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 |  Thoughts and deeds taking me on my path toward insanity. |
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** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Please visit me for updates on the Myth to Life series as well as other writings, don't forget to leave a message in the guestbook, and join the site at: http://www.eairwin.webs.com I would love to hear from you! |
~ Quote of the Day ~ "It is by acts and not by ideas that people live." - Anatole France (1844 - 1924) Hi people: Well, I think I shed my pity-party for the moment while I dip and swirl.  I took my own advice and got to work on creating something useful. And here's the great part - nothing benefits me!I have created a new Halloween cNote collection. ALL proceeds benefit the A-1 Writing Academy. If you have a moment and a few extra gps hanging around your port, why not take a trip through my Halloween Wishes and send someone a nice greeting. Thanks for all your help. I know the Academy will appreciate your support. Ta and peace, P
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~ Quote of the Day ~ "Of one thing I am certain, the body is not the measure of healing - peace is the measure." ~ George Melton Hello everyone; Again I know I'm only speaking to myself here. I'm still swirling in my head but thankfully attached to the earth by some unknown tether. At least I can walk around now and complain while the earth continues to spin. Not a very gracious attitude I'm afraid. But, I'm really trying to remain positive as one more thing goes wrong in the old bod. This week I've watched my blonde hair fly through the air with the greatest of ease as I brush or blow dry. Seems I'm molting.Things could be far worse for me, of this I'm certain. So I do say that prayer of thanksgiving, knowing that there are so many out there who have it far worse medically or emotionally than I ever could. Here's to all those who continually suffer. May their lives be made better by someone intervening, or maybe just receiving an offered hand to hold while they stay the ragged course set before them. Encourage someone today, give them a smile - you never know when it will be their last day or the last thing they see. Sounds morbid but it's true. I will admit the past months and weeks life has been more than a little ragged around the edges. And frankly, I think I've drawn blood from some of the pointy aspects of my person. But life continues despite where I find myself or possible injury. For those who suffer from depression, you will understand. For those who don't, say a prayer of thanksgiving. So, as I find my way back to the land of writing and communicating, spinning as I type, I'll leave you with these tunes. Keep smiling, keep laughing, keep telling people you care. It may be the only words of happiness they hear. I'm off to find the road less traveled. Take care. Ta and peace, P Keep smiling http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oIcFgl6zf3A&mode=related&search=Music And for all of you who need a little encouragement to take back you life. Here's an older song. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dyDecyCCTVM&mode=related&search=Bon%20Jovi-It%27s... It's My Life Crush, 2000 This ain't a song for the broken-hearted No silent prayer for the faith-departed I ain't gonna be just a face in the crowd You're gonna hear my voice When I shout it out loud It's my life It's now or never I ain't gonna live forever I just want to live while I'm alive (It's my life) My heart is like an open highway Like Frankie said I did it my way I just wanna live while I'm alive It's my life This is for the ones who stood their ground For Tommy and Gina who never backed down Tomorrow's getting harder make no mistake Luck ain't even lucky Got to make your own breaks It's my life And it's now or never I ain't gonna live forever I just want to live while I'm alive (It's my life) My heart is like an open highway Like Frankie said I did it my way I just want to live while I'm alive 'Cause it's my life Better stand tall when they're calling you out Don't bend, don't break, baby, don't back down It's my life And it's now or never 'Cause I ain't gonna live forever I just want to live while I'm alive (It's my life) My heart is like an open highway Like Frankie said I did it my way I just want to live while I'm alive It's my life And it's now or never 'Cause I ain't gonna live forever I just want to live while I'm alive (It's my life) My heart is like an open highway Like Frankie said I did it my way I just want to live while I'm alive 'Cause it's my life! written by: Bon Jovi/Sambora Here is a wonderful poem Linda shared with me. Sorry it's late coming to all of you. We all find our peace, and like me, the sea is often where she seeks it. Thank you, Linda.
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~ Quote of the Day ~ "I am still determined to be cheerful and happy, in whatever situation I may be; for I have also learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumstances." ~ Martha Washington (1732 - 1802) Hello everyone; I've been really sick since I came home from my mini vacation to the coast. Had three attacks of vertigo, rendering me more useless than usual. Hopefully I'm on the mend and will be back soon with my winning personality and odd thoughts.  Thank you to the few who e-mailed me to ask where I was and how I was doing. In the immortal words of Eeyore, "Thanks for noticin'." In the meantime, I put a few photos of my trips this year into an album so I could share some of my adventures through film. I hope you enjoy some of them.
Oh, and I couldn't resist a bit of decoration for the old blog. My friend, Scott, occasionally calls me Martha Stewart on crack. At least I haven't been arrested yet, even though I wonder about my development.  Ta for a bit. The candelabrum is making me dizzy. P |
~ Quote of the Day ~ "Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved." |
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ~ Quote of the Day ~ “'Wouldst thou' - so the helmsman answered, 'Learn the secret of the sea? Only those who brave its dangers Comprehend its mystery!'” - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow Hello all; Thursday, I'll again set my course toward a vast ocean. For several days this will be my last chance to witness the granduer and majesty of the ocean beating with timeless waves against the bedrock upon which I stand. I truly love the sea. To me there is no greater moment than standing on a rocky shore overlooking a churning and mighty body of water, which at times is gentle as it laps a sandy shoreline, or turbulent as it makes its statement pummeling the rocks with unrelenting and powerful, unrestrained waves. This time, I go to sit at its side and gaze upon the wonder God has allowed me to see. Perhaps I'll take my sketchbook along with my camera and attempt to capture that bit of the intangible known as nature through God. Or, perhaps I'll just sit and allow the waves to dance upon my spirit and heal what medicine can't. The sea offers that spot for me, as trees and deserts offer comfort and majesty to others. It will be a time for reflection and preparation as I head toward the unknown of life in the hands of doctors. Though I find peace where I am, the sea just lets me know there is something far greater out there than I could ever imagine, and the One who set the seas in motion, also holds me in the palm of His hand. I wrote this song several years ago. Thoughts of my grandfather swirled through my mind when I wrote, rememberances of him sitting in front of the television so long ago, watching an Irish tenor singing of his homeland on the Lawrence Welk Show. I will never forget this proud man sitting there with tears streaming down his face while listening to a part of his heart-song that he'd left behind in a land across a mighty ocean. I share the song with you as I prepare to leave ... a part of me, like parts of my grandparents, whose song reaches back across the sea to find what gave them the strength and courage to sail through uncharted life. I love and miss you, John and Emma. Peace, P Am I Too Late Verse Deep inside the corners of my heart lies a piece I often hide beneath my soul, fearing exposure to the light of life will make the colors fade from this ever growing portrait of my dreams. For I am not as once I used to be, like the many who have left with all you dreams wanting a better way in life, hoping that they’ll find other memories than the laughter and the love they left behind. Chorus Am I too late to come back to your shore? The arms that waited once for me now caress the evening star. Am I too late? I hear the piper’s tune, it haunts me day and night drawing life from this heart of mine. Verse Time erased some hurting of their hearts, but the pieces they hid well beneath their souls, never to see the light of life buried e’er so deep from reality, only to be seen within the realm of sleep. The visions of the past I cannot see, nor the knowledge of the life once lived for me, but seeing my life through misted eyes of travelers long ago makes my spirit ache for a land I’ve always loved, but never known. Bridge I’ve sung your songs, I’ve told your tales, I let my breath beat out the cadence as you danced upon my heart, I’ve cried the tears, they’re silver drops of dew rising from the grassy mounds of all the people that I loved. Second Chorus Am I too late? I’ve seen and felt much more, my arms are heavy with this love, all the pieces of their hearts. Come lay me down, my box will set me free, Come lay it in the ground, Scatter love from this heart of mine. Am I too late? I’ve come back to your shores, joined arms that waited once for me, we now caress the evening stars. Am I too late? I heard the piper’s tune, no longer haunts my nights, it drew its life from this heart of mine. It drew my life… Their sacrifice… From a land I’ve always loved, but never known. © Copyright 2006 P Matthews (UN: pmatthews at Writing.Com). All rights reserved. P Matthews has granted Writing.Com, its affiliates and syndicates non-exclusive rights to display this work. |
~ Quote of the Day ~ "Every artist dips his brush in his own soul, and paints his own nature into his pictures." - Henry Ward Beecher (1813 - 1887), Proverbs from Plymouth Pulpit, 1887 Hi; The past three days, I've spent almost eight or nine hours a day scraping woodwork in my hallway. Yes, Little House in the Valley is getting a bit of a touch up. Long time coming for the old girl. Since I'm not doing the chemical stripping, I'm doing it the old fashioned way by hand scraping the old oil paint down to the wood so I can sand, and then refinish with something new. I think once I get most of the old oil paint off I can do a bit of non-smelly stripping product to get into all the nooks and cranies that old houses are famous for. Since there was a bit of damage to the hall ceiling due to a leaky pipe, I need to replaster that as well. Since I'm not Bob Vila, I'll have to do a little magic with paint and such to make it somewhat okay. As I sat among all the paint chips and stared at the ceiling, I thought maybe I could paint a cloud scene there since I love clouds. I love chasing storms to take pictures of clouds. I digress. Anyway, since I'm into the project now, I thought I'd put a few of my original oils here to show you what the clouds or maybe a mural might look like. Ive never done a mural, but hey, it's just like a huge canvas and I passed a perspectives class so I might give it a try. The photos aren't the best and don't show the colors off that clearly, but you'll get an idea of another thing I do in my spare time. Ha! As if I had a lot of spare time. Being off work doesn't mean life isn't there slamming you in the face every day. But, hey it's the only one I've got. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Hope all of you have a great day. I'm surviving ... just. Ta and peace for today, P |
~ Quote of the Day ~ "A story without an author is not worth listening to." ~ Celtic Proverb Hello everyone; I know, still talking to myself. It’s been about a week since the Highland Games last Saturday. I have to admit the day was wonderful, in the high eighties degree-wise instead of the unbearably hot 100+ degree days we’ve been enduring for the past three months. So, off we trotted, the Matthews clan (we are Irwins and Wrights, my nephew a White), to the games. This year they were held in town instead of at a ranch about half an hour outside of town, so we didn’t have to travel. It was funny when we drove into Roeding Park and stopped at the booth to pay for parking. The attendant looked at us and smiled as my sister showed him her pass and asked where the games were located in the park. He laughed as he handed back the pass, stating that all we had to do was find the other redheads in the park and follow them. The attendant was a lovely shade of ebony, my sister and mother are redheads, while I, blonde to the max sat in the backseat with my brown-haired nephew. We found the redheads, blondes, brunettes, a good portion of them in kilts, wandering through the gates and left my mother and nephew to wait while my sister and I parked almost at the entrance of the park and hiked back glad it wasn’t 100+ degrees. Once inside we milled through stalls filled with swords and shiny cutlery (a favorite of mine), jewelry, tartans, a heritage tent where you could check your family tree and clan, kilts, musical instruments, plus anything else you could imagine at a renaissance or Celtic fair. If you’ve never attended a Highland Game, the opening ceremonies are interesting to watch. With Scotland being part of the United Kingdom, you get to not only hear the American National Anthem, but God Save the Queen. My Irish family is from the North of Ireland, also part of the UK, although Ireland is Ireland even though it’s divided. During the ceremonies, the pipers and drummers take the field and play Scotland the Brave while they parade along the green, then the clans follow displaying their clan banners while their clansmen march behind. Once everyone is on the green, they sing the anthems, have opening prayer, and then usually a mock battle to show off the military aspect of the games. Once the games are declared open, everyone splits and goes to various stalls, eateries, stages for music and Highland dances where the dancers are judged on their skill level, or roam from area to area where you can watch the caber toss, hammer throw, a shot put sort of thing that I can’t remember the name of, or just enjoy men and women trying their hand at that type of sport. This year Tempest, a Celtic rock band, was back. They’re great musicians and I’ve heard them several times. If you ever wanted to get up and dance or throw your body around to a beat, they are the band to see. Last time they were at the games I met the founder and his wife and talk with them for a bit. This year I spoke more with his wife so that was fun. I think I’m going to their concert next month when they come back.. I tell you one thing, if they had needed a singer, I would have dropped everything in my life and joined them on their tour and never looked back. Honestly, even with the millions of words I’ve written over the past few years, nothing compares to standing on any sort of stage, opening your mouth, and becoming one with the music as you sing. Throw in an audience when you enter that place no one understands except you and the universe, and it is one thrilling experience. I miss singing with a band. So, we watched the band and other groups, then ate (I even tried Haggis which wasn’t that bad), watched the games, and milled through the booths one more time. Our time came to a close on this year’s games, but not before I bought a t-shirt, something I rarely buy. However, this one had a nice claddagh symbol on it so I put it up to me trying to imagine it fitting, and bought the bloody thing. You guessed it. When I actually tried on the t-shirt, it was too small and I looked like a stuffed sausage with a shaggy blonde end. Such is life. Perhaps it will give me incentive to stay on a diet. Maybe I’ll just hang it in the closet and decide later. That was my day at the games. A wonderful time was had by all and we can’t wait for next year. It takes so little to make me happy these days. Give me a wild Irish tune, a bit to eat, and a man twirling in a kilt and I’m happy to return to my humdrum life until the next time … almost. Ta for now, P http://www.tempestmusic.com/ |
| Hello people; I don’t know who’s out there anymore … perhaps I just talk to the universe. That’s okay, I like space, especially black holes. I think I’ve fallen into a black hole since I seem to have lost a bit of time these days. The only reason I know it’s Thursday now is that I saw an ad that Survivor starts tonight. Yes, you’ve found one of my guilty pleases. I enjoy watching Survivor and love to see the mental games that people start with and how that game changes if the person happens to make it toward the end of the game. Such delightful natures we humans have. I will tell you though that yesterday when I posted my little ditty, that it probably was the highlight of my day. A good portion of the past few days have been rough or extremely off kilter. Monday evening I started writing and finished the project around 3:30am after sitting at my computer for almost 5 hours. When I tried to go to bed, naturally the old insomnia kicked in despite my body craving sleep and almost hallucinating since I’d gone for a long time without sleep on Monday. I finally remember the last time I looked at the clock – 5:15am so I must have dropped into sleep, however I awoke at 7:30am and couldn’t return to the land of Nod. I don’t know which is worse, not sleeping and hallucinating, or only sleeping for two hours and your body considering it a power nap so the rest of the day you’re just into insanity in your head while trying to cope. I will freely admit that the last months being sick have contributed to the non-sleep aspect of my life. Even though I’m exhausted I can’t sleep. This has affected my healing, made it take longer to actually feel better. And I will confess that there have been some nights when my brain has never shut off and I’ve replayed so many things that all I’ve done is sob the night away with my face stuffed into a pillow, while praying that exhaustion from that activity will make me pass out or at least fall into slumber. I truly am looking at self-hypnosis or hypnotherapy to find the key that will shut off my conscious mind so I can find that healing sleep. I’ll let you know if any of that works. I suppose as long as I’m not programmed to squawk like a chicken when I go out in public, hypnosis might be a good thing. Yesterday morning was rough. Dealing with an abundance of real life has a way of affecting you like nothing else in your life. I’m glad that I am able to face all the drama and trauma, but even my strong mind and will apparently have breaking points. While writing, the emotions in me just broke. You have to understand with all of this that I’m not a constant crier so to continually live this has become disconcerting. I sat at my computer while typing and the tears just fell. Lots of tears. Tears with sobbing attached until my body shook with what we writers refer to as ‘her body racked with tears’. There was no control, my body took over for my mind, plummeting me toward a place I seldom go, a place of aloneness with a vast landscape of pain I never want to face. I heard the wailing explode from me as I gasped for air amid the sobs. I felt my body as it rocked against my chair as if my inside child was trying to do the act of a mother by putting me somewhere safe when there were no arms except my own to hug me close. I felt the desolation of spirit as I tried to turn my mind toward something else less traumatic, but the mind has a way of staying where it wants despite whatever effort we use to make it see something different. I was finally able to leave the computer and gather what was left of my senses. I thought cleaning would accomplish something, take my mind to a place where everything could be finished by rote and no cyclic thinking would occur. That’s when I wrote yesterday’s blog. I had been able to rise from the state of desolation and head toward something that didn’t require a brain. The body also has a funny way of going along with your mind. It makes you pay attention when you don’t want to. I had pain strike my heart, I’m sure brought on by the intensity of the crying. Okay, not a good thing considering all that’s happening in the crumbling vessel known as me. I waited the pain out until I knew I wasn’t having a heart attack. Needless to say I didn’t do any more cleaning, so what I did accomplish is now sitting in disarray around my bedroom while I aimlessly walk through the mess, glad I can still notice the untidy side of life. Tuesday I just watched television and gave it up around 6:00 and went to bed. I turned on the television in there for background noise and drifted along in the dark. I think I slept a bit, not quite sure, but the rest of the night I just numbly stared at the television with eyes that felt like someone had poured acid in them from crying so much. Yesterday wasn’t a lot better. Tuesday’s madness had left me pretty exhausted, so I vacuumed the living room, and then sat for the remainder of the day and worked on a cross-stitch project so I would stay away from the computer and everything that would draw me back to that place of anxiety. Today I’m still exhausted, but there have been no tears. I can deal with that. I might even work on the computer later today, but perhaps not. Stories and people will be there when I return, at least I hope they will be there. Why have I said all this? I’m not quite sure. Some days my life mirrors so many out there, some days it is nothing like any one else’s. Perhaps there is someone out there with similar problems and I can let them know that these things in our lives do pass … eventually. All I can say today is hang in there despite the pain and madness, life tomorrow may have that bit of light at the end of the tunnel and it won’t be a train waiting to run you over. I’m looking for a bit of joy in my life today, maybe you can join me and find some as well. I know I’ve rambled today. With hope, tomorrow will bring more concise thoughts. Until then, here’s to living. Whether the days are bright and sunny, or dark and dismal, we still get to participate among the living. There is hope in that. Ta and peace for today, P ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| Hello people; I'm still running around today and will get back to the Highland story of yesterday. I know I've put this song in my blog before, however, since it is my blog I get to run reruns. This song is one of my favorites in that it is just great, wonderful alternative music. Sometimes I just like life loud with a driving drumbeat, a wild chugging guitar with it's occasional licks, and a bass guitar that drives its background beat along my spine like wild things at play. Don't read anything to this entry other than I'm cleaning and singing to music as I accomplish the never-ending mundacity of life. Ta for today, peace for tomorrow. P http://www.mtv.com/overdrive/?artist=1233986&vid=141942 Sweet Sacrifice It's true, we're all a little insane. But it's so clear, Now that I'm unchained. Fear is only in our minds, Taking over all the time. Fear is only in our minds but it's taking over all the time. You poor sweet innocent thing. Dry your eyes and testify. You know you live to break me. Don't deny. Sweet sacrifice. One day I'm gonna forget your name, And one sweet day, you're gonna drown in my lost pain. Fear is only in our minds, Taking over all the time. Fear is only in our minds but it's taking over all the time. You poor sweet innocent thing. Dry your eyes and testify. And oh you love to hate me don't you, honey? I'm your sacrifice. (I dream in darkness I sleep to die, Erase the silence, Erase my life, Our burning ashes Blacken the day, A world of nothingness, Blow me away.) Do you wonder why you hate? Are you still too weak to survive your mistakes? You poor sweet innocent thing. Dry your eyes and testify. You know you live to break me. Don't deny. Sweet sacrifice. *Lyrics by Amy Lee and Terry Balsamo, Published by Professor Screweye Publishing |
~ Quote of the Day ~ "I've arrived at this outermost edge of my life by my own actions. Where I am is thoroughly unacceptable. Therefore, I must stop doing what I've been doing." ~ Alice Koller, An Unknown Woman, 1982 † "The Diary Of Jane" If I had to I would put myself right beside you So let me ask Would you like that? Would you like that? And I don't mind If you say this love is the last time So now I'll ask Do you like that? Do you like that? No! Something's getting in the way. Something's just about to break. I will try to find my place in the diary of Jane. So tell me how it should be. Try to find out what makes you tick. As I lie down Sore and sick. Do you like that? Do you like that? There's a fine line between love and hate. And I don't mind. Just let me say that I like that I like that Something's getting in the way. Something's just about to break. I will try to find my place in the diary of Jane. As I burn another page, As I look the other way. I still try to find my place in the diary of Jane. So tell me how it should be. Desperate, I will crawl Waiting for so long No love, there is no love. Die for anyone What have I become? Something's getting in the way. Something's just about to break. I will try to find my place in the diary of Jane. As I burn another page, As I look the other way. I still try to find my place in the diary of Jane. lyrics and music by Breaking Benjamin - Phobia CD http://www.mtv.com/overdrive/?artist=1231155&vid=97981 Ta for today, P |
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