I liked this. It ended abruptly, but I still liked it. I liked your characters and the scenery, but shouldn't "in" be "on" in this sentence: "After a while they both sat down in a fallen log and she laid her head on his shoulder and sighed softly." Still a good job overall.
So far I like this story' I just hope that I'll be able to get through all 27 chapters. All of your characters are life-like which is a good start to me.
After reading "Summertime" first, let me just say that "coming from someone who writes as well as you," It is an honour to be rated that highly on my poem: "Waters of Colors". I especially liked your first and second sentences:
"The tall grass carpeting the field ripples in the breeze like waves on the ocean. The swiftness of the wind relieves the heat of summer, a hint of rain in its fragrance."
This is very vivid, very good, and "do I dare say true".
I'm not being cruel, but no you have not interest me in this story. For one the charactors are dull. You also have some spelling and punctuation mistakes which doesn't really affect the story all that much, but the characters need work done on them to make them more life like, attractive, and desirable. This is not to discourage you from continuing your story. Maybe someone else will see what I missed.
Jesus and Jehovah God is the answer! I'm glad you found them, and isn't it wonderful how God can fix our broken lives, accepts us, and treats us as if we never committed sin once we repent and turn from our bad ways. Very powerful poem, words, and inspiration.
May God protect and keep you and all those fighting in this heinous war. I liked your poem, and it's a pleasure to talk to someone fighting in Irag, but I have one small question: What is the "Iron Bird"? I understood it to be a missile of some type, but you said that "its presence means so much," so then I figured why would a "missile" mean so much especially if it's enemy fire. If you're not too busy, would you explain what the "Iron Bird" is?
I feel for the friend from the broken home, but it's nice that he had a good friend like that one. If these were characters, you made them you gave life, a voice, and feelings. Good Work! Write On!
I like this poem and I love your beginning:As thunder roas across the sky," but I was looking for a more profound or spectacular ending than "I think of you as days go by." This phase does rhyme with the first line, but I think it's a little inappropitate for such a nice beginnning. Also if you put your poem in paragraphs, it will be easier to read and look better on the page. For example,
As thunder roar across the sky,
I think of you as days go by.
To some they think I will forget,
but in my mind I do regret. etc
In addition, the line "I think of you when I am lost, and soon in time i'm found." I like the line, but it doesn't rhyme and "i" should be capitalized. Other than that this is a beautiful poem. Beautiful words, nice imagery, and full of love.
Happy Writing!
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