlessly, which shows she still has some growing up to do. This will make what happens in chapter two all the more anxious and pertinent.
Keep up the good work. Let's hope Arae grows up a little quicker from now on as I am guessing her enemies are about to multiply.
Maybe I shouldn't have read this after chapter one, but it's a good set-up. It opens with great urgency, a sense of dread that can only be brought about by a great evil. Too many fantasy stories mess this part up with a cliche. But, just like Faritan's mystery in chapter one, the mystery of the stone and Feina's futile attempts to control it make me want to know more.
Again, the characters are fleshed out, including Ghadrik's growing emotions for the lithe and comely Khameris. Feina's description seems like Jeremy might have been using one of his own relatives for inspiration.
I guess I'll have to read on, but it would be interesting to see if Ghadrik marries Khameris. I was sure until the final part when the magic stone decides to one-up the scene.
I'm also dying to know about the Ravage. I'd like to think it was a war, but it seems like some huge explosion of magic that did everyone in.
Jeremy, I hope this will be the makings of a great novel.
Okay, this chapter was a slight let-down. At first, when she confronted the conspirators and made them reveal the whole plot, it was interesting. It was informative and made the whole deal seem good.
Still, it would be nice to learn more about her father. This guy's getting a raw deal. Everyone's making reservations for him in Hell, so I'd like to learn if things about him are really this bad.
I couldn't give it 4 stars this time because of the cheesy fight scene. For a cool, calculating character like Athenais and a guy like Ragnar, who has hidden his ID successfully for so long to suddenly act like six-year olds and get into a fight was ridiculous.
This keeps getting better, although I am getting a little impatient for some action. I like the plot twists, especially learning that Ragnar is a shifter and is in on the plot.
I am a little concerned, though, about Athenais. I know she hates her father, but if someone told me that my dad was turning colonists into mush to centrifuge them for potion, I might be a little more skeptical. After all, Ragnar's been keeping secrets from the captain, so should she really believe everything she's hearing?
That aside, the plot is building up nicely. Once again, I do think space operas need a little action so I hope there will be some in the next chapter or two or three.
Wow, what a first chapter. I've been known to be partial towards female leads (C.J. Cherryh's Morgaine, David Weber's Honor Harrington, just about anyone by Marion Zimmer Bradley) and Athenais fits in nicely -- coy, smart, intimidating and definitely not over-the-top like, say, Xena.
You set the right tone. Explained the character enough to make her way more than three-dimensional. You set the mood with an impressive description of the Shop and its atmosphere.
Best of all, you built up the tension, slowly and steadily. I have a similar character in my archives who is not even a tenth as old as Athenais' father, but he rarely has the patience for a long conversation like Athenais. I was thus surprised to find myself hanging on each word of the conversation with the three colonists.
I'll explain chapter two tomorrow, but I know it will be just as good as chapter 1.
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile.php/reviews/futrboy/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/9
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.23 seconds at 9:06am on May 04, 2024 via server web1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
