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 |  Am I supposed to write? |
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** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Documenting the trials and tribulations of sharing my writing. I know it will be a grand adventure. I'm sure I'll get a sore butt from the bumps along the way, but they are just part of the ride. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| Mind out of the gutter everybody. I'm speaking about 8-ball. Few things are as empowering to a female as beating a man at some sort of sport. I become empowered frequently, playing pool on a regular basis and winning rather often. No, I'm not ready to go pro, but I can hold my own. The most fascinating part of playing this game is that most men seem to think woman can't play pool. It is true we weren't born with our own balls or a stick but I have overcome. Of course, the guys don't know this until I beat them. More fellows know me now that I have won a few tournaments and am forced to play in men's divisions for many leagues. However, there are still skeptics. I love to laugh at a guy that has received a warning of my talent but chooses to ignore the advice. "Dude, don't take her for granted. She can play." "Whatever, she's just a girl." "No man, I mean she's got game." "I'll show her game. I overhear this conversation almost every week. Now I can handle criticism. Say I have no stroke. Tell me you don't think I understand shape. Criticize the way I read a table but DON'T tell me you're going to beat me because I am a girl! This is the only motivation I will need to kick your silly, little ass. I'm not the extreme feminist that believes women can do everything as well, if not better, than men. Men have their strengths, we have ours. However, never underestimate me because I don't have balls; especially when I'm holding yours in my hand. |
| I hope this looks happy. I'm in a wonderful mood and I want the font to be as happy as I. I have entered two contests in a short period of time. I'm not bragging about the quality. Read either at your own risk. I am celebrating the deed itself. I actually wrote the stories. I picked a contest, wrote the piece and posted my creations before their deadlines. I forced myself to attempt more humour. I didn't walk away from the challenge. My overall feeling is there are a couple very funny lines in each piece. There may also be some cheese in the stories, but I imagine it will take some time before I can go completely cheese free. Now to Sports... I can't blog on Superbowl Sunday without commenting on the outcome. It is no secret I wanted the Bears to win. To be honest, it was more about hoping Indy wouldn't win and not for reasons you make think. I'm a long time Dan Marino fan. Manning is on a mission to break all Marino's records. Dan never got that SuperBowl ring so I didn't want Manning to have one either. I really shouldn't be worried about them. I sure they aren't thinking about me. |
Tonight this is nothing but a list of things I don't want to carry forward with me into tomorrow. angerguiltfeardoubt.I will take hope and faith with me though. |
| As I cruise the blogs, I search for writing that makes me laugh. The ports that force out a chuckle are saved in my favourites. To a certain degree, these same blogs that put a smile on my face are also a source of frustration. If you knew me, really knew me, you would know my life is very entertaining. I am surrounded by idiots. Not a day goes by without something very gut busting funny happening in my life. Alas, my creative talent fails me because I can never convey the story and maintain it's humour. I imagine writing comedy is somewhat like living it. It comes down to the timing and delivery. Two aspects not easily translated from life to paper, or a port. I've tried to share my funny experiences but the stories sound silly and sometimes dumb. To those of you whom make me laugh with your words, I am jealous and grateful. I hope you keep writing so I may continue to learn and laugh. |
| Like many of us, sometimes I don't take advantage of a good thing when it comes along. I find myself asking how such a smart person can make such silly mistakes? For many reasons, each worthy of their own entry, I have an abundance of time on my hands. The rational, logical, sane side of me recognizes the incredible opportunity that is presenting itself. I've lost count of the times I have claimed "I'd already be famous if I only had more time...". There's an old adage "Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it." Good fortune has come along and slapped me in the face. I can either wallow in the sting of my cheek or take advantage of the fact I've been kissed by kismet. In order to get anything completed, I must make lists. If I don't write it down, it will never get done. Writing and all it encompasses is now at the top of my priorities. I'm keeping myself busy by writing about my writing. It won't make the best seller list but it's a start. |
| My long awaited day off has finally arrived and I sit around doing nothing. It is not for lack of things to do, quite the opposite. I am completely overwhelmed by the enormity of my To Do list. It is easier to do nothing than face the tasks I have neglected. In order to priortize I would have to consider the importance of each item. Here is my dilemma. How do I assign a signifigance to each of these chores? I should clean the house or do laundry. I'd rather read or write but can't do both at the same time. Sitting online and chatting requires the least amount of energy and often pays returns in the form of laughter and inspiration. A walk outdoors would do wonders for my physical self and probably my mental health. This excercise requires I retire my pajamas and put on street clothes. I don't know if I'm ready for that kind of adventure quite yet. Yes, it is classic avoidance. I prefer this term to lazy. Avoidance makes it sound as if it is a legitimate psycholgical impediment. Lazy sounds plain old bad. Indecisive may be the most appropriate description but again, the word is not complimentary. While I suffer this "paralysis by analysis" nothing gets done. Is this the purpose of my day of rest? Perhaps there is value in doing nothing at all. |
| We all have our burdens in life. If you don't have troubles, you aren't experiencing life to the fullest. Problems present themselves to remind us not to take the good times for granted; to appreciate our accomplishments and keep us humble. They are unavoidable. I know all this and still find myself wasting what little free time I have feeling sorry for myself. After the pity party I become angry. Angry that I'm tired and dealing with unreasonabe people. Angry that I let this emotion flow over and rob me of "my time". Once I tame the raging monster, guilt fills my soul. Visions of dirty dishes, a dusty house and piles of laundry haunt me in my sleep. My stomach turns when I think about the numerous things I have ignored in my life over the past month. It's a vicious cycle that wreaks havoc on my body and spirit. Common sense and past experience tell me I will survive. I will conquer my current challenges and move on to something different. The craziness of the past four weeks will become a memory, an accomplishment. My life will slow down and I will be writing again. Because I am evolved and recognize my psychological flaws does not mean I am able control them. My heart and my head do battle every day. The more tired I become the more battles are won by my heart. This is not good nor bad. It is my life. This is acceptance. |
| I cannot imagine what my life would have been like without grandparents. I was fortunate to know my maternal and paternal grandparents as well as a couple great grandmothers. In very different ways, they all contributed something magnificent to my life. My Gram(maternal grandmother) is now my only surviving grandparent. We celebrated her 96th birthday yesterday. For the most part, her life has been grand. She raised five wonderful kids, who have given her even more wonderful grandchildren. In July, she becomes a great grandmother twice over. My sister and my cousin's wife have due dates 4 days apart. I'm rather sad she'll never really know the next generation. Father Time is now demanding payment for the first healthy 93 years she experienced. Her mind and body are failing fast. Spending time with Gram is now an adventure. Conversations are more like a recitation of random thoughts. She has thrown away two hearing aids and won't admit she's deaf. She guesses at what you say and answers appropriately. She believes she is whipering when in reality Gram is yelling in your ear. Her short term memory began to abandon her a year or so ago. Over the course of the evening, we had the same conversation 7 or 8 times. It was marvellous to see her react to the news of becoming a great grandmother, over and over again. Each time with the same excitement she expressed 15 minutes prior. There was also great sadness when she needed reminding that she is not able to walk; over and over again. Amidst her confusion and tears, her random blurts and rehearsed thank-yous, I discovered a jewel. For the sake of one sided conversation, I rambled on about my NaNo. Something about my writing flicked a switch to the on position, inside my gramma's head. For half an hour we had a lucid and intelligent discussion about writing. It had traces of conversations we had years ago when I still believed I would be a journalist. This was a conversation I never believed I could have with Gram. She has never stopped encouraging me to write. Never. When I completed NaNo, I wanted so badly to share with her. I took comfort in the fact I knew in my heart, she would be proud of me. Last night I received a special gift when I was able to have a conversation with my Gram. It doesn't matter much to me that she may never remember the conversation. It's one I will never forget. |
| It is not that I don't like celebrating the New Year but I do not understand the signifigance of this holiday. Nothing that will rock my world is going to do so overnight. Well, maybe Mother Nature could freak me out but my daily routine will not be altered. (Note to self: remember to change date stamper to '07 2006 was a dreaded year. If pushed, I could say I was celebrating the end of a very trying twelve months except for the fact I don't want to give the negative any more time or attention than I have already spent. A brief scan of my calendar for the next few months does not lead me to believe the start of 2007 is going to be any better. I would like to celebrate a new start on May 4 this year. This date is far more significant to me than January 1. I'm living in the middle of chaos right now. Today is absolutely no different than yesterday and will probably be no different than tomorrow. I like to celebrate the accomplishment of a goal. I welcome new challenges. Buying a new calendar fits in neither category. Today I choose to celebrate today. |
| It is not that I don't like celebrating the New Year but I do not understand the signifigance of this holiday. Nothing that will rock my world is going to do so overnight. Well, maybe Mother Nature could freak me out but my daily routine will not be altered. (Note to self: remember to change date stamper to '07 2006 was a dreaded year. If pushed, I could say I was celebrating the end of a very trying twelve months except for the fact I don't want to give the negative any more time or attention than I have already spent. A brief scan of my calendar for the next few months does not lead me to believe the start of 2007 is going to be any better. I would like to celebrate a new start on May 4 this year. This date is far more significant to me than January 1. I'm living in the middle of chaos right now. Today is absolutely no different than yesterday and will probably be no different than tomorrow. I like to celebrate the accomplishment of a goal. I welcome new challenges. Buying a new calendar fits in neither category. Today I choose to celebrate today. |
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