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126
126
Review of Perfume  
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
My name is Summer Wind and I am pleased to review your poetry.

 Perfume  (13+)
A little perfume can tell a lot....
#1832150 by elizjohn
This first impression of this poem is the rhythmic flow of the words. The poem weaves a intriguing and magical

arrangement of words ex: delicious, floral, wafts, beguiling all falling in a lovely shaped poem. It is almost like the writer

over turned a flower vase and spilled the words out on the page. As for the meaning, it would seem the writer has

stumbled upon a fragrance that is not familiar to her and reflects on past offenses that she suffered with this lover.

Unfortunately the scent represents betrayal, because it is not her scent and her lover has succumbed to seducing

another women wearing a fragrance different to her own. The fragrance is the key to the betrayal.

Summary: This poem is so vividly described I could almost smell the words used for the description of the scent.
A lovely sad poem, reminding me of men who can not keep a commitment and are always looking for
greener grass on the other side of the fence.
I enjoyed reading this poem it was beautifully written with a lot of romantic emotional projection.
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127
127
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Kali what an interesting poem. You would never think of what could happen if you spell success wrong.

Your poem reaches down into the depths of the psyche of how a person views their fate if they can not

spell success right in their mind. Because the thoughts are the road path to the conscious and subconscious mind.

The author explains the failures that will be heaped upon you if you spell success wrong in your thinking.

This poem is an in depth meaning poem with the actual meaning of success to tapping the keys to your future

with success. The author warns the reader to be careful to tap out the correct spelling of success and not to wait so

that you can live your live with love.


Summary: A very unique and intriguing poem with a very complex meaning of success.
When you first read the poem you would assume the author is writing about typing on typewriter keys.
But when you delve deeper into the meaning you can decipher the meaning of what you have typed
mentally into your own mind. Success or failure!
I liked the author wrote something with an entirely different perspective on success.
Well written! Bravo!!! I applaud the author.

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128
128
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
My first impression of this rhyming poem is Wow! It must be very hard to write a poem that rhymes with the same

word at the end of the line. The writer paints a delightful picture of the outside of the snow covering tree leaves,

sleigh rides and the ground covered like a blanket with snow. You can actually fee the chill as you read all the

visual words in this poem. I love the way the writer brings in parents shopping for presents and peace to mankind.

It adds a vivid picture to the holiday season of Christmas. Another suggestion warming up the poem is get some

hot chocolate with marshmallows. I had to go into the kitchen after reading this poem. First I felt the wind and cold

winter scenes and then I pictured a nice quilt with hot chocolate. Wonderful descriptive writing. The author takes you on

a winter journey and you actually feel and can visualize all that they have written in the poem.

Summary: I felt like I was on a visual journey experiencing beautiful snow landscapes and coming back and
wrapping myself in a quilt and drinking hot chocolate with marshmallows.
I loved this poem for the visual power of word suggestion was so enchanting!
It reminded me of when I lived in Canada and looked forward to the winters with snow so we
could go skating and sleigh riding. Excellent Writing! I loved loved this poem!

This is just my opinion on how I felt about this poem from my perspective.

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129
129
Review of WEATHERED STONES  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
My first impression of this poem is that it might have been written as fiction. But everything that the author wrote about

could be true. I felt very sad reading this poem, because it made me reflect on today's life of young children dying

prematurely. From the 18 year old young men and women who serve our country. To the the kids killing one another

with guns and children dying from cancer and other diseases. The cemeteries haven't changed just a different time..

All kinds of people whose lives were cut short because of different circumstances. Mothers, children older people,

and young adults. Most of the time once they are buried they are forgotten, except by their families and sometimes not

even the families care. This poem was so visual. I could see myself wandering through the places the writer described

in the poem.

Summary: I felt this poem made reflect on the brevity of life. Here today gone tomorrow!
I thought the author used very visual descriptions and I felt emotional pain reading it.
A reminder on how quickly you can be forgotten once you pass on.
This just my opinion on how the poem effected me personally and to encourage the writer. Well written!

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130
Review of REUNION  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
My first impression of this short story is a ghost who comes back to for a reunion to meet up with his friends that died with

him in a fire in the Town City Hall. How they were heroes ,rescuing all those people and in doing so they lost their own lives.

He comes to the monument where he is listed along with his friends and remembers each one of their personalities.

The story has interesting pull. If you just read it once you might think that he is just looking a memorial stone with

other people listed on it. But reading it the second time, you come up with the fact that he is dead and a ghost,

wandering around looking for his friends. The writer gives the indication that he will be late for a reunion about

to start for the anniversary of the Great Fire. The real clue is the 'This is in memory of all those brave fireman who lost

their lives. In the Great Fire 1952.

Summary: I think the writer did an excellent job getting so much information in on such a short story
I enjoyed reading the story it completely kept my attention.
I felt a sadness being reminded of September 11, and how all those devoted fire man lost their lives
rescuing people.
Great imagery, I could see Ted standing there and looking at the memorial stone.

This just my opinion to encourage the writer on how this short story effected me personally.

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131
131
Review of MID LIFE CRISIS  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
My first impression of this poem is that mid life repeats itself over and over again.

The writer focuses on the fact the medical science us makes us stronger, making us live longer.

Giving us more time to enjoy life. But with living longer comes more more crisis until approaching sixty.

Then it starts all over again. The poem itself was off on rhythmic rhyme.

Example: Three score and ten is no longer life's span,
You may live ten more years, if the Lord says you can. suggestion this line could read like this instead
You may live more years if the Lord says you can
If the Lord gives you more years in his plan

I felt the poem was very interesting about the cycles of life that we as humans have to go through.

Summary: I thought the poem was well written with vivid description and word choices.
I felt that some of the lines were too long and did not flow very well with the rest of the poem .
I enjoyed reading about the facts of getting old and how it seems to go with a cycle of life.

This just my opinion to encourage the writer and to do harm from how the poem effected me.


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132
132
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Christina, you have done it again a none stop adrenalin racing eerie thriller! I could not stop reading your story.

I clung to each word like it was a morsel of food feeding a frenzied crowd. What I like about your writing is the

descriptive interaction of the characters. There is not one lull in the way you write. Once you engage the reader

you have them hooked. Your first paragraph is what made me want to read on. example these lines:.

A hand reached out from the darkness and touched her head, making it move forward. A chill ran down her back. She wasn’t expecting this to happen there, but upstairs. Little drops of sweat rolled down her forehead, and breathing had become very difficult in that abandoned basement.

I jumped right into the story and assumed Izzy's character mentally while reading this story.

You wove an incredible tale of mystery and suspense with the Izzy's character being so blind and trusting

of this apparition named Jadea. All time Izzy was trying to help Jadea escape and deal with her past. Jadea was

plotting to imprison Izzy with the same chains that held her for 123 years. The end of the story made me very

sad because I realize there are kind and trusting people like Izzy who are deceived every day.

Summary: What I liked was the mystery and intrigue of the character Jadea.
Also the way you wrote the character of Izzy to be blind to Jadea's deceitful nature,
but to be trusting and kind inspite of it.
This story was non stop heart racing thriller, written very well!
I was totally immersed in the story line and the development of the plot.
This is only my opinion to encourage the writer on how the story affects me from my perscpective

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133
Review of The Final Breath  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Evil Road my name is Summer Wind and I will be reviewing your poem

 The Final Breath  (E)
The death of a man who once lived.
#1826664 by evilroad


My first impression of this poem is a man who man who is dying and cannot except his fate.

Example by this statement: Purpose now turns its youthful back upon me, and I am abandoned by reality itself.

As I read your poem I found it to be very deep and complex and somewhat difficult to understand.

This statement And now I sit, guarded by my crown; My kingdom's renown now shaded dark gray.

Are you referring to his head and his surroundings? Your writing to me portrays a man, who is on the brink of death

filled with such sorrow that his his own thoughts and memories are poisoning him as he dies. Example The voices

around me mean nothing. As I read your poem I envisioned a very sad and elderly man dying alone in his own mind,

with fleeting moments of the past. Your poem took me back to when I worked as a nurse in a nursing home for the

elderly and how many times I watched them die whispering to loved ones or just muttering to the air.

Summary: Your poem was very deep and complex. It was somewhat difficult to understand.
It made me reflect on my own experience, of watching the elderly die when I was a nurse.
I do think the poem was very visual and had excellent word imagery.
I can't say that I enjoyed reading it, because it was so depressing and sad.
But I can say that I think you did great job writing it.

This is only my opinion to help encourage you, the writer from my perspective of reading it.


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134
Review of PURE WATER  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, my name is Summer Wind, and I will be reviewing your poem.

 PURE WATER  (E)
A Cornish Sonnet about the sacredness of purity.
#1780175 by Itchy Water~fictionandverse


My first impression of your poem is:

I found it to be very interesting how you compared the polluted waters on earth such as the water drops that fall from the sky and the ocean.

To the only time when we will only see pure water is when Jesus blood has be taken in to account for our sins.

I like the way you have brought in the spiritual aspect of pure water led by faith and trust. Only then will the

purest water of heaven will be able to experience. I think this is a somewhat difficult poem to understand,

because of the spiritual overtones and you really have to read it a couple of times to get what the meaning means

to each person individually.

Summary: I liked the poem because I can relate to your implications of waiting for the pure water reserved in heaven
for us.
I think it is somewhat difficult to understand because of the spiritual over tones
I think you did a great job with something that is a different rhyming scheme.

This is just my opinion of an honest review from my perspective.

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135
Review of Dog  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

Harry I really liked your poem, and after I reading it. I found it reinforced my belief that a dog is man's best friend.

I felt you did a great job of expressing the determination of the dog to have a home with or without food.

You also showed that the dog was faithful even though the man kept trying discourage him from staying,

and soon there was a mutual respect and love between the dog and the family. The dog acted and protected the

family until that fateful night when the dog gave up his life to save the little girl. The poem was very visual and

had incredible word imagery. Harry it was like watching a movie in my mind's eye. I do have to confess I am

an animal lover and it brought me to tears because the dog didn't even have a name.

Summary: I liked the way you showed the loyalty of one of man's best friends.
I thought the word imagery read like a movie in my mind.
I was moved emotionally to sadness because the dog lost his life to save the little girl
I thought you did an excellent job of writing this poem especially in rhyme.

This just my opinion to encourage you in your writing. Well written!!

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136
136
Review of Love Like That  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
The writer shares a time when he watched a woman and a little boy playing in the sand and the love and joy they

both experienced. The writer expresses in the poem he is longing for that kind of love that is fearless and full of joy.

Than the writer expresses his feelings about a young couple that just got married and they have a baby on the way.

No money only hope and faith in God to get them through the tough times. I liked the way the writer takes the reader

on a journey through the phases of life. The boy and then the young married couple and the older couple comparing

the different cycles of life with the love each one has. The writer uses the last part of the poem to express the long

lasting relationship of the couple that married so long ago and was tested and still came out the best.

Then writer tells of how he has the desire to have a relationship that lasts forever and her wants to tell the girl he loves.


Summary: I like the way the writer took the reader through the phases of young child and mother, then young married
couple and finally the older married couple.
I thought the writer did a great job conveying his desire for true love to last and he revealed his feeling for his.
girl friend.
This is only my opinion to encourage the writer.

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137
137
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
I loved the way the author used personification to tell this beautiful Christmas Eve story.

As I read the first three lines of the poem I thought to myself why wouldn't animals believe.

They are created by God almighty with special instinct and sensitivities that humans lack.

I like the way the writer tells the story of the importance of each animal in the story.
The baby donkey and his mother remembering that it was a donkey that carried
Jesus' mother on Christmas eve.

The black horse telling about the three wise men and the star, the calf asking how far is the star.
The lamb listening and say do you here what I hear?

This poem is so full of vivid imagery: I heard the Christmas bells ringing and the cats and dogs singing
in my mind's eye. Than I envisioned all the animals praying, bowing, and laying down at peace on that snowy Holy Christmas night before the little Lord Jesus

Summary: I thought the writer wrote an incredible poem filled with vivid imagery and a beautiful concept.
The animals telling the Christmas Eve Story from their perspective.
As I read this poem it reminded me of the Amazing Wonder of Christ's Birth.

I could see this poem in a children's story book with a lovely art illustration.
This just my opinion to encourage the author of this poem.


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138
Review of To Love Gorge  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
After reading this short story I could not believe that a 15 year old girl wrote this.

I found this story to be really cute and also well written. It kept my attention all the way through the whole story.

The writer started the story with a conflict Misa wanting to talk to a boy named Gorge. But Misa was having a

difficult time approaching him, because of lacking confidence. Even thought she did not have the confidence to

to talk to him or approach him she made sure no other girls got near him.

This young writer showed a problem a lot of teenage girls go through lack of self esteem when it comes to boys.

I am amazed at the insight this writer has for such a young age.

I thought she defined her characters well and had great interaction between them.

The writer showed the determination of Misa overcoming her fear and building a enough confidence to approach him.

The end is my favorite part where Misa prepares for the meeting announcing "Gorge here I come!"

Summary: A really cute story that takes you back to being a teenager.
I loved, loved, this story and thought this young writer is an excellent story teller.
Great character interaction and story.
This is just my opinion.

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139
Review of Bella  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
After reading this short story, I felt the writer was really making a statement about her dog Bella.

How Bella who was basically a stray, came into her life and changed her life.

The writer describes her relationship with Bella like a marriage, in that the dog is loving and supportive.

The writer tells how Bella does a lot of tasks and visiting people and learning and how she and Bella are

so close to each other and hardly are ever separated.

I have animals of my own so I could really identify with the writer about the love and devotion from animals.

Summary: I think the writer did a great job sharing her love and devotion of Bella her dog.
I really like the writer also shared some pertinent information on a relationship with a guide dog.
Great job!


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140
Review of Poor Poet  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I was in tears halfway through this story. It was so real to me, that I kept looking for Poet to reappear in every line,

I was reading. The writer did an excellent job of story telling, even though it created very vivid image of the Elk

hanging in someone's house on the wall as a trophy or in a processing plant.

I liked the part of the story where the Grandma was telling about the where the souls of the animals go when they die.

"So you have seen the animal's soul, haven't you? Sometimes, I too hear the hooves of elks and the wapiti, like heartbeats."

I was ecstatic when Poor Poet came back and I thought he was home for good, and then he ran off again.

But the ending of the story when he was alive and he wasn't some one's trophy or meat was wonderful.

Summary: I thought the writer did an excellent job of story telling of the Indian's belief's of places where animal's
spirits go when they are killed or die.
I thought the story could actually be a true story the way it was written.
This is only my opinion not to harm but to help.


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141
Review of Success  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
After reading this short little 55 word statement for success, I saw a lot of meaning to just a few sentences.

First of all the success of the seven year old children is from the love and support of their moms and dads.

Children with love and support usually do very well in any endeavor in life.

I think this writer did an excellent job describing the true meaning of success.

The pride of a father beaming at his daughter marveling at what a precious moment he has watching her

picking dandelions. Also parents that treasure their children, that is success that money can't buy.

Summary: The writer has expressed success that is not fleeting but is everlasting.
I thought this was beautifully written with just 2 sentences.

This just my opinion to help and not to harm


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142
142
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I really like the way the writer used such simple words to deliver such a strong emotional message.

I read this poem as introspective examination of the child in one self as to holding on to being a child

and not wanting to put away toys and become a man. The difficulties of becoming an adult leaving behind

the innocence and learning to become a contriving man and dealing with reality every day.

I thought the reader weaved a very interesting story through longing to remain a child:

I see a boy not too far away,
Does he see me
He's been set free from his shell.

Summary: I thought the poem was thought provoking and well delivered also emotionally stimulating
It made me think of a lot people who can't grow up and separate themselves from childhood
and end up in mental institutions.

I liked this poem and enjoyed reading it and it personally made me think a lot about childhood.

This is just my opinion to help and not to harm.
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143
143
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
As I read this poem I thought the writer is trying to say that God never sleeps or tarries and he is

always in charge of everything. Whether it is mountains or children or nature everything and anything

he has his eye on.

I like the way the writer compared God to every day humans. Yes we do have to wait for our toast and

and we always try to save time buying instant coffee or convenience meals or fast food.

But God never worries about his creation because he knows the beginning to the end.

I also think the writer is trying to say for us to slow down and treasure every day.

In other words live one day at a time. Enjoy nature and relax God is control.

Summary: God does not have to wait for his toast. Because he is not in a hurry.
Man kind on the other hand is always in a hurry and needs to slow down.
We don't know when our last day on earth will be, so live one day at a time.

I thought the poem was very thought provoking! Great word imagery and imagination and arrangement.

This only my opinion not to harm not but to help.

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144
Review of Snow White  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
As I read your story I thought the second paragraph should be the first, and the first paragraph the second.

The first paragraph tells the story and the second paragraph shows the story.

Also the second paragraph engages the reader to want find out how your fingers became numb and your nose.

punctured. The second paragraph in my opinion is a better paragraph to begin the short story.

And the first paragraph tells how it all started out back to the shack that you should not have left.

This just a suggestion and only my opinion.

You create a very suspenseful journey for the reader with the problems you encounter with the weather and the girl you meet.

You lead the reader on to believe the girl is real when all along she is a hallucination or a dream

I really enjoyed the surprise ending, that you woke up and and unfortunately found out it was a dream.

Summary: I enjoyed the suspense of the story and the surprise ending, Snow White was just a dream.
I thought you had vivid word imagery and the story was well written
I suggested you reverse the paragraphs 2 becomes one and 1 becomes 2
because of showing the story in paragraph 2


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145
145
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This story is an earthquake of literature, from the beginning to the end.

The first three paragraphs introducing the demon brothers is so visual, that I saw it in my mind as movie.

The detail and vivid descriptions of color of the demon characters is so precise,that it creates words that come

alive.

The story portrays the demons, as the repulsive and evil creatures as we all know them to be.

It also shows a human element when they start to argue about who failed on their mission's to destroy man.

Example

“What about your disappointment in the Black Plague and in the Dark Ages, Lucifer?” Belial questioned with a snort.

“And what about yours, Belial, you came up with slavery, with the Holocaust and then with the atomic bomb?” Satan screamed.

I really liked this story and I thought that the writer really has a understanding of writing a short story or any story

with a terrific plot, excellent character descriptions and interaction and climax..

Also lets not forget the end where Satan will return to earth to deceive man by posing as God in the flesh.

Summary:I really liked this story and I thought that the writer really has a understanding of writing a short story

with a terrific plot, excellent character descriptions and interaction.

This just my opinion to help with a review and not to harm.

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146
146
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E
The Title Not Yet (A tale of an Aging chick)

The first paragraph of the story is where you know your in for a delightful read.

"Lornda! You've got to hold her up a little better. Her foot is dragging along the floor." Joy grunted as they hoisted Pat up a little higher and made their way to the dressing room.

This paragraph introduces the character Pat as being an older chick, that wanted to do all the things a younger chick
could do,

It also shows that Pat was having a hard time growing old gracefully. She kept putting herself in harm's way
because she did not want to accept the fact she could not dance the way she use to when she was younger.

She not only was she stubborn but she persisted with her obsession of wanting to dance, no matter what the

consequences would be. She had already experienced a sprained hip, a pulled muscle, torn ligament and
still insisted on dancing.

I think the writer did an excellent job of her representation of an old dancer who wanted to stay in the limelight

for as long as she could. Pat did not want to give up or be replaced. Also her two friends Lornda and Joy

stood as moral support and tried to encourage her never made her give up.

Example "Replace? Don't talk like that, silly girly!"

As I read this story I did a lot reflecting on my own life, and how I sometimes am willing to throw in the towel.

For example my husband told me to give writing a chance and I said I was to old and my time was over.

We could all learn a lesson from this story about perseverance no matter how old you are.

You are only as old as you think you are.

I like the end of the story where the three chicks are collaborating to get their dance routine and be back out

in the lime lights again.

Summary: I like the way the writer wrote a story that has more truth about aging than we want to admit.
I like the humor and the way the writer showed the story instead of telling the story.
I could see and hear the characters conversing and acting with this kind of writing.

I totally enjoyed reading the story and thought it was a very well written story with great word visuals and character interaction.

This just my opinion meant to help and not to harm .

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147
Review of Zen Garden  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
What a beautiful peaceful poem. The first line entices the reader with Breeze wafts gently.

I like the way the writer uses very simple words to a paint lovely word portrait.

These lines: Careful and caring
Warm and gentle hands

I also thought the poem had a waltz like rhythmic flow to it.

I could close my eyes after reading the poem and envision the breeze blowing and see the sand being shifted,

the water trickling quietly tilting and refilling up again.

The writer has achieved a relaxing sound effect with their choice of words

Summary:I enjoyed reading this poem, and I thought it had a lot appeal and vivid word imagery in such simple,
but peaceful and effective word choices. All you have to do is listen to the poem talk to your senses.
I could not find anything I did not like.

This is just my opinion meant to help and not to harm the writer.


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148
Review of Revelation  
In affiliation with Two-in-One Poetry Contest Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Ken the first line enticed me to read more of the poem.

It’s said that love has magic powers,

This poem has a lovely rhythmic flow to it and the word imagery is magical.

The poem itself is hauntingly beautiful.

I especially like he way you describe how your life was grey which to me would mean lifeless.

And how colors swirled around you illuminated your life.

I also felt the emotional projection in your writing for what seemed to be a lost love.

I really enjoyed reading this poem it was like a fairy tale of love.


Summary: I liked everything about this poem, lovely word imagery, emotional feelings and ryhtm of flow
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149
Review of Those Eyes  
In affiliation with Two-in-One Poetry Contest Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I love your first line: I was only five when my first love came. It makes the reader want to know who is your first love.

As soon as I read it was a puppy, that was your first love. I knew I was in for treat reading your story.
.
I am a great lover of animals, so I can totally relate to pets adding so much love and companionship to a home

As I read your poem you remind me of the two cats, that I have Buddy and Mimi and how I could not get along

without them.

I like the way you share your devotion and commitment to Tim, even though he is not the cute cuddly puppy, anymore.

He has still your boy, your grown up boy with those big brown eyes, that started the love relationship from the

beginning.

Also how he has been a loyal and loving companion to you.

Summary: I like the poem's light and airy attitude about the love of two friends The writer and her dog,.
I like the way the writer describes her puppy with big brown eyes. Those eyes!
I enjoyed reading the poem and thought it was a very well written poem.


These are only my opinions and meant to help not to injure the writer
150
150
Review of Sylvia  
In affiliation with Two-in-One Poetry Contest Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
First I want to say that this review is meant to help and not to harm and it is only my opinion.

I am going to make some suggestions so please do not be offended as these are only suggestions.

After reading the poem I felt it could be less wordy and still have the same emotional effect.

Some changes that may or may not help the writer.

Slowly, I sip the tangy liquid
That makes me so feel good
I reminisce on her beauty
I see her in a light pink dress.
Silk hair falling on her shoulders
I see her crystal blue eyes.
Piercing through my soul
She was the love of my life.
I can't believe that she would cheat on me (leave this line out let the reader imagine it)


As she started to fade away,
I screamed as loud as I could.
A shiver passed through my whole body.
Suddenly, her image turned into a man. (with wrinkles, who had surely seen his day.) leave this out.
He looked dark and mysterious as he said,
"It is time,"



I looked at him in bewilderment.
His eyes had the same feelings, as mine (I would leave this line let the reader come to their own conclusions)
I took one step closer to him.
We both took a deep breath
I felt him enter my body.
As I fell to my death,
I whispered,
"Sylvia".

Summary: I think this poem has a lot of potential but it needs to be worked out
I think the writer has great word imagery and emotional projection
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