This poem had a lot to say in just a few words. Your feelings came through with flying colors. I felt the sincerity of your words. The was strong. I especially loved the first three lines:
wish I could see the sky
But the only place I can find it
Is hidden in your eyes.
I almost got lost and raptured in the love.
This poem sounds like someone who is just telling the person how he or she feels. Your first of stanza one captures your description of this poem, but in all honesty it sounds like another beautiful love poem.
One small suggestion, lines 2, 5, and 6 of stanza one should be small case I believe, also in stanza two lines 2, and 4 should be small case. Other than that this poem is a winner. Keep Writing!
This is very good. It sounds so truthful. your rhyme is very good. The words:
You're the guy who is there, by my side.
You're the guy who cares if I die.
helps the reader to believe that this guy really loves you and it also helps to keep the reader's attention on the love that you're expressing for this guy. Very nice. Happy Writing.
I liked this poem. It was very emotional, but it has character. The part about: "Hope so frail, The wind blows away," shoulds how little chance there is for this love to be, yet you gave us hope with: Hope so insane,So in Love I still believe,"
but then our hopes are dashed again with: "And now mountains I could build, With the pain that I receive," for some reason the lines "Hope so insane,
So in Love I still believe," keeps hope alive.
I thought this poem had feeling and heart. I liked the way that you descriped your tears: "acid" and how they burned to your soul. In stanzs eight I think that you should elaborate some after saying that "now is my turn to hurt you." This is just a suggestion, but I think that it would make your point more clearer.
Overall, this is a very nice poem from the heart.
Happy writing!
I like the thought behind your poem. The imagery is very good about the night and the stars. I liked stanza two and your saying how "looking at the night sky makes you happy and all bad thoughts go away," however, and not to be critical, in all of your stanzas at the beginning of some of the sentences, some of the words should be small case, but you made them capital letters. Also some of your sentences are runs and should connect to each other with a comma. Other than that I liked this poem, you did a good job for it being your first poem. It has feeling and makes one see the beautiful night sky and beautiful stars.
You did a very good job in describing the end of time. We are living in the end times. I'm glad to be a part of Bible fullfillment. Thank you for sharing this and the inspiration. Every stanza was truth and beautifully described. Happy Writing!
I like this so far. If you write more please e-mail and let me know. You have very good imagery. Your imagery breaths life in this story. Your description of the wind and how it pushes across the lake is so life-like. I also liked your description of the chimes - their sound could be heard alone with the birds chriping. I could smell the stawberries and see the fruit flys buzzing around them and your shooing them away help to give realisim to this work. Very good.
Sounds like me at one time. Your thoughts are good when you don't have anything to write. Feelings was in this and it's very universal in that I'm sure this will speak to others as it did me.
Very unique, very good and gives one an idea of what to look forwrd to here at writing.com and this item also helps the writer to see how his or her creativity has no bounderies. Happy Writing.
I never been to prison, but this sounded like truth of someone who had been imprisoned and felt worthless because of the wrong committed and then being imprisoned. You gave a vivid description of the cell, the wall, and the worthless soul of the person.
Very universal, I think a lot of us can relate to this. Some people are like that. Very original. Straight talk, you pulled no punches, you told it just like it is. Happy writing. Very good.
This was very good. You described your emotions well in terms of the rain and the soul. Rainy days can make us feel a little blue, so I would assume that rain in this item is compared to feeling blue. I don't know why your friend felt that your poems aren't descriptive enough that's an area that I'm trying to improve on, but you did very well with this item.
Your description of the rain drops was very life-like especially the one that snucked in (the big coward).
I liked your story very much. Milly is a delight, but I think that you should change your "font" color. I had a hard time seeing the words on the page in this color and I'm sure others will too, nonetheless, reading about the "crappie and bluegill" reminded me of when my aunt and her husband used to go fishing which was everyday. They would always come back with what seemed liked hundreds of bluegills and crappies. My aunt would give some to mother who would clean and fry them. She showed us how to pick the bones out and after awhile we got good at it. They were delicious right out of the frying pan.
Very heart-warming story. Good imagery as well.
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