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 |  yes... I'm addicted. |
Another day another blog... I ran out of space in the other one right when I was gonna reveal the meaning of life...and now, I've forgotten what it was...so I need another blog to figure it all out... love you all   If you REALLY need to catch up on the rest of my life darlings... it's here... (well not REALLY the rest of my life, but a smidgen of my existence taken at brief intervals)
new journal
Jaren is Avarielle   made this painting for me...** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| people say they get high off love... that buzzing that goes around your heart when you've connected to someone... it's a good feeling... when it's that romantic love it's more intense... and scary... I like calm... I think most people love to be in love... not me... I've written about this before... I was talking to someone about the all-consuming romantic love for someone where you'd actually 'die' on someone else's behalf... I have to say...nope... can do without that... I'll write about and even 'feel' it through my characters but actually 'die' for someone... I'd pass... except my kids... for them I'd fight to the death for them... for my spouse, who I love and adore... he's kick-ass strong... he can take care of himself... although... I suppose... given the choice my life or his... I'd give him his... he's such a stud.  |
| if you can take hold of something you've been called as a 'so-called' insult and make it your own... it's no longer powerful... *shrugs* it becomes a part of your persona... I remember their was a group of women who called themselves "CUNT" and they made it into an acronym to mean something different... lol..can't remember what it was...but it WAS positive. one word I've been called is a bitch... now I could say yeah that's who I am... but in fact, I know it's not what I am so it means nothing... some people LIKE being called a bitch... could care either way... some things I've been called by others (that I remember) Intelligent Sexy Beautiful Intellectual Creative Inspiring Forminable Intimidating Funny Direct Honest Full of energy Good hearted Awesome Passionate Lesbian It's funny the negative words(in their minds) have obviously come from people who were angry or pissed at me ... more a reflection of them and their lack of maturity... sort of like my 6 year old when he calls people a 'stinky poo head'... now THAT'S an insult... |
| The crazies and/or black sheep in my family are more interesting to me than the normal and wonderful people in my family and yeaaahhhh I know it says something about me *shrugs* so be it... My Grandmother on my father's side had a brother who ended up in an asylum because he tried to kill his wife with an axe. She used to go visit him every Sunday without fail... just one of those black sheep... funny how they don't seem so black when you get it out in the open... |
| bizarre place this world... sometimes you think you have it down... and well the majority of the time you watch it twirl around in lights of dissatisfaction which, because of movement, becomes a glowing glob of dysfunction...but it allll seems okay...because it's moving... it might not be going anywhere... but it's moving... and then it settles... and disperses around you... you try to catch some of those miniscule orbs that make up the whole... but when you open your hand allll that is left is spent fairy dust... now that was sort of fun... and thank you WDC friend for inspiring my madness.... |
| man I'm tired... I just want to be settled and quiet for awhile and take allllooonnnnnggg nap...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz soooo I'm going to miss my cubicle buddies... I get to share an office when another attorney... I've been reviewing his work... *sigh* he's a great guy but has something to be desired about consistency in his work product... I know... I know....zzzzzzzzz I've been working on this lesbian fantasy *watches ears go erect with anticipation* yeah yeah... I'll make it public IF I ever finish it... but it'll probably be lacking in some erotica... haven't slept with a woman before....soooo not sure how good I can fake it... but I can still do relationship tension... |
| A mother with blonde hair pulled up in a bun, a typical harried mother and her son were in the Bagel shop... I was behind them getting a morning poppy seed bagel with light cream cheese... Her son wobbling a bit on his feet was staring me with the nicest smile... actually looked allot like her mother... we had the following conversation... Me: "How old is he?" Her:"18 months." Me: "I have a three...no four month old at home. lol... time goes so fast." Her: "Congratulations! You look good... not tired at all." Me: "All smoke and mirrors." Her: LOL... Me: *leans down at eye level to the boy* "Now, you stay walking...nooooo running." Her: lol... Me: "Yeah....sooon you'lll be running right into the street... and giving mom a heart attack... I've got three at home..." Her: "My Mom had five kids... I was the last... twelve years apart... but I really don't know how she did it." Me: Yeah... I'm at the point where I'm not sure if I'm gonna loose count. At least I've got one immobile one... but she's the one I'm afraid I'm going to forget one of them... you know?... can't really remember...she's the 'new' one. |
I've been thinking about trying to be more of who I am... and to that end, it's important to reach out to those who might need a helping hand... I once sat on the sidewalk and talked to a homeless man for 30 minutes or so... this happened awhile back... he tried to pick me up... but the point was it was just 'time' I needed to exchange with this guy... and he appreciated...no money...just a matter of making an effortin order to return to that point I need to be willing to open up my heart to people and not expect anything in return. I think the world has become full of sooooo much fear and anger, that we forget what are the finer things of being human. Love is often attributed to mushy gushy things, but in fact the more you spread it around the better everyone is... so anyway, a new image to go with a reinstated philosopy.... SB Musing  gifted this image to me... the lyrics were added by me... kiyasama is very talented... see her signature at the bottom of the image...check her out.** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| she got while having sex with her boyfriend... funny that... I mean she actually told me that she got rug burns on her knees from having doggie style sex...and not five minutes earlier she was gossiping about a woman we both worked with who told her about a 'merry widow' she'd bought... and that she thought it was funny how people told her this stuff and made her laugh... hypocricy that is... *shrugs* not that I really cared...but it didn't make me want to be her friend...because frankly... I wouldn't be able to trust her. I've never trusted people that ridicule mutual friends... not merely acquaintances but actually friends. Actually in general I'm not into ridicule of anyone behind their back... I think it's wrong somehow... well except IF they're people in power then ridicule as much as you like... also ridicule in their face so at least the person has a chance to defend themselves... but again...not really my style... I'ld rather ridicule the absuridites in life... lots of THAT going aroud... like the fact there weren't any 'terrorists' in Iraq until we went to war with them to actually rid the country of non-existent terrorists... like the fact that we were soooo focused on WMD in Iraq that really didn't have the capabilities to create such excepet maybe some biological weapon... that other countries such as N. KOrea and Iran were going out having loads of fun trying and actually succeeding in creating Nuclear weapons... like the fact, that everyone went after Clinton for not stopping the terrorists before 9/11 when in fact he bombed Afganistan to try to catch Osama with out luck... but he was accused of 'wagging' the dog to divert attention from the sex/plagerism scandal... anyway... politics are pretty absurd... sure power corrupts... but it doesn't ' corrupt absolutely' unless we give our leaders 'absolute power' like say BUSH???? He continually uses 9/11 to chip away at our freedoms and of course the irony with that is he can say "welllll look...nothing has happened since 9/11...and we all have the fear of hell in us so we think 'yeah' that's true...lets let the guy be a 'dictator' lets let us alllll be shaking in fear that we might be attacked again...so we'll let the government hold secret trials, interrogate people based on religious preference, and slam our values down other s throats..." Now, I don't know about you...but I remember that's exactly what the founding fathers of this country wrote the Declaration of Independence to be free from and the U.S. Constitution to protect us against from future tyranny... Of course being foreigners... they don't fall under our interpretation of rights...soooo we might as well do what the British did... |
| My Grandfather had cherub cheeks and was completely bald as long as my Mom can remember. She was told he had red hair when he had hair, and in fact, that's where I got my hair color... red hair seems to skip a generation. He worked on construction at the BBC (British Broadcasting Corporation) and was a Union Man... very much a leftist. He was staunchly anti-drink as he'd grown up in a house of alcholics and knew what it could do to a family. It was funny my Mom was very upset because they didn't include me and my sister in their Will. *shrugs* That didn't matter to me... I had good memories of them which made me feel good... not sure 'why' they didn't want to do that... possibly envy...at least that's what my Mom implied... envy of what we had...which was a heck of allot more than a family that grew up in a house of the depression and during WWII. My Mom told me a story about how my Grandfather didn't talk to my Grandmother for a couple of weeks because she spent some money that was suppose to go to bills to buy my Mom a National Geographic subscription. My Mom seemed to be a favorite with my Grandparents, except the fact that she married my Father...but that's another entry. |
| I've decided to write a bit about my family history to remember it all. My grandmother on my mother's side grew up in Ireland for some of her life and then moved to London. From what I remember is my Great Grandmother was a woman who married twice. Her first husband died in WWI. The second husband was a raving wife beater who drank. My Grandmother found my Great Grandmother dead with her head stuck in the oven. Grandma was a small woman with an Irish nose and a forced happiness. She was born on Valentine's day and her first name was Valentine. From my naive perspective as a romantic 12 year old I remember that my Grandmother seemed to love her husband very much. Now I get the sense that he was very much a strong male figure to her very feminine side. They were always very giving when we came over to visit. My mother was afraid of her father growing up. An entry about my Mother's father is my next entry. |
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