I liked this because of the love that the two people shared. I love poems, prose or works that talk about love and yours did just that. The only problem that I had with this work is that you didn't allow the boyfriend to show more of his feelings other than holding her face in his hands, he didn't express enough of his feelings. It kinda made the girlfriend look like most of the love in the relationship comes from her expressing it, but I still think you did a good job in writing this poem and it gave me an idea of how prose is to be written. I tried my hand at writing prose, but someone R&R me and said it wasn't prose, so I'm still learning how to write it. Good Job.
I loved your story. Those are such wonderful memories and you're a good writer. I hope when it's time for me to write a long story that I'll be able to put my thoughts on paper as well as you have. You also gave me a word to add to my vocabulary: "reverie."
I also loved hearing about your life in Cameroon. Maybe one day I'll get a chance to visit there. Thank you for a warm and wonderful story evcn if it's fiction.
This is a very emotional poem and the feelings of hopelessness came through. Beautiful writing. I say this is about your parents if it is and if these are not characters I hope things get better bewteen you two.
That was a beautiful story and testimony and it cheered my heart to hear how you gave help to this woman because Jehovah says "It's better to give than receive."
I'm never thrilled to rate and review good works because I think that I'll not give it a good enough R&R, but I'll try. The words to this song are very universal and very compassionant. Your imagery is very good, the rhyme excellent, and my best part was the bridge.
Sometimes I feel the same way - just want to leave and start walking and never return. Very strong feelings in this poem. Your rhyme is good too. Nowadays though it's a little risky to just go wondering off because there are a lot of unkind people out there, but this poem does make its point.
I liked your honesty and courage in letting the reader know how important it is to be honest in reviewing someone's work. Being honest is what helps us to improve and like you said, even is the person is mean, this somehow helps us to find out what we need to improve. I don't think it's pathetic at all to wait on a response for your work; I think we all do this.
I liked your rhyme and your thoughts in this poem. It's also inspirational because it inspires us to be honest in our R&R of other's work and it also inspires us to look for ways to improve on our own writing. This really is a very nice poem; the only thing I saw that needed a little work was some of the puncuation and capitalizaton. For example,
Waiting for a response as
pathetic as it may seem, but
as an artist it's what keeps me going
whether you're thankful or mean.
If thankful, I'm thankful that you're thankful.
If mean, I search for mistakes.
Not just to make sure my bank's full,
but so that I can create.
A poem that's better the next time,
I reach for my keyboard or pen
and so there's never a best rhyme,
just better myself 'til the end.
So please be open and honest,
as I will try to for you because
changes you know come upon us
when we are open and true.
some of the senteces should carry over without being captalized, but I'm not really sure. Are the words at the beginning of each new sentence capitalized? Anyway, I think you done a very good job in writing this and it certainly helped me to see how important it is to be honest in reviewing.
I loved your poem. It was very nicely written
and has very good rhyme. It speaks of loving someone
and that love can be felt. Your words and feelings are very profound in this poem. Good Job. Can I make a small suggestion and it's just a suggestion. If you format your poem in a similar format to the one below, it might make it a little easier to read. I didn't have any problems reading it or how it looks in this format, but some of the other readers might, but it is still a very powerful poem for a newbie.
Write On!!
What are you to do
when your heart falls
for someone new?
Do you stay with the old or
flow with the new?
What I'm I to do
when I'm lost in a world
that belongs to you?
It's a puzzle. It's a maze.
It's something different
for the phaze.
Unknown to the world and what
lies deep within your heart.
Unknown to you a similar story
of the sort. I just sit and ponder
while my feelings for you grow fonder.
With every passing day and each passing night.
I pray for courage and I pray for might.
That one day I can stand up to you
and I'll know just what to do.
I'll look you in the eye...
"I'm falling in Love with You!"
I liked your poem; it has good rhyme, but in all honesty, it was too sad and a little scary.You didn't let up at all, but that's what writing is about. We write about what we're feeling which makes it work.
Nice job!! Happy Writing!
Very good! Your "i's" should be capitalized and 'fer" should be "few" other than that, you've done a good job. This story was very suspenseful. It keeps one on the edge of his or her seat. Very good imangination. Who would have thought "all of that fear and plan of escape only to be shot" over loosing a game of paintball. I had to laugh, if that's alright that your friends went that far. Very good!
You are a very good writer. I enjoyed this story. I could feel the woman's sadness in your words. She's been throulg a lot, but I admire her bravery for not gving up on life and those who need her. I thought her daughters were a little selfish, however, wanting her to stasy in a marrigage that no longer had any love to it, but for their sakes, she did do the right thing. I also thought that your ending could have been a bit more resolved. You left us hanging a little bit. Nonetheless, very good writing!
Very good! I hope you make it out from the wolves or any trappings in your life that you might be in. Oh wait! I think you're pulling our leg. You couldn't be happier in your life. Right? Anyway loved your story. What will the mercifuless wolves do in the morning if you're still there? I mean the way they stood waiting for the panicky deer showing no mercy and then more leisurely strides from the forest, what will they do to you if you're still there in the morning? I hope you make it out. Very good writing!
Wow! if I could write like this I'd be one happy woman. Very lovely story and nicely written. Your characters couldn't have been more real than if they were standing right before me. Your imagery was very good everything was seen from the sand on the beach to policeman's car. The love that "Dan" has for this girl is remarkable. I only wish that she wasn't so insecure because she might not make it back to Dan one of these days. What can I say? This is very, very good writting and a well written story.
I found one spelling error and maybe a couple of puncuation errors with "i", but other than that this
poem is very good, I liked the rhyme flow as well as the thoughts. It had a lot of feeling and you sound like you're still in love. You tried to hide it, but it's there. Good Job!
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.24 seconds at 4:37pm on May 05, 2024 via server web2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
