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 |  yes... I'm addicted. |
Another day another blog... I ran out of space in the other one right when I was gonna reveal the meaning of life...and now, I've forgotten what it was...so I need another blog to figure it all out... love you all   If you REALLY need to catch up on the rest of my life darlings... it's here... (well not REALLY the rest of my life, but a smidgen of my existence taken at brief intervals)
new journal
Jaren is Avarielle   made this painting for me...** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| Someone just listened... that doesn't happen very often... and they not only just listened they cut to the chase... so to speak... let me see the light and now I'm clear about where I move forward too. I like that... It's strange to think that I inspire ill feelings in people, although I suppose I have my moments of being a bit caustic. *shrugs* I can't help the way people think... that's their perrogative. Relationships are always hard and there are always two people involved. No one is ever to blame for the others 'failings' or even desires... it's just the way of the world. People can't demand to be loved (well my kids can but that's different  ), it's either given freely and/or received freely. Feelings are feelings: you accept them, place them in a safe place if they aren't helping but you can't throttle them into submission... they have a funny way of coming back and biting you on your hiney... |
| I just saw this in the 'product review' page... OMG... this is probably one of the most important books I ever read... next to "Catch 22" "The Magus" by John Fowles... http://www.writing.com/main/product_reviews/action/view/pr_id/108243 If you have any time to read...lol... like I don't.... it's an amazing piece of writing... |
| I've always wondered about the lies we tell ourselves... and others... some people like to lie in order to 'pump' themselves up, make themselves look bigger and brighter because they don't feel good about themselves... it's understandable... I've been known to do it myself when I was younger. NOW, don't really bother... I like to take comments people make and put it in my journal so I can go back and read them later... and say 'yeah' that ain't bad... or a 'feeling' that's good... these are moments which make us see how the outside world views us and how we, ourselves relate to the outside world... the positive aspects of 'who' we are... I don't think I've ever been inclinded to 'curry' favor with others... it's just not in my blood.. in fact it's somewhat distasteful to go out and actually 'seek' compliments and such... why? Because if we do so... if we really try to 'buy' or 'ask' for something that should come naturally... the compliment or attention becomes 'tainted.' . I DO however, try to figure out why I am reacting so strongly to something in order to figure out what's going on inside... for some reason I think it's important for my personal growth... now more than ever... I want to be a person my kids can admire when they grow up... someone who speaks their mind... and does so from a place of love... |
| WHOOOHOOO!!!.. well not really... it was fun... and I really did enjoy reading peoples' blogs and comments made by others... and now for another contest... told someone I'd enter their contest... and yeah I'm working on it... I've got the idea and will see where it goes... we'll also see if any of this poetry writing and/or blogging has improved my storytelling... and BEFORE I forget here's the plug...
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| I seem to be surrounded by wise people... "If someone gives you power, the most powerful thing you can do with that power is not do harm." now if only some people with power would actually live by this rule??? what do you think might happen? |
| Today... we all went outside to do the gardening thing... we dug holes, planted bulbs and trees. It was one of those blessed days... when you accomplish something far removed from internet life and much more in tune to the natural world around us... my spouse kept saying... "You okay? Hard work isn't it?" Sometimes I think he views me differently than I do myself... but then again maybe not... I'm working hard at not giving in to being a stepping stone ever again... but where do you draw the line? What is it that makes people walk across the line of abuse in a friendship and just plain give and take? |
"Invalid Entry"  by objurgateA conflicted vampire... doesn't really want to be obsessed with blood, but can't help it... it's an obsession, a repulsion drawn into themselves so deep that they'd turn to rape... pillage and plunder to taste the succulent cherub virgin neck... okay can't keep that up... not really into vampires... or anything to do with vampires... a genre that's been over done...sort of an excuse for rabid angst ridden teenagers... they'd rather think of themselves as misunderstood than taking stock of who they are and being mature about where they're going... damn I'm getting old... or is it just a general disregard for what I believe is self-pitying sniping for those who have everything but don't really know it... Not that I don't think everyone has pain... sure they do... and write about it... make it public if it'll take you somewhere and make you go somewhere...but don't wallow in it... and write about it so no one can understand what you're getting at... a writer once told me... there should be no difference between writing that's meant for your own personal growth and that which you want to show the world as worthwhile piece of writing... yep... a worthwhile piece of writing... communication is what writing is all about...and if you can't communicate to be understood? what's the point. Of course if you want to write with mystery and be obtuse..write poetry... if you want to write poetry that communicates obviously...write bad poetry... and if you just don't want to communicate...be silent... |
| with someone on this site, which reminded me of my school days. When I was in 6th grade I was part of a popular clique. A cruel group of people, if you ever saw one. They'd pin 'kick me' signs on people and then they'd proceed to really kick them. If you started to cry or back out of the group, they'd tell you you were being too sensitive or not 'cool' enough. I didn't like these people very much. I remember one particular moment when we were playing with some piece of slimey orange and I threatened to throw it at the 'leader' of this clique... she told me "If you do that we will kick you out of the group." I dropped the slimey piece of orange. I regretted not standing up for myself. As time went on I learned to pull away from this group, and finally left them completely behind when I went to high school. In high school I was lucky enough to be with a group who was neither in the 'in' group or 'out' of the group... we played around and kidded around... What makes people keep going back for abuse from the group mentality... people who really wouldn't function like this anywhere else, but on this site? In my conversation, this WDC person basically said that people so want to be a part of a group that they'll take abuse, ridicule etc. I'm curious by this... what makes them want to be part of a crowd that routinely abuses, ridicules and disrespects others and themselves ? I think poking fun at people is fine, if it's done without malice, but when it turns into a 'witch' hunt... you really have to wonder about the people involved. |
| I've been struggling with this issue for awhile... and I don't think I'll ever have it resolved. I tend to stay away from certain individuals, bullies, bigots, egomaniacs and blowhards... They have nothing to say...now people who are friends with these types of individuals have been my friends in the past... there is a saying that 'birds of a feather, flock together' so what do I struggle with? Do I remain friends with people who flock to the people who I consider bullies, bigots, egomaniacs and blowhards? Damn hard to figure out frankly... damn hard... Quite frankly I've turned away from individuals on the internet who are like this... shouldn't I also keep myself away from those types in real life? Am I being too judgmental? Am I passing judgment on people who like others because they meet something in their friendship that I can't see? Damn hard answer... I've also turned away from people who have NOT done me wrong personally, but I've watched them tear into a friend with venom and malice to such a degree that I couldn't imagine they had any redeeming quality... therefore bye bye... see ya later... I value myself too much to bother with such individuals... but am I wrong? |
A couple of people gave me a compliments today, and yesterday and NOOOO it wasn't about my breasts  that I push buttons because I'm confident and push the social envelope... and that means I'm going to get a reaction. Do people tear down people who are confident? WE are a nation of winners, whiners and weiners... Now how's that for alliteration Elisa?We like the winner, but we also like to see them fail... we grab it and slather over it like a group of hyenas... We like to whine that everyone else is to blame for our issues...our problems... it's not Foley who sent dirty emails...it's because he was abused by some clergyman or some sort of nonsense... We are weiners because frankly we have to waggle our large dick in other nations faces so they'll conform to our ideas about democracy and capitalism... Now that was just down right fun... *ponders if she's pushed some buttons* |
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