So, yes. I posted an article on Facebook today about Donald Trump and his insane rantings about the long-discussed, disproven, and horse-beaten-dead-thrice-over insistence that Barack Obama is not, as claimed (and proven), a natural-born US citizen. Despite the fact that there would've had to be one hell of a conspiracy at the time of Obama's birth to, in fact, falsely publish his birth in a Hawaiian newspaper, find an OB/GYN who would willingly lie about delivering him, and then create a false birth certificate, all because this person would one day become US President. I mean, who would've thought he was chosen to lead this country from the womb. Wow. That's one hell of a Gentleman's Club at work there.

Donald Trump is a loony tunes. The fact that he continues this smear campaign, despite the fact that any normal person (meaning anyone not wearing a tin foil helmet at this time or anytime for that matter) can clearly see that, while devious, the US Government is NOT covering anything up.

And no, a man that repeatedly files bankruptcy on his company is not one I would trust to hold accountable the assets of the United States government. (See http://www.legalzoom.com/legal-headlines/celebrity-lawsuits/how-does-trump-repea... )... The only thing the man did right was hold his personal assets separate from the company. So, he could continue to capitalize, even as his company was failing. Not once, not twice, but THREE times. Each of those times, do you know who was Chairman of the Board over Trump Entertainment Resorts, Inc.? One Mister Donald Trump.

Was it smart for him to file bankruptcy to save the company the two times it was his decision? Of course it was. Can he do the same with the US Government and its mounting deficit? It's possible... but would we really want to trust that China would either write off the debt or responsibly liquidate our government assets to settle the debt in a way they deemed satisfactory?

Uhm... no. What this country needs is NOT a businessman. Sure, fighting wars on three fronts is not something any country wants to do. Some people criticize Obama's involvement in Libya while we are still fighting wars in Iraq and Afghanistan (that have been going on long before he was in office, I might add), but seriously. What would send us to hell faster? Fighting a war front so that we could obtain the oil for ourselves, damn the human consequences, or fighting a war against mass genocide because it's the right thing to do? I can honestly see the first opportunity as handing over a signed, sealed and official document to the Devil, entitling him to the rights of my soul. Do you think a businessman like Donald Trump would settle humanitarian efforts on our own streets, things like homelessness and lack of health care or our crumbling education system? Do you think he would honestly find it in his heart of hearts to help the downtrodden and destitute? I highly doubt it. Especially since there would be nothing in it for him.

If you don't believe my reasoning, take a look at Michigan's current governor and all that he has done to incorporate this state. He is literally forcing school districts into near bankruptcy so he can send in people of his choosing to force things like merging school districts together, making union contracts null and void, and making school boards and superintendents literally powerless, despite the fact that they were appointed, either directly or indirectly, by the people of their communities via the electoral process.

You see, to businessmen, the Constitution and all it stands for is nothing more than a business contract that can be tweaked. No. Business men are not good material for running any government. Well, not ruthless business men, anyway. There's a huge difference between owning a running a company and being responsible for an entire state or country of people.

So there you have my brand of political crazy. Feel free to agree (or disagree) with me. You have the right to your opinions, but I wanted to clearly express my own.

PS - This is not an endorsement for Obama nor is it related to anything other than the fact that many have tried - and failed - to claim that he is not a natural-born US citizen. That subject has been dead and buried for a long time. Bringing it out now as a way of a pre-campaign smear tactic isn't even remotely close to intelligent. Why not focus on real issues... like the economy, Libya, Iraq, Iran, Afghanistan, health care, our failing school systems, etc.?
 

Today is a fabulous day for a birthday. First, I went to bed last night with visions of Problematic Content cuddling with pink ponies, thanks to his beautiful wife. And then I woke up this morning to a beautiful, sunny day outside. Nobody can ask for a better birthday than that!
 

Melissi as fishaonibly lite!

I don't mind the name misspelled, or that the lite is fishoanibly... I just like being lite!
 

Not that I want to call people out, because I am far from perfect and I do not want to start any wars because there are many flaws that can be pointed out of my own, but sending someone an email that says this:

Congratulations on getting the Community Badge. I wish someone would award me a merit bag for my writing or far the reviews I've left many people. Again, congratulations!

is not going to make me give you a merit badge. Am I wrong for feeling like this was a fishing expedition, hoping I would take the bate?

I mean, honestly, if you go through my badges, every single one of them was well earned. Not that I'm trying to toot my own horn or anything, because I haven't done much to earn them lately. But, the very very last thing I'm going to do when someone sends me an email like that is go and give them a badge!

I hope the rest of you would not take the bate, either!


It would be like me whining because my blog doesn't have enough awardicons......................................

That was totally a joke. I swear!


 

I greatly appreciate the upgrade to keep me going! It was a completely unexpected, wonderful gift and I am in your debt.


 

So, in the past week, I am now questioning some of my oldest friendships and I am annoyed by people who won't give me space enough to get over what I have asked them to let me get over. I can't go into details. I don't want to go into details. I feel completely uncomfortable on Facebook right now, of all places, because of what went on, though. Stupid, right? It should be. But it isn't. I feel like I have a stalker and I don't like that feeling at all.

This person has commented or "Liked" everything I have posted all week. I just want to say to this person, "WILL YOU LEAVE ME ALONE ALREADY?" and I'm too nice to just delete her from my friends, though it is quickly approaching that. I need space. I've told her so much. She's not giving it to me. I don't understand it at all.
 

Hey, if you'd like the recipe for my famous Spritzer cookies, you can buy it here:

ID: 1725162   (Rated: E) Recipes for RAOK!  A charity auction to benefit RAOK for the holidays! One more day to get in your bids! by ~j

So, Ethan brought home a terrible cold last week, and we were doing well with it. He had it Monday night, stayed home Tuesday, and then went back to school on Wednesday. By Thursday, most traces of it had vanished. Of course, that's when his brother and I started coming down with it. But, by Sunday, I was over it. Cameron still has it! In fact, his turned into bronchitis. It always turns into bronchitis, no matter how close of an eye I keep on it. Of course, the bronchitis didn't settle in until the weekend, so I couldn't get him to the doctor until yesterday, so we were giving him his typical cocktail of medications until we could get in and get an antibiotic.

I swear this kid tests my limits in the realm of medicine. We all know that I'm crunchy and try to treat everything as holistically as possible, but anytime I do it with him, he ends up far sicker than if I just took him to the doctor and got the quick fix. Since his body weight is high enough this year, I started him on echinacea in the fall since he is going to be exposed to so many more germs with being in preschool and his brother being in school full-time. I figured it could help him boost his immune system, and for the most part it's done well, considering that this is the first cold gone awry out of three or four he's had so far this year. But there's never any letting it run its course once the fever sets in. He spikes high fevers so fast! It was up to 102.8 on Friday night/early Saturday morning! We gave him a cool bath, took him out of all his clothes, didn't let him have a blanket. We couldn't get it to stay below 101. So I gave him Tylenol. 3 hours later, it was still above 101. So I gave him Motrin. Then it went down to 99.

His cocktail feels like I have a cancer patient or something! Motrin every 6 hours, then Tylenol after 3 hours of Motrin. Rinse and repeat until fever stays below 100 with just the Tylenol. Tylenol every 4 hours until his fever is below 100 without it. Reflux meds in the morning and with dinner until he hasn't had a cough for 10 days. (This is what causes the bronchitis, usually. He coughs, refluxes, and then aspirates his stomach acid into his lungs. The minute he gets a cough he has to go back on it until he hasn't had a cough for 10 days. I think we're just going to keep giving him the reflux meds until the sick season is over.) Zithromax once a day until it's gone. Mucinex every six hours until he has no visible or audible congestion. Albuterol every six hours until he has no cough for 2 days.

I have to keep a journal just so I can remember what he last got when! I don't understand how he is so sickly, since nobody else in our house is.

Of course, Jason came down with it this morning and spent like 20 minutes in the bathroom coughing like a fool. I keep telling him to take the 12-hour Mucinex pills because they really help with this particular virus, and he keeps taking the stupid Dayquil stuff that obviously doesn't help him! I want to have no sympathy for him, but he was really good to me while I was fighting it off, so I'm going to have to be. Being nice to him when he's sick is so hard for me because he's such a damn baby about it and never takes my suggestions as to what helps. He'd rather cough his fool head off and feel like shit all day just so he can tell everyone how shitty he feels and cough all over everything.

Our winter is finally kicking in. I hate winter. The wind is biting and terrible. I hate dropping Ethan off at school now, since I walk him up to his door and wait with him until he teacher comes out.

He's such a funny kid, though. He writes the best stories and his writing is so cute! He was playing Lego Star Wars last night after dinner and he made himself a character that he called "MastrNaboo." It just floors me how fast he's picked up writing and how well he's doing with spelling. I mean, he obviously can't spell things right but he spells them phonetically and does a really good job finding all of the sounds. This is the same child that absolutely hated school when he first started, and now he loves to go.

I gave him the choice to stay home last Wednesday because he was still coughing a bit and he decided that he felt well enough to go. I gave him the option that if he started to not feel well, he could come home sick and nobody would be upset at him for deciding he couldn't make it. So he called home about an hour and a half later, and I told the teacher that I wouldn't be able to make it until after 11:30 (less than an hour) because I was across town at an appointment.

I left my appointment, picked CJ up from school, then made my way to Ethan's school to pick him up and, in the time that it took me to get there, he decided he felt well enough to stay. So I left without him and he made it the rest of the day without a problem. I asked him when I picked him up what made him change his mind and he said it was because he wanted to have lunch at school. I didn't realize it was so important.

Of course, this is the same kid who has breakfast at home, and then like a hobbit, a second breakfast at school. I guess he's a growing boy! lol
 

Sometimes, I just don't feel like writing. This past couple of weeks has been one of those times. I'm ready to scream at myself.

I'm a bit depressed. I can't help it. I'm pretty sure I'm having a miscarriage, but it's such an early one that it doesn't do me any good to go to the doctor about it. My period is being terrible. It was late. And it's about 10 times more painful than anything I've had in my recent past. Even the 800 mg of Motrin isn't helping matters.

Cameron has his icky cough again, and he's throwing up his reflux medication. We had to try 3 different times last night to get him to take a pill. So I called the pediatrician this morning and explained the situation and so now we have to go buy a different reflux medication that may not be as effective because it's in liquid form.

Since my husband can't stomach vomit, I got to clean up a whole lot of puke. He ended up puking all over our bed, my pillow, himself... it smelled terrible because his stomach was sour. I thought I was going to lose it, but I didn't.

And then there's this immense pain on top of it. I just want to lay on the couch all day. Instead, I came and belly ached on my blog here.
 

My head was throbbing with each beat of my racing heart. (Cliche, I know. Leave me be.) Every turn of my head made me nauseous, and standing was no easy task. The light pierced through my closed eyelids, making the waves of nausea more prevalent and the stabbing pain sharper. I rolled onto my side, hoping that would help ease the pain, only to find it made it worse.

I stood, though gravity kept insisting I stay on my back. My hand swept up to my face and covered my eyes. I peeked through my fingers and stumbled down the hall to my bedroom. Before I could make it to the comfort of my bed, the nausea became over powering. I turned and dashed for the bathroom, knocking into the door frame as I ran for the toilet.

The contents of my stomach evacuated and spewed against the porcelain toilet. After several dry heaves, it finally felt satisfied that it was empty and calmed down. I laid my face against the cool seat for a moment, though it was spattered with my vomit, and closed my eyes. The bathroom was dark, and it soothed the stabbing pain behind my eyes. The cold of the porcelain helped ease the throbbing in my cheeks.

My head rolled and I stood and shuffled to the kitchen. The light from the open freezer stabbed through my haze as I rummaged for an ice pack, though the cool air offered some refuge from my pain. I found the pack and took it back to the sanctuary of my dark bedroom, where I laid on the bed, my brain writhing. I pushed the ice pack under my neck and covered my eyes with my blanket.

The room became completely dark. My mind settled, still writhing. My consciousness waned. I felt no more pain.
 

I've had a quiet couple of days. Nothing really on my mind. No immensely cool things to talk about. I didn't feel the need to blog, really. In fact, my mind is going blank right now on what to say, but I figured a stream of consciousness would work, since that's pretty much all I blog lately anyway...

We got a cat. Well, we got a cat back. Pistachio, who we adopted previous to Ethan being born, but after Streak and Celeste, who had moved out after I brought Cameron home from the hospital to live next door with our neighbor who passed away last month, has been returned to our home. (Did you get all of that?) Via's daughter didn't want to keep her, but didn't want to take her to the pound either, so we decided to bring her back here. The only thing we worry about is that CJ has an allergy to cats. He hasn't been around her too much, yet, but I worry about how our winter will go once the windows are closed and she becomes more comfortable. He's very prone to bronchitis, so we will have to watch him very closely, since that was the main reason we had to find Celeste a new home. We're hoping that the difference in the two's hair (Celeste was a long-hair and Pistachio is short-hair) will be what allows us to be able to keep her. We're still pensive in telling Ethan that she's living here now, though, even though he's already attached to her (though she runs out of the room whenever she sees either of them, awake or asleep).

We have this tree out front - a nasty scrub tree that's tens of years old (probably close to fifty) that keeps dropping limbs and taking our power out, since it is right next to our power pole. Consumer's Energy, our power/gas company, has now been twice to butcher said scrub tree to the point that we're wondering why they didn't just chop the damn thing down. We now have a massive pile of logs in our yard from their chopping. The first time they de-limbed the lines, it didn't even work because the power was out the very next day (which is probably why they came down a second time) by a dead branch that the garbage truck drove by and vibrated out of the tree.

So now I get to spend some time on hold this afternoon trying to get a hold of someone at Consumer's to find out a) why they don't just take the whole tree down and b) when they are coming to pick up the damn stack of logs they left in their wake! There's been some that they've left out there for over a week, and they are supposed to dispose of them, not us. We wouldn't mind some of them, but quite a few of the logs are more than a foot in diameter.

I also have to talk to the neighbor, if Consumer's doesn't want to cut the tree down, and see if he wants to go in 1/2 for the tree to come down. There are quite a few limbs hanging over his house that I'm sure he won't mind to get rid of. We can't afford to take it all down, so we'll see. He probably doesn't have much extra, either, being that he's single and doesn't have another income to help him with the bills and stuff.

I think Cameron is going to crash out in a moment. He's flat out on the floor watching TV and looks pretty drowsy. I would love to take a nap myself, but I can't because there's too much to get done this afternoon, since Ethan's open house is at school tonight, along with a PTO meeting, so my whole evening is blown! Blah.
 

I am now Facebook friends with a guy that I would have married had he been interested 10 years ago. And I'm all excited about it, even though he lives about 6 hours away and he clearly never had any interest in me, and I'm happily married with 2 children!

I'm such a social freak.

I couldn't even say hello to a guy I went to high school with, was pretty good friends with, and talk to regularly on Facebook this morning. Our kids are in the same class. We see each other every morning. Do either one of us say hello? No!

I posted about said social freak frustration on Facebook and found out he is also frustrated at his social awkwardness. It's nice to know I'm not alone, that he's just being shy as well. Here I thought he thought I was a freak and wanted to pretend he didn't actually know me out in public. Because, I mean, if I weren't me, I probably would pretend not to know myself in public, either. lol. If that even makes sense.

I know that this entry is leaving the door wide open for you to comment, Problematic Content , but I stand proud to admit that I am a social retard. At least I don't deny it, anyway. lol.


 

Being sick sucks ass. I am letting the tv babysit Cameron tomorrow after I take Ethan to school, and I am going to lay down on the couch and rest until I have to go pick Ethan up from school in the afternoon.

That is all. I hate being sick. And I hate breathing through my mouth. And I hate that I look like I'm crying nonstop because my damn eyes keep running.

I wish I could call in sick to work tomorrow. But I can't, because then nobody would be here to watch my kids or take them to school or anything. Jason came home early yesterday because he felt like crap. I don't get that luxury, where I can go home and go to bed and not be bothered for 120938120984098234098123 things.

Even when I was working full time, it never worked out quite like that.
 

There. The title gives you a hint. I am NOT talking about certain things today because I'm sick of talking about those certain things! Instead, today I am going to talk about some topic out of the ordinary on my blog. *HINT*

Today, I was visited by a couple of Jehovah Witness ladies at lunch time at my house. They knocked on my door, and they always seem to knock whenever I'm standing someplace in plain site where I feel rude if I ignore them. So I always answer and sometimes I'm in the mood to discuss religion and God and Jesus and the Bible and my interpretation of certain Bible verses. There's one lady who came around once a week the whole summer vacation before last, and she was very nice and never took more than five minutes of my time. I didn't mind talking to her, and when she asked me if I would like her to bring some Bible literature for my family, I politely declined, but thanked her for thinking of them. She stopped coming after that, and that was OK with me. I was glad to not answer my door for religious discussion for over a year!

That all changed today, though. I answered the door because I am too nice to turn away and ignore them.

"Hello Ma'am," one of the ladies greeted me, "do you have a few minutes to talk?"

"Thank you, but I'm preparing lunch for myself and my child, so I really don't," I answered.

At this point, most Jehovah's Witnesses will bid you a good day and walk away. But not this woman.

She started asking me about my interpretation of the verses in the Bible, and if I recognized it as God's word. I told her that I recognized it as an interpretation of God's word through a translator and that, while His meaning often came through in those messages, they were still not the exact words of God because very few people could read the language in which the Bible was originally written anymore!

"Yes, but all of the interpretations you have read all lead to the same conclusion, don't they?"

"They do, but all of those interpretations were written by men, so I believe they all have a male-based slant on them. I really must get back to my lunch..."

"Well, Ma'am, when you read this verse in the Bible, No resident will say: 'I am sick.' (Isaiah 33:24), do you believe that interpretation is correct?"

"Sure. When Rapture comes and Jesus is reborn again to escort the Righteous back to Heaven, I believe that there will be no such thing as pain or suffering, such as our relatives receive once they have passed and go to Heaven, as well."

She continued to ask me about my opinion on the interpretation of several more verses, all of which dealt with the God's purpose for this life and then asked me if I ever read the Bible.

"Yes, I do. I read the Bible every time I need to feel close to God and to seek answers to questions that I do not already know. I pray to God nightly to help relieve me of my struggles and to take control of the things I know I cannot control. I know that in this life, whenever I feel stressed or anxious about something, that means it is time to turn to God and give that burden to Him and ask Him for the answers to questions I have. I know that sometimes the answers He gives me are not the answers I am looking for, which means that I need to pray harder to receive His help in understanding."

She tried to interrupt me several times in my monologue, but I wouldn't shut up. I think she figured out that I was really praying in my head for Him to send her on her way. My prayers must have worked, because once I was finished, she nodded quietly, and said, "I see, Ma'am. I wish more people had the faith in God that you profess to have. You have a wonderful day."

My only mistake in all of that was taking the damn book she pushed into my hands. What Does the Bible Really Teach? That means I'm never going to get rid of them now. My address is now on their list and I am going to look forward to at least one more knock on my door. I hope they come in the afternoon, once Jason's home from work, because I'll send him to the door while he's cleaning his handgun or something equally frightening. The last time he did that, they didn't come around again for about five years. I'm too nice to shut the door in their face. There's something about that whole request to "love thy neighbor" (but not covet thy neighbor's wife or his belongings, or bear false witness against him) that makes it impossible for me to be rude.

If someone sees me inside of my house when they knock on my door, I feel obligated to answer. It's an unfortunate situation I live in, inside of my head.
 

I can't breathe through my nose and I hate it. My ears hurt because I've blown my nose so much that they are in need of constant popping. I want to take a nap but I can't because I have to go get my oldest child from school in about a half an hour. So I am going to whine about it here because I can.

Ethan got his first super star yesterday. I was so excited that he made it through a whole day without getting in major trouble! I'm hoping for the same today, but considering how naughty he was at home this morning before I dropped him off, that may be a hope unfulfilled.

I just sneezed and a glob of booger just shot out of my nose and into my inner elbow. Gross. I wish the Allegra would help, but it doesn't seem to be. I should probably be on an antibiotic for this, but I'll be damned if I pay a $30 office visit copay plus $20 for a prescription! I would rather spend money on stuff that's more fun.

In the meantime, I am using my netty pot about 2 - 3 times per day in hopes that I kill this thing soon. It feels better after I do it, so maybe that's what I'll do after I hit Save Entry.

I will have something interesting to say tomorrow. Maybe. Well, for my lead for the BtL, anyway. I've been working on something in my head.

 

I had the worst case of insomnia than I have ever previously had. I did get sleep, but even in that sleep, my brain wasn't shutting down. It kept going and going, sometimes in circles, sometimes in a straight line, and I just wanted it to shut the hell up so I could sleep without my brain in motion.

I don't even remember all of the stuff I was thinking about. Of course, I was worried about taking Ethan to school this morning, maybe even dreading it. I was thinking about the fact that we've now replaced our toilet twice because CJ has a fascination with flushing things that don't go into the toilet down it. I was thinking about how I was going to drop Ethan off at school, run over to MW, take care of the Girls on Track Shoe Fitting, meet with a coach who I had corresponded over the weekend via email and, during that time, decided I didn't really like her very well, get CJ over to my friend Shelli's, go down to Michigan Works, put my resume on file, and then get home for lunch. I wasn't sure if there were enough hours in the day to accomplish all of that stuff!

Then there was the stuff I don't even remember thinking about, because the stuff above were things I was willing to file through so I could get them out of my head so that I could get into a deep sleep. I'm sure that none of it was even that important. Probably stuff like what I'm going to make for dinner tonight or what I planned to wear today. I don't give a rats ass about that shit when I'm trying to sleep, damnit!

So, I end up telling myself, in my head (not aloud), to shut the hell up and go to sleep. It didn't work. My brain kept fucking talking, and it got later and later. Finally it was time for Jason to wake up, and that pretty much was it for me. Once he gets up, if I'm awake, the brain goes into overdrive and drives me batty. At that point, I got up and about and ready to get Ethan out of bed.

Lucky for me, the whole day has been pretty easy. Ethan was a piece of cake to drop off this morning, (we had talked about it the night before and Saturday and pretty much all weekend whenever he brought it up), after a short conversation where he told me I was a good mother . We made it over to MW, only 5 minutes late. The coach, while still pretty bitchy, wasn't terrible to work with. I just reminded myself that all I had to do was get them started this week and then I don't have to worry about it anymore, since I'm not in the building and can't be liaison anymore. Cameron got a nice wear out because he ran all over the building with me. He was great for Shelli, though we got to their place late because of said bitchy coach. I got my resume submitted and will get my first unemployment check this week! Yeah! We stopped at McDonald's, got lunch, which CJ devoured, and then he climbed up on the couch with me and went to sleep.

Yep, my hyper active brain may have put a damper on my night, but so far, my day has been pretty hunky-dory. I can live with that.
 

I actually wrote something for the first time in who knows how long...

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I had another Pampered Chef show last night and it's almost a $500 show already! There are a few people who have yet to submit orders so it will most likely hit $500 and if it hits $600, that would be even more awesome!!! I also booked 3 more shows and have most of my October full! I even have 2 shows in 2 days, which is kind of scary but still exciting.

We're trying to decide what to do this weekend. We want to do something fun, but we don't want Ethan to think he's being rewarded for ending his week in the red zone, either. He actually vastly improved from the previous day, but at the end of the day couldn't keep it together. All this extra structure is a lot for my little guy to deal with. His teacher, Ms. Frensley, said that the previous two days he was asking to go home at about 11 in the morning, and yesterday he didn't ask until 1 in the afternoon. So that's got to be an improvement, right? Hopefully as the next week progresses, he'll get better. All-day Kindergarten is really too much for a 5-year-old to adjust to. There's a couple of buildings in the district that do the Wrap-Around program (because they don't have the Title I funds to pay for the teachers). If he doesn't adjust well to the all-day program, I might put him into one of the buildings with Wrap-Around, so he can still get the full-day experience but his Wrap-Around class isn't as curriculum heavy and will give him the ability to adapt to a full day of school better.

The only problem with that is that the building I would send him to is across town. I wouldn't mind the drive most mornings, but when we get nasty winter weather, the drive will be more difficult and stressful. And with the way our weather is going lately, I don't think it will be long before that nasty winter weather is knocking on our door.

Oh, and by the way, I started my bleed on Monday, so I'm sure that's been a huge part of my issues, as well. Stupid hormones. Stupid not pregnant. Stupid bleeding.
 

I just need to keep chanting that good old mantra, "And this, too, shall pass."

At some point, my 5-year-old will love going to school. He will listen to his teacher when he is first given an instruction. I will only be getting calls home for her to tell me how wonderful of a job he did that day.

I really hope so, anyway. I can't handle another week like this. Thankfully, it's over tomorrow.
 

I'm not sure I'm ready for all of this. My oldest is in school all day today, and he clung to my leg this morning outside of the school and had a meltdown of epic proportions like he has never had. I've never experienced separation anxiety from him in his five years of life, and I don't know how to handle it. I won't be able to handle it tomorrow, since I have to get Cameron to school across town with only 20 minutes to get there after dropping Ethan off.

I'm not sure I'm ready for all of this. My youngest is going to be gone 2 days a week at preschool, and I will be without my children for the whole day, two days a week. My Mom says I'll get used to it and will find out just how much a person can get done when you don't have two kids chasing you around and making messes everywhere they go.

I'm not sure I'm ready for all of this. I don't want my children to grow up. I don't want them to not need me anymore. I don't want them to be corrupted by other kids whose parents who haven't provided them with "home training." I don't like missing them. I don't like them missing me.

I'm not sure I'm ready for all of this, but I'm going to have to be. Children are sponges and need to learn. If I don't provide them knowledge for them to absorb, I'm not doing my job as a parent. And so to school they must go. I must do it, even if it breaks my heart.