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 |   New and Improved... but only slightly. |
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THE MANIFESTO REMIX You've been pwn'd by ☡.☠ ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| ... until I get my WdC card from the Story Master & Mistress. Thankee kindly, Story Folk! What the hell! I talk about Starbuck's yesterday and I get a swath of mail telling me I'm a traitor to the cause and should be put to the stake! You should know me by now! I have, what we in the business call, "Ulterior Motives". You see, there's a Kaldi's Coffee on campus and two other university coffee shops that are closed for the holidays. In any event though, I can, every so often, get a free coffee at Starbuck's with a wink and a smile to the lovely ladies that work there. "How you doin', barista? Your cup size looks about venti to me." It's a dangerous game, I understand that, entering a corporate den of greed and convenient service, but for the ladies... I'll play that game... until this happens: [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ADncN9HIa4 I'm off to spend about six hours in front of the TV. I just got both Che Part One & Che Part Two the Steven Soderbergh biopic staring Benicio Del Torro as the Latin American revolutionary hero. There's already a criterion edition out, but I slummed it for the regs. If you haven't seen these movies, I strongly suggest you do. The first part is better than the second part... which is probably what Che was thinking when he was in Bolivia  - revolution humor. [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Fjn4fjGk_4 |
| ... today, when something so shocking happened, I punched the nearest elderly man in the face to be sure I wasn't dreaming. I was sugaring and creaming my coffee like I do when some German bird saddles up near to me. So I scoot over, giving her more room, and what does this lady do? She annexes all of my space! I say, "A German, surely not!" But it was true! Then I had to stand there and watch as she blitzkrieged her whatever with vanilla flavoring. So, I initiated Operation Market Garden, where I advanced on the napkin bunkers in her region, and formed a front I could move forward toward the whole milk. I was taller with longer arms, so I maintained reach superiority. By the time I had muscled my way to the natural, unrefined sugar, I could tell she was demoralized. Besides, there was also a Russian in line behind her... this isn't the first opportunity I've had to use the phrase "I got at her from the front while a Russian did the same from behind" in a blog by the way. That was the highlight of my day. The RAMS won again today! They are undefeated and just keep muscling their way towards... yeah, they pretty much blow donkeys. Brittany Murphy died!?! Really? I mean really, really? |
| ... a word in edgewise!?! Thank you, finally. Late last night after prowling the city for evil-doers, I returned to my Zack Cave and turned on the TV to find that TNT was running The Nativity Story all night long. I don't usually watch Bible movies (cause there will be absolutely no nudity unless it's The Last Temptation of Christ), but there was nothing else on. Besides I'm a sucker for period pieces. I got to thinking though, this is what really holds back the Christian entertainment genre: crappy products. Bible movies are usually low budget and high melodrama that bores easily. What the religious right should do, instead of funding the Republican party and abortion clinic bombers, is make their own Hollywood... HOLY-WOOD. Imagine it, just think of all the converts Christianity would get once they could afford to hire Steven Spielberg to direct! But budgets aren't the only thing holding back Bible entertainment, the stories are so played out! I get it, the seas part, there's a plague, Judas conspires with a Poncho Pilot (poncho flying is another bible miracle), etc. etc. etc. Two words: Re-imagining. Shakespeare's stories have been played out tons of times, but people keep coming back cause they're rethought, and redesigned. Romeo and Juliet in the future? Did it. King Lear in feudal Japan with samurai? Akira Kurosawa's Ran, mugga-bubba. Check it, if this Schlafly1 guy wants to re-edit the Bible to make it more politically appealing to him, then I say you can re-edit Bible movies to make them appeal to more people than just mouth breathers. Maybe Noah had a romantic comedy type adventure on his ark al la Confessions of a Shopaholic, maybe Jesus' 40 days-n-nights in the desert was more a road trip al la Road Trip. But let's face it, what bible movies need most... naked broads. Mary Mags was a hooker (according to men, that type of human that hates any chick in power) so I says she should nakedize. Mother Mary? Why not? She was people too, she had to shower. Jesus had brothers too, and they weren't conceived without doin' it... just saying, I'm trying to save your church, Christians. As for me and my burgeoning Buddhist practice, I want for nothing but my own enlightenment. And this helps: [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KTwpudG4h2Y Was that my enlightenment or insanity I said this furthered?  Footnotes |
| ... to be all up in arms and angry... but I could not care less, and I'll tell you why. There's some story out there about a Texas 4th grader who has been separated from his class cause his hair is too long according to the school's dress code. This is where I'm supposed to say "What! That's ridiculous!" And comment on the story about how the school administrators are "idiots and blah, blah, blah". Two reasons I couldn't care less: First, this is Texas, and who can ever explain what happens down there. They fry the mentally disabled for sport. Second, where the f  k was everyone when I was getting into trouble for ridiculous things!?! If you don't like that school's dress code take the brat to another school. I don't like this idea that kids are always right. They're not, in fact, they're rarely ever right. There's gonna be a whole generation of spoiled Ralphs and Reginas running around who think they can do no wrong cause it was easier for Mom and Dad to reinforce this notion than find a way to punish them. "My kid got in trouble at school!?! No! The school's at fault!" I will not care about this brat and his hair. Not until he can impress me like this kid can. [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bTCzJWrgFbE He's not flubbing lyrics... Jason Mraz is that bad a writer. |
| ... don't appreciate my tale of Italian intrigue. But listen here, missy, Amanda Knox wishes she could have heard this story about dealing with the Italian po-po. Just keep that in mind. For your insolence, I will never tell a story here again. From now on, I will only make observations. Such as... Arthur C. Clark and Philip K. Dick shared today as a birthday... now they share the fiery recesses of hell. This one time, in Baltimore, I got a bad case of the crabs... the vendor had sold them far beyond their expiration date. The Libertarian Party is sort of like Middle Earth, they're both imaginary and there are few minorities. Some broad asks me if I eat healthy, I say, I dunno, are you kosher? I was in the park wondering why a frisbee appears to grow larger as it gets closer, and then it hit me... Did I already do my deja vu observation?  All this observing is making me tired. I don't know the "Man From Nantucket" poem, so why don't one of you teach me. |
| ... my Italian exploits yesterday. I can't remember who brought these world famous tales of intrigue, adventure and naked chicks up, but I will explain how I ended up running from Italian police. Firstly, if you count transit police, then I ran from Italy's finest twice, but no one counts transit police. So we will stick to the meat and beans story, imagine yourself as me (quit feeling yourself up! ), it's 2002 and you're simply awesome...It was fall in Rome, not the fall of Rome, but fall, the season that comes between Summer and Winter. I was with my friends in an Italian Guinness bar, which means 12 Euros a Guinness. We're feeling a bit ripped off, and are seeking to exact some revenge. Truly though, I'm smart-drunk, which means I think I'm impressing the waitress with my broken Spanish/English. A female companion of mine notes that the restroom is unisex and suggests we use use it for what it was intended for - hot, making out. With the Z-Stallion, I always add two bases, so when she says we'll stop at first... I'm stretching it to a triple. In any event, just as we get in, a huge line is forming behind us, and we think better of a prolonged stay in Il Villa Del Urea, but before we go, I can't help but notice a bitching Guinness poster hanging by the mirror. "That's a bitching Guinness poster hanging by the mirror," I says, "unfortunately, it hangs in one of those metal frames that's locked. Woe is me!" My female friend goes to work and RIPS FRAME, POSTER AND A CHUNK OF WALL down then stuffs it up her sweater. We leave the restroom and proceed to walk like only the guilty do, with quick small steps, looking for our friends. Before we could find but a few we hear "Hey" (but in Italian) and book it. Guess who is outside the damned bar? One of the Carabinieri in his Sunday finest. A cop is a cop no matter where you are, and the natural instinct of fleeing when guilty just takes hold. So now we're running at full bore through Piazza Whatever and by the Church of Santa Whoever. Technically, I'm not guilty but by association so I start to pretend like I'm chasing my friend too in the hopes that the police will think I'm kosher (not really, just checking to see if you're still reading). There are all sorts of people around, and eventually one uppity citizen tries to get in our path. It's clear our flight is about over. So my friend, stops, digs the poster out of her shirt and chucks it our pursuers, who are rather close, and a four pointed metal discus could be rather dangerous at close range. I swear though, when the bar guy picked up the poster and started walking back to the bar, the cop just looked confused. I honestly don't think he knew why he was chasing us. It's sad, I can't remember that girls name. Dora? Florence? It was a sort of "old lady's" name. I remember her and Rome well though. The only picture I have of us together is out of focus go figure. She once took a piss in the street behind a vendors stall and bathed in milk cause she ate something spicy... fractured memories, dude, I was drunk a lot. Someday remind me to tell you about my beating up a Parisian pick-pocket, or about hopping Her Majesty's Royal Fences in London. |
| ... turned his house into a Christmas light Guitar Hero and you say "Phewwy"!?! http://news.cnet.com/8301-17852_3-10414561-71.html?tag=mncol;title There's a link with an "embedded" video, Non-believer. Be amazed... be very amazed. I don't know what's most amazing, that this guy built a working video game on the exterior of his house, or that the neighbors are kosher with it. Meh. Way to go Silvio Berlusconi! Not only are you one of, if not the, most corrupt politician in Christendom, but you're also the most randomly face-punched. [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] https://youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v78hZ62_uKE For like the first hour of this story in the US, Berlusconi was listed as the "72 year-old premiere of Italy", then he became the "73 year old prime minister of Italy" later after someone actually looked him up in the "Who's Who of the G20" (he's page 16... of 20). Here's a brief Answers.com quip about him. Nicknamed "The Cavalier," he was known for living lavishly while catering to populist tastes in entertainment, for emphasizing his status as a self-made man and promoting himself unabashedly, and for making outrageous statements, including negative comments about Muslims and positive ones about former Italian dictator Benito Mussolini. I'm going to guess the face-puncher had a gripe about, oh I dunno, the fact that Berlusconi has delayed the trials over corruption charges he faces? Maybe his conflict of interest as PM and a business man? Or maybe Silvio just gave him that "I dare you" look... you know that look. Ever tell you about my trip to Italy? Naples is the Tiajuana of Europe. I outran an Italian cop in Rome too. U - S - A! U - S- A! Come on, frat chant with me! Ah, chi vediamo domani, bella! (that means "deuce and a holla, ho!" in Italian). |
... f king s t, Harold Bell died!Mother... son of a... God... he was the guy who invented Woodsy Owl! Without him, I don't give a hoot and am going to pollute! I've already gone out and intentionally stuck birds heads in six-pack rings. Where will it end! Who is Woodsy Owl you ask!?! He's an Owl out to stop polluters with an AK-47 and a hat full of love. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** The modern Woodsy looks like a suburban tool... but back in the day he was a mean SOB, trust me... he killed my father for pouring used oil in a city sewer. Vendetta! Kåre Enga going to Montana  has suggested I embed polls here in the Remix. I think that's a good idea, but I am not self serving, oh no, never, not me, I serve the people... you   ( I drew that for you in my Lisa Frank notebook). So before I ever post a poll in this blog, I am going to post a poll polling to see if posting polls is probably predictably necessary. Everybody, smoke my poll: |
| ... I'm behind again on mail and reading, but it wouldn't be a Saturday (at least not in Christendom) if we didn't have a SATURDAY STUMPY-STUMP. Here's an easily Googled one: What was Dostoevsky's first novel? That's Dostoevsky's first novel... what was it? Happy Chanukah! Here's a link to nerding up your festival of lights. http://www.wired.com/geekdad/2009/12/8-steps-to-a-geekier-chanukah/ |
| ... to read an Ayn Rand novel? I have and it sucks. All her characters are insufferably self-consumed and I never once felt for any of them. I read like 3/4 of "The Fountainhead" and then threw the book into oncoming traffic, that's how much I disliked it. Roark sucked. But anyhoo, I'm over that now. Novels are for girls, poetry... that's a man's art, and here is an ode to Friday. ...ahem... Friday, Friday, friggin' Friday! The one day of the week that is neither lame nor Tuesday. I once punched your cousin Thursday's face, for trying to copy your weekly glory. F is for fun. R is for re-fun. I is for me. D is for dynamic. A is for algorithms. Y is for Yugoslavia. Together you equal the dyanmic algorithm of Yugolavian fun had by me twice. Friday, Friday, friggin' Friday. Wednesday and Monday's love child of convenience! Thank you, thank you. See what happens when I get bored! I properly present poetical poetry with proper pronunciation and provocation. The question... Black or blue ink? You tell me. |
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