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 |  A continuation of my criminal blogging behavior. |
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IN THE WRITING.COM DISTRICT COURT FOR THE DISTRICT OF MICHIGAN Criminal Action No. 96-938-2 WRITING.COM Plaintiff, vs. Melissa is fashionably late!  Defendant. ************************************************************************ REPORTER'S TRANSCRIPT (Trial to Jury - Volume 222) ************************************************************************ Proceedings before the HONORABLE The StoryMaster  , Judge, Writing.Com District Court for the District of Michigan, commencing at 8:49 a.m., on the 5th day of April, 2007, in Chambers C-234, Writing.Com Courthouse.PROCEEDINGS (In open court at 8:49 a.m.) THE COURT: Please be seated. The jury has informed that they have arrived at their findings and recommendation. I caution all present to avoid any reaction to these findings and the recommendation, either audibly or visibly. And if anyone violates that, we'll have to remove them. Obviously, it will take some time to read these findings, as the recommendation is the last thing read; so please be careful and comply with this request. We'll return the jury. (Jury in at 8:53 a.m.) THE COURT: Members of the jury, have you arrived at your special findings and recommendation? JURORS: Yes. THE COURT: If the foreman will please hand that to Diane , who will hand it to me.Members of the jury, you will please listen to the reading of your Special Findings Form A. These findings apply to all 1184 counts. Under Section I, Obsessive Ranting: The defendant intentionally ranted without ceasing for multiple blog entries. Answer: Yes. Section II, Repeatedly Beating A Dead Horse The deaths or injuries resulting in death occured during the commission of an offense under 18 Writing.Com Code Section 844(d), flogging a horse until death. Answer: Yes. Section III, Unnecessary Use of Curse words The defendant used language to be found offensive during multiple occurences and showed no regard for taste or appropriate expression of emotion. Answer: Yes. Section IV, Boring Daily Recounts Death or injury resulting in death occured during the commission of an offense under 22 Writing.Com Code Section 413(c), recounting daily activity to a point of extreme boredom. Answer: Yes. Section V, Pointless Entries The defendant shared needless details of her life via multiple entries, often multiple times in a row. Answer: Yes. Section VI, Contradictory Statements The defendant often confused her readers through contradictory statements. Answer: Yes. Section VII, Recounting Toilet Actions The defendant needlessly reflected on bathroom activities. Answer: Yes. Section VIII, Overdramatization Of Insignificant Things The defendant made several mountains out of single molehills. Answer: Yes. Section IX, Overreacting To Meaningless Gestures The defendant showed a propensity to fly off the handle for actions deemed appropriate and helpful. Answer: Yes. Section X, Unnecessary Temper Tantrums Death or injury resulting in death occured during the commission of an offense under 18 Writing.Com Code Section 312(a), throwing a temper tantrum in a public forum. Answer: Yes. Section XI, Cruelty Towards Animals, Superiors, Peers, And Inferiors The defendant showed no regard for life in general. Answer: Yes. Section XII, Repeated Bad Grammar, Spelling, And Opinionations The defendant shows no respect for her college education. Answer: Yes. Section XIII, Mitigating Factors (1) Melissa is fashionably late! believed herself to be in the right each time she commited one of the 1184 counts. Number of jurors who so find: 0.(2) Melissa is fashionably late! received encouragement and support from others to commit each of the 1184 counts. Number of jurors who so find: 4.(3) Melissa is fashionably late! is a reliable person in work and in her personal affairs and relations with others. Number of jurors who so find: 7.(4) Melissa is fashionably late! is a patient and effective teacher when she is working in a supervisory role. Number of jurors who so find: 5.(5) Melissa is fashionably late! is a good and loyal friend. Number of jurors who so find: 12.(6) Melissa is fashionably late! is a good mother and wife. Number of jurors who so find: 10.Recommendation, XIV: The jury has considered whether the aggravating factors found to exist sufficiently outweigh any mitigating factor or factors found to exist, or in the absense of any mitigating factors, whether the aggravating factors are themselves sufficient to justify a sentence of life in prison. Based upon this consideration, the jury recommends by unanimous vote that the following sentence be imposed: The defendant, Melissa is fashionably late! , shall be sentenced to a period in prison not shorter than 18 years and not longer than life.The Special Findings appear to be signed by all jurors and dated April 5, 2007. XV. Certification: By signing below, each juror certifies that consideration of race, color, religious beliefs, national origin, or sex of the defendant or the victims was not involved in reaching his or her individual decision and that the individual juror would have made the same recommendation regarding a sentence for crimes in question no matter what the race, color, religious beliefs, national origin, or sex of the defendant or the victims. Apparently signed by all jurors and also dated April 5, 2007. Mr. Foreman, was these and are these the jury's special findings and recommendation: JURY FOREMAN: Yes, they are. THE COURT: And so say you all? JURORS: Yes. THE COURT: Section XVI. Sentencing Melissa is fashionably late! , the court finds you guilty on all 1184 counts of blog criminal activity. You are hereby sentenced to life in prison, with no chance of parole for a minimum of 18 years. Court is in recess. (Recess at 9:37 a.m.) ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
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| At 11:54 pm, three years ago today, I gave birth to a wonderful little boy. Happy 3rd birthday, Ethan! You're my special little boy and I love you to pieces!  |
| I was starting to lose hope about that new job. But guess what? I got home from work this afternoon. I got a call from KPS and it was HR CALLING TO OFFER ME ONE OF THE POSITIONS!!!! I don't know when I start, yet. I just KNOW THAT I AM UBER EXCITED!!! Yall don't know how relieved I am to get a job making more. It means that all of these hospital bills can be PAID!!! YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY! OH, and for more good news. Ethan has gone PEE in the TOILET THREE TIMES today, so far. We've had NO accidents, yet, today. YAYAYAYAYAY! |
| I'm scared that the menopause treatment might not be working. Yesterday I felt kind of bloated and sore and today I feel crampy and yucky. I'm going to call my doctor's office tomorrow and find out if I'm just being paranoid. I need reassurance that I'm being paranoid. Someone please tell me that I'm being paranoid. I'm supposed to go back to work Friday and I don't want it delayed because I'm having some weird side effects. But I don't want to dismiss anything because that's how I ended up as bad off as I did in the first place. It's fine. It's fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm worrying about nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing, I tell you. |
| Last night, Ethan was adament that he didn't want to wear a diaper. He wanted to wear big boy pants. "You can't wear big boy pants because you won't pee pee in the potty," said Jason. "Yes, I will." Ethan responded. Ethan got up from the floor, after having his diaper changed, and walked back to the bathroom. While there, he took off all of his clothes and his diaper, put the training seat on the toilet, got his stool, climbed up onto the toilet with his High Five magazine, and sat patiently for a few moments. Jason and I hovered outside of the bathroom door, out of Ethan's sight so he wouldn't know we were watching. After just a few seconds, we heard the tinkling of pee pee against the toilet water. I had to hold back from running in, snatching him up off the toilet, and tossing him about like a ragdoll. He got off the potty, walked out in the hallway to be greeted by Jason and me. We did the pee pee dance, picked out a sticker for his potty chart, and did the pee pee dance some more. Oh, and we called everyone who would care about Ethan going pee pee in the potty because HE wanted to. I was just floored that he actually did it! He's so stubborn and now I know he knows how, he just chooses not to. How do I make him choose TO? |
| This weekend, I spent money we don't have on a job I don't have so that maybe I can have it. I figure that you can't dress down and hope you'll have the money to dress up later. Besides, it'll give me a good meeting suit and future interview suit. I didn't spend that much because I only shopped at Wal*Mart (I don't want debt up to my eyeballs, alright?) but I did buy George which is a decent line of generic brand clothes. At least I'll look like I tried, rather than like I fell out of bed, into some yoga pants (because that's all I can wear comfortably right now), and drove over to the interview. My DVD burner also died on my laptop. Thankfully, it's still under warranty because I bought the five-year-even-with-accidental-damage coverage. It works out because I also have to have the buttons under the touch pad replaced again because the spring broke. This will be the second time they've had to fix that problem. I wonder if I can con them out of a new laptop due to repeated problems. Probably not, since they aren't making my functionability that horrible. Just annoying. I also scrapbooked today! Life is good, indeed. And menopause isn't nearly as bad as I expected. Just a little insomnia, a few hot flashes, and a couple of mood swings. But mood swings are normal for me, so I can't blame the menopause completely! Haha! |
| Please, please, please, God. Please let me do well on my interview next Wednesday so that I can get this new position so that I can make 3 times my current salary so that I can pay off all of these medical bills and live a little more comfortably than we have been in the past few months. Please, God. I know there's 3 other positions available that I have yet to have an interview for, but, please God, I would really like to be told yes on the first try. Please, God, I would love to have any of these positions, but please, please, please, please don't put me through the torment of rejection. Wednesday at 4 pm, next week, I interview for the magnet schools position. Please, God, let me do well and have a wonderful day so that I'm able to make a good impression. Please, God, let that impression be one that makes them want to hire me. Amen. And awomen. |
| I was so inspired by a layout I saw of Mariposa 's, that I actually scrapbooked today. Now I have the urge to create more. I have it posted at my scrapbook.com profile and also on my blogspot blog (which you can get to from my offsite blogs list - hint, HINT). Ethan is getting his BIG boy bed today, meaning he is graduating from a toddler bed to a twin bed. This ultimately means a new mattress, all new bedding (because we don't have any twin-sized bedding), and spending lots of money that we don't have. Lucky for us, Jason's Mom and Dad are doing this for him for his birthday. Cameron slept in a crib for the first time ever, last night. Sure, it's in our bedroom, but hopefully he'll spend more time sleeping in there than in our bed in the future. If I can get him to sleep through the night and not wake up at 5 am like he has been doing, then he can go into the room with his big brother. Until then, he's stuck in the corner in our bedroom. Alright. I think I'm going to find my 1 item to review for today (my goal this month: review at least one item per day). Then I'm going to go scrapbook some more. Then I'm going to watch American Idol. Then I'm going to go to bed. The monotony of my life is almost insane. |
| Today was my parents 30th wedding anniversary. I guess this is a good thing, since a lot of my friends' parents are all divorced. But this is my Dad we're talking about, and my Mom would be way better off without him, so I kind of have mixed feelings about the whole thing. I didn't realize it was the 4th today, though. I forgot to call her and wish her happy anniversary, and I'm kind of disappointed in myself for that. I've always made sure to at least call her and tell her happy anniversary. Anyway, happy 30th anniversary to them! I mean, it did lead to me being born, which I guess should make the 30 years my Mom has put up with well worth it! |
| Well the anesthesiologist already billed insurance and that was $276 + $34. I haven't even seen the bill from the actual hospital, yet. My $250 copay was met with that and now I have a $500 deductible. I'm sure we'll meet that with the cost of 5 days in the hospital, plus the CT, plus the 2 ultrasounds, plus the room service bill, and all of the other little things that the hospital will charge me for, like the $30 maxi pads and the $25 toothpaste. (I'm being facetious. I don't know how much they'll charge me for that $.99 tube of toothpaste.) Couple that with no work for 6 weeks and we'll be about ready to claim bankruptcy by the end of the month, I'm sure. If any of you pray, pray that they decide to interview me for that new position at work so that I can make more money so that we don't go broke. I'm really, really worried that is what will happen. Although, I was smart because I went to Borgess. They aren't horrible about if you can't afford to pay, and will actually work with you, unlike Bronson. Sure, I had to share a room, but I made a wonderful friend and I know that Borgess won't try to garnish my wages if I can't afford to pay. Did I mention that I haven't even paid the whole hospital bill for Cameron's birth, yet? I was close, but no cigar, before I got another hospital I have to make a payment plan with. Ugh. Well, on the brighter side of things... the Giants are ahead of New England. I just wish that we'd get the numbers that'd put us on our $125 square. We could definitely use that money!!! |
| I'm not participating in FtL, but I thought this would be an appropriate entry to my bitch. If I had no worries about money, I know one thing that I would still hate, just on principal, and would not want to spend my money on. STUPID BANK FEES. I went out to check our account online and saw on Jan. 31 that there was an ATM inquiry fee. My first thought is, "What the heck is an ATM inquiry fee?" So, I do the appropriate and call my CREDIT UNION to find out why the hell they're charging me an ATM inquiry fee. During my stay in the hospital, my genius husband went to the ATM to find out how much money was in the account, rather than logging online or any other multitude of things that the credit union offers for free. Because, you know, the ATM works so hard to access our account and print out a sheet of numbers. I got kind of pissy with the girl on the phone, which was dumb because it isn't her fault, but damnit a dollar is a dollar and I never remember seeing or being told that it cost $1 to check the balance of your account at the ATM. On top of it, we're members of a credit union because they're supposed to charge less fees. I've never belonged to a financial institution that charged you to check the balance of your account, other than apparently this one since 2002. "I've been here for several years," the girl said, "and that's always been a fee." "How long is several years?" I asked. "3 years." "Yeah we'll we've been members longer than you've been employed so you can't say that it's been that way as long as WE have been members. Thanks for you help. Have a wonderful day. Goodbye." *Click.* Like it matters. Because getting in a pissing match with a bank teller is going to give me my $1 back. At least I wasted $1 of her time and got my money's worth. It matters, after all, that I have the last word. I'm such a bitch sometimes. But even if money was no object, I still would get pissed about a stupid $1 ATM inquiry fee. And I'd probably still call and make a big deal out of it. |
| When they went in and cut out my ovary and fallopian tube, they weren't able to get all of the endometrial cells. There are still a few left on my insides, so something has to be done to prevent them from growing back. Since the estrogen and progesterone are what makes the endometriosis grow, and feeds it to keep it alive, they have to shut off these hormones. Next week, I have my 2-week follow-up with the OB/GYN who did the surgery, and she had told me to talk to my family doctor about taking Depo Lupron. Basically, it causes a medically-induced menopause. It's a 6-month treatment and, hopefully, it will kill off all of the endometrial cells and I won't have to worry about it ever coming back. I could experience the normal symptoms of menopause as a result; the hot flashes, mood swings, etc., so she said I could take a low-dose HRT to help. After talking to my doctor, he said that the whole point of the medi-pause is to get rid of those hormones, and replacing them, even with man-made hormones, renders the whole treatment pointless. So his recommendation is to take the treatment, without the HRT, and he will help me treat the side effects with herbal supplements. I'm kind of nervous about this treatment. My main worry is that it will make me a very mean person, and with two kids, I don't want to chance doing or saying anything incredibly mean to them. Dr.A has assured me that it will be OK, and I'm just going to have faith that it will. I don't want this -osis coming back. And I am going to get rid of it. It just may take a few hot flashes and mood swings. |
| I hurt and darvocet does nothing for it. I can't take anything but darvocet because it all makes me puke. I've tried coupling the darvocet with motrin because the swelling is what is making me hurt. I've tried an ice pack to help with the swelling. It all just hurts. OK. My pity party is over. It really could be much worse. I could have lost a lot more. I could have a family who doesn't care about me. I could have a husband who doesn't take care of me. I could have friends who don't care about me. I am blessed, even though I hurt right now. The pain is only temporary. It'll get better. I just have to make myself rest more. That is really the hard part for me. Tell the Mom who does everything and whose whole life is her kids that she can't take care of them, pick them up, or play with them. It is so hard. If I don't rest, though, it will take longer to heal. I want to heal so I can run and play and take care of my kids. I don't want to have to keep relying on other people, but I know if I rely on them right now, it'll mean that I have to rely on them less in the future. I'm just thankful to have the wonderful family that I do. They have done everything they can to take away all of my worries and stress. I never thought I would be so lucky. |
| Well, I was feeling kind of off all last week, and I wasn't quite sure why. I felt kind of bloated and gassy and thought maybe I had a bit of a stomach bug or something. By Saturday, it increased to a bit of abdominal pain, but it went away in the evening so I brushed it off as a stomach bug. Sunday morning, I didn't feel well. I was tired, lethargic, and still feeling bloated and gassy. I decided to try to take a hot bath to see if I would feel better. (Because, you know, a hot bath cures everything. Or at least, almost everything, because it didn't cure this.) While I was in the tub, my pain shot up and I started crying and moaning and kind of freaking out because I tried to get out of the tub and wasn't sure I was going to be able to do so. J came in, hearing my cries, and asked if I needed an ambulance. I told him I just wanted to go to take some Motrin, go to bed, and lie down for a little while. And that seemed to help for a short period of time. When I got up, it got exponentially worse. I ended up having to have J drop the kids off at his Mom & Dad's and then take me to the ER. One thing I can say for the ER I went to, at Borgess, is that I walked in, was lead right to a bed, and was able to rest immediately. I had to wait about 35 minutes before I actually saw a doctor, but at least I didn't have to sit in a chair in a waiting room before I made it to the bed. When the doctor finally came in, he took my pain very seriously. I think there's something convincing about a person who is completely calm until he started pushing and probing and that person coming unglued when he pushes one particular spot. They got me into CT like 5 minutes after I saw the doctor, before my pain medication was even sent over from the pharmacy. I told them that I couldn't move in CT, because by then my pain had gone to the point of no return. They were very understanding and did the best they could to keep me calm and get the scan done as fast as they could and get me back to my ER bed as fast as they could so I could get my IV and pain meds. I got delauded. Is that how its spelled? I don't know. I just know that not long after I got it, I felt heavy and calm. The doctor came and told me that the CT showed my appendix was OK, but that it showed a large cyst on my right ovary. He asked me if it was OK to call in a consult with an OB/GYN and I agreed. In the meantime, they were going to get an ultrasound to see just how big the cyst was. I got a cath and more pain meds and he went off to page the OB on call. I went to the ultrasound. The did both an outer one and a vaginal one. They wouldn't give me the results because I was an ER patient. I didn't really care. I was on delauded. lol. The OB came in and told me that I had a substantial cyst on my ovary and that they were going to admit me overnight, manage my pain, and do a laporascopic surgery in the morning to try to drain it. I went up to my room and got delauded the rest of the night with no food, liquids, or even ice. At about 12:30 Monday afternoon, I went under the knife for the laporascopic exploratory. I knew going in that there was a 50% chance I was going to lose my ovary. I remembered praying to God before the anesthesia kicked in to just help me get through this, no matter what the outcome. I woke up Monday night. I was on a morphine pump for the pain. J told me that I was short a fallopian tube and an ovary. It surprised me. My next question was about my other ovary and tube. They were fine, so I just let the morphine take me through the night. The OB came in to see me Tuesday morning and told me that I had endometriosis that had overtaken my right fallopian tube and ovary and there wasn't anything she could have done to save them. She assured me that the other ovary was perfectly fine and that I wouldn't even miss the others once I got healed up. My hormones would be fine. I could still have kids. She also said that she wasn't sure, but she thought that my IUD had prevented the endometriosis from spreading to my uterus because of the fact that it prevents the lining from growing. Wednesday sucked. They wanted to do an ultrasound to make sure my other tube and ovary were still doing OK and to check the placement of my IUD. The pressure from my bladder onto my uterus sent my pain level through the roof again. Instead of going home on Wednesday, like we had planned, I ended up having to stay another night, go back on the delauded to get my pain level back down, and take an ambien that night to sleep because the pain medication was causing me to have nightmares as a side effect. It was cool, though. I got a new roomie on Wednesday who had a hysterectomy. She is the neatest person! We ended up banding together on a mission to break up out of that hospital. We motivated each other to get out of bed and walk, to stay on top of our pain mangement, and to not over-do it. We like each other so much, we exchanged phone numbers and all that. I talked to her today, as a matter of fact. It was a lot of fun that last day, which is odd to say because it sucked at the same time. But I'm glad I got to meet my roomie and I think that God had a reason for keeping me in the hospital one more night so I could meet her. To say that this scared me is an understatement. I made an appointment with my family doctor to take care of my other ovary and tube and my utereus. I may not have been able to do anything to prevent from getting endometriosis, but I can take better care of myself to prevent anything else from happening. It kind of opened my eyes to the fact that I put myself in last on the priority list all of the time. I ignore my own pain and feelings to try to not inconvenience others. I'm not going to do that anymore. If I don't put myself first, then I won't be around to take care of my kids at all! I still have my one ovary and my one tube. My uterus is perfectly healthy. I can still have kids, if I choose to do so, but I will probably have to have a procedure done where they x-ray your uterus and tube and flood it with dye to make sure it's all the way open so the egg can get down to the uterus. I don't even know if I want to have another kid, but I want to be the one who controls that, even though I know that ultimately, God controls everything. But I still need God to let me feel like the decision is ultimately mine. Anyway, I'm home. I'm off work for the next six weeks because I have a bikini-line incision that has to heal. I'm swollen. I'm sore. But I'm back on track to getting healthy. Things will be OK. I'm submitting myself to God's will because I know He will guide me through this. In the meantime, thanks for all of your thoughts and prayers. |
| I'm bordering between my normal winter funk and fighting back with optimism and glee these days. I don't have much motiviation to accomplish things, but I've been forcing myself to do it, anyway, just because I can't complain if things don't change, otherwise. How horrible is that, that my only motivation to do things that may facilitate change is so people can't tell me, if/when I complain about them, to shut up unless I plan to do something about it. Then my response can be, "Well, I have been trying to do something about it, fool," and list off the subsequent things I have done. Like applying for new jobs and doing other important things that I need to do in order for the change to be possible. And some days, I just want to crawl under the covers and never come out. Like the days anybody asks me about my friend, R. I mean, this is the woman who helped me birth Cameron. She is/was one of my best friends and I love her to death. But she is not returning any of my phone calls. I know that she's busy. She's always busy. But she's always returned my phone calls before. I know that things are different when you're pregnant. Your brain is mushy swiss cheese when you're pregnant. But 14 days of phone calls, sometimes daily, and no call back? And then... to make things more frustrating for me. Her husband, JB, calls Jen or Ry and says to them how depressed R is because nobody has approached her about a shower so she thinks that nobody is throwing her a shower. So Jen calls me. Wants me to help throw a shower for R. And... I can't help but be a little offended because when R had first told me she was pregnant, after saying, "Yay!" and dancing around in a circle because I'm excited for her, my next words were, "I'm going to throw you a baby shower." The same words have come out of my mouth in subsequent coversations. And yes, she could have forgotten since then, but if she returned her fucking phone calls, then she would know that that's why I was calling her. So, I kind of don't feel like helping Jen, but at the same time I know I will because I'm too nice to bow out and say, "Well I tried to call her and I don't want to help throw a shower, I want to throw the damned thing my damned self and you can help me." It's just frustrating to me that people seem to forget I exist. And I'm not trying to whine and cry about it, but she was there with me when I pushed Cameron out of my va-jay-jay. How am I not supposed to equate that with being my best friend? How am I not supposed to get my feelings hurt when she isn't returning my phone calls and seems to have forgotten that I exist? I just really wish I had someone I could consider my bestest friend, ever, and really feel that way. Not have to say, "I think we are..." Not to have to work around their schedule to even do something as simple as have a five-minute phone conversation. To be honest, this makes me sound like I'm a high-maintenance friend or something, but I'm not. All it takes it to talk to me maybe once a month or to at least attempt to return my phone calls. Anyway, sorry to vent. I just feel like I'm being walked on and trampled over without any regard. And that both hurts my feelings and pisses me off at the same time. |
| When you pray hard enough, God will find a way to provide. I'm just hoping that he's offering me more than just pipe dreams. Things haven't been exactly the best in my office these past couple of weeks. I've been going to work extremely stressed out and with knots in my stomach. My boss has become volatile, to say the least. Her attitude has gone downhill and she's taking her burnout and lack of enthusiasm on me. I haven't complained openly about this because I'm in a precarious position. On one hand, I know I have the support of my coworkers and even my boss's boss. On the other hand, I'm an hourly, at-will employee, so if I tell her how I feel and she doesn't take it well, I don't have a union or any protection from being fired on-the-spot. I do know that the other two in the office have noticed the way she's been talking to me and how she's been treating me and they feel bad that I'm being put in this situation. I normally love my job, and get along with my boss really well, but I'm afraid that she's gone beyond the line of return and I don't think our work relationship can be repaired. Of course, I haven't talked with her about it because I haven't found the right time. I wouldn't know what to say, anyway, and I don't want to put myself in a position where I would put my future with the district in jeopardy. All I know is that I'm becoming increasingly unhappy where I'm at. I'm tired of being treated like a second-class citizen. I'm tired of people who live in glass houses throwing stones. I'm tired of feeling like the rules apply to me, only to me, and I'm the only one who is held accountable to sticking to them. So, I've prayed. I don't know what else to do. I don't want to lose my job. We're already having a hard enough time with money because of Christmas and whatnot. I don't want to keep being treated like this, but I don't see her easing up anytime soon. She is very unhappy in both her personal and professional life, and misery tends to love company. What did God do? He opened 4 new IT positions in the district this morning! So I told her I was going to apply for them because she knows that my talents are incredibly wasted in my current position. She even said she would write me a letter of recommendation, which made me feel a little bit better about being put through the wringer the past couple of weeks. In the meantime, I just hope that she'll ease up. That's all I can do. And that I don't just dream about one of these positions. It's experience I would really love to have. It's work I'd really love to do. I mean, the minute CC opened the email, she told me she thought I needed to look at it and apply. I want to stop going to bed thinking about work and I want to stop waking up thinking about work. All I've done is worry about what she's going to nitpick about next. It's not a situation that enables me to do my best job possible. |
| I wish I could say that the way that I feel is caused because I drank too much champagne, but it isn't. I feel like I got hit by a truck and the truck won. It all started with a migraine that has migrated into my whole body. I had a hard time sleeping last night and even had no interest in the whole bottle of champagne that waited for me in the fridge. My stomach was upset. My head was upset. I couldn't even enjoy watching Shrek 2 on TV, even though it did make me laugh in parts. I'm in progress of planning my sister's baby shower. It's on February second. Nothing like waiting until the last minute to find out exactly how many invitations I have to make and send out by the end of this week. For showers you can send up to 2 weeks in advance and still be good, though. Thankfully. And as for resolutions, I'm not going to really make any except to try harder. Try harder to be a good Mom, a good wife, a good person, a good friend, a good sister, a good daughter, just good all around. Try harder at everything I do, because sometimes I feel like I don't try hard enough. At least if I try harder, I can't say that it's my fault because I didn't really give it my all. But before I can start trying harder, I need to start feeling better. It's hard to give it your all when you don't feel like you're all there in the first place. |
| Whew. Christmas is winding down, finally. I don't have to bake/make candy/wrap presents/decorate/go to parties/open presents/clean up wrapping paper anymore! And the coolest thing of all is that I still have another 12 days before I have to go back to work, which means I should have some time to waste. It might not be much time, but it will be wasted. My Mom and Dad hit a deer last night on the way to the Christmas party. I feel really bad for her because she just got the car paid off and knocked the insurance down to PL/PD so any repairs will have to come out of her pocket. Lucky for her, it was all cosmetic damage that didn't affect her ability to drive the car. It's been a really rough couple of days for me, too. I was really weepy because I caught myself thinking about my Uncle Steve a couple of times in the present tense. My Grandma had a really hard time at the party last night because she missed him. It was difficult to get through yesterday and today, but we did it. In the meantime, we still had fun. Ethan got a lot of crap toys and clothes from Santa. Cameron got some really adorable outfits and toys we didn't already have from Ethan. We have even more stuff to try to find space we're already lacking. But that's OK because it's Christmas and garage sales are just around the corner, so old toys can go to make room for the new. I hope everyone else had a wonderful holiday and you got everything you asked for under the tree! I'm going to go enjoy my new Sims Pet Stories game that the boys got for me along with my keychain that rotates digital photos! I definitely can't complain about the gifts I got. People got us all stuff we needed! |
| Jason's cousin passed on Friday. It's really sad how sudden and fast her cancer progressed. I feel horrible for her children and hope that they'll be able to find joy in Christmas in the future, even though it will probably be impossible to get through it without her this year. We won't be able to go to the funeral. J's Mom and Dad will be going, so that leaves us with no childcare. On top of it, the Ad. Bldg. is having their Holiday Potluck and with the new superintendent it would look really bad if I don't show. J is going to work the morning and then I am going to work the afternoon so I can attend the party and not make our office look bad. Not that he wouldn't understand. It just makes it easier to not have to explain and also not have anybody talking about me because I'm not there.  Although anybody who is going to talk bad about someone who had a death in the family is deserving of whatever karma would bring him or her.In the meantime, I'm going to go home and put together a couple of sympathy cards to send to J's Aunt & Uncle and also to the siblings so they at least know that we're thinking about them, even if we can't be at the funeral. Normally, I would find another sitter, but the funeral is in Grand Rapids. I don't feel comfortable being that far away while leaving my kids with someone they're not used to. Otherwise, we'd be there in a heartbeat. Like I said, earlier. What a crappy year. It'd be different if my Uncle was old, but he wasn't. He was 48. And it would be different if Stacey were old or we knew she'd been sick for a while, but we just found out like a month ago and then all of a sudden she was on a ventilator and then passed. And she wasn't much older than me and J. That makes it even worse! |
| I just baked like 3,000 cookies and 24 cheesecake cupcakes. All from scratch. I'm almost done. I just have to frost the 4 dozen sugar cookies, in assorted shapes and sizes. I thought I'd make a shortcut and buy the Pampered Chef cookie press. It worked pretty well, including helping me develop my hand muscles. You have to squeeze really hard with the dough I had made. I don't know if it's that way with the Pampered Chef recipes. That was the first time I'd ever used it. So I have 2 1/2 dozen peanut butter cookies, 4 dozen mint-chocolate chip cookies, 2 dozen turtle shaped cookies, 2 dozen cheesecake cupcakes, and 4 dozen soft sugar cookies (waiting to be frosted). My kitchen looks like my cupboards threw up. Jason says, "I'm not helping to clean this mess up!" I say, "Then you get no cookies or cheesecake!" I still have to figure out how I'm going to top the cheesecake cupcakes. I'm thinking I'm going to go to the store again and get some heavy cream and some cocoa powder, along with some more confectioners sugar and make chocolate whipped cream. I have a week before I really have to worry about it. They're going in the freezer until the party next Saturday. I'm not going to kill my husband anymore. And I'm out of duct tape, but he's figured out how to shut up. I just found a remark of his to be absolutely retarded and he couldn't understand why. But that's a man for you. |
Sometimes, killing my husband seems like a good idea. Or at least putting a piece of duct tape over his mouth so he can't talk.  |
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